Alan Ball, screenwriter of the Thora Birch boob showcase American Beauty and the acclaimed flesh-friendly funeral-home drama Six Feet Under, returns to HBO with True Blood. This series takes place in the sleepy town of Bon Temps, Louisiana, two years after vampires have “come out of the coffin” in public. After the invention of an artificial blood substitute called Tru Blood, the vampire… Become a Mr Skin Member and get the full review
|Kristin Bauer as Pam|
|Amelia Rose Blaire as Willa Burrell||Sexy||underwear||1||5|
|Tara Buck as Ginger||sexy|
|Sylvianne Chebance as Were-Bitch||Nude||breasts, bush||3|
|Lynn Collins as Dawn Green||Nude||breasts, butt||2||6|
|Val Emanuel as Day Walking Vampire||Nude||breasts||1||2|
|Michelle Forbes as Maryann Forrester|
|Jamie Gray Hyder as Danielle||Nude||breasts, bush, butt, lesbian||2||10|
|Lucy Griffiths as Nora||Nude||butt||1||2|
|Aisha Hinds as Miss Jeanette|
|Ashley Jones as Daphne||Nude||butt||2||3|
|Arielle Kebbel as Holly||underwear|
|Mariana Klaveno as Lorena Krasiki|
|Tina Majorino as Molly||Sexy||underwear||1||3|
|Ashley McCarthy as Vampire Couple||Nude||breasts||1||5|
|Bailey Noble as Adilyn Bellefleur||NEW - Nude||breasts, lesbian||3||14|
|Anna Paquin as Sookie Stackhouse||NEW - Nude||breasts, butt||12||54|
|Carrie Preston as Arlene Fowler||NEW - Sexy||underwear||1||4|
|Lindsay Pulsipher as Crystal Norris||Nude||breasts, butt||2||5|
|Melissa Rauch as Summer|
|J. Smith-Cameron as Melinda Mickens|
|Jurnee Smollett-Bell as Nicole Wright||Sexy||underwear||1||7|
|Rutina Wesley as Tara Thornton||Sexy||bikini, lesbian||2||2|
|Deborah Ann Woll as Jessica Hamby||NEW - Nude||butt||7||34|
|Evan Rachel Wood as Sophie-Anne||underwear|
|Karolina Wydra as Violet||Nude||breasts||3||24|
|Natasha Alam as Yvetta||Nude||breasts, bush||2||6|
|Ashley Barron as Pam's Treat||Nude||breasts, lesbian||1||5|
|Alexandra Breckenridge as Katerina||Nude||breasts||2||3|
|Thea Brooks as Jen||Sexy||lesbian, underwear||1|
|Anna Camp as Sarah Newlin||Sexy||underwear||1||3|
|Melanie Camp as Dorothy||Nude||breasts||1||4|
|Lizzy Caplan as Amy Burley||Nude||breasts, bush, butt||4||8|
|Valentina Cervi as Salome||Nude||breasts, butt||4||19|
|Jessica Clark as Lilith||Nude||breasts, butt, bush||5||25|
|Courtney Ford as Portia Bellefleur||Nude||breasts||1||1|
|Janina Gavankar as Luna||Nude||breasts, bush, butt|
|Stacy Haiduk as Jenny||Nude||breasts, bush||2||14|
|Melinda Page Hamilton as Miss Steeler||Nude||breasts||1||2|
|Lindsey Haun as Hadley||thong|
|Danielle James as Randi Sue||Nude||breasts, butt||2||2|
|Hannah Kasulka as 18-Year-Old Faerie Girl #2|
|Vedette Lim as Naomi||Nude||breasts, lesbian||1||2|
|Camilla Luddington as Claudette|
|Kate Luyben as Natalie||Nude||breasts||1||5|
|Christina Moore as Suzanne||Sexy||underwear||2|
|Brit Morgan as Debbie Pelt||underwear|
|Kelly Overton as Rikki||Nude||breasts, butt, lesbian||3||13|
|Lara Pulver as Claudine Crane|
|Genise Ruidiaz as Dancer||Sexy||sexy||1||5|
|Danielle Sapia as Maudette Pickens||Nude||breasts, butt||3||4|
|C.C. Sheffield as Missy||Nude||breasts, lesbian, real sex||1||5|
|Ellen Soderberg as Courtesan||Nude||breasts||1||1|
