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Yesterday’s intro to the sublime sport of Women’s Water Polo focuses on the unseen ass•pecs of the game: “If you’ve ever seen a water polo match,” observes a former female player, “you’ll appreciate the chaos that goes on above the water. If you’ve ever played a water polo match, you’ll know that is nothing compared to the Game of Thrones-level anarchy that happens underneath.”
That’s medieval Westeros above … and last week in Rio below!
Declares one leading sports site: “For our money, the dirtiest sport going is women’s water polo. The seven-a-side swimming pool-based watersport gets surprisingly nasty. Grabbing, kneeing, kicking, pinching … particularly in the breast area where a women is most vulnerable! It’s pretty shocking, really!”
Greece takes a piece of Russia—specifically Olympic silver medalist Antigoni Roumpesi cupping bronze medalist Sofya Konukh at the 2011 World Championships in Shanghai.
I do hope you’ll notice that while some sites have run a few oops moments from women’s water polo in the past—which can get repe•tit•ive and monotonous without context—only Sleuth endeavors to unearth the names and/or nations of the participants to better flesh out the photos and make the malfunctions more tit•illating!
Such as when Russia retaliated against Greece’s grab later in that same 2011 match.
Or Marina Radu of Canada had her nipple nearly twisted off by Kazakhstan’s Natalya Alexandrovna at the World Championships in Barcelona on July 27, 2013.
A New York Times feature article in August 2012—in response to NBC giving “viewers a brief bit of risqué theater as American Kami Craig pulled at her opponent’s swimsuit and briefly bared a Spanish player’s breast for all to see {uncovered in Part One of our post}—first exposed the “the R-rated moments of water polo” to a wide audience.
It concluded with “many of the women’s players” expressing interest “in seeing less tussling in the pool because of what a cleaner game might do for the sport over all, as well as the impact it would have on reducing instances of water polo wardrobe malfunctions.”
This didn’t sit well with Sleuth … or activist blogger Chloe Angyal of Feministing.com, who raged against the article: “Look, you want to talk about nudity in sports and have a giggle about it, go right ahead! But this article isn’t really about underwater cameras, or about water polo. The New York Times had a chance to write about the American women who play one of the hardest sports in the whole damn world. And instead, it opted to write about boobies.”
To which former player Natasha Geiling retorted: “Though Angyal is right that the Times seems a little too excited about the possibility of seeing a naked boob, I don’t agree that the story focusing on the exposure of ‘lady bits’ was a lost opportunity to talk about toughness.”
“Treading water for 30 minutes is hard enough,” the American athlete and activist asserted. “The simple task of staying afloat becomes nearly impossible when you have another woman practically on top of you, grabbing the crotch of your suit and pulling you down with all her might. Yes, water polo is more than just a collection of nip slips and crotch shots. But if it takes a few mentions of ‘boobies’ to expose the difficulty of playing a contact sport in the water, then I’m all for it.”
Which is where we come in!
As another observer of the Olympics opined: “The women of water polo are fond of tearing each other’s swimsuits off in the pool”—that’s Germany annexing part of the neighboring Netherlands {not again!, below left} and Hungary taking back a portion of Italy (below right).
And of course everyone wants to X•perience America, the gland of opportunity.
The sports scribe further predicted: “So we can always expect oops moments that put wet tits and nipples on display.” Make mine a double, fräulein!
“And the best part is that most of the time the ladies keep playing topless”—as USA star Heather Petri once did for ten straight minutes at the Olympics (about to lose her top below)—after their suits are torn to shreds just to score a point.”
“No doubt,” the Olympic observer concludes, “the physicality of water polo and female athletes in the water wearing delicate bathing suits makes for the best Summer Olympics event to watch live on TV. The sport is basically one giant boob slip after another.”
Indeed, for this unlucky Kazakhstan competitor it was 'one giant boob grip after another' ... as first Greece, then Italy, groped her in successive matches!
“And who doesn’t like seeing wet bare breasts with water dripping off them?” is the sportswriter’s final word.
To which we offer Russia’s Elena Smurova’s boobushka being exposed by America’s Heather Moody in the 2004 Olympics, won 8-4 by Team USA:
Actually, Sleuth has been all over this sensuous sport since its debut in the 2000 Sydney Games … and published a four-page piece on the first famous fallout in Olympic history—a double mammy at the 2008 Games of Beijing!
