The Scooper: No Pooper in ‘Cooper’

All the skin-fans hoping against hope and in the face of’s vast collective experience that all the recent talk about seeing Hayden Panettiere nude in I Love You Beth Cooper was going to amount to anything more than so many cubic feet of hot air can finally give it up.

There is no nudity in I Love You Beth Cooper.

On a brighter note, people who want to hear more swearing can still hold out for the unrated DVD release, which promises to have more colorful dialogue than Goodfellas and Scarface put together, but none of the nudity.

But the guy on IMDb who wrote “I've seen it. It's a full ass shot. You can even see a little of her B-Hole. It was quite shocking,” is so far outside the bounds of sanity that no amount of proof could convince him otherwise.

Obviously, this young man had his head pointed towards the open door of a women’s restroom and mistakenly believed he was still watching the movie.

Shit happens. But not to Mr Skin.

For those who had any hope of seeing Hayden Panettiere’s derriere, it’s time for some rigorous self-appraisal.

Ask yourself, “How many more times will I be sucked in (not on) by the Hollywood dream-makers with their empty promises? How many more heart-breaking disappointments will I run into head-on with the brake lines cut and the car insurance lapsed? How many more Hayden Panettieres will crush my hopes like an Oreo under a pogo stick?”

The answer is: As many more times as you choose to listen to the cacophony of the Internet instead of the calm, self-assured voice of Mr Skin, the world’s foremost expert on celebrity nudity.

Pull yourself together and follow him now on Twitter.