|Jessica Stroup as Sorority Girl|
|Jade Tailor as Ann||Nude||breasts||1||6|
|Tiffany Taylor as Nan's Girl||Nude||breasts||1||3|
|Jennifer Wenger as Lindsey||Nude||breasts||1||3|
|Gabriella Wright as Sylvie||Nude||breasts, bush||2||9|
Episode: "Mine" (Sep 21st, 2008)
Episode: "Who Are You, Really?" (Jun 16th, 2013)
Episode: "Who Are You, Really?" (Jun 16th, 2013)
Episode: "Turn! Turn! Turn!" (Jun 10th, 2012)
Episode: "Never Let Me Go" (Jul 19th, 2009)
Episode: "Hard-Hearted Hannah" (Jul 26th, 2009)
Episode: "Dead Meat" (Aug 4th, 2013)
Episode: "Nothing But the Blood" (Jun 14th, 2009)
Episode: "I Will Rise Up" (Aug 16th, 2009)
Episode: "I Wish I Was The Moon" (Jul 31st, 2011)
Episode: "Cold Grey Light of Dawn" (Aug 7th, 2011)
Episode: "Spellbound" (Aug 14th, 2011)
Episode: "Don't You Feel Me" (Jul 21st, 2013)
Episode: "Jesus Gonna Be Here" (Jun 22nd, 2014)
Episode: "May Be The Last Time" (Aug 3rd, 2014)
Episode: "I'm Alive And On Fire" (Jul 17th, 2011)
Episode: "Jesus Gonna Be Here" (Jun 22nd, 2014)
Episode: "Bad Blood" (Jun 13th, 2010)
Episode: "Burning House of Love" (Oct 19th, 2008)
Episode: "The Fourth Man in the Fire" (Oct 26th, 2008)
Episode: "Plaisir D'Amour" (Nov 2nd, 2008)
Episode: "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" (Aug 5th, 2012)
Episode: "Save Yourself" (Aug 26th, 2012)
Episode: "In The Beginning" (Jul 22nd, 2012)
Episode: "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" (Aug 5th, 2012)
Episode: "Gone, Gone, Gone" (Aug 12th, 2012)
Episode: "Sunset" (Aug 19th, 2012)
Episode: "F. . .the Pain Away" (Jul 14th, 2013)
Episode: "If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?" (Jul 10th, 2011)
Episode: "Don't You Feel Me" (Jul 21st, 2013)
Episode: "She's Not There" (Jun 26th, 2011)
Episode: "Everything is Broken" (Aug 15th, 2010)
Episode: "Turn! Turn! Turn!" (Jun 10th, 2012)
Episode: "Somebody That I Used to Know" (Jul 29th, 2012)
Episode: "Bad Blood" (Jun 13th, 2010)
Episode: "9 Crimes" (Jul 11th, 2010)
Episode: "Everything is Broken" (Aug 15th, 2010)
Episode: "Scratches" (Jun 28th, 2009)
Sookie (Anna Paquin) is distraught over the death of Alcide (Joe Manganiello) and is awoken in the middle of the night by Bill (Stephen Moyer). She invites him in and they discuss the party that is still scheduled to happen at her house the next night. At the party Andy (Chris Bauer) proposes to Holly (Lauren Bowles), who accepts. Sookie becomes upset all over again, not because she's unhappy for them, but because she's still not over Alcide's death.
Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) confronts Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) about James (Nathan Parsons), telling her that James is gay and she needs to back off. Jessica begins to question everything, and wanders to Sookie's house where she finds Jason (Ryan Kwanten), who is happy for Holly and Andy, but he's also in doubt about his relationship with Violet (Karolina Wydra). Jessica tells him that he's very sweet and kisses him. She quickly pulls away, but the intensity is too much for them to bear and they get it on! Sadly Jessica somehow manages to not show