Celebrity Sleuth, Issue 56
To recap, as Zap2it.com put it after the 2012 Kami Craig incident: “There was just a nipple slip on women’s water polo! Do better NBC. There was also a problem during the 2008 Beijing Games, though that one did not air live on television.” But Sleuth was on top of it …
Australia’s leading scorer Gemma Beadsworth and Greek defender Christina Tsoukala were battling each other side by side all match when their teams met on August 11, 2008 …
… when Christina tried to apply pressure from behind—and found herself falling out in front!
As Gone Hollywood reported: “Water polo just got a whole lot more titillating after Greek player Christina Tsoukala accidentally exposed herself during a match against Australia. Christina’s left breast popped out as she battled to gain the ball from Australia’s Gemma Beadsworth. Christina takes the gold for this first ever Olympics nipple slip … and Sleuth even managed to find her in uniform!
Beadsworth escaped from Tsoukala long enough to score four goals in the game—half her team’s total in Australia’s 8-6 victory—so she was a marked woman two days later when they resumed play against Hungary. Shadowed throughout the 7-7 tie by a burly pest from Buda, Gemma didn’t score … unless you count her back half gainer that let loose her right breast in all its Olympic glory!
Must have been chilly in the pool … as her anatomical answer to Tsoukala raised goose bumps around the arena.
The mouthguard is never a good look … but Gemma was looking good when she posed for the official team pic just days before the debacle:
It’s fitting, then, that we begin Sleuth’s medal ceremony Down Under with Gemma’s homeland … as he counts down the five greatest women’s water polo teams in history—as judged by the quality and frequency of each nation’s wardrobe gal•functions:
QUARTER FINALIST – Australia
The pink mouthguard matches the stripe on the ball … and the awesome areola!
The same striking striker suffers successive slips in back-to-front matches in the 2012 Games
Bronwyn Mayer beat everyone to the ball in winning the first women’s water polo gold medal in the 2000 Sydney Games … and celebrated with this awesome Aussie shower cooldown!
SEMI FINALIST – United States
Fittingly, the American star who pulled down the top of Spain’s Anna Espar on the first live TV feed in 2012, Kami Craig let loose her own orb in the 2008 Olympics when challenged by Russia’s Evgenia Soboleva during her squad’s 12-7 win
Craig didn’t score in the 2008 match vs. Russia, but teammate Natalie Golda poured in 3 goals to key the victory. Called “one of the greatest women’s water polo players of all time, Golda was elected to the USA Water Polo Hall of Fame in 2015. She entered the Wall of Frame the year before, when the only way Puerto Rico could slow her onslaught in a 21-3 loss during the 2007 Pan American Games was to pull her top down to expose her puffy left nipple (above right)!
Alison Gregorka from Ann Arbor, Michigan won a silver medal (above center, with Elsie Windes and Jessica Steffans) in the 2008 Beijing Olympics … but deserved gold for this tan-enhanced exposure when tackled by Canada’s Krystina Alogbo in the gold title match of the 2007 Pan American Games in Rio de Janeiro, won by the USA 6-4
Alison showed off her medal when returning to her job as a schoolteacher in Lake Oswego, Oregon …
… able to laugh off the mammary mettle she displayed while winning it!
Gregorka parlayed her Olympic fame into earning $1,500 on the ABC game show Wipeout for the ‘Big Balls’ challenge … and was always calling for the ball in the Games—even if it meant whipping out one of her BigBalloons
Yet nothing could top the daily double Alison scored in her national team debut as an aspiring 18 year old
Moriah Van Norman of the US national team mul•tit•asks in the 2009 World Championships in Rome by grabbing the ball with her right hand while simultaneously using her left one to bare the right one of ravishing Russian Olga Belyaeva
Russia won in a shocking upset 11-10 … but even more shocking was Moriah’s mam bobbing to the surface after scoring her only goal of the contest
Alas, 2-time defending Olympic Games MVP Maggie Steffens has never had a flesh fallout … perhaps because her opponents are always tightly holding her ripe rack in place in a vain attempt to keep her from scoring!
