By Mike McPadden
March, it has been said, comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. At MrSkin.com, March comes in like a fox, gets naked, and stays that way. The following list is a round-up of our picks for the peaks in peeks when it comes to new nudity on DVD throughout the first half of this month.
MARCH 6, 2007
CINDERELLA LIBERTY (1973)
NUDE:Marsha Mason (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: "She's 32. She drinks too much. She hustles pool. She's got a 10-year-old mulatto son. She's got a different boyfriend every night. She's in trouble. And he's in love." Sometimes it's impossible to improve upon the official tagline of a given movie. The ?-'70s Marsha Mason-James Caan power-piece Cinderella Liberty presents one such occasion. Marsha plays the central figure, a gold-hearted professional escort for whom Caan--as a sailor on liberty from the Navy--falls. Hard. And one look at her pert Cinderella pumpkins will get your boat floating too. Also hard.
CONFETTI (2006)
NUDES:Olivia Colman (Picture: ) (FFN, butt), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Three couples compete to stage "The Most Original Wedding of the Year" in the British mock-documentary Confetti. Yuppie couple Meredith MacNeill and Stephen Mangan make like "racketeers" and set up a tennis-themed ceremony. Jessica Stevenson and Martin Freeman mount an all-singing, all-dancing musical marriage. Most importantly, Olivia Colman and Robert Webb are nudists who launch nuptials in keeping with their clothing-free lifestyle. Olivia's omnipresent naked body, as well as multiple anonymous co-naturists, will have you popping your own cork. Just watch where your Confetti lands.
FAST FOOD NATION (2006)
NUDES:Ana Claudia Talanc?a> (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Adapted from a muckraking 2001 non-fiction tome by Eric Schlosser, Fast Food Nation dramatizes the deep-fried impact of cheap-and-easy chain restaurants on various American lives. Greg Kinnear plays an executive at "Mickey's", a hamburger empire, Kris Kristofferson is a local rancher squeezed out by corporate farms, and Fez from That '70s Show portrays a migrant worker. Fez's girlfriend, deliciously embodied by Ana Claudia Talanc?b>, busts out her golden-brown whoppers.
JOHN AND MARY (1969)
NUDE:Mia Farrow (Picture: ) (left breast, butt)
THE SKINNY: In the extremely-late-1960s setting of a happenin' singles bar, Dustin Hoffman and Mia Farrow, playing free-spirited young smartypants-types, meet and mingle and go home and drop their actual pants. After a night of groovy getting-it-on, the couple awakes to continue rapping about life, love, and the pros and cons of shacking up, only to realize that they don't even know one another's names. It turns out they're John and Mary.
THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT (1977)
NUDES:Marie-France Pisier (Picture: ) (FFN, butt), Susan Sarandon (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Young Susan Sarandon and heavenly hottie Marie-France Pisier flash bits of their celestial bodies in The Other Side of Midnight. After French fox Marie-France drops her pants for American WWII pilot John Beck, she has plans for holy matrimony. Having had his fill, the soldier spills the beans that he's dumping her to marry the ample-appled Sarmamdon. After becoming a suck-sexful actress years later, still pissed Pisier plans to reunite by having her powerful Greek lover hire John as their private pilot. Soon John is flying the friendly skies between Marie's thighs once again, ending in the ultimate crash landing when their spouses find out. With the collective contribution of boobies from beauties Susan and Marie-France, your fly is in for a mile-high ride.
SNOOP DOGG'S HOOD OF HORROR (2006)
NUDES:Yadi Valerio (breasts), Jillian Difusco (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Hip-hop meets supernatural ghoulery in Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror. Snoop himself plays The Hound of Hell--"the gatekeeper of the afterparty"--as he narrates a trio of eerie tales in which evil doings in the ghetto are met with vengeance from otherworldly forces. All the standard blood and guts get a gangsta twist in Hood of Horror, while hair-rasingly sexy hotties Yadi Valerio and Jillian Difusco provide more than a peek at what's under their own hoods.
WOMAN IS THE FUTURE OF MAN (2004)
NUDE:Hyeon-a Seong (Picture: ) (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: In Woman is the Future of Man, Tae-woo Kim and Ji-tae Yu portray friends who share an unhappy romantic history with a beautiful ex-girlfriend played by Hyeon-a Seong. After a drunken dinner, the men decide to visit their former paramour, and Woman is the Future of Man evolves into a thoughtful, heartfelt, slice-of-life drama. Fortunately it also showcases Hyeon-a Seong's TA along the way.
MARCH 13, 2007
BLOOD TRAILS (2006)
NUDE:Rebecca Palmer (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Ravishing natural beauty Rebecca Palmer plays Anne, a mountain-biking enthusiast with a secret in the stalk-and-kill horror flick Blood Trails. As the movie starts, we learn that Anne recently cheated on her boyfriend, with whom she's gone on a wilderness bicycle holiday, and that, in turn, the dude she canoodled with harbors a deep, dark secret of his own: He's a deranged serial murderer. This complicates the couple's power-pedaling getaway in highly gory fashion, although when you see Rebecca's palm-inviting nude rack, you can understand how a guy might go on a rampage to grab a handful.
THE PERFECT CRIME (2004)
NUDES:Kira Mir? (Picture: ) (breasts), Penelope Velasco (Picture: ) (right breast)
THE SKINNY:Guillermo Toledo stars in the Spanish black comedy The Perfect Crime as a world-class lover and a top-notch manager of the ladies' wear section of a Madrid department store. Toledo's character is a cad and a petty thief, and his rivalry with the shop's menswear manager (Luis Varela) ultimately leads to the transgression of the movie's title. Between bouts of bloody slapstick, The Perfect Crime showcases some perfectly gorgeous Spanish nubiles who fall prey to the charms of its homicidal Don Juan hero.
SHORTBUS: UNRATED UNCUT (2006)
NUDES:Lindsay Beamish (right breast), Sook-Yin Lee (Picture: ) (FFN, butt), Shanti Carson (Picture: ) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Writer-director John Cameron Mitchell's follow-up to his cult transsexual epic Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001) is an unrated, uninhibited examination of sexual daredevils exploring the outermost reaches of erotic possibilities. Shortbus chronicles the underground New York City club of the title, where clothes come off and bodies get close--regardless of size, shape, gender, or any other restrictions. Sook-Yin Lee plays a couples therapist who has never experienced an orgasm. Dealing with her patients ignites a quest to achieve her own climax, inevitably leading her to the omnisexual happenings at Shortbus. What Sook-Yin finds there will prompt viewers to their own happy endings as well.
TOPLESS TAPIOCA WRESTLING (2007)
NUDES:Darian Caine (Picture: ) (breasts), Jen Ewen (breasts), Spicy J (Picture: ) (breasts), Julie Simone (breasts), Jilian Starfighter (breasts), Molly Heartbreaker (Picture: ) (breasts), Veronica Blue (FFN, butt), Charlene Slezak (breasts)
THE SKINNY: You see a DVD on the shelf titled Topless Tapioca Wrestling. You examine the box. Along with softcore superstar Darian Caine, the other fighting females on the cover look delectably inviting. You need to check this out. So you do. And you get everything you could have possibly hoped for: bare-breasted beauties battling one another in a pit of sloshy dessert goop. Topless Tapioca Wrestling puts its honeys where your mouth is.
