By Jasper Satchell
In an interview conducted by filmmaker and film historian Peter Bogdanovich, director Frank Tashlin once declared, "There's nothin' in the world to me more hysterical than a big-breasted woman!"
Tashlin backed up that opinion by directing ?-jugilicious '50s sexbomb Jayne Mansfield in her two biggest tits--uh, hits--The Girl Can't Help It (1956) and Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? (1957). Both films are uproariously funny and both are as bone-poppingly filthy, due to the bra-busting ultra-buxom beauty of Ms. Mansfield, as the '50s would allow.
We all like to laugh. And, as evidenced by the phenomenal popularity of MrSkin.com, a great deal of us enjoy looking at naked women in movies and on TV.
For me, the height of all kicks comes when the two are combined: the humorous and the hot.
The following is a round-up of gorgeous gals I've guffawed at and gotten off on at the same time.
Elizabeth Berkley (Picture:1 - 2)
Showgirls (1995)
Although technically not a comedy, one of the most endearing aspects of director Paul Verhoeven's ultimate skinematic masterwork Showgirls is its off-the-wall sense of humor, centered on the lunatic central performance of all-grown-up (and out of her clothes) Saved by the Bell star Elizabeth Berkley.
As psychotically ambitious Nomi Malone, a Las Vegas stripper with her eye on the lead role in a major casino revue, Elizabeth pummels her every second on screen. She frantically flails into every room, she roars her dialogue, she bugs her eyes damn near out of her skull during even the most casual exchange, she destroys property (including an innocent basket of French fries), she commits all manner of violence against friend and foe alike, and when it's time to fuck, she damn near causes a tidal wave.
Although Elizabeth is nude almost continuously throughout Showgirls and she performs in any number of way-over-the-top sex(y) scenes, her splashdown with Kyle MacLachlan in his amazingly tacky, neon-palm-tree-lined swimming pool at the one-hour-twenty-four-minute mark is in a classless class by itself.
Elizabeth does not just mount and gyrate upon MacLachlan as the two are partially submerged; she launches herself into an explosion of epileptic abandon. She kicks, she screams, she rolls her head like a Tilt-a-Whirl on warp-drive and Kyle has to hold on for dear life. The water splashes and crashes and cascades as though it is trying to leap from the pool in great gushes by itself to allow the couple more room.
All this leads to a bombastic climax from Elizabeth that New Yorker film critic David Denby has labeled, "the funniest of Hollywood orgasms." And The New Yorker was right. For once.
Kim Cattrall (Picture:1)
Porky's (1982)
In the realm of teen sex comedies, all previous locker-room romps led to Porky's and all subsequent excursions into naked high-school hijinks have emerged directly in its wake.
Not to take anything away from Porky's legendary, multi-muffed, full-frontal shower scene that features Kaki Hunter (Picture: 1) and a glorious gaggle of her completely bare friends (including one pretty great fat chick), but the biggest laugh in Porky's comes during Kim Cattrall's bottomless-only boink at the fifty-eight-minute mark. Cattrall plays a gym teacher's assistant with the curious nickname Lassie.
No one can quite piece together how she came into the moniker (she's certainly no dog) until things heat up between her and Coach Brakett (Boyd Gaines) in Angel Beach High's equipment room. The Coach lifts Lassie's skirt, revealing her awesome rump and lush rug and then, as they go at it, she erupts into an unstoppable series of hilarious howls that echo throughout basketball practice in the gym outside.
Uschi Digard (Picture:1 - 2)
The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)
The very-'70s midnight movie favorite The Kentucky Fried Movie was the debut kitchen-sink farce from the future creators of Airplane! (1980) and the Naked Gun movies. No ingredient in Kentucky Fried is more delectable--both comically and casaba-wise--than the sexploitation spoof "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble." At the nine-minute mark, ?-boobied drive-in superstar Uschi Digard squishes her beyond-double-D-cup dairy dirigibles against a steamy glass shower door and then gets them felt up by some lucky handler while the soundtrack plays squeaky-balloon effects. But you'll be the one who pops.
Sally Kellerman (Picture:1 - 2)
M*A*S*H (1970)
Although most of us tend to immediately think of Loretta Swit from the M*A*S*H TV series when the character name of Major Margaret "Hotlips" Houlihan comes up, Sally Kellerman originated the role in Robert Altman's smash big-screen black comedy. In addition, Sally pushed the part well past what network censors would allow.
As she showers during the movie's one-hour-twelve-minute mark, Hawkeye, Trapper John, and the other pranksters of the 4077 pull up chairs outside her tent. Major Houlihan doesn't know it, but a grand show is about to begin and she is its major attraction. On cue, a rope is pulled, the tent collapses, and Sally, covered by suds and absolutely nothing else, is exposed to the entire camp. To the crowd's booming applause, we see her torso torpedoes, her tail gun, and even a bit of her B*U*S*H!
Colleen Madden (Picture:1), Julia Montgomery (Picture: 1 - 2)
Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
"We've got bush!" So declares the understandably excited Booger (Curtis Armstrong) while watching a closed-circuit video feed from cameras hidden in the house of snooty sorority Pi Delta Pi. Booger and his outcast brothers are not merely spying on the sinister sisterhood that has humiliated them time and again in cinema's all-time jocks-vs.-dweebs comedy champ. They are collecting ammunition for a cataclysmic comeuppance.
Sure, it's Colleen Madden who exposes her short-and-curlies and prompts Booger's victory cry, but the big fish that the boys are after is head cheerleader Julia Montgomery. They ultimately take a photograph of her topless and replicate it at the bottom of hundreds of pie plates, which are then filled with yummy confections that they sell at the school fair. After a customer finishes his pie, he gets a tasty eyeful of Julia--a naked Pi! Truly, Revenge is sweet.
Virginia Madsen (Picture:1)
Class (1983)
The boarding-school bedroom farce Class was sold on the sex appeal of matronly vixen Jacqueline Bisset (Picture: 1), who plays the mother of Rob Lowe's preppy student character and has an affair with her son's roommate (Andrew McCarthy).
Bisset, to be sure, is Mrs. Robinson and then some when it comes to carnal allure--you may wonder not only why Lowe is so upset when he finds out that McCarthy is banging his mom, but why he didn't attempt it at least once himself. Typical teen-comedy gags pepper Class's central story with some solid titters, but its Hall of Fame revelation occurs twenty-one minutes in.
The boys meet for a stodgy afternoon tea with some school officials. Serving drinks and refreshments is a young, bodaciously busty Virginia Madsen. As everyone tries to maintain an air of desperate dignity, McCarthy trips, igniting a slapstick chain of furniture-smashing events that culminates in Virginia's blouse being torn open. Her magnificent, massive right mammary stunningly bursts into view and she leaves it exposed for a moment, unaware of the situation. Now that's Class!
Linda Speciale (Picture:1 - 2)
Screwballs (1983)
The maddest of madcap teen sex comedies is also one of the sexiest (and, therefore, most teen-like too). Screwballs is an impossibly off-the-wall ripsnorter from its first scene, wherein a pair of passing lovelies gets poked in the privates by a giant swinging frankfurter (complete with squishy sound effects), to its mam-nificent closing moments.
The story focuses on a battalion of high-school horndogs who wage a single-minded campaign: to expose the breasts of class president Purity Busch (Linda Speciale). Along the way one of the dudes cross-dresses so he can give free breast exams (Picture: 1), Russ Meyer glamazon Raven De La Croix (Picture: 1) peels down in a strip club, a series of bikini tops gets popped off during some poolside shenanigans, and Linda Shayne (Picture: 1) smooshes her boobies against the back window of a van as she does the dirty at a drive-in.
For the movie's parting shot, the sought-after Purity Busch sings a patriotic song during a school assembly and special magnets that our heroes have set up tear her dress off. Her delicious dairy wagons pop out just before the credits roll. It really is something(s) Speciale!
Mary Louise Weller (Picture:1)
Animal House (1978)
National Lampoon's Animal House is a masterpiece of comedic filmmaking, a geyser of brilliant contributions, from its screenplay (by Harold Ramis, Chris Miller, and Doug Kenney) to its energetic direction (via John Landis, fresh off of The Kentucky Fried Movie) to its electrifying young cast, led, of course, by John Belushi.
For all its rightfully touted dialogue and unforgettable performances, though, a major appeal of Animal House's enduring impact is that it made all our dreams come true--at least up there on the screen.
Who hasn't wanted to sock it to the snobs, pull off major chaos-igniting scams, live free from any intrusion from so-called polite society, and also have sex with the college dean's and/or the local mayor's daughter? You have. I have. We all have. And perhaps nowhere else in Animal House is this wish fulfillment more engagingly demonstrated than at the thirty-nine-minute mark when Belushi, acting as our surrogate, climbs a ladder and spies in on the happenings over at the stuck-up sorority house.
First he witnesses a comically erotic all-girl pillow fight. Then he literally hops a few windows over and gets a full-on gander at Mandy Pepperidge (sumptuous strawberry blonde Mary Louise Weller) undressing.
So overwhelmed is Belushi by his good fortune that he turns to us, the audience, and smiles in triumph so that we share his satisfaction. He turns back just as Mandy begins to give herself a bit of a handy, and it's too much. Belushi is overwhelmed and falls straight backward, crashing into the ground with a thud. We know how he feels.
