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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

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Almost thirty years after Tobe Hooper gave midnight moviegoers a reason to fear power tools, director Marcus Nispel helps a brand new generation of splatter-happy horror fans get their grisly kicks with his remake, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003). Hewing closely to Hooper’s blueprint, though with even more explicit gore and gristle, the film begins as a cargo van full of carefree teens makes its way down a deserted Texas highway after buying bud to take to a Lynrd Skynrd concert. They end up picking up a hitchhiker (Lauren German) who blows her brains out right in front of them while babbling incoherently about unspeakable horrors. Unsure of what to do, the friends seek help at a rural farmhouse, where they’re introduced to a family of chainsaw-wielding freaks with a fondness for feasting on screaming teens. That might sound like a nearly shot for shot remake of the original, but this one branched out in a few ways: family names were changed, the gore got ramped up, newsreel footage was interspersed throughout, and some of the most heinous and horrible killers came from the fairer sex. But Nispel’s cleverest improvement was to pretty-up the cast! Jessica Biel plays Erin, a cowboy hat wearing cutie looking for a good time with her goofily named boyfriend Kemper (Eric Balfour). Leatherface (Andrew Bryniarski) has always loved a pretty face and a perky pair, so soon enough he's got Jessica hanging on a meat hook. But before that, she's bending over and flashing some buttcrack while trying to help a man get back on his feet. He sneaks a squeeze as she's hoisting, since the buns of Miss Biel are more than worth a feel! That'll have you yanking your chain! There's nothing like a reboot that adds some booty, which is why Mr. Skin loves The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!