Based on fantasy novels by George R.R. Martin and described as "The Sopranos in Middle Earth," HBO's epic series Game of Thrones chronicles the struggle for power in a medieval world divided into realms of summer and winter. Fortunately, naked maidens and mystical, magical sex abound at every turn. As alluring young enchantress Daenerys Targaryen, icy beauty Emilia Clark radiates blonde heat while… Become a Mr Skin Member and get the full review
|Amrita Acharia as Irri|
|Esmé Bianco as Ros||Nude||breasts, bush, butt, lesbian||7||41|
|Oona Chaplin as Talisa||Nude||butt||2||9|
|Gwendoline Christie as Brienne of Tarth||Nude||butt||1||3|
|Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen||Nude||breasts, bush, butt||5||22|
|Amy Dawson as Captain's Daughter||Nude||breasts, bush, butt||1||6|
|Emily Diamond as King's Landing Whore||Nude||breasts||2|
|Kate Dickie as Lysa Arryn||Nude||breasts, prosthetic||1||4|
|Natalie Dormer as Margaery Tyrell||Nude||breasts||1||5|
|Nathalie Emmanuel as Missandei||Nude||breasts, butt||1||8|
|Michelle Fairley as Catelyn Stark|
|Tara Fitzgerald as Selyse Baratheon|
|Kristen Gillespie as Whore||Nude||breasts, butt, bush||1||8|
|Lena Headey as Cersei Lannister||NBD*||body double, butt||1||1|
|Rose Leslie as Ygritte||Nude||breasts, butt||1||7|
|Roxanne McKee as Doreah||Nude||breasts||1||2|
|Natalia Tena as Osha||Nude||breasts, bush||1||5|
|Aeryn Walker as Craster's Wife||Nude||breasts||1||3|
|Carice van Houten as Melisandre||Nude||breasts, bush, butt||4||27|
|Xena Avramidis as Whore||Nude||breasts, butt, lesbian||1||8|
|Stephanie Blacker as Violet||Nude||breasts, butt||1||6|
|Maisie Dee as Daisy||Nude||breasts, bush, butt, lesbian||2||9|
|Josephine Gillan as Marei||Nude||breasts, bush, butt||3||22|
|Charlotte Hope as Myranda||Nude||breasts, bush, butt||2||15|
|Sibel Kekilli as Shae||Nude||breasts||1||3|
|Sahara Knite as Armeca||Nude||breasts, bush, butt, lesbian||3||16|
|Pixie Le Knot as Kayla||Sexy||bush||1||6|
|Elisa Lasowski as Mirelle||Nude||breasts||1||4|
|Talitha Luke-Eardley as Yunkai'i whore||Nude||breasts||1||5|
|Sarine Sofair as Lhara||Nude||breasts, bush||1||6|
Episode: "The Wolf and the Lion" (May 15th, 2011)
Episode: "A Golden Crown" (May 22nd, 2011)
Episode: "You Win or You Die" (May 29th, 2011)
Episode: "Fire and Blood" (Jun 19th, 2011)
Episode: "Valar Morghulis" (Jun 3rd, 2012)
Episode: "The Prince of Winterfell" (May 20th, 2012)
Episode: "Kissed by Fire" (Apr 28th, 2013)
Episode: "The Kingsroad" (Apr 24th, 2011)
Episode: "Fire and Blood" (Jun 19th, 2011)
Episode: "What Is Dead May Never Die" (Apr 15th, 2012)
Episode: "The Mountain and the Viper" (Jun 1st, 2014)
Episode: "Two Swords" (Apr 6th, 2014)
Episode: "Kissed by Fire" (Apr 28th, 2013)
Episode: "Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things" (May 8th, 2011)
Episode: "The Old Gods And The New" (May 6th, 2012)
Episode: "Oathkeeper" (Apr 27th, 2014)
Episode: "Garden of Bones" (Apr 22nd, 2012)
Episode: "Mockingbird" (May 18th, 2014)
Episode: "Breaker of Chains" (Apr 20th, 2014)
Episode: "What Is Dead May Never Die" (Apr 15th, 2012)
Episode: "Garden of Bones" (Apr 22nd, 2012)
Episode: "Walk of Punishment" (Apr 14th, 2013)
Episode: "Two Swords" (Apr 6th, 2014)
Episode: "Breaker of Chains" (Apr 20th, 2014)
Episode: "The Laws of Gods and Men" (May 11th, 2014)
Episode: "Baelor" (Jun 12th, 2011)
Episode: "You Win or You Die" (May 29th, 2011)
Episode: "Blackwater" (May 27th, 2012)
Episode: "Valar Dohaeris" (Mar 31st, 2013)
Episode: "The Laws of Gods and Men" (May 11th, 2014)
In Slaver's Bay, Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) goes to wash her clothes in the river when she is spotted by Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) who is also bathing in the river. They lock eyes and she stands up, giving us some sensational shots of her shimmies and seat meat in the process! Missandei later tells Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) about the encounter and how odd it was that a eunuch seemed to be attracted to her sexually. Grey Worm later apologizes to Missandei for staring at her, but she thanks him for staring at her. Intriguing!
