18 - The Prince of Winterfell - 05/20/2012

Theon’s (Alfie Allen) sister Yara (Gemma Whelan) arrives at the newly captured Winterfell and is not impressed by his decision to execute the Stark boys. Little does she know that the Stark boys were never captured and are presently hiding out in the castle’s crypts.

Over in Quarth, Jorah (Iain Glen) tries to convince Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) to leave the city for the relative safety of Astapor, but Dany is not going anywhere without her dragons.  She uses her feminine wiles to convince him to lead her to the House of the Undying, where her dragons are being held prisoner.

Meanwhile in King’s Landing, Cersei (Lena Headey) thinks she finally has one over on her brother, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), when she finds a whore that she believes he has feelings for. But when the woman is brought before them, it is Ros (Esmé Bianco) not Shae (Sibel Kekilli) that she is holding. Ros does not betray Tyrion’s true love, but tells him not to forget about her.

Robb Stark (Richard Madden) is dealing with the fallout of his mother releasing Jamie Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) to try and free her other children. Talisa (Oona Chaplin) takes his mind off his troubles by telling the story of how she became a doctor, then strips down so Robb can play doctor with her body.  Once you see those buns and two apples you won’t want to keep the doctor away either!

16 - The Old Gods And The New - 05/06/2012

In Qarth, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is trying to drum up support for her ascension to the Iron Throne, but the wealthy traders are reluctant to pool their resources on a young girl with no support. When she returns home from her rounds, she finds that her remaining followers have been slaughtered and her dragons have been stolen.

At King’s Landing, Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) continues to be a dainty despot but the villagers are fed up and as he passes through the town someone throws a handful of horse dung at his face. Joffrey immediately orders his soldiers to kill everyone present, but the angry mob outnumbers his guard and they are forced to retreat back inside the castle.

Theon (Alfie Allen) manages to storm Winterfell since all the Northern soldiers are away fighting in the war, and convinces Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) to declare him the new ruler. That night Osha (Natalia Tena) comes to Theon’s rooms and offers her body to him in exchange for her freedom. She strips off her robe to reveal her perky pair and wild-woman pelt, which easily convinces Theon to take her to bed. That night she manages to sneak Bran out of the city as Theon sleeps in the afterglow. That honeypot was worth it!

14 - Garden of Bones - 04/22/2012

Robb Stark (Richard Madden) is successfully fighting his way through the Westerlands with his direwolf leading every charge. After winning each battle against Lannister forces, Robb refuses to kill or torture the prisoners of war, instead bringing them along as his campaign continues.

The Lannister forces are not so noble with those they have captured, and Arya (Maisie Williams) and Gendry (Joe Dempsie) are being kept in a camp that daily tortures prisoners to death. Just as Gendry is picked to be killed, Lord Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) rides into camp and stops the killing since Gendry is a skilled blacksmith with useful talents. Tywin also notices Arya but does not recognize her as a Stark child, he only sees that she is cleverly disguised as a boy to travel safely. Impressed with her subterfuge he pulls her from the prisoner ranks to serve as his cupbearer.

Meanwhile at King’s Landing, Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) is grower crueler every day and has Sansa (Sophie Turner) beaten in front of the court in punishment for her brother’s war victories. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) sends two whores, Ros (Esmé Bianco) and Daisy (Maisie Dee), to Joffery’s chambers that night in an attempt to calm him down. Daisy strips completely nude and encourages the King to take grand glandular tour of her nubile form, but instead he orders Ros to beat Daisy savagely with a scepter. That’s not the kind of scepter beating we had in mind…

13 - What Is Dead May Never Die - 04/15/2012

Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is cementing his power as the King’s Hand by rooting out all the spies working in King’s Landing. After spreading a different rumor to each of Cersei's (Lena Headey) three counselors regarding his plans for Myrcella (Aimee Richardson), he discovers that Maester Pycelle (Julian Glover) is the one that has been ratting him out. It’s off to the dungeons for Pycelle, but he had a good final day since they capture him in bed with a beautiful young prostitute (Maisie Dee). Her funbags and fur are on full display as guards burst into the room and drag the old man off.

