Struggling to find the perfect gift for the celebrity-nudity-lover in your life this holiday season? Forget fruitcakes and flat-screen TVs; Mr. Skin has 20 presents that will make anyone jolly. We chose ten of the best naked offerings from 2009 along with ten nudity classics that were reissued this year. So simply use this round-up when shopping, and then consider all necessary stockings spectacularly stuffed.
The Gift You’ll Give: Rachel Blanchard’s right breast and butt as Ashton Kutcher shaves her cootcher
Also Nude: Anne Heche, Jenae Altschwager, Margarita Levieva, Sonia Rockwell
The Skinny: Ashton Kutcher’s L.A. gigolo beds a dizzying array of nude women in Spread, making this DVD the perfect way to spread true holiday cheer, no eggnog required.
The Gift You’ll Give: Jessica Biel’s long-awaited nude debut as a stripper who actually strips
Also Nude: Danvy Pham, Kasey Poteet
The Skinny: She went from a sweet teen on 7th Heaven to Justin Timberlake’s sweetheart, but we were beginning to think she’d never go nude. That is until Powder Blue went straight to DVD last May and Jessica Biel artfully writhed around a stripper stage pouring candle wax all over her gloriously bare boobs.
The Gift You’ll Give: Pineapple Express babe Amber Heard showing a heap of boobs and a helping of butt in five scenes
Also Nude: Valentina Garcia
The Skinny: The Bret Easton Ellis adaptation The Informers packs an all-star cast that includes heavyweights like Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger, Billy Bob Thornton, and Winona Ryder. But little-known blonde Amber Heard steals the show with the not-so-heavy weights hanging off of her almost-never-clothed chest.
The Gift You’ll Give: Betsy Rue jumping off the screen in 3D—completely nude!
The Skinny: Not just for kids anymore, 3D grows up with the vivid violence and in-your-face nudity of My Bloody Valentine. The 2-disc special edition packs oodles of extras along with both 2D and 3D versions of the film. You’ll even get four pairs of 3D glasses to ensure Betsy Rue’s 3B’s look like they’re running right through your living room.
The Gift You’ll Give: Malin Akerman’s super hoots and super heinie in a superhero flick loved by critics and fans alike
Also Nude: Tara Frederick
The Skinny: Watchmen: The Ultimate Edition is a comic fan’s dream with five discs and over three hours of special features. But nothing is as special as Malin Akerman’s exposed assets in three separate scenes.
The Gift You’ll Give: Willa Ford’s dripping, bobbling boobs in the year’s best nude waterskiing scene
Also Nude: Julianna Guill, America Olivo
The Skinny: The original Friday the 13th is a horror classic, sure, but the remake tops it with pure toplessness. And with the extended Killer Cut you get more gore and—more importantly—extra pre-slaying lays and gloriously gratuitous nudity.
The Gift You’ll Give: Paz de la Huerta playing a character named simply Nude; and yes, she lives up to her name—spectacularly
The Skinny: Jim Jarmusch’s The Limits of Control is full of mysterious characters reciting mysterious dialog in mysterious situations, but the biggest mystery of all is what happened to Paz de la Huerta’s wardrobe, since it barely makes an appearance throughout the entire movie.
The Gift You’ll Give: Aussie hottie Sophie Monk performing a fiery strip session
Also Nude: Janet Montgomery
The Skinny: Sophie Monk follows up her nude debut in Sex and Death 101 with this straight-to-DVD horror flick, and she gets straight to the nudity, giving a topless lap dance just 10 minutes in.
The Gift You’ll Give: Delicious bad girl Riki Lindhome toplessly fighting off an attacker with a shower-curtain rod
Also Nude: Sara Paxton
The Skinny: This horror remake dutifully delivers all of the things that made the original great—including outrageous violence and revenge and, of course, women in distress getting undressed.
The Gift You’ll Give: Michelle Gordon, Kaitlyn Reid, and Simone Searcy as a mother-daughter-granddaughter strip team
Also Nude: Alicia Saint Amour, Amanda Logue, Audrey Manuel, Kayla Martin, Nikki Ryann, Gia Wright
The Skinny: Road Trip is a nudity classic with five pairs of bare breasts, but Beer Pong surpasses even that by uncovering nine sets of breasts and throwing in a bush for extra fun. The unrated DVD even offers featurettes titled “In the Buff—Filming a Mini-Concert” and “The Bodacious Babes of Ta Ta’s.”
