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When last we left you, The Donald was Trump•eting his imagined intimacy with future French First Lady Carla Bruni to gossip columnist and friend Cindy Adams in 1991.  

“And how’s {mistress} Marla Maples taking this?” Adams asked. “She’s gone the route of all Donald’s bounced females. She’s become rail-thin. Ivana-thin. Marla has lost 23 pounds” in an effort to get his attention back from the sylph-like supermodel.”  

Weight … where have we heard this before?

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Tellingly, Adams added this question to the end of her June 1991 column: “Besides his three beauties all with names ending in ‘A’ – Ivana, Marla, Carla – what else do Trump’s ladies have in common? Headlines.”  

And ‘A’ quarter century later, we can add Ivanka and Melania to the list. Oh, and Alicia

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Their widening War of Words that dominated headlines for a full week following the first debate saw Miss Universe 1996 speaking with Trump temptress Megyn Kelly—the one with “blood coming out of wherever”—for a FOX-y followup.

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After winning the coveted title, Machado should rightly have been on top of the World …

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… or even the entire Universe.

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But she had dieted down to 116 pounds to fit into her skintight swimsuit (above right), and said shortly afterwards: “I was skeletal just before I was crowned. Almost all of us are … it was an obsession for me to not gain weight” while preparing for the contest.  

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So with the crown in gland (above right), Alicia felt “it was normal and necessary to gain some weight” back. And back then, she insisted it was no more than 18 pounds—making her a voluptuous 134 on a 5’8” frame—yet pageant promoter Trump insisted the queen “had gained up to 60 pounds. She weighed 118 pounds or 117 pounds,” he told the press at the time, “and she went up to 160 or 170 {somehow, the figures don’t add up}. That is somebody who likes to eat.”  

“I was 18,” Machado moaned in May. “My personality wasn’t created yet. I was just a girl.” And yet to fully blossom:

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She reiterated to lovely Latina Natalie Morales of The Today Show that the current Republican presidential nominee used to call her “a slew of painful names,” including “Miss Piggy,” “Miss Housekeeping,” and “Miss Eating Machine.”  

All the time,” the beauty queen—then a teen—remembers. “That was really normal for him, in that moment.”  

But from that moment, Alicia went on to describe the crushing “humiliation” of becoming “The Fat Miss Universe.”

“Trump changed my life,” she sighs. “I have never been the same person after that experience.” And it’s taken her this long to wash off the mud slung her way.

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And not just her, it seems, as Miss Australia in that same 1996 pageant, Jodie McMullen, has just emerged from Down Under to corroborate Alicia’s assertions. The billionaire boss “called the girls some pretty horrible names,” confirmed McMullen {who now goes by her married one, Jodie Seal}. “He’d walk by while we were eating. He put a lot of the girls down. It was supposed to be the time of our lives.” She’s recovered nicely:

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“For an older man of influence who was running the show for the first year to kind of come up to you and say ‘stick your tummy in, stick your gut in’… I think it’s very condescending.”  

“Donald Trump was the first American man I’d ever met,” Seal, then 19, recalls. “It was quite a shock. We had to wear swimsuits to restaurants! He wanted us to be sexy all the time.” Not hard for her.

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So popular she was voted Miss Congeniality by the other contestants (above left), Jodie also shows empathy: “I really feel for her,” she says of Machado. “She was meant to be the most beautiful woman in the world—Miss Universe—and was treated with no respect.” 

Adds the Aussie about Alicia: “She weighed less than I did, during the pageant, after the pageant. There’s no way she was big.”  

And that was transparently clear even on the 10th anniversary of her crowning:

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But not to Trump: “I asked him to please send me to a trainer or nutritionist or something because I needed some orientation,” Machado maintains. Instead, “He sends me to a gym in New York and when I got there, 80 reporters were there to watch me sweat. I thought that was in very bad taste.”  

She got a measure of revenge by parodying the politician’s awkward affection this June on Mexican TV.