Meanwhile back in King's Landing, the trial by combat to decide the fate of Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is finally underway. The Mountain (Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson) gains the upper hand early on Oberyn (Pedro Pascal), but before long, Oberyn unleashes some acrobatics and brings The Mountain to his back! He jams his spear into him, but rather than killing him, he tells him to confess as to who gave the order to kill his sister. The Mountain confesses that it was Tywin (Charles Dance), and as Oberyn begins showboating once again, The Mountain grabs a hold of him and crushes his head, killing him. Tywin then proclaims Tyrion to be guilty of Joffrey's murder, and sentences him to die!
This week's episode could best be described as a tire-spinning episode, as nothing much really happens. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is still searching for a champion to fight for him, and though Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) does chuckle over the notion of what Tywin (Charles Dance) would think if he actually did step up and serve as Tyrion's champion, he tells him that it will not be him that takes the honor. Jamie does reveal that it will be The Mountain (Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson) serving as champion for Cersei (Lena Headey). Finally it's the Red Viper, Oberyn (Pedro Pascal) that agrees to serve as Tyrion's champion to finally get justice for his family.
Daario (Michiel Huisman) breaks into the private quarters of Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) baring flowers. Dany pretends to be angry, and he tells her that he is restless in Meereen, unable to indulge his talents for fighting, or his desire to pursue her. She immediately tells him to take his clothes off! They have sex, but it's off-screen sadly. We're starting to forget what she looks like naked!
We don't have to guess what Melisandre (Carice van Houten) looks like naked though, as we get to see her sensational shimmies and seat meat this week! Selyse (Tara Fitzgerald) goes to see Melisandre while she's in the tub, and there is some tension between the two since Melisandre slept with Selyse's husband Stannis (Stephen Dillane), and Melisandre has no problem getting out of the tub to flaunt her goods, and some potions.
At King's Landing, Tywin (Charles Dance) commences the trial of Tyrion (Peter Dinklage). Several witnesses give damning testimony against Tyrion, and during a recess, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) cuts a deal with his father. If Tyrion pleads guilty and begs for mercy, Tywin will send him to The Night's Watch and Jaime will return to Casterly Rock to be his father's heir. Tyrion distrusts the offer, reminding his brother of what happened to Ned Stark (Sean Bean) when he was offered a similar deal. Tyrion tells his father that he will not die for a crime he didn't commit and demands a trial by combat.
Meanwhile at Dreadfort, Yara (Gemma Whelan) readies her men for an assault to rescue her brother Theon (Alfie Allen). She receives a letter from Ramsay Snow (Iwan Rheon) telling her to stand down or face death. Yara waits until Ramsay is having sex with Myranda (Charlotte Hope) to launch her attack, and the sex scene between the two is pretty fantastic, giving us some good looks at her hoots and glutes! Yara's attack fails and she and her men are forced to retreat.
Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) and Ser Davos (Liam Cunningham) got to the Iron Bank in Braavos to secure funds to pay for Stannis' war to regain the throne, but they are met with rejection. That is until Ser Davos tells them that funding their effort will help them get back the gold they lent Tywin Lannister, and they decide to fund them. They then visit a brothel to find a smuggler friend of Davos' named Salladhor Saan (Lucian Msamati) to help in their efforts. They find him in a tub with two prostitutes, one played by the aptly named Sarine Sofair who bares her hooters and hair while soaking in the tub!
Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) orders Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) and several of the Unsullied to infiltrate the Meereen, and arm the slaves for an uprising against their slave masters. After a successful campaign, she makes her boldest statement yet by declaring that she will "answer injustice with justice," and literally crucifying the slave masters. She has now conquered all three of the cities on Slaver's Bay.
While training Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) in sword fighting, Bronn (Jerome Flynn) encourages him to go see his brother Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) who is awaiting trial for the suspected murder of Joffrey (Jack Gleeson). Jaime also commands Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) to find Sansa (Sophie Turner), not knowing that she has been abducted Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen), who reveals to Sansa that it was he and Olenna (Diana Rigg) that poisoned Joffrey.
