Webster

Hot on the “Rich white folk adopt poor black halfling” trail of Diff'rent Strokes comes the crapfest Webster. It’s the overly-sentimental tale of retired pro football player George Papadopolis (Alex Karras) and his wife Katherine (Susan Clark) who adopt the stunted orphan son of a former teammate. Under the guardianship of the Papadopolis family (isn’t that Greek for “Who’s your daddy?”), young Webster (Emanuelle Lewis) learns about laughter, joy, and life lessons in every single goddamned smarmy episode. For some inexplicable reason, Michael Dorn, a.k.a. Worf on Star Trek: The Next Generation, guest starred--in full Star Trek regalia, with Webster ending up on the bridge of the Enterprise. What the??? Talk about ill-conceived crossovers. Obviously Webster was hoping to latch onto a few extra ratings points by getting a bunch of Vulcan ear-wearing geeks to watch. This show had all the sex appeal of a monastery, and the same goes for star Susan Clark, who looks like she’d fit comfortably into a habit. This mannish, matronly redhead ain’t much to look at, but she does have tits. If you really must see them, then track yourself down a copy of Deadly Companion or 1975’s Night Moves with Gene Hackman. The latter is actually a pretty good detective flick and has the added bonus of featuring a very young and very nude Melanie Griffith.