Robert Baratheon's youngest brother Renly (Gethin Anthony) has gone south to his own encampment after his brother’s death and is visited by Lady Stark (Michelle Fairley) who wants to join forces. But Renly thinks he still has some claim to the throne and is reluctant to leave his posh lifestyle. He has a new wife as well, Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer), the sister of his not so secret lover Loras (Finn Jones). Margaery knows where her husband’s affections lie, but also knows that a pregnancy would help cement his rise to power. And speaking of rising she takes off her top to seduce Renly, and if anything can convince a man to switch teams it’s those magnificent mams!

12 - The Night Lands - 04/08/2012

Arya (Maisie Williams) is still on her way to Winterfell with Gendry (Joe Dempsie), and Queen Cersei (Lena Headey) wants them both dead but doesn’t know that Arya is disguised as a boy. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) has returned to King’s Landing to serve as Hand to the King, and immediately shakes things up by replacing the commander of the City Watch.

Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) is preparing an attack to claim the throne with the help of his witch adviser, Melisandre (Carice van Houten). She’s also advising him that their power would be best combined physically, since she can bear him the son his wife cannot. Then she bares her body, which certainly seems fertile to us.

Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) is traveling to his homeland to get his father’s support, but he spankfully has some company on the ship in the form of the Captain’s daughter (Amy Dawson).  It's all hands on her deck as she says bone voyage to her clothes.

Ros (Esme Bianco) is still plying her wares as head prostitute in King's Landing, and we get a look at her terrific tush and left lobber as rides a lucky john while her boss peeks through the door. That ravishing redhead’s rackage is sure to have you peaking! But Ros is still upset over the murder of the Robert Baratheon’s illegitimate child in the brothel and Aremca (Sahara Knite) has to be called in to finish the job when Ros starts crying. You’ll be weeping with joy when you see Aremca’s furry full frontal flesh!

Season 1 Episode 10 - Fire and Blood - 06/19/2011

Ned’s death devastates his family, and they vow to kill all of their enemies without mercy. Spoiled Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) continues his reign of terror in the court, delivering unnecessarily cruel verdicts in every case that is brought before him. Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) sends Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) to the court to serve as the King’s Hand and try to reign in Joffrey’s bad decisions.

Everyone’s favorite redhead, Ros (Esmé Bianco), continues to destroy hearts (and pants) by showing her delicious muff and duff to the entire kingdom.  Her cupcakes and cherry are so sweet she’s lucky her latest old-man suitor didn’t have a heart attack. She can give Mr. Skin a stroke anytime!

Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) discovers the witch has betrayed her and sacrificed her unborn son to save Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa), who is alive but in a vegetative state. Daenerys suffocates Khal with a pillow to spare him the indignity of living. Then she has a massive funeral pyre built for Drogo, placing the old dragon eggs beside his body. The witch is also tied to a stake to be burned as punishment for his death. As the flames grow, Daenerys walks into the inferno to join her husband. Everyone thinks she is dead, but the next morning Jorah (James Cosmo) returns to the ashes and discovers Daenerys nude, unharmed, and holding three small dragons. That’ll get your eggs sunny side up!

Season 1 Episode 9 - Baelor - 06/12/2011

Ned (Sean Bean) is still imprisoned in the dungeon at King’s Landing, while his son Robb (Richard Madden) amasses an army to fight for his release.

Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) falls ill from an infected battle wound and Daenerys (Emilia Clarke), desperate to save his life, makes a deal with a witch to heal him.

At his father’s army camp, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) makes a connection with Shae (Sibel Kekilli), a hooker with a heart of gold. When he promises to take her to the capitol, Shae strips to show off her succulent suckers before mounting the titillated Tyrion.