Meanwhile at Craster's Keep, the mutinous deserters are continuing to take advantage of Craster's wives, including Aeryn Walker, who bares her huge hooters while getting savaged by a guy, and a unidentified redhead also bares her breasts! Karl (Burn Gorman) drinks wine out of the skull of the slain Jeor Mormont, and takes the last surviving infant son of Craster's out into the woods and leaves it there. It is found by a White Walker who brings the child to the mountain and places it on an altar where another White Walker appears to turn the child into one of them.
At King's Landing, Cersei (Lena Headey) is mourning the death of Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) as Tywin (Charles Dance) begins instructing Tommen (Dean Charles Chapman) on becoming a good king. They leave when Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) enters, and Cersei tells him that she wants Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) executed for killing Joffrey, and Sansa (Sophie Turner) found and captured as his accomplice. Jaime tries to have sex with her, but she refuses to have sex next to the corpse of their dead child, but Jaime forces himself on her anyway, though nothing is shown, thankfully.
In the aftermath of Joffrey's murder, Sansa and Ser Dontos (Tony Way) escaped onto a boat stowed on the coast. Aboard the ship, she is greeted by Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen) who reveals that Dontos was being paid to bring her to him, and since he's no longer useful to Littlefinger, he orders Dontos killed. Littlefinger then assures Sansa that she needn't worry, he will protect her, and also reveals that he was the one who orchestrated Joffrey's death.
Tywin goes to see the Red Viper (Pedro Pascal), who is in the middle of an orgy alongside his wife (Indira Varma) and some ladies at the brothel, including Josephine Gillan! Josephine and Xena Avramidis bare all during this nearly three minute orgy, and it is super hot! Tywin discusses a plan to team up with the Red Viper to discover the real murderer of King Joffrey.
Roose Bolton (Michael McElhatton) arrives at Dreadfort and informs Theon (Alfie Allen) about the Red Wedding, and the death of Robb Stark (Richard Madden), a man that Theon had considered a brother. Roose presses him for knowledge to the whereabouts of Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) and Rickon (Art Parkinson), and Theon suggests that Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) may be hiding them. Roose dispatches Locke (Noah Taylor) to find them and kill them, including Jon, as he has Stark blood in him and may be a threat down the road.
Meanwhile at King's Landing, people from all over the Seven Kingdoms have gathered for the marriage of Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) and Margaery (Natalie Dormer), and a grand party is in place. There are performances, including Kayle (Pixie Le Knot) doing her contortionist bit once again, giving us some nice looks between her legs! There is also a show put on by a group of dwarfs that mocks the War of the Five Kings, which amuses the crowd but disgusts Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Sansa (Sophie Turner).
Joffrey tries to further embarrass Tyrion by suggesting he fight the champion dwarf. When Tyrion mocks him back, Joffrey empties his wine goblet all over Tyrion and orders him to fetch him more wine. After a ceremony, Tyrion brings the cup to Joffrey who gulps it all down, and then grabs at his throat. He falls down convulsing, and Tyrion goes to examine the wine goblet as Joffrey points at Tyrion just before dying. Cersei (Lena Headey) commands the royal guard to take Tyrion prisoner for the murder of Joffrey!
Season 4 opens with an ominous scene where Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) takes Ice, the sword of Ned Stark (Sean Bean), and melts it down into two smaller blades. He gives one of the swords to his son Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), but when Jamie refuses to return to Casterly Rock, Tywin all but disowns him. Meanwhile, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is forced serve as a liaison for the visiting Prince Doran Martell of Dorne, but when the Prince doesn't show, he instead discovers that his brother Oberyn (Pedro Pascal), the legendary Red Viper, has arrived in his stead.
Tyrion tracks Oberyn down in the one place in King's Landing he expected to find him, the brothel. Here he has plans to bed two women, the flexible redhead (Josephine Gillan) from last season, and a new brunette (Kristen Gillespie), both of whom bare all! That's the Game of Thrones that our bones have come to expect!
While all of this is going on, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) seems to be losing control of Drogon, the largest of her dragons, making her fear that everyone who said she couldn't tame the dragons might be right. She continues her march toward the city of Meereen, but aware of her impending arrival, they have left bodies of dead slave children every mile along the way. Ominously chilling!
At King's Landing, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Sansa (Sophie Turner) discuss their impending wedding. Knowing that she does not wish to marry him, he promises her that he will not mistreat her in any way, and she acknowledges that he's the least repulsive member of his family. At the wedding, Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) walks her down the aisle, and humiliates Tyrion during the ceremony by taking away his stool from which he could reach Sansa to drape her with the Lannister cloak.
