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The Dwarves: The MrSkin.com Interview
"The Dwarves Must Die!"

So declares the title of the most recent full-length aural assault from the West Coast's harder-than-hardcore frontline shock troopers, The Dwarves.

It's a sentiment shared by anyone with a fear of pulverizing sonic abandon, brilliantly obscene sentiments, and piles of naked chicks surrounding an equally au naturel little dude--all the staples of what have made each new Dwarves release a fresh milestone in the extremes of rock's most mind-blowing and soul-smoking possibilities.Fronted by psychotically charismatic vocalist Blag Jesus (a.k.a. Blag Dahlia, a.k.a. Blag the Ripper), the Dwarves slashed and burned the U.S. by touring non-stop throughout the late '80s. This blaze of agony and hyper-stimulation culminated in the band's breakthrough 1990 release, Blood, Guts & Pussy (Picture: ). With a cover depicting nude women and an actual dwarf drenched in plasma, Blood, Guts & Pussy crammed thirteen crippling blows to the listener's nervous system into fourteen minutes and redefined all previous concepts of musical brutality. The only thing scarier and more electrifying were the Dwarves' live performances, which were typically punctuated by explosions of violence--sometimes in the audience, sometimes on stage, most often both. As the Dwarves' stardom ascended in 1993, they pulled one of the great hoaxes in rock history, claiming that guitarist He Who Can Not Be Named--a genius axe-slinger who performs wearing only a loincloth and a mask--got knifed to death during a bar fight. Blag even went so far as to inform fans where to send flowers. But it was all a joke. Sub Pop, their label, was not amused and dropped the Dwarves, creating a four-year silence until the band's next record, 1997's phenomenal The Dwarves Are Young and Good Looking (Picture: ). Since then, Blag, He Who Can Not Be Named, and an ever-evolving roster have stayed active. The Dwarves Must Die (Picture: ), in many ways, is their most ambitious haymaker to date. Also not to be missed is the new DVD Fuck You Up and Get Live.Towering Dwarves frontman Blag the Ripper graciously took some time from his world conquest to reveal some of his best-kept secrets to MrSkin.com.

As with many Dwarves fans, the first time I saw the cover of Blood, Guts Pussy, I thought, "Okay, here's a band for ME!" And then hearing the music, of course, I was forever hooked. How did that cover come about? Did you make a conscious decision early on to keep the naked-chicks-and-short-guy theme on your covers?

I wanted to have thirteen naked girls and a dwarf. We put an ad in the Village Voice and we had it lined up, but most of them copped out before the shoot happened. We wound up with a pair of strippers we were friendly with and my favorite dwarf, Bobby Faust. The blood was made out of Karo syrup and food dye supplied by friends Anthony Sarnicola and Chris Wetzel (RIP). The photo was taken by the immortal Michael Lavine in NYC. The rabbit will remain nameless. We have kept the motif because nudity, humor, and tiny, tiny people are what we are all about.

What three women who are famous today would you most like to see on the cover of the next Dwarves album?

The Olsen twins and Katie Holmes.

What three famous women from the past--in their prime--would be on your ultimate fantasy Dwarves cover? And what exactly would they be doing?

Jane Fonda would ride on my tank. Vivien Leigh could take the streetcar to my house. Brigitte Bardot would pour sauce on my undeserving genitals.

What's some of the more colorful criticism you've taken for the Dwarves' "transgressions"? I seem to remember Robert Crumb saying something grouchy, and somebody told me that Kathleen Hanna once threw some kind of anti-Dwarves fit. What's the story with those? Any others of note?

Crumb is a brilliant artist, but he is ignorant of modern music and hates it all without making distinctions. I never met Hanna, but I liked Bikini Kill in the same way I like all generic hardcore. They went way overboard with their man hating, but I found it amusing. Her hip-hop is atrocious and not even close to making the cut.

No one can criticize the Dwarves more savagely than me. That is how I keep making better records when other bands get so far up their ass attesting to the validity of what they have done. Incidentally, the Dwarves are the greatest band of all time.

The Dwarves have frequently incorporated a lot of horror-movie-type imagery, both graphically and in your lyrics. Are you a horror fan? What are some of your favorite horror movies?

I like movies a lot. I like horror movies for how cheap they are, and the stupider and cheaper the better. I don't really seek out particular movies, or particular records for that matter. I just pick up what I hear and see along the way. It helps me to skirt the PR machine.

I love Nosferatu, the early stuff like Frankenstein, Dracula, black and white goes a long way with me. We had a great horror movie host called Svenghoulie in Chicago. I like camp.

What were some of your favorite "corrupting" influences of your youth? Are there any specific movies or personalities or sexy women that you feel distinctly prompted you, at an early age, on the path to becoming Blag of The Dwarves?

Svenghoulie was one definitely. Frank Zappa was a huge one. I cut school in 1979 to see Baby Snakes at the Victoria Theater in NY. I used to memorize Monty Python records, saw them live at City Center at age ten. I dug Steve Martin, Saturday Night Live, and especially SCTV. Also, the Firesign Theater.

And Marvel Comics. I was way into them. Once puberty hit, I switched to underground, Robert Williams, S. Clay Wilson, et cetera.

I started smoking pot at twelve in a theater company doing Jesus Christ Superstar. I loved the Beatles and Stones, but I also loved musicals like Guys and Dolls, The Music Man, Candide. Being cool is not very important to me. There is so much stuff out there.

How do you feel about being a "corrupting influence" yourself?

I love it. Teach children to worship Satan!

Let's talk a bit about the hoax regarding He Who Can Not Be Named. You elaborately staged his "death" in 1993 and pissed off Sub Pop records. I still think it's hilarious. What was some of the fallout that we may not know about? Would you do it again?

HeWho is still more dead than alive, as he will readily admit. Most pop stars could never transcend life and death the way that he has. Jim Morrison was supposed to return, but he couldn't quite do it. It takes an icon like HeWho to make it work.

How did you feel seeing Jim Carrey singing "Motherfucker" in Me, Myself Irene? Have you ever spoken to him about it? You've also contributed songs to Ghost World and SpongeBob, among others. What legendary movies would you like to have had contributed songs to?

I loved it. Carrey is hilarious, especially in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. My friend Terry [Zwigoff] did Ghost World and I threw a little music in that. SpongeBob is what I pull out to get cred with anyone under ten years old. It's a great pick-up line at PTA meetings. We have done stuff for Viva La Bam. I just did a horror theme for a thing called Legion.I just wish I wrote the theme to The Blob. That's the best song ever!

I'm always stunned by the array of amazingly sexy punk chicks at Dwarves shows. Was this something you expected?

It wasn't always that way. It used to be a total dude thing. I guess being the best looking band in show biz has its advantages.

Name Blag's five hottest female celebrities of all time.

I like to fuck women, not rate them.

How do you feel about Chicago cock-rockers Gays in the Military paying tribute to you with a female member who performs topless with a mask on and goes by the moniker "She Who Can Not Be Tamed"?

I'm thrilled. She has those cute little tits that stand up and pay attention.

What's next for Blag and the Dwarves?

The Dwarves Must Die is selling great and we have been touring all over the world and the continent. Our Fuck You Up and Get Live is coming out very soon. I also have another book coming out called Nina, about a young girl and the naughty high jinks she gets up to. We'll just keep doing our thing until The Man grinds us up and spits us out.

All photos of The Dwarves courtesy of TheDwarves.com.

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