Robb’s army sends a small distraction attack to Tywin's encampment, but the true bulk of his army fights against Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and captures him as prisoner. Knowing that his daughters Sansa and Arya are in danger in King’s Landing, Ned agrees to make a false confession that he is guilty of treason. Queen Cersei (Lena Headey) advises mercy for his crimes but Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) impulsively decides to have him executed, not considering any consequences. In a shocking twist, Ned is beheaded as a huge crowd, including his two daughters, watches.

Season 1 Episode 7 - You Win or You Die - 05/29/2011

Lord Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) begins raising an army to fight the Starks and free his son Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) from captivity. Ned (Sean Bean) confronts Queen Cersei (Lena Headey) about the true parentage of her son Joffrey and suggests she leave the castle before the King returns from hunting and learns the truth.

Ros (Esmé Bianco) has arrived at Kings Landing and is receiving training from brothel owner Littlefinger. Buy-sexual Ros show off her sapphic skills in a skintillating scene with a fellow lady of the evening (Sahara Knite). The lovely ladies reach clitical mass while showing off every inch in their bordello audition. They’re hired!

King Robert (Mark Addy) returns from the hunt critically wounded by a boar. On his deathbed Ned helps him write his will.

 A failed assassination attempt on Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) enrages Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) to move up the attack.  King Robert dies and Queen Cersei attempts to rush Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) coronation as King. Ned is imprisoned but not before sending word to Robert’s brother that he is the rightful heir.

Double Trouble: Sahara Knite and Esmé Bianco’s long lesbo love scene will have you putting the white sauce on their fish filets!

Season 1 Episode 6 - A Golden Crown - 05/22/2011

Across the sea Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) places one of the three dragon eggs she received as a wedding present in the fire, then discovers she cannot be burned by it although a servant girl can. She later proves her pregnancy is blessed by successfully eating a raw horse’s heart. Suddenly those Lamaze classes don’t seem so bad! Her brother Viserys (Harry Lloyd) senses that her power is surpassing his own and tries to escape with her dragon eggs. Their advisor Jorah Mormont (James Cosmo) catches him in the act and forces him to leave the eggs in Daenerys’ tent.

Ned (Sean Bean) is still injured from his fight and the Queen wants him dead because his wife holds her brother hostage. He finally discovers the secret that got the previous Hand killed; all of King Robert’s bastard children have black hair, but Prince Joffrey is a blond, like his mother and her brother. Could his uncle also be his father?

Raunchy Ros (Esmé Bianco) heads to find her fortune at Kings Landing, but gives Theon (Alfie Allen) a final flash of her fire-crotch as she leaves. Best tail of two cities!

Angry at his exclusion, Viserys Targaryen demands a crown from the Dothraki or he will kill his sister’s baby. Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) complies with his wish by having him held down while molten gold is poured over his head, effectively killing him.

Season 1 Episode 5 - The Wolf and the Lion - 05/15/2011

Lady Stark (Michelle Fairley) travels, with Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) as her prisoner, to the Eyrie to get the support of her sister Lady Arryn (Kate Dickie), wife of the previous King’s Hand. On the road they are attacked by the Hill tribes and Tyrion saves Catelyn’s life despite his status as her prisoner. Once they reach the castle, Catelyn realizes her husband’s death  has driven her sister mad.

Ned’s ward Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) visits working girl Ros (Esme Bianco) for a bit of the old in-out.  Ros displays her delicious Ds and slim trim after the joy ride. This randy redhead has everyone’s crotch on fire!

Ned (Sean Bean) finds out that the previous Hand was poisoned for asking too many questions. King Robert (Mark Addy) gets word that Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) is pregnant with Khal Drogo’s (Jason Momoa) child, making her assent to power secure. Robert wants her killed immediately, and since Ned disagrees he prepares to leave the castle. Ned is intercepted by Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and they fight until Ned is wounded by one of Jaime’s lackeys.

Season 1 Episode 4 - Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things - 05/08/2011

Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is learning that the “Night’s Watch” is not as noble a profession as he believed, since it is staffed almost entirely by criminals and is not fighting any real threats.

Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and Viserys Targaryen (Harry Lloyd) arrive at the Dothraki city of Vaes Dothrak. Daenerys has doubts that her childish, petty, and egomaniacal brother can lead the Dothraki in a war against King Robert, so she sends her handmaiden Doreah (Roxanne McKee) to soothe him with a slippery bathtime ride. The sight of her moist mounds appease him for a little while. Mr. Skin can’t say no to a nice sponge bath either!

In Kings Landing, Ned (Sean Bean) is dealing with the daily demands of the kingdom, and spending his free time researching the death of the King’s previous Hand.

Still on her way to warn her husband of the Queen’s treachery, Lady Stark (Michelle Fairley) comes across Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) in a roadside bar. With the help of loyal locals, she captures him as a traitor.

Breast of show: After seeing Roxanne McKee’s playful pair in the bath, water isn’t the only thing splashing!

Season 1 Episode 2 - The Kingsroad - 04/24/2011

The fall from the tower did not kill young Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright), a fact that miffs the Lannisters. Ned’s bastard son Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is heading to the Wall to join the “Night’s Watch”, since he feels he will never have a true place in the Stark family. Ned (Sean Bean) is also leaving to make the journey to Kings Landing, where he will become the King’s Hand. Alone at Winterfell, Catelyn (Michelle Fairley) stops an assassin who tries to kill the crippled Bran as he lies in bed. She is helped in her fight by Bran's pet direwolf, one of five that were adopted by the Stark children. The expensive knife the killer tried to use leads her to believe the Lannisters are behind the plot, and she rides out to warn her husband.

Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is making a difficult journey east with her new husband Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa). There is nothing difficult about watching Daenerys’s jugs jiggle as Khal Drogo does her in customary doggie style. Unhappy with her rough treatment, she gets some advice from her handmaiden Doreah (Roxanne McKee) on how to control a man. Daenerys tries it out the new way that night by taking a pony ride on top of Khal Drogo. Mr. Skin is happy with any way, as long as Daenerys’s dewy danglers are involved.

Ned’s daughter Sansa (Sophie Turner) is engaged to the heir to the throne Joffrey (Jack Gleeson). When the two come across her sister Arya (Maisie Williams) play fighting with a local boy, Joffrey cruelly cuts him with his real sword.  Joffrey is allowed to do whatever he wishes with no consequences, as befits a spoiled brat of his station.

Season 1 Episode 1 - Winter Is Coming - 04/17/2011

At the castle Winterfell, Lord Ned Stark (Sean Bean) is living a relatively simple life with his wife, Lady Catelyn (Michelle Fairley), and their 5 children. That all changes when they receive word that the Hand of the King, the King’s closest advisor, has been murdered. King Robert (Mark Addy) arrives with his wife, Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey), and family to ask Ned to become the new Hand and join families with the King. The Queen’s brother Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) wastes no time, heading to the local red-light for a roll in the hay with Ros (Esmé Bianco). Ros is wearing nothing but a smile and a belt, showing off bountiful boobs, buns and bush. Those turrets will have you charging!

Across the sea, Viserys Targaryen (Harry Lloyd) begins his plan to take back the crown he believes is rightfully his by marrying off his sister, Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke), to local warlord leader Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa). Viserys undresses Daenerys to skinspect her body for her upcoming marriage, revealing her creamy coconuts and can. This blushing bride will have you taking out your wedding tackle!

Daenerys and Khal Drogo are married and she receives a wedding gift of priceless petrified dragon eggs. They consummate their marriage on the cliffs with Daenerys's dainty dumplings front and center.

Back at Winterfell, Ned’s son, Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright), is climbing a tower on the castle grounds when he comes across Jamie Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) unsheathing his sword with his sister Queen Cersei. We get a quick look at the Queen’s trembling tush, unfortunately the work of a body double. Jaime decides to cover up their affair by throwing Bran off the tower.

With the bevy of bouncing beauties in this show, your sword is definitely going to need a polishing!