Melisandre (Carice Van Houten) seduces Gendry (Joe Dempsie) in order to perform a religious ritual that will help Stannis (Stephen Dillane) to smite his enemies. She comes to his quarters totally nude, but only shows off hoots and glutes, as she rides Gendry before placing leeches on his chest. Stannis enters and is told by Melisandre to throw the three leeches into the fire one at a time, as he recites the names of the enemies he wants struck down.
Daenerys (Emilia Clarke), Jorah (Iain Glen), and Barristan (Ian McElhinney) spy on the camp of the Second Sons, the armed forces that have come to Yunkai to stand against Daenerys' forces. Daenerys hosts Mero (Mark Killeen), the Captain of this battalion, making him an offer of an alliance with his reward to be paid when she reclaims the Iron Throne. They refuse her offer, but she encourages them to take time to think it over.
Back at their camp, Mero fondles a Yunkish slave girl (Talitha Luke-Eardley) exposing her fantastic fun bags! He tells Daario (Ed Skrein) that he is to sneak into Daenerys' tent and murder her. That night as Daenerys is bathing, Daario enters the tent, telling her that he has orders to kill her. He refused his orders and killed the men who gave the orders, causing Daenerys to rise from the tub, baring her sensationally soggy snoobs and seat meat! She asks him to pledge fealty to her, which he does!
King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) summons Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) to discuss Daenerys (Emilia Clarke), whom Lannister didn't think Joffrey had any knowledge. He reminds Joffrey that the last dragons bred by the Targaryen clan turned out to be inbred, ineffective creatures and he should have no cause for alarm. Their brief exchange makes it clear that Joffrey is nothing more than a figurehead, and Tywin is really the one pulling the strings in the kingdom.
Daenerys, meanwhile, has arrived with her forces at the city of Yunkai. She is confident that the city can be taken as they are known for breeding bed slaves rather than soldiers. She orders Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) into the city to tell the masters that they either need to surrender or face the same fate as Astapor.
In captivity, Theon (Alfie Allen) is visited by two naked women, Myranda (Charlotte Hope) and Violet (Stephanie Blacker). Both ladies bare all three b's as they tell him the rumors about him being well endowed! Just as Theon lets his guard down and becomes aroused, Ramsay Snow (Iwan Rheon) enters with a knife and castrates Theon as the women hold him down! Talk about an unhappy ending!
Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) leads her new army of Unsullied north to Yunkai, the next of the remaining slaver-cities. She asks them to choose a leader among themselves, and they select one named Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson), a name given to him by his slave master to degrade him. Daenerys orders the soldiers to choose their own names or reclaim their old names, but Grey Worm decides to keep his and bear it with pride because it is a lucky name.
Robb (Richard Madden) has a confrontation with Karstark (John Stahl) who kills the two captured Lannister squires for the murder of Karstark's sons. When Robb tells him that they were innocent and that it was Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) who was responsible for his son's deaths, Karstark announces that he has lost all faith in Robb as a leader. Robb orders Karstark and his men executed, and performs the decapitation of Karstark himself.
Jaime and Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie) are brought to Lord Roose Bolton (Michael McElhatton) who is proud of the torture his men have done to Jaime, but is dismayed that Jaime has lost a hand. Angered by the mutilation of such a valuable prisoner, he orders that they be cleaned up, and Jaime and Brienne go to the baths. Here we get a nice look at Brienne's booty as she argues vehemently with Jaime! Unfortunately his head blocks any hopes of full frontal, but we're ready to hop in that tub with her!
Robb Stark (Richard Madden) comes to Riverrun for his grandfather's funeral and learns that Edmure (Tobias Menzies) did not follow orders and led the attack on the army of Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance). Robb now realizes that his plan to entrap the army is finished and must figure out a new plan of attack.
Meanwhile in Astapor, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) offers up one of her dragons in exchange for the 8000 Unsullied still alive. Now under her command, she orders them to kill all of the Good Masters, soldiers, and slave overseers, but spare the children and free the slaves. She then frees them all and asks them if they will fight for her as free men, which they unanimously agree to do, joining her on her march!
At King's Landing, Tywin dismisses Baelish (Aidan Gillen) and appoints his son Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) the new treasurer, despite Tyrion's reasoning that he is more competent at spending money than he is at managing it. Tyrion goes to Baelish's brothel to retrieve the accounting books, and presents Podrick (Daniel Portman) with an unexpected gift... A super-flexible lady (Pixie Le Knot) that demonstrates her techniques, showing off her be-thonged booty and covered cooch! He then offers up another wench (Josephine Gillan) who is totally nude except for a large necklace, giving us some nice looks at her big ol' boobs, bush, and butt!
