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We left you—as she left us—with Carrie Fisher feeling that she needed to remind everyone that “I was once a relevant piece of ass who barely knew she existed while much of the movie-going world saw me romping through the air in a metal bikini.” So that’s what we’re here to do …

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“For Star Wars, they had me tape down my breasts,” the actress revealed, “because there are no breasts in space. Camera tape, gaffer tape.” Com•pair her first publicity shot with the later approved one … and you’ll see that gaffer is no laugher:

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“Fisher’s bust size was 32DD (or a 36C cup), which is well on display in the pictures of her rocking the Return of the Jedi costume without the gaffer tape holding the intergalactic mammaries down,” complained JoBlo.com. “So while folks bitch about director George Lucas tinkering with his films and all the prequels, I’m going to bitch about him robbing me of Princess Leia’s ample bosoms in that Slave Leia bikini!”  

“This was no bikini,” Carrie made clear. “It was metal. It didn’t go where you went. After shots the prop man who have to check me. He’d say, ‘Okay, tits are fine, let’s go. So I started checking for any bounce or slip after takes. Then it was, ‘CUT. Hey, how they doin’? The hooters in place? Tits all right?’ I was embarrassed at first with 100 guys going crazy over my revealed self.”  

But before that, it was just one guy who embarrassed her: “Remember that white dress I wore all through that first film?” Carrie confided. “George Lucas came up to me the first day of filming, took one look at the dress and said, ‘You can’t wear a bra under that.’ ‘OK, I’ll bite,’ I said. ‘Why?’ And he said, ‘Because … there’s no underwear in space.’”

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“He said it with such conviction,” Carrie continued. “Like he had been to space and looked around and he didn’t see any bras or panties anywhere.”

She consented, but later revealed he didn’t want it too revealing: “We’ve all heard the story of how George Lucas had Carrie Fisher’s nipples taped over in A New Hope {the official title of the first film} to conceal any ‘perkiness’ that may arise, especially when she’s wearing that long white dress,” JoBlo notes. “Lucas famously told Fisher that ‘there’s no underwear in space,’ but apparently that’s because there’s also ‘no nipples in PG movies.’” Yet Hope springs eternal:  

“No breasts bounce in space, no jiggling in the Empire,” Carrie snickered in a new Lucas biography. “Producer Gary Kurtz had to tell me that. George didn’t have the nerve.”  

But he did have the courage to acquaint the actress with the dangers of lighter-than-air lingerie: “He explained to me, ‘You go into space and you become weightless. Then your body expands but your bra doesn’t, so you get strangled by your own underwear.’”  

“I think that would make for a fantastic obituary,” Fisher foreshadowed in a 2008 article. “I tell my younger friends that no matter how I go, I want it reported that I drowned in the moonlight, strangled by my own bra.”  

So let’s honor her wishes:

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“Fisher originally wanted to wear a bra under her costumes,” reports FactFiend.com, “but was convinced by director Lucas that wouldn’t be authentic. The actress begrudgingly agreed, and for the entire original trilogy, let the girls do their own thing, only using a small amount of tape to keep them in place so as to not earn an R rating if she turned around too quickly.  

“For the most part, while Fisher’s lack of a bra went mostly unnoticed by the cinema-going public, the cast and crew never fucking let it go,” according to Fact Fiend. “Hell, there’s even a scene in Return of the Jedi where you can clearly see Harrison Ford grope Fisher’s chest while she’s pretending to be passed out.”

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There’s even a tape—not gaffer’s—to capture the gaffe:  

 

“At the end of every day of shooting,” an insider reveals, “Carrie’s boob tape needed to be removed, a time which quickly became the crew’s favorite part of the day. This prompted Fisher to suggest she auction off the right to do it to whoever flashed enough cash to make it happen, a suggestion that went over way better than she’d thought.

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“Seeing that the entire crew was insanely dedicated to seeing her sweater kittens and not really all that on board with the idea of weird, musky guys cupping her norks every day, Fisher walked into a nearby office and photocopied her lady lumps. She then handed out the copies to random members of the crew, cuz 70’s era Carrie Fisher didn’t give a fuck.”  