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As MSN reported: “When she had returned to eating normally, Trump went so far as to ambush Machado in a New York gym, where he held a news conference criticizing her weight as she sat on a stationary bike and jumped rope in front of dozens of television cameras.” Jump THIS!” she seems to be saying below right

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“We’ve tried diet, spa, a trainer, incentives,” The Donald declared to Newsweek at the staged exercise event. “Forget it, the way she’s going, she’d eat the whole gymnasium.”

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“My self-esteem was on the floor” (above), Alicia laments. Yet after being made to lay beneath the peering press, Alicia found her footing—as a svelte and successful spokeswomen for exercise and fitness in 2014.

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We guessing Trump takes the credit.  

“When you win a beauty pageant,” he told People magazine in explaining his “slim gym” motivation, “people don’t think you’re going to go from 118 to 160 in less than a year.” He was not referring to speed limits.  

Driven by “depression” due to “the public humiliation and body-shaming,” Miss Universe has gotten the last laugh” (below)—with a starring role in the 2012 Los Angeles stage production of My Fat Friend.

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“As Machado tells it,” according to Cosmopolitan, “she always had one dream: to become an actress, and beauty pageantry was simply a means to an end. Toward the end of her reign as Miss Universe, she was writing thank-you cards in the Los Angeles pageant office when Trump asked her what she wanted to do next. ‘You’ll never be an actress,’ he told her, ‘because you are too fat to be an actress, and nobody wants fat girls on TV shows.”  

Might want to reconsider … considering she won Best New Actress in 1998—just a year after passing on the crown—in the tit•ular role of Samantha, a smash soap opera in South America and ‘Best Revelation’ for the part a year later. Machado got a star on “the Mexican equivalent of the Hollywood Walk of Fame” in recognition ‘of her artistic career’ and in 2012 was picked to host the Univision Teen Choice Awards—though this juvenile acting awardee couldn’t resist copping a feel of the gland prize!

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Alluring Alicia continues to be a fixture of the soaps (and gropes) …

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… even if it’s mostly the T&A in LaTinA that gets focused on.

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Those parts have led to a successful singing career …

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… not to mention countless talk show appearances—usually braless.

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And if we are counting, the vital stats are 36D-26-36.  

Donald Trump is all about numbers, including in his pageant past: “Honestly,” he told Vanity Fair, “when I bought Miss Universe, the bathing suits got smaller and the heels got higher and the ratings went up.”

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Characteristically, he added: “It was a huuuge success.”  

“Donald Trump has a serious weight problem,” the Washington Post recently teased the GOP nominee. “He can’t seem to stop criticizing the girth of others. For decades, Trump has commented on other people’s bodies, particularly women who he believes had gained too much weight or were, in his word, ‘fat.’”  

Adds Ana Navarro, a longtime Republican strategist, who has switched sides this time: “A man who shames and bullies a woman for her weight isn’t even fit to be a man. Hell knows no fury like a Latina who’s been called fat.”  

In that case, Jennifer Lopez should be pretty bent out of shape: “You know, I really like J.Lo,” Donald declared to Howard Stern in 2003, “but that ass is …”. Then he asked Stern, “Do you really want me to do this?”—referring to rating women’s bodies. “I’m very, very good at it.” Even while taking in “that ass” from behind (below left).

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Butt when the shock jock recently pressed the presidential candidate on who he “would rather have sex with,” J.Lo or Kim Kardashian, Trump was clear: “I’d pass on both of them.”

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Kim’s culo might have ‘broken the Internet,’ yet The Donald dissed her in 2013: “Let’s pretend it’s not Kim. Does she have a good body? Nodoes she have a fat ass? Absolutely. And if it weren’t Kim, they’d say, ‘Wow, I don’t want to go out with her.’” Later that year he said of Kardashian: “She’s gotten a little bit large.” She was heavily pregnant at the time.