The White Walkers are on the (very slow) move, and Samwell Tarly (John Bradley) and the Night’s Watch are doing their best to reach the wall first and warn the southerners. Meanwhile Ygritte (Rose Leslie) and Jon Snow (Kit Harington) have made it to the Wildling camp, where Mance Rayder (Ciarán Hinds) is readying some troops of his own.
Back in Kings Landing, Sir Bronn (Jerome Flynn) is having a much warmer time thanks to the heat coming off the hoots of his latest hired hooker, Merielle (Elisa Lasowski). That good time is broken by a summons from Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), who is not doing nearly as swell, since his face was sliced up and no one appreciates his defense of the city during Tywin’s (Charles Dance) absence.
Across the narrow sea, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) has sailed to the slave city of Astapor to hire an army as backup for her baby dragons. But while she’s debating the moral implications of buying slaves, a warlock disguised as a little girl tries and fails to assassinate her. Dany’s still got plenty of enemies. It is known.
Breast of show: Topless Elisa Lasowski continuing the long and celebrated tradition of prostitute sexposition!
In the throne room, Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) is appointing his grandfather Tywin (Charles Dance) the new King's Hand and rewarding the victorious heroes of the battle. When it comes Loras Tyrell’s (Finn Jones) turn, he asks that Joffrey marry his sister, Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer), and join their families together as his reward. The small council approves of the match and Joffrey aggress to cast Sansa (Sophie Turner) aside to marry into the Tyrell family. But when Sansa reveals her happiness at the decision, Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen) reminds her that Joffrey will never let her go, even if they are not engaged. Meanwhile Varys (Conleth Hill) is trying to lure Ros (Esme Bianco) out of Littlefinger’s employ, and she offers him a look at her mammoth mammeries before he reveals that he is a eunuch. We’re impressed though.
In Quarth, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) arrives at the House of the Undying and becomes lost is a web of illusions while searching for her dragons, including a vision of Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) holding their baby. Daenerys soldiers on and finds her dragons only to be imprisoned by Prat Pree (Ian Hanmore) alongside them. But a single command has the dragons breathing fire and the chains melt as Prat Pree burns to death.
In the North, John Snow (Kit Harington) reaches the massive wildling camp just as his disbanded Nightwatch friends witness the crossing of a huge white walker army heading south. The undead probably heard that Ros is giving out free flashes in Kings Landing. That rack would make anything rise from the dead!
Stannis Baratheon’s (Stephen Dillane) ships have arrived at King’s Landing, and Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) prepare to defend the city. Meanwhile Bronn (Jerome Flynn) is spending his last moments before the battle in the brothel, drinking in the company of a high-class hooker (Sahara Knite). Bronn slowly spins her out of her clothes, baring her shaved bush, tush, and tits before she lounges nude on his lap. You'll whip out your own sword!
When Stannis’ ships come far enough into the bay, Tyrion sends out a single ship filled with wildfire to meet them, and manages to blow up a good chunk of the fleet. But it is not enough to slow down Stannis, who leads his remaining forces in a charge on the shore.
Queen Cersei (Lena Headey), Sansa (Sophie Turner), Shae (Sibel Kekilli), and the rest of the noble women and children are hiding in the holdfast, but Cersei has brought Ser Ilyn (Wilko Johnson) in with them to make sure no hostages survive if the city falls. Just as the battle outside seems to be turning in Tyrion's favor, a wave of fresh soldiers come crashing onto the shore, outnumbering the present forces. As Cersei sits in the throne room about to poison Tommen (Callum Wharry) so he won’t have to suffer, Loras Tyrell (Finn Jones) and her father, Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance), unexpectedly burst in, having just won the battle.
Breast of show: Sahara Knite’s epic send off of the soldiers with a full frontal flash. She’s waging war on clothes!
Theon’s (Alfie Allen) sister Yara (Gemma Whelan) arrives at the newly captured Winterfell and is not impressed by his decision to execute the Stark boys. Little does she know that the Stark boys were never captured and are presently hiding out in the castle’s crypts.
Over in Quarth, Jorah (Iain Glen) tries to convince Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) to leave the city for the relative safety of Astapor, but Dany is not going anywhere without her dragons. She uses her feminine wiles to convince him to lead her to the House of the Undying, where her dragons are being held prisoner.
Meanwhile in King’s Landing, Cersei (Lena Headey) thinks she finally has one over on her brother, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), when she finds a whore that she believes he has feelings for. But when the woman is brought before them, it is Ros (Esmé Bianco) not Shae (Sibel Kekilli) that she is holding. Ros does not betray Tyrion’s true love, but tells him not to forget about her.
Robb Stark (Richard Madden) is dealing with the fallout of his mother releasing Jamie Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) to try and free her other children. Talisa (Oona Chaplin) takes his mind off his troubles by telling the story of how she became a doctor, then strips down so Robb can play doctor with her body. Once you see those buns and two apples you won’t want to keep the doctor away either!
