Wheel of Fortune

Someone once said “Jeapordy makes you feel stupid because the questions are so hard. Wheel of Fortune makes you feel stupid because you’re watching it.” Truer words have rarely been spoken, but if staring at Vanna White’s rack all day makes us stupid, then you can call us “Forrest” and have this box of chocolates. Hard to believe that the show first aired in 1975, with Chuck Woolery hosting (later replaced by hack Pat Sajak) and Vanna White flipping over letters and wearing tight, jug-hugging dresses. The premise is that three contestants compete to solve a mystery phrase. One at a time, each contestant spins a large wheel (containing dollar amounts and other spaces) and fills in the blanks to help them solve the puzzle. Strange that this glorified version of the timeless kid’s game “Hangman” could become insanely popular, stay on the air for over twenty-five years, and launch spin-offs of the same name in Australia and the U.K.--but there you have it. It’s official--the average television viewer is as smart as a box of hammers. That goes for hostess Vanna White as well. For a girl so dumb, she’s managed to keep her clothes on for most of her career. Her one nip-slip-up came in the 1980 film Gypsy Angels, where she shook her shit in a strip club, then splashed it clean in the shower. That’s right, baby, you can flip more than just letters. Let me show you what you’ve won…