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Which recently received this “tweetment” from his rival for the presidency:

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Trump actually brought up Rosie O’Donnell without prompting in last week’s debate, saying: “I said very tough things to her and I think everybody would agree she deserves it and nobody feels sorry for her.” But nobody deserves to be called “a fat pig” or “if she ever fell over in the wrong direction I wouldn’t have a chance.” In fairness, Rosie isn’t exactly ‘over the moon’ about Donald either.

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“She was at the wedding [to Marla] and I got extremely angry,” he added, “because she ate almost the entire wedding cake.” Good thing the event wasn’t in a gymnasium.  

Then there’s the old ‘cake and eat it too’ ploy, as in: “While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that [you just did!] because I always insist on being politically correct.”

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Bette’s response was anything but Midler-ing: “All the news stories are about the election. All the commercials are for Viagra and Cialis. Election – erection – election – erection --- either way we’re getting fucked!”  

But even potency pills, says Trump, wouldn’t help him mount Madonna:

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“I’d have a hard time” getting it up for her, he told Howard Stern.  

Same with Cher:

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{Note that all of the above stars are outspoken Clinton advocates.}  

Not that The Donald would ever require an erection aid. Asked about Viagra in 2004, the then 58-year-old mogul boasted: “I just never needed it. What I really need is an anti-Viagra, something with the opposite effect. I’m not bragging,” he bragged. “I’m just lucky.”  

Not so lucky was one of his leading celeb critics … whose acclaimed appeal was questioned by a certain self-proclaimed “expert on women” in 2007: “Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing,” he announced on Larry King Live, because everyone thinks she’s like this great beauty. She’s not by any stretch of the imagination. I never thought thought she was good-looking. I think her lips are too big, to be honest with you.”  

And since we’re being honest: “She’s been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby, OK, with the other side,” Trump hrumphed. And, I just don’t find her attractive [apparently ‘the other side’ did].

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“That has nothing to do with why I said it though.”  

What likely did, was that her estranged father, actor Jon (Midnight Cowboy) Voight is one of Donald’s leading Hollywood supporters. “He’s a visionary,” Voight voiced to reporters. ‘He’s funny, playful and honest.”  

Like when Trump told Larry King: “Her father is a nice guy. I think she treats him like a dog, but maybe they have some kind of a thing. I’m not a big fan of hers, as you probably noticed. I remember at the Academy Awards when she was frenching her brother. And she had just said she made love to Billy Bob Thornton in the back of the limousine on the way over. I wouldn’t want to shake her hand, by the way.”

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“I really understand beauty,” the future nominee made clear to King. “I do own Miss Universe. I do own Miss USA. I mean, I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she’s not.”

Same goes for all four of the then top-rated Desperate Housewives!Nicollette Sheridan is a solid 4 {out of 10},” the Assessor in Chief informed Howard Stern in Sept. 2005. “I like the way she used to look. But a person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10.”

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He grudgingly gave Teri Hatcher ‘a 6’ and ‘cute’ Eva Longoria a 7, but asked of the show’s resident redhead: “Would you go out with Marcia Cross or would you turn gay, Howard?”

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Trump wasn’t even happy with the curves of Carmen Electra (on opposite sides, below right): “The boob job is terrible,” he tweeted. “They look like two light posts coming out of a body.”

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And we’re beginning to see the light:

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We’ll leave it at that … except to note that The Donald doesn’t seem to have a problem with his daughter Ivanka’s obvious implants …

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… nor those of Wives No. 1 {her mom Ivana brags about hers} and No. 3 {Melania’s had at least two breast surgeries}.

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Her scars were still visible in the infamous center sepia session—which Sleuth was the first to unearth, in 1995.  

Because, in the END, “facts are for boobs.” As Trump told Esquire in a 1991 interview: “It doesn’t really matter what they write about you, as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”

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Coming Up … “Alicia Machado, Part 3: The Blaming