In Qarth, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is trying to drum up support for her ascension to the Iron Throne, but the wealthy traders are reluctant to pool their resources on a young girl with no support. When she returns home from her rounds, she finds that her remaining followers have been slaughtered and her dragons have been stolen.
At King’s Landing, Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) continues to be a dainty despot but the villagers are fed up and as he passes through the town someone throws a handful of horse dung at his face. Joffrey immediately orders his soldiers to kill everyone present, but the angry mob outnumbers his guard and they are forced to retreat back inside the castle.
Theon (Alfie Allen) manages to storm Winterfell since all the Northern soldiers are away fighting in the war, and convinces Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) to declare him the new ruler. That night Osha (Natalia Tena) comes to Theon’s rooms and offers her body to him in exchange for her freedom. She strips off her robe to reveal her perky pair and wild-woman pelt, which easily convinces Theon to take her to bed. That night she manages to sneak Bran out of the city as Theon sleeps in the afterglow. That honeypot was worth it!
Robb Stark (Richard Madden) is successfully fighting his way through the Westerlands with his direwolf leading every charge. After winning each battle against Lannister forces, Robb refuses to kill or torture the prisoners of war, instead bringing them along as his campaign continues.
The Lannister forces are not so noble with those they have captured, and Arya (Maisie Williams) and Gendry (Joe Dempsie) are being kept in a camp that daily tortures prisoners to death. Just as Gendry is picked to be killed, Lord Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) rides into camp and stops the killing since Gendry is a skilled blacksmith with useful talents. Tywin also notices Arya but does not recognize her as a Stark child, he only sees that she is cleverly disguised as a boy to travel safely. Impressed with her subterfuge he pulls her from the prisoner ranks to serve as his cupbearer.
Meanwhile at King’s Landing, Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) is grower crueler every day and has Sansa (Sophie Turner) beaten in front of the court in punishment for her brother’s war victories. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) sends two whores, Ros (Esmé Bianco) and Daisy (Maisie Dee), to Joffery’s chambers that night in an attempt to calm him down. Daisy strips completely nude and encourages the King to take grand glandular tour of her nubile form, but instead he orders Ros to beat Daisy savagely with a scepter. That’s not the kind of scepter beating we had in mind…
Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is cementing his power as the King’s Hand by rooting out all the spies working in King’s Landing. After spreading a different rumor to each of Cersei's (Lena Headey) three counselors regarding his plans for Myrcella (Aimee Richardson), he discovers that Maester Pycelle (Julian Glover) is the one that has been ratting him out. It’s off to the dungeons for Pycelle, but he had a good final day since they capture him in bed with a beautiful young prostitute (Maisie Dee). Her funbags and fur are on full display as guards burst into the room and drag the old man off.
Robert Baratheon's youngest brother Renly (Gethin Anthony) has gone south to his own encampment after his brother’s death and is visited by Lady Stark (Michelle Fairley) who wants to join forces. But Renly thinks he still has some claim to the throne and is reluctant to leave his posh lifestyle. He has a new wife as well, Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer), the sister of his not so secret lover Loras (Finn Jones). Margaery knows where her husband’s affections lie, but also knows that a pregnancy would help cement his rise to power. And speaking of rising she takes off her top to seduce Renly, and if anything can convince a man to switch teams it’s those magnificent mams!
Arya (Maisie Williams) is still on her way to Winterfell with Gendry (Joe Dempsie), and Queen Cersei (Lena Headey) wants them both dead but doesn’t know that Arya is disguised as a boy. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) has returned to King’s Landing to serve as Hand to the King, and immediately shakes things up by replacing the commander of the City Watch.
Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) is preparing an attack to claim the throne with the help of his witch adviser, Melisandre (Carice van Houten). She’s also advising him that their power would be best combined physically, since she can bear him the son his wife cannot. Then she bares her body, which certainly seems fertile to us.
Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) is traveling to his homeland to get his father’s support, but he spankfully has some company on the ship in the form of the Captain’s daughter (Amy Dawson). It's all hands on her deck as she says bone voyage to her clothes.
Ros (Esme Bianco) is still plying her wares as head prostitute in King's Landing, and we get a look at her terrific tush and left lobber as rides a lucky john while her boss peeks through the door. That ravishing redhead’s rackage is sure to have you peaking! But Ros is still upset over the murder of the Robert Baratheon’s illegitimate child in the brothel and Aremca (Sahara Knite) has to be called in to finish the job when Ros starts crying. You’ll be weeping with joy when you see Aremca’s furry full frontal flesh!
