The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour

Way back in 2004, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey were America's greatest heroes. Their multi-platinum marriage gave us hope; their dazzlingly white smiles lit the way through dark and troubled times. It had been many decades since Sonny had lost his Cher, and without them, America had lost its way. And then along came The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour, and everything was okay. Nick had Jessica, and Jessica had Nick, and they both had lots of comic skits. Guest stars stopped by to sing duets; Jess's dress barely covered her sweater pets. They were madly in love, and America believed again, buoyed by the buoyancy of Jessica's cans. And then they got divorced.