Pt. 2: The Newd Networks
By J.R. Taylor
Your summer may just be starting, but we're already racing our zippers in anticipation of the coming Fall TV season. The networks have announced a stellar collection of starlets who'll be getting our pants dropping along with the autumn leaves. Last week, we revealed the hottest babes of CBS, NBC, and ABC. Those upstart networks are also doing their best to lower broadcast standards in sexy babes, all while raising their ratings and our inseams.
The UPN network is still slowly building its way to a complete schedule, but they've got some Unusually Prime Nookie in one of their few new shows:
SECOND TIME AROUND (Picture: )
It's easy to understand why Boris Kodjoe is ready to give it another try with his ex-wife. After all, she's the stunning Nicolie Ari Parker (Picture: ), who first caught our eye as Laurel Holloman's hottie in The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995) (Picture: ). Nicole and Laurel also both ended up in Boogie Nights (1997) (Picture: ) -- although, sadly, not together. Nicole will also be a familiarer, face to Skinema fans for her stunning full-frontal in Mute Love (1998) (Picture: ) and some tantalizing toplessness in Loving Jezebel (1999). You'll also be lowering your trousers a second time around, since the cast also includes Latina lovely Melissa De Sousa (Picture: ). This mega-meloned missy has kept her charms undercover, but that hasn't stopped us from sowing to De Sousa's magnificent turns in films such as The Best Man (1999) (Picture: ) and Miss Congeniality (2000).
As usual, the Fox network is skipping the usual September stampede in favor of debuting new series in June. This strategy worked pretty good for The O.C. last year, although all those hot young FOXes didn't hurt. In that same spirit, the network is providing plenty of horny guys with visits from some grand Gals of Summer:
THE JURY (Picture: )
You can forget about the 12 angry men in this crime drama, because you'll be sporting 12 happy inches thanks to be feminine presence of Anna Friel (Picture: ). This British beauty was recently featured in the big-screen bomb Timeline (2003), but she's really made her mark in with some wild nudity in underseen films such as The Tribe (1998) (Picture: ) and in Me Without You (2001) (Picture: ) -- where she shares a tub with Dawson's Creek cutie Michelle Williams. In her last TV turn, incidentally, Anna stirred up the British soap Brookside when her character came out of the closet as a luscious lesbian.
THE NORTH SHORE (Picture: )
It wouldn't be a new TV season without another network trying to cash in on a Hawaiian setting. This one's set at a luxury hotel, and the assets include the stunning ass of former Baywatch star Brooke Burns (Picture: ). It's a great return to the reefs for this buxom blonde, especially after her bizarre turn as a domineering hostess on the short-lived game show Dog Eat Dog (Picture: ). Things only get hotter with Amanda Righetti (Picture: ) in the cast, fresh off her turn walking around in her panties on The O.C. (Picture: )
THE SIMPLE LIFE 2 (Picture: )
When is a reality show not a reality show? When hottie Paris Hilton (Picture: ) keeps her clothes on and doesn't fulfill her real-life performance as a genuine porn starlet in that fine homemade video. Still, it's always fun to watch the bikinis bounce and the underwear get bared as Paris and her cohort Nicole Richie (Picture: ) return to TV for a cross-country trip.
Finally, despite having built their empire on teen programming, The WB continues to offer plenty of legal-age ladies worth ogling that'll keep us working ourhey, that isn't our remote!
COMMANDO NANNY (Picture: )
In a high concept that we think was lifted from a Hulk Hogan movie, Philip Winchester stars as an ex-commando who becomes a Beverly Hills nanny. He's no Fran Drescher, but Kristin Bauer is certainly a Kristin Bauer (Picture: ). Sitcom fans will recognize her as the notorious Hot Babe With Man's Hands from a classic Seinfeld episode. Skinema fans, however, will have developed calluses from enjoying her full-frontal flaunting as a hot stripper -- alongside Daryl Hannah and Jennifer Tilly -- in Dancing at the Blue Iguana (2000) (Picture: ).
JACK BOBBY (Picture: )
This bizarre drama is about a modern mom raising two teen sons -- and one of them will grow up to become President of the United States. Meanwhile, fans of older women will be jackin' and bobbin' to Christine Lahti (Picture: ) as the MILF-In-Chief. This respected actress was already a mature beauty while parading in panties in Just Between Friends (1986) (Picture: ). If you like 'em young, then you'll be peeling off your pants to Jessica Pare (Picture: ). This dark beauty had already showed off those Pare pears in En Vacances (1999) (Picture: ) and Stardom (2000) (Picture: ), but it's especially nice to have her in our living rooms after her lesbianic love scenes with Piper Perabo in Lost and Delirious (2001) (Picture: ).
THE MOUNTAIN (Picture: )
The O.C. writer/producer Stephanie Savage provides more parading hotties in this drama about young people who find themselves in charge of a ski resort. The cast includes former model Elizabeth Bogush (Picture: ), who's gotten us gushing during hot guest turns on V.I.P., MTV's Undressed, and Scrubs (Picture: ). Alana de la Garza (Picture: ) also gets us gazing with her awesome bod, and we hope that cold weather doesn't keep her from sporting the skimpy clothes she's shown off on All My Children and Las Vegas (Picture: ). The mighty MILFS are also represented with screen veteran Barbara Hershey (Picture: ), the former hippie chick who matured into Skinema stardom in The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) (Picture: ) and Drowning on Dry Land (1999) (Picture: ).