BRONZE MEDALIST – Spain
Six-foot-two center forward Maíca Garcia narrowly avoided a nip slip—and checked to make sure everything was in place (above) at the 2008 European Championships …
… but wasn’t so lucky when forcibly fondled the next year at Worlds by American Heather Petri—she of the ten minute topless fame
Maíca’s distinctive floral shoulder tattoo was a dead giveaway when her perfect pecho poked out on her way to a silver medal at the 2012 Olympics
Center back stalwart Matilde Ortiz displays two of her four international medals—gold from the 2013 Worlds and silver from the 2012 Olympics …
… then displays her right handed—and left glanded—form nipping Hungary 9-8 in the 2014 European semifinals. Maíca Garcia, who led off Spain’s contingent above, notched 4 goals in the narrow victory
All that’s left is for Matilde to air her right … which she obliged in the 2013 World Championships, again defeating Hungary in the semis by a single goal, 13-12!
Andrea Blas, star center forward, is challenged—and nearly defrocked—by Izabella Chiapini of Brazil at the 2011 Worlds in Shanghai, but submerged victorious in a 12-4 romp for Spain …
… but when she tried to push Dutch defender Leike Klaassen underwater at the 2013 World tournament, it was Blas’ boobie that emerged victorious, 14-12
Ace defender Laura López doesn’t get to score much … but she made her mark at the Feb. 2014 Women’s Water Polo League tourney (above) when her right nipple took an unscheduled journey!
Five years earlier, that same pert part made its debut at the 2009 World Championships in Rome—with an assist from Maria Canetti of rival Brazil—which Spain doubled up 12-6
Center back Lorena Miranda is a 4-time medalist at international events … but her biggest prize was winning the 2013 World title with sheer effort (above) by a score of 9-6 over the U.S. and defender Kelly Rulon (# 10), who bared her butt in yesterday’s blog
What she only hinted at then took center stage when Claudia Blomenkamp of Germany yanked down Lorena’s uni and unleashed her bobbit at the 2010 Euro championship. Despite Blomenkamp’s 3 goals, Miranda and Spain were able to open up a 12-10 spread (above right)
Spain is known, in fact, for its constant crotch views {that’s teen queen Marta Bach above} … not to mention the best buns in the biz!
SILVER MEDALIST – Germany
All we saw of Claudia Blomenkamp defending Lorena Miranda was the back of her head … so Sleuth corrects that over•sight with this sight for sore thighs: Claudia coming out in that same 2010 Euro match against Spain’s Blanca Gil in which she tallied 3 scores
Though the greatest ‘tally’ in terms of ‘tit slips’ has to go to Germany’s mamnificent Mandy Zollner … who nose a thing or two about watery wardrobe malfunctions.
And to prove the point(s) … let’s make a medley of Good Ol’ Reliable No. 12’s greatest tits:
Backing down an Italian foe
Popping out while vying for the ball with Spain’s Laura López {uncovered 10 images above} at the 2009 World Championships in Rome. Somehow Mandy kept smiling (below) while the Spaniards prevailed 17-12
At the same event, battling Maíca Garcia (bared 17 shots ago) of Spain:
According to the German paper Bilde: “The overzealous Spanish girls manhandled Mandy’s bathing suit so often that her tits popped out on several occasions.”
Intense teammate Carmen Gelse—one number less at 11 but equally built—couldn’t believe that she also ‘popped out’ at the same event … though it was her right instead of Mandy’s left and against Italy, not Spain.
Gelse’s milky white orb perhaps prompted the determined driver to take up topless sunbathing …
… as those tan lines seemed far less of a contrast the following year.
Competitive Carmen beat China’s Teng Fei to the ball in the 2007 Worlds in Melbourne {winning 11-4} …
… but also managed to swim right out of her top in a later round
GOLD MEDALIST – Greece
It’s fitting that the winners in Sleuth’s swimsuit survey would be Greeks baring their gifts!
As one sportswriter opined when Athens athlete Christina Tsoukala offered up the first ever bare breast at the Olympics {uncovered as the lead-in to this countdown}: “How appropriate that it was a Greek girl who exposed herself, because the original Olympics were created by the gods on Mount Olympus and were held in the nude. The water polo photo has me thinking a return to that format is a good idea!”
So let’s go Greek … so to speak … and conclude with an uninterrupted ode to Olympus embodied by this quintessential quintet:
And speaking of Greek, doesn’t his Hellenic hiney seem perfect to END on?
That’s a Dutch dame’s netherlands at right.
Bottoms Up!
(an ass•tounding angle from the 2008 Olympics water polo in Beijing)
