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As we concluded Part 1 of our post, the subject was sex {like, duh}.
“National Popcorn Day is observed annually on January 19th,” the National Day Calendar reminds us.
So the question lingers on the lips of Slate magazine: “Can Popcorn Be Sexy?”
“Popcorn is a dry and dusty food,” they write, “which often results in crumbs. Crumbs on one’s shirt also present a practical challenge when you attempt to get sexy by removing said shirt, because the crumbs get transferred to you bare skin or perhaps onto your partner … and cleaning up your chest is not sexy.”
Unless it’s being performed by New Jersey nymph Catie Minx (below left). “I’m very shy at heart,” admits the 32A-24-34 biology major, “and usually prefer reading and gaming to parties and clubs. Sometimes it can take me a while to open up completely” (below rt.).
The Dater Report took Slate’s bait … with a recent article entitled, “5 Reasons Popcorn is Actually Sexy.”
“Popcorn is a fun food,” is Reason #1. “It’s carefree. It says you know a good time. Another thing that is good time? Sex.”
The article follows that with “Popcorn shows you’re not afraid to get messy. You are a person who is not prissy about getting cheddar on your fingers, which probably means you’re not afraid to get other things on your fingers.”
Adds self-proclaimed ‘genius innovator’ Robert Ehrlich—the mastermind behind the snack Pirate’s Booty and its sweet smell of success: “People want to say ‘sexy’ just like they wanted to say ‘booty’ … so he felt it was his duty to come up with Sexy Pop, his latest creation that comes in suggestive flavors such as French Butter, Brazilian Coconut, Bodacious Banana and our favorite, Bangin’ Cheddar (below left). Makes Las Vegas-based Popcorn Girl’s Banana Pudding sound almost quaint …
“You’re guaranteed to be sexy if you just hold the bag,” Ehrlich assures us. “Yes, if you just hold the bag you will be sexy!”
Not left holding bag, but still sexy, is Internet icon Brooke Marks, a coy cutie from Seattle who’s managed to run a lucrative non-nude solo site for a decade! Fueled by popcorn:
“My smiling tits and friendly booty welcome you to the land of the handbra, the library of lapdance, the world of the wardrobe malfunction,” is how the clever 33B-25-36 webpreneur introduces herself. “Total bonerville.”
At the opposite end of the pectrum is 34KK Brit Busty Terri, whom CrocGirls lauds as “a curvaceous goddess with a pair of stupendous tits.”
Midway {a big military battle, BTW} between the extremes of slim Brooke Marks and Busty Terri lies Lucky of GottaLoveLucky.com … a German-born, Rochester-raised redhead who measures in at an all-natural 32C-20-31 … and checks all the boxes.
And if it’s volatility and popping off you desire, there’s none better than Brazilian TV presenter CristinaMortágua … who first became a celebrity by dancing naked at the 1994 Carnival in Rio—where she met, bedded and gave birth to the son of Edmundo, that nation’s most controversial soccer star.
More recently, her anger exploded on a live cable broadcast when Cristina attacked another guest who brought up that affair while calling Mortágua “a futbol fucker,” then fought with its hostess Luciana Gimenez—who similarly came to fame by having a child out of wedlock … with Mick Jagger!
The name of the show, wouldn’t you know? Superpop.
So how, exactly, does popcorn pop? If you’ve ever wondered why the snack is synonymous with sex … listen to the official X•planation from Botany.org: “It’s because of endosperm, a special tissue that you only find inside the seeds of flowering plants. But most seeds still do not pop. Popcorn is different because a core of soft, wet endosperm is surrounded by a layer of hard, stony endosperm.” See for yourself, complete with a rigid tip cap:
“When heated the water in the soft endosperm turns into steam, which expands. When the pressure gets high enough, the kernel explodes, turning itself inside out.” In slow motion, the act looks surprisingly erotic:
“Two thirds of all human calories come from endosperm.” Like men always assure: “It’s a great source of protein!”
Am I the only one who feels in need of a cold shower? Or hot bath …
Before we endo- or discussion of sperm, we should acknowledge one of its prime purveyors, recently retired adult industry icon Dylan Ryder, who consumed buckets of ‘boy butter’ in her 153 porn films.
“I am so proud of my little sisters!” declares Dylan—blatantly bisexual and non-judgmental about her openly gay siblings. “Our parents have two lesbian daughters, who are twins, and fight,” laughs Jillian Lybarger. “And they’re our biggest fans.” Adds Jocelyn: “Meanwhile, our sister’s a porn star.”
“Shannon’s opened a lot of doors for us,” Jocelyn {the higher ranked of the twins} says of their sponsor. “Our sister is monstrously beautiful, she loves what she does, and we know her outside the adult industry”—which is why they’re happy to talk about their sexuality and sexy sis:
“We’ve been approached to do a reality show,” reveals Ryder, “because mixed martial arts has really taken off. “So we’ve all agreed to it, and are waiting to see if it happens.” Meanwhile, Jocelyn—whose ring nickname is ‘Lights Out’ Lybarger—raves of big sister Shannon: “She takes care of her family, she doesn’t strip, she doesn’t escort, she doesn’t do drugs.”
Adds the self-described ‘only married lesbian with kids’ in the UFC: “But I’ve never watched her in porn.” Butt than means she’s missing ‘out’!
So, we know about sex in the movies … how about sex at the movies? As a millionaire mogul of movie houses muses: “People come to theaters sometimes just for the popcorn. They don’t even care what’s playing.”
Maybe that’s because it’s always been the prime place for horny teen males to take ‘a shot in the dark’ with their dates! “Are you looking to make a move—at the movies?” WikiHow asks adolescents. “There’s no shame in making out in a movie theater.” Indeed, it’s been done for decades …
“And let’s face it—sometimes there’s just no better place to make out than in a dark, cool movie theater, where there is a sexy feeling of closeness and anonymity.” Unless the movie’s playing at a drive-in.
Even ‘Going Naked at the Movies’—as Mr. Skin’s Canadian affiliate Naked News does with distinction …
… can hard•ly compare with what ‘the kids are getting up to’ these days!
Yet, WikiHow advises, be careful what you put into your mouth: “Minimize the concessions. Do you want a large popcorn with extra butter—or a long make out session with extra lovin’? You don’t want to kiss or caress your partner’s face if your fingers are covered in nacho cheese or popcorn butter.” In other words, stick to the matter at hand.
“If you really can’t do without your popcorn,” WikiHow.com concludes, “maybe go back for it at half-time, after you’ve had some time to kiss.”
And you wouldn’t want to miss Miss May 2012 Penthouse Pet Angela Sommers—whom we 34C with both a glandful and a handful among her flick tricks.
“My Penthouse shoots were awesome,” Angela enthuses. “Both my Penthouse Pet in 2012 and my Pet of the Year runner-up session in 2013 ran 13 hours plus long. I was exhausted, sore and hungry.”
If this buttery buildup has left you ‘ready to pop’ … it’s time to feed your hunger with Sleuth’s Top Ten Celebs Celebrating National Popcorn Day with crunchy pods—and bangin’ bods.
In keeping with our previous post this week for National Hat Day, let’s begin with a finger-licking fox in a fedora …
CHARLIZE THERON
ALISON BRIE
AnnaLynne McCORD
KATY PERRY
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN
BEYONCÉ
RIHANNA
BEHATI PRINSLOO -- Model wife of Adam Levine
SELENA GOMEZ
SCARLETT JOHANSSON
When you’re ‘Ready to Pop,’ can you think of anyone butter toEND on than ScarJo?
Thanks for popping by …
