La pirate (1984)

Before Disney flooded screens with its Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, global audiences were swashing their buckles to La pirate (1984). Also known as The Pirate, Jacques Doillon’s foreign flick is one of those French avant garde films that make no sense. Or course, this doesn’t mean it’s bad. How can a movie that exposes every naked inch of skin on Jane Birkin and Maruschka Detmers be anything less than sextacular? So tilt your beret at a rakish angle and grab hold of your baguette as you take in this pic’s skinternational mise en scène. When sexy ex-lovers Alma (Birkin) and Carole (Detmers) are reunited, they shed their collective threads for some bedroom calisthenics. In fact, lucky Jane gets to bury her mug in Maruschka’s mega-pointy pair just 24 minutes into the movie. If that’s not erotic enough, Ms. Detmers reveals her rack, rump and super fluffy muff as she and Ms. Birkin lock lips and hips via their lezbo clinch at the 36-minute mark. Did we mention that Jane shows off her three Bs? She does if you count her bare breasts, butt and — Birkin bag! Too bad her character’s husband comes in and puts an end to the onscreen lez-a-thon. Despite its title, La pirate isn’t a costume drama set on the high seas. Nevertheless, we get to enjoy the treasure chest and pirate’s booty on each of the leading ladies during their various sex scenes. In other words, these naked babes put the motion into this motion picture!