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“She was loved by the world (above) and she will be missed profoundly,” read the family announcement that Carrie Fisher had died yesterday.
Sleuth had been preparing a more hopeful tribute upon first hearing of her “massive heart attack” just 15 minutes before her plane from London landed in L.A. last Friday.
Yet knowing the irreverent icon, Fisher wouldn’t want us to cut bait … because of her fate.
Rather than the usual asides and double meanings, however, we’ll show our respect by relying on Carrie’s words and wit.
Such as what she had to say just last month: “I was born famous. Perpetual celebrity—the kind where any mention of you will interest a significant percentage of the public until the day you die, even if that day comes decades after your last real contribution to the culture—is exceedingly rare, reserved for the likes of Muhammad Ali.”
Who, alas, also left us in this unspeakably mortal year.
Naturally, what now passes for messages of mourning poured in—with the usual flood of tweets seemingly more for the image of the sender than an homage to the deceased. Star Wars twin brother Mark Hamill, for instance, probably meant well by tweeting, “No words” … undercut immediately by two other tweets and a lengthy lament on Facebook. Couldn’t they phone her family instead?
Worst of all was pastry giant Cinnabon, which issued a half-baked promotion that appeared to capitalized on the actress’ death: “R.I.P. Carrie Fisher, you’ll always have the best buns in the galaxy.”
The company deleted its post within hours after complaints of bad taste.
So did comedian Steve Martin, who made the mistake of praising Fisher’s looks before her smarts … and similarly got trolled into taking down his tribute {despite over six thousand “likes”}.
But the most heartfelt tweet … and most in keeping with spirit of the departed … came from actress AnnaKendrick—often named since 2010 as the “perfect choice” if Princess Leia were ever to be recast …
… and whose funny, feisty form fronted November 2015’s trailer for the Star Wars Battlefront video game.
Self-proclaimed sci-fi ‘nerd’ Anna (below left) anticipated the feelings of fans throughout the galaxy with this profane post (below right):
And speaking of the F word—no, not the ‘Force’—Carrie used a line from a lusty liaison with first husband, singer Paul Simon, for the title of her bawdy 1990 memoir Surrender the Pink—promoting it with her skirt riding up nearly enough to prove her mocking of the macho premise, “They’re all pink on the inside.”
“The meaning of the title is pornographic,” Fisher explained at the time, “but I’m using it metaphorically.” She implied that Rhymin’ Simon once “jumped on me in my hotel room, saying: ‘Okay baby, spread ’em. Surrender the pink.’”
Onscreen lover Harrison Ford was evidently far more gallant during their lusty affair when first filming Star Wars in 1976—revealed just last month when the prolific Princess published her seventh book, a follow-up to the clever Wishful Drinking (below left) titled The Princess Diarist (below right).
“It’s been 40 years!” Carrie confided to People magazine about revealing the romance. “I think I waited an appropriate amount of time”—eerily adding, just 41 days before her death, “How much longer could I wait?”
After celebrating Star Wars director George Lucas’ 32nd birthday,” Fisher wrote, she and Ford headed back to her place: “In the taxi, Harrison pulled me back into the seat, moving us closer and closer together until we were two faces, four eyes, one kiss, going to the place where we could rehearse that kissing we would be doing a year and a half later in The Empire Strikes Back.”
After making out in the cab, “I invited him in and things moved closely.” Is that a blaster pistol in his pocket or was he just happy to seed her? (below left).
“It was so intense,” she said of their amorous affair. “It was a three-month, one-night stand” {the look of love … and lust, above right}.
“Why all the fuss about Carrie’s admitting she had an affair with Harrison Ford?” tweeted her equally erudite mom Debbie Reynolds—whose husband Eddie Fisher famously left her for Liz Taylor when Carrie was two.
“I have to admit I slept with her father!”
Equally snide was proud Princess Leia when Han Solo first puts the moves on her in The Empire Strikes Back: “I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee,” she snarls.
“I can arrange that,” Captain Solo shoots back. “You could use a good kiss.”
And Chewbacca the Wookiee could use a fine feel:
This publicity-seeking Storm Trooper did him one better ... slyly lending a hand to Fisher’s netherland.
Though leave it to our brainy and bawdy brunette to foretell her fantasy of how the series should be filmed: “Nude scenes with robots! They could do anything (below left).
“And Darth Vader having an affair, making the princess do awful, kinky things!” {why it takes your breath away!, above right}.
Though not all that big of a stretch … since the name Leia Organa was actually an ‘in’ joke Lucas reference to “organic lay.”
Which brings us to the real reason why Sleuth proceeded with this post: To honor Carrie’s last wish that younger fans know “I wasn’t always a somewhat-overweight woman without an upper lip to her name. I was once a relevant piece of ass who barely knew she existed while much of the rest of the movie-going world saw me romping through the air in a metal bikini.” So, from here on, let’s celebrate that …
… coming up in Part Two.