Though she was taken aback by the way the white dress took on epic proportions: “It made me laugh so much the way they portrayed me in the foreign movie posters,” she chuckled. “There’s someone with giant hooters and a lot of leg and it doesn’t look like me at all. The Italian poster (below left) had this buxom, leggy person. Me, I’m 5’1” and my legs end almost right after they start.”

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Her gams were even longer in Japan (above right)—where mams aren’t as prized … but still oversized!  

“Let’s not forget that these movies are basically boys’ fantasies,” Carrie sighed to Rolling Stone in 1983 after filming Return of the Jedi and its slave scene. “So one way they made her more female in this one was to have her take off her clothes.”  

Which helped while shooting in the desert heat of Yuma, Arizona: “It was funny at first. My stand-in {Tracey Eddon} and I, the only girls on the set, both wore the {metal bikini} outfits, and everyone else was dying! We would sunbathe and they would get angry, because we weren’t supposed to be tan, but we always had fun. We did it sometimes just to be horrible to the crew”—but at least they got to view the two!

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As did her only child, actress Billie Lourd, at the aptly named SAG Awards in 2015.

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“I am not Princess Leia’s daughter,” Billie made clear—also clear from her much more modest chest (above right).  

Fisher had a three-year relationship with Billie’s father, famed talent agent Bryan Lourd … who later left her for a man! “I turn people gay,” Carrie quipped in 2012. “That’s what I do. It is an unusual superpower.”

She also had the power to entrance everyone with her cleavage. “When Leia is choking Jabba the Hutt with a chain in Return of the Jedi,” noticed The Slip-Up Archive, “she jumps off the platform and both her boobs fall out. You can only see this in freeze-frame as she begins to straighten up.”

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“Actually,” added a set insider, “the actor who played bounty hunter Boba Fett {Jeremy Bulloch} went up to Carrie Fisher and told her that everyone standing behind and to the side of her could see down her slave garb!”  

Everyone could see a lot more when the never-ending Star Wars merchandise added a Leia XXX doll to mark the second and third films in the original trilogy.

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“I don’t know what to do with it,” Carrie complained. “I give them away at Halloween.”  

“What I didn’t realize,” she concluded recently, “back when I was this twenty-five-year-old pinup for geeks in that me myself and iconic metal bikini (below left), was that I had signed an invisible contract to stay looking the exact same way for the next thirty to forty years. Well, clearly I’ve broken that contract.” And clearly her level of concern was in the single digits

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Sleuth prefers double digits … so he’s counting down the Top 10 Exposures of comely Carrie to fulfill her final wish to be remembered as “a relevant piece of ass.”               Mission accomplished, General Organa ...

 

10.

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Asked about “growing up with prominent breasts,” Carrie was coy. “Breasts? Mine? I don’t even think about myself like that. In Shampoo (1975), it’s true. She has a point (above).    

 

  9.

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“It was painful to do and I don’t like it,” the feisty feminist felt about this chilly lingerie scene in 1981’s Under the Rainbow. When an interviewer mentioned the film “was a critical and commercial flop,” she said: “Well, it deserved worse. In those days, I was high, so that accounts for some of it [laughs]. I actually got a lot of my acid [LSD] from one of the midgets on the movie. When they said ‘Stand by,’” the 5-foot-1 Fisher chuckles, “we'd all say, ‘We are standing!’ That was probably the height of my drug days, which is perfect.”    

 

  8.

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“He loved her, with a desperation that could frighten him,” a new biography of singer Paul Simon says of his 12-year relationship {and year-long marriage} to drug-crazed Carrie. “They clung to each other with a passion that could both soothe and abrade.” And pint-sized Paul clung to Carrie’s hand as she sheerly led him astray (above).    

 

  7.