The Gift You’ll Give: 112 breasts, 41 butts, and 46 bushes, including a hardcore lesbian chow-down between Helen Mirren and Teresa Ann Savoy
Also Nude: Anneka Di Lorenzo, Lori Wagner, Adriana Asti, Mirella D’Angelo, scores of anonymous nudes
The Skinny: Caligula boasts more nude body parts than any other mainstream film in history, but this Imperial Edition makes the Roman tale even more decadent. Extras include a lengthier hardcore cut of the film as well as a never-before-seen pre-release version.
The Gift You’ll Give: Linda Shayne’s pressed mams against a van’s rear window as she gives a ride at the drive-in
Also Nude: Astrid Brandt, Kim Cayer, Raven De La Croix, Terrea Foster, Jennifer Inch, Linda Speciale
The Skinny: In addition to outstanding special features like cast and crew interviews, deleted scenes, and the theatrical trailer, Screwballs contains Mr. Skin himself discussing ’80s teen sex comedies, with Screwballs standing T&A above all others as the most over-the-top outrageous.
The Gift You’ll Give: 22 sexually charged episodes, with nudity in nearly every installment
Also Nude: A total of 20 nude actresses
The Skinny: Long before True Blood combined nudity and vampires in spectacular fashion, The Hunger brought even more blood sucking and clothes shucking to the small screen. And in case you don’t have time to search out The Hunger’s best bits in all of those episodes, this collection includes a very special feature—Mr. Skin counting down the top ten nude scenes from The Hunger’s two-season run.
The Gift You’ll Give: Lisa Bonet engaging in steamy, sweaty, Southern sex with Mickey Rourke, complete with a newly discovered flash of her voodoo vadge
Also Nude: Charlotte Rampling, Elizabeth Whitcraft
The Skinny: Angel Heart beautifully illustrates just why a Blu-ray player should be at the top of your Christmas list—the high-resolution format uncovers even more nudity in films you thought you knew every inch of. In this case, the Blu-ray version revealed never-before-discerned shots of Lisa Bonet’s bush.
The Gift You’ll Give: Jill Schoelen’s butt in arguably the most gratuitous nude scene of all time
The Skinny: This year’s remake of The Stepfather left out one very important element: nudity. So luckily the horror classic came to DVD for the very first time just prior to the skinless reboot’s release. Finally Jill Schoelen’s sudsy shower soap up can be seen in a clear digital format.
The Gift You’ll Give: Kelly Lynch’s bare breasts and awesome ass—complete with oh-so-’80s tan lines—as she gets out of bed completely nude
Also Nude: Laura Albert, Julie Michaels
The Skinny: This two-disc set offers a bonus widescreen version, so you get twice the Patrick Swayze kicking twice the ass. And the Blu-ray upgrade even reveals a bit of Kelly Lynch’s between-the-legs lap fuzz from behind.
The Gift You’ll Give: Jennifer Connelly delivering the rarest occurrence in celebrity nudity—the bush-only scene
Also Nude: Aliya Campbell
The Skinny: Director Darren Aronofsky’s harrowing drug drama is all the more intense on Blu-ray. The frontal nudity from Aliya Campbell coupled with Jennifer Connelly’s fluffy muff and butt-to-butt double-dildo strip-club bash come off, somehow, even more intoxicating.
The Gift You’ll Give: Linzi Drew exposing her entire nude body as she jumps off a stud on a porno movie set
Also Nude: Jenny Agutter
The Skinny: The Full Moon edition of An American Werewolf in London most likely refers to the titular beast and not Linzi Drew’s flashed ass, but it still offers up that intoxicating view, as well as Linzi’s breasts and bush and a bit of toplessness from Jenny Agutter.
The Gift You’ll Give: 16 breasts, 5 butts, and 6 bushes, all coming at you in 3 dimensions
Nude: Paula Erikson, Patricia Fein, Kathy Ferrick, Monica Gayle, Christina Hart, Beth Shields, Janet Wass, Angelique de Moline
The Skinny: The Stewardesses 3D celebrates 40 years on the midnight-movie scene with a two-disc deluxe edition. Choose between 2D color, 3D color, and 3D black and white versions to view the most nudity ever captured jumping off a movie screen.
The Gift You’ll Give: Two movies, eleven naked actresses
Nude: Hardbodies: Julie Always, Leslee Bremmer, Darcy DeMoss, Jackie Easton, Juli Lawrence, Teal Roberts, Cindy Silver, Kristi Somers. Hardbodies 2: Brenda Bakke, Nana, Fabiana Udenio, anonymous nude sunbathers
The Skinny: The ’80s teen sex comedies Hardbodies and Hardbodies 2 are finally available on DVD in this two-disc collection. You’ll have as much fun searching out the naked boobs, beavs, and butts as the first film’s hapless poon hounds have searching out beach-bound hardbodies.