Welcome back, my friends, to Castle Rackula.
I was very excited this week to see that the stalwart Mark Johnston of Shocking Videos is back online and open for business.
Tons of out-of-print movies are available through Mark’s website and I’ve picked out five of the scariest and sleaziest to recommend.
So move that old skeleton, sit back on that overstuffed velvet armchair, and relax as I pontificate on some fright flicks to thicken your blood and stiffen your wood!
The Sinful Dwarf (1973)
I’ve been watching movies since Eadweard Muybridge started showing full-frontal nudity on his Zoopraxiscope, and I can tell you that there has never, in history, been another movie like The Sinful Dwarf. The plot centers on Olaf (Torben Bille), the diminutive menace of the title, who lures virginal nubiles to his dank lair where he addicts them to heroin and keeps them chained up (naked, naturally) before he sells them into slavery. Blonde bird Anne Sparrow shows off her rack and rug, and we get to see every inch of the girls chained in the cellar. Repeatedly. Trust me, The Sinful Dwarf will awaken the giant in you pants!
Killer’s Moon (1978)
A true masterpiece of sleazy, psychedelic horror, Killer’s Moon opens with a buxom British babe baring her bazooms in a tent with her boyfriend, unaware that drug-addled homicidal mental patients are wandering around outside looking for someone to dismember. It turns out that these four psychopaths have been so damaged by LSD therapy that, when they come upon a busload of stranded schoolgirls, the wackos think they’re still dreaming, which gives them carte blanche to go berserk. This Moon will have you making your own cream cheese!
Island of Death (1975)
Take it from a bloodsucker, this one is not for the faint of heart. One of the most notorious grindhouse movies of all time, Island of Death (a.k.a. Island of Perversion) embraces every perversion of the Sadean zodiac from lesbianism to murder to golden showers. Also, there are almost non-stop tits, ass, and bush from Eurosleaze sirens Jane Lyle and Jessica Dublin, all set on an idyllic Greek island and accompanied by bongos. You’ll be banging your bongo, too.
Black Candles (1982)
Dark, brooding, atmospheric, and undeniably erotic, Black Candles had to be good. It was directed by Jos Ramn Larraz, the man behind the genre classic Vampyres. The story concerns a woman (Vanessa Hidalgo) who goes with her boyfriend to stay with her sister-in-law (Helga Lin) after her brother’s mysterious death. Soon the pair are drawn into a kinky Satanic cult that promotes lesbianism and anal sex. Those are the kind of religious values Count Rackula can get behind!
As I’ve said, all these movies can be found on Mark’s website, Shocking Videos, so find them and enjoy. But now the sun is rising and I have to go to bed and send these escorts from Mam-sylvanian Models, Inc. home before they freak out and call the cops. I need another lawsuit like I need a stake through the heart. Until next time, fangs for the mammaries!