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“Actually, my mother is more famous for her breasts than I could ever be for mine,” Fisher felt about sweater girl Debbie Reynolds (above left). “Groucho Marx, in front of Nate ’n’ Al’s deli, once told me she had a great chest. He was going to visit her in the hospital to see if they were real.”

Alas, she barely made it to the hospital before—unbelievably—succumbing to a stroke yesterday afternoon, the day after her daughter died. Her last words reportedly were: “I miss her so much. I want to be with Carrie.”

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The latest, and perhaps most literal, example of “dying of a broken heart.”  

Two years earlier, ‘girl next door’ Debbie declared: “Walking around practically naked is ‘not sexy.’ Peek-a-boo is sexy but not all these slashed-to-the-navel dresses worn with your breasts hanging out—and I mean hanging, because not everyone has round breasts.” Not like hers

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“I was always little,” the 5-foot-2 Reynolds reflected, “but my mother had big boobs and a divine, voluptuous figure.” Like Debbie’s daughter … especially before “having my breasts taped” down for Star Wars (inset).

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“I love my children more than life itself,” Reynolds wrote in 1988. Sadly, she’s been true to her words.    

 

  6.

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“Ladies, less is more,” Debbie advised women about breast quality and concealment … but one could more or less make out most of her daughter’s dark nipples during the latter’s ‘sweater girl’ phase.    

 

  5.

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“So I have some,” Carrie conceded about her breasts. “I have two.” And one was totally visible while the horny housewife crawled on all fours to seduce pizza delivery boy Patrick Dempsey in the 1989 film Loverboy.    

 

  4.

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Laughing at her lifelong mental health problems, the actress admitted: “I’m fine, but I’m bipolar. I’m never quite allowed to be free of that for a day.” But, like in the role that made her famous, Fisher was often free of a Brassiere—though rarely a Bacardi—at parties and in public. “As you may have noticed about me, yes, I have big tits, but I’m also mentally ill,” she quipped at a Comedy Central roast in 2012.    

 

  3.

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“There really hasn’t been one,” Carrie conceded when asked about ‘the great love’ of her life. “Not really”—though recently her French bulldog Gary Fisher was surely the closest thing. Stooping to slobber with him at The Force Awakens premiere after-party (above) almost exactly a year before her death, the pup later stole the show on the red carpet of the 2016 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. “He’s changed,” Fisher said of Gary’s attitude toward all the attention. “It’s gone straight to his tail.”  

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“So here I am, looking in the mirror at my tits,” Carrie blogged after becoming a spokeswoman for the Jenny Craig weight loss program. “Which mind you were once somewhat covered by the metal bikini, yet now are going on the size of a couple of planets. Seriously, they had to extend the alphabet to establish my bra size.”  

Yet it took her beloved bulldog just exactly the requisite 26 letters to express his sorrow over our loss:

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  2.

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“I wish I had known I was a sex symbol,” the actress admitted last winter. “That’s so odd, because I don’t look at myself even remotely that way.” Back in the day—in a galaxy far, far away—everyone else did. The famed Jedi slave costume (above, complete with nip slip}, “I despised most of all,” she sighed.  

“When I laid down, the metal bikini stayed up. So Boba Fett could see all the way to Florida.” Even to where she kept her Tampa

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Hiya Leia!    

 

  1.

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“As we all know,” Carrie cracked after having her breasts taped and tamped down for the first Stars Wars movie, “there is no underwear in space.” And she stayed true to her role—while achieving every fan’s goal—with this diaphanous dress at the film’s premiere party on the evening of May 25, 1977.

“I had a crush on Harrison for sure,” Fisher teased, well before revealing their romance last month. “Once I left the room and came back and he was in the closet not wearing a lot of clothes.” Same goes—who was she to point the finger

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“Maybe I shouldn’t have given the guy who pumped my stomach my phone number,” the ever-clever Carrie concluded after her near-fatal drug overdose in 1985, “but who cares? My life is over anyway.”  

It took 31 more years … but THE END justified her mien.

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In hindsight, let’s remember her smile … and guile.

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And let the last word be hers: “Metaphors be with you.”