Ned’s death devastates his family, and they vow to kill all of their enemies without mercy. Spoiled Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) continues his reign of terror in the court, delivering unnecessarily cruel verdicts in every case that is brought before him. Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) sends Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) to the court to serve as the King’s Hand and try to reign in Joffrey’s bad decisions.
Everyone’s favorite redhead, Ros (Esmé Bianco), continues to destroy hearts (and pants) by showing her delicious muff and duff to the entire kingdom. Her cupcakes and cherry are so sweet she’s lucky her latest old-man suitor didn’t have a heart attack. She can give Mr. Skin a stroke anytime!
Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) discovers the witch has betrayed her and sacrificed her unborn son to save Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa), who is alive but in a vegetative state. Daenerys suffocates Khal with a pillow to spare him the indignity of living. Then she has a massive funeral pyre built for Drogo, placing the old dragon eggs beside his body. The witch is also tied to a stake to be burned as punishment for his death. As the flames grow, Daenerys walks into the inferno to join her husband. Everyone thinks she is dead, but the next morning Jorah (James Cosmo) returns to the ashes and discovers Daenerys nude, unharmed, and holding three small dragons. That’ll get your eggs sunny side up!
Ned (Sean Bean) is still imprisoned in the dungeon at King’s Landing, while his son Robb (Richard Madden) amasses an army to fight for his release.
Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) falls ill from an infected battle wound and Daenerys (Emilia Clarke), desperate to save his life, makes a deal with a witch to heal him.
At his father’s army camp, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) makes a connection with Shae (Sibel Kekilli), a hooker with a heart of gold. When he promises to take her to the capitol, Shae strips to show off her succulent suckers before mounting the titillated Tyrion.
Robb’s army sends a small distraction attack to Tywin's encampment, but the true bulk of his army fights against Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and captures him as prisoner. Knowing that his daughters Sansa and Arya are in danger in King’s Landing, Ned agrees to make a false confession that he is guilty of treason. Queen Cersei (Lena Headey) advises mercy for his crimes but Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) impulsively decides to have him executed, not considering any consequences. In a shocking twist, Ned is beheaded as a huge crowd, including his two daughters, watches.
Lord Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) begins raising an army to fight the Starks and free his son Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) from captivity. Ned (Sean Bean) confronts Queen Cersei (Lena Headey) about the true parentage of her son Joffrey and suggests she leave the castle before the King returns from hunting and learns the truth.
Ros (Esmé Bianco) has arrived at Kings Landing and is receiving training from brothel owner Littlefinger. Buy-sexual Ros show off her sapphic skills in a skintillating scene with a fellow lady of the evening (Sahara Knite). The lovely ladies reach clitical mass while showing off every inch in their bordello audition. They’re hired!
King Robert (Mark Addy) returns from the hunt critically wounded by a boar. On his deathbed Ned helps him write his will.
A failed assassination attempt on Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) enrages Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) to move up the attack. King Robert dies and Queen Cersei attempts to rush Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) coronation as King. Ned is imprisoned but not before sending word to Robert’s brother that he is the rightful heir.
Double Trouble: Sahara Knite and Esmé Bianco’s long lesbo love scene will have you putting the white sauce on their fish filets!
Across the sea Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) places one of the three dragon eggs she received as a wedding present in the fire, then discovers she cannot be burned by it although a servant girl can. She later proves her pregnancy is blessed by successfully eating a raw horse’s heart. Suddenly those Lamaze classes don’t seem so bad! Her brother Viserys (Harry Lloyd) senses that her power is surpassing his own and tries to escape with her dragon eggs. Their advisor Jorah Mormont (James Cosmo) catches him in the act and forces him to leave the eggs in Daenerys’ tent.
Ned (Sean Bean) is still injured from his fight and the Queen wants him dead because his wife holds her brother hostage. He finally discovers the secret that got the previous Hand killed; all of King Robert’s bastard children have black hair, but Prince Joffrey is a blond, like his mother and her brother. Could his uncle also be his father?
Raunchy Ros (Esmé Bianco) heads to find her fortune at Kings Landing, but gives Theon (Alfie Allen) a final flash of her fire-crotch as she leaves. Best tail of two cities!
Angry at his exclusion, Viserys Targaryen demands a crown from the Dothraki or he will kill his sister’s baby. Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) complies with his wish by having him held down while molten gold is poured over his head, effectively killing him.
Lady Stark (Michelle Fairley) travels, with Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) as her prisoner, to the Eyrie to get the support of her sister Lady Arryn (Kate Dickie), wife of the previous King’s Hand. On the road they are attacked by the Hill tribes and Tyrion saves Catelyn’s life despite his status as her prisoner. Once they reach the castle, Catelyn realizes her husband’s death has driven her sister mad.
Ned’s ward Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) visits working girl Ros (Esme Bianco) for a bit of the old in-out. Ros displays her delicious Ds and slim trim after the joy ride. This randy redhead has everyone’s crotch on fire!
Ned (Sean Bean) finds out that the previous Hand was poisoned for asking too many questions. King Robert (Mark Addy) gets word that Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) is pregnant with Khal Drogo’s (Jason Momoa) child, making her assent to power secure. Robert wants her killed immediately, and since Ned disagrees he prepares to leave the castle. Ned is intercepted by Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and they fight until Ned is wounded by one of Jaime’s lackeys.
Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is learning that the “Night’s Watch” is not as noble a profession as he believed, since it is staffed almost entirely by criminals and is not fighting any real threats.
Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and Viserys Targaryen (Harry Lloyd) arrive at the Dothraki city of Vaes Dothrak. Daenerys has doubts that her childish, petty, and egomaniacal brother can lead the Dothraki in a war against King Robert, so she sends her handmaiden Doreah (Roxanne McKee) to soothe him with a slippery bathtime ride. The sight of her moist mounds appease him for a little while. Mr. Skin can’t say no to a nice sponge bath either!
In Kings Landing, Ned (Sean Bean) is dealing with the daily demands of the kingdom, and spending his free time researching the death of the King’s previous Hand.
Still on her way to warn her husband of the Queen’s treachery, Lady Stark (Michelle Fairley) comes across Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) in a roadside bar. With the help of loyal locals, she captures him as a traitor.
Breast of show: After seeing Roxanne McKee’s playful pair in the bath, water isn’t the only thing splashing!
The fall from the tower did not kill young Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright), a fact that miffs the Lannisters. Ned’s bastard son Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is heading to the Wall to join the “Night’s Watch”, since he feels he will never have a true place in the Stark family. Ned (Sean Bean) is also leaving to make the journey to Kings Landing, where he will become the King’s Hand. Alone at Winterfell, Catelyn (Michelle Fairley) stops an assassin who tries to kill the crippled Bran as he lies in bed. She is helped in her fight by Bran's pet direwolf, one of five that were adopted by the Stark children. The expensive knife the killer tried to use leads her to believe the Lannisters are behind the plot, and she rides out to warn her husband.
Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is making a difficult journey east with her new husband Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa). There is nothing difficult about watching Daenerys’s jugs jiggle as Khal Drogo does her in customary doggie style. Unhappy with her rough treatment, she gets some advice from her handmaiden Doreah (Roxanne McKee) on how to control a man. Daenerys tries it out the new way that night by taking a pony ride on top of Khal Drogo. Mr. Skin is happy with any way, as long as Daenerys’s dewy danglers are involved.
Ned’s daughter Sansa (Sophie Turner) is engaged to the heir to the throne Joffrey (Jack Gleeson). When the two come across her sister Arya (Maisie Williams) play fighting with a local boy, Joffrey cruelly cuts him with his real sword. Joffrey is allowed to do whatever he wishes with no consequences, as befits a spoiled brat of his station.
At the castle Winterfell, Lord Ned Stark (Sean Bean) is living a relatively simple life with his wife, Lady Catelyn (Michelle Fairley), and their 5 children. That all changes when they receive word that the Hand of the King, the King’s closest advisor, has been murdered. King Robert (Mark Addy) arrives with his wife, Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey), and family to ask Ned to become the new Hand and join families with the King. The Queen’s brother Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) wastes no time, heading to the local red-light for a roll in the hay with Ros (Esmé Bianco). Ros is wearing nothing but a smile and a belt, showing off bountiful boobs, buns and bush. Those turrets will have you charging!
Across the sea, Viserys Targaryen (Harry Lloyd) begins his plan to take back the crown he believes is rightfully his by marrying off his sister, Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke), to local warlord leader Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa). Viserys undresses Daenerys to skinspect her body for her upcoming marriage, revealing her creamy coconuts and can. This blushing bride will have you taking out your wedding tackle!
Daenerys and Khal Drogo are married and she receives a wedding gift of priceless petrified dragon eggs. They consummate their marriage on the cliffs with Daenerys's dainty dumplings front and center.
Back at Winterfell, Ned’s son, Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright), is climbing a tower on the castle grounds when he comes across Jamie Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) unsheathing his sword with his sister Queen Cersei. We get a quick look at the Queen’s trembling tush, unfortunately the work of a body double. Jaime decides to cover up their affair by throwing Bran off the tower.
With the bevy of bouncing beauties in this show, your sword is definitely going to need a polishing!
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