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“That’s right, it’s GOLF DAY!” declares a headline for a leading holiday site. “Heralding the beginning of the more golfer-friendly part of the year, the worldwide celebration’s origin is shrouded in the myth and legend of the sport. Most believe it began in 1916, when the first professional golf tournament was held on May 18th.” Others claim that the first steel shaft was allowed on a golf club in championship play on this day.

No sport lends itself to as many double meanings as this venerable pastime—so you’ll need to avoid the traps as Sleuth has been driven to present the best Tee A links he thinks will strike your fancy.

The game dates back to the 15th Century in Scotland, before being banned by King James II in 1452 because it was distracting his army from archery practice. The sport really took off in the United States in 1922, when Walter Hagen became the first American to win the British Open—and national pride resulted in 1,100 golf clubs being built within the next decade.

These leggy ladies cooled off on a hot July day in Washington, DC with a match on the Mall…though, in the words of Wikipedia: “The expansion of the game was halted by the Great Depression and World War II, but continued to grow in the post war years.

“Everyone who has heard of Golf has no doubt heard of the various types of clubs,” notes a historian, “even if only in old cartoons or in off-color jokes.” And as the sport became more popular, its portrayals became more suggestive—note the erotic evolution from the 1930s magazine art (above left) to the Forties cartoon (above right). Witty words were introduced in mutoscope cards sold at amusement park arcades in the ’50s (below left), which became the ‘dirty postcards’ of the swinging Sixties (below right).

An actual official explanation of golf’s equipment reads like one big penis joke: “There are three basic types of clubs, the first being those known as ‘woods,’ which have long shafts and large heads. The next group are known as ‘irons,’ being a type of club with a short shaft and a rigid head of metal.

“The last type is called the ‘putter’—designed to stroke the ball across the green into the much coveted hole.” 25-year-old Maine model Carmen Kelly—known online as ‘Craving Carmen’—makes a putter flutter by playing a•round with a Tee in She!

It’s truly amazing how many phrases regularly uttered on the links sound lascivious and lurid. Here are a few favorites of the Sleuth: “You need to adjust your grip”… “Try choking down on the shaft.”

Or how about: “It bends a little to the left” and “Keep your head down.”

“We have a threesome, care to join us?” is heard as a matter of course around the clubhouse … with the willing partner constantly being asked, “How many strokes was that?

No doubt your swing coach will suggest you try “rotating your hips” (below left) … or “spread your legs a little more.”

Whether you like it rough or are into the water sports—doesn’t every club supply a ball washer?—you’ll eventually reach the carefully manicuredarea … and pull out your trusty putter to chants of “Get in the hole! In the hole!”

If you get near the front lip, you might be able to boast to your buddies …

As if you could “easily make this one.”

And if it’s looking good and you’re really close …

... You might even “get a Mulligan!”

Carey-ing on ... the highly respected magazine Golf for Women began compiling an annual list of the “Top 25 Celebrity Golfers” while noting “an upswing in the number of famous women taking up the sport.” Explained its editor: “More women are being drawn to the game and this is also true of celebrity women. Golf is expanding rapidly. It is becoming much more sexy and hip with the demographics and clothes changing.”

So, rather than stick our head in the sand, let’s stay the course with some of the game's hottest hitters as they change clothes:

KATE UPTON – Near the ‘top’ of Golf for Women’s list, the busty blonde has a “model swing” honed by none other than Arnold Palmer! "I'm hooked on golf," she gushes.

CATHERINE ZETA-JONES – First on nearly every ranking of celebrity female golfers, the Wales wonder says she’s addicted to the sport and that if hubby Michael Douglas “ducks a shot he has to drop his pants. There has been an issue with paparazzi so I make him go into the bushes. A deal is a deal.” Conversely, we know she’d never ‘Welsh’ on a bet.

KIRSTY GALLACHER – Dishy daughter of former Ryder Cup Captain Bernard Gallacher, the Scottish stunner is TV’s top golf presenter in the UK and has a handicap of just 15.

“I’m really good at getting myself out of trouble,” Kirsty claims is her greatest strength on the course. “Even if I’m in the thick grass or I’ve got a horrible lie, I’m normally able to get my ball back in play. I’m also quite a good putter.”

JESSICA ALBA – Considered one of the best American woman golfers, she played a round with pro John Daly in Oct. 2014, has a handicap of 22 and “can drive the ball well over 200 yards.” Sheerly more than the length or your average red carpet.

PAULINA GRETZKY – Her hockey legend dad Wayne and actress mom Janet Jones “are avid golfers,” and the May 2014 Golf Digest cover girl remains engaged to the father of her son, top pro Dustin Johnson, despite his suspension for cocaine and “sexual indiscretion with at least one wife of a PGA Tour player.” Shouldn't Paulina make him "toe" the line?

EVA LONGORIA – The former Desperate Housewife hosts her own charity golf tournament in Spain every year, before nipping back to the States. Got wood yet, Tiger?

KENDRA WILKINSON – When model Liz Dickson sued Playboy for $38 million due to injuries suffered in a golf stunt, former Hef Honey Kendra huffed: “That’s her fault. Only a moron would use her ass as a golf tee!” Butt it doesn't hurt to shoot for the moon.

KENDALL JENNER – Mom Kris tried to fix her up with Masters champ Jordan Spieth in 2013, but he declined because he didn’t have “the slightest clue” who the Jenners were. He does now…and it’s transparently clear that she’s got game!

MARILYN MONROE – After WWII, golf got its biggest boost among the Hollywood set when (who else?) Marilyn was often seen hitting the links—even after “severely spraining her left ankle” (note the cast above) while filming River of No Return in Canada in 1953.

The starlet had taken up the sport in 1950 (above left)—it made for great publicity pix—and later took lessons from fiancé Joe DiMaggio to hone her game. She hardly needed to hone her frame (above right).

JEANNE CARMEN – Without doubt the most skilled actress golfer of all time was Marilyn’s future roommate and confidante, Jeanne. When the aspiring model answered an ad to sell a new line of ladies’ golf wear, she became the apprentice to famed trick shot artist Jack Redmond, and boasted: “After 6 months I was able to hit the flag pole 100 yards away on one out of three swings.” She also became adept at hitting golf balls out of guys’ mouths (above left) and even a full bowl of potato crisps (now that’s a chip shot, above right)!

Jeanne began earning big bucks hustling Hollywood hotshots at the top golf clubs and revealed to the Sleuth that she “soon found myself a frequent partner in foursomes.” And, she confided, once a partner in a threesome with roomie Marilyn and then-Democratic nominee John F. Kennedy at Peter Lawford’s beach house in 1960! Carmen even teed off in the buff at the elite Riviera Club in Beverly Hills (below right). And aced it!

So here’s hoping you score on GOLF DAY … Just think of all of the above as fore play.

The END.