By J.R. Taylor
Your summer may just be starting, but we're already racing our zippers in anticipation of the coming Fall TV season. The networks have announced a stellar collection of starlets who'll be getting our pants dropping along with the autumn leaves. Last week, we revealed the hottest babes of CBS, NBC, and ABC. Those upstart networks are also doing their best to lower broadcast standards in sexy babes, all while raising their ratings and our inseams.
The UPN network is still slowly building its way to a complete schedule, but they've got some Unusually Prime Nookie in one of their few new shows:
SECOND TIME AROUND (Picture: )
It's easy to understand why Boris Kodjoe is ready to give it another try with his ex-wife. After all, she's the stunning Nicolie Ari Parker (Picture: ), who first caught our eye as Laurel Holloman's hottie in The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995) (Picture: ). Nicole and Laurel also both ended up in Boogie Nights (1997) (Picture: ) -- although, sadly, not together. Nicole will also be a familiarer, face to Skinema fans for her stunning full-frontal in Mute Love (1998) (Picture: ) and some tantalizing toplessness in Loving Jezebel (1999). You'll also be lowering your trousers a second time around, since the cast also includes Latina lovely Melissa De Sousa (Picture: ). This mega-meloned missy has kept her charms undercover, but that hasn't stopped us from sowing to De Sousa's magnificent turns in films such as The Best Man (1999) (Picture: ) and Miss Congeniality (2000).
As usual, the Fox network is skipping the usual September stampede in favor of debuting new series in June. This strategy worked pretty good for The O.C. last year, although all those hot young FOXes didn't hurt. In that same spirit, the network is providing plenty of horny guys with visits from some grand Gals of Summer:
THE JURY (Picture: )
You can forget about the 12 angry men in this crime drama, because you'll be sporting 12 happy inches thanks to be feminine presence of Anna Friel (Picture: ). This British beauty was recently featured in the big-screen bomb Timeline (2003), but she's really made her mark in with some wild nudity in underseen films such as The Tribe (1998) (Picture: ) and in Me Without You (2001) (Picture: ) -- where she shares a tub with Dawson's Creek cutie Michelle Williams. In her last TV turn, incidentally, Anna stirred up the British soap Brookside when her character came out of the closet as a luscious lesbian.
THE NORTH SHORE (Picture: )
It wouldn't be a new TV season without another network trying to cash in on a Hawaiian setting. This one's set at a luxury hotel, and the assets include the stunning ass of former Baywatch star Brooke Burns (Picture: ). It's a great return to the reefs for this buxom blonde, especially after her bizarre turn as a domineering hostess on the short-lived game show Dog Eat Dog (Picture: ). Things only get hotter with Amanda Righetti (Picture: ) in the cast, fresh off her turn walking around in her panties on The O.C. (Picture: )
THE SIMPLE LIFE 2 (Picture: )
When is a reality show not a reality show? When hottie Paris Hilton (Picture: ) keeps her clothes on and doesn't fulfill her real-life performance as a genuine porn starlet in that fine homemade video. Still, it's always fun to watch the bikinis bounce and the underwear get bared as Paris and her cohort Nicole Richie (Picture: ) return to TV for a cross-country trip.
Finally, despite having built their empire on teen programming, The WB continues to offer plenty of legal-age ladies worth ogling that'll keep us working ourhey, that isn't our remote!
COMMANDO NANNY (Picture: )
In a high concept that we think was lifted from a Hulk Hogan movie, Philip Winchester stars as an ex-commando who becomes a Beverly Hills nanny. He's no Fran Drescher, but Kristin Bauer is certainly a Kristin Bauer (Picture: ). Sitcom fans will recognize her as the notorious Hot Babe With Man's Hands from a classic Seinfeld episode. Skinema fans, however, will have developed calluses from enjoying her full-frontal flaunting as a hot stripper -- alongside Daryl Hannah and Jennifer Tilly -- in Dancing at the Blue Iguana (2000) (Picture: ).
JACK BOBBY (Picture: )
This bizarre drama is about a modern mom raising two teen sons -- and one of them will grow up to become President of the United States. Meanwhile, fans of older women will be jackin' and bobbin' to Christine Lahti (Picture: ) as the MILF-In-Chief. This respected actress was already a mature beauty while parading in panties in Just Between Friends (1986) (Picture: ). If you like 'em young, then you'll be peeling off your pants to Jessica Pare (Picture: ). This dark beauty had already showed off those Pare pears in En Vacances (1999) (Picture: ) and Stardom (2000) (Picture: ), but it's especially nice to have her in our living rooms after her lesbianic love scenes with Piper Perabo in Lost and Delirious (2001) (Picture: ).
THE MOUNTAIN (Picture: )
The O.C. writer/producer Stephanie Savage provides more parading hotties in this drama about young people who find themselves in charge of a ski resort. The cast includes former model Elizabeth Bogush (Picture: ), who's gotten us gushing during hot guest turns on V.I.P., MTV's Undressed, and Scrubs (Picture: ). Alana de la Garza (Picture: ) also gets us gazing with her awesome bod, and we hope that cold weather doesn't keep her from sporting the skimpy clothes she's shown off on All My Children and Las Vegas (Picture: ). The mighty MILFS are also represented with screen veteran Barbara Hershey (Picture: ), the former hippie chick who matured into Skinema stardom in The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) (Picture: ) and Drowning on Dry Land (1999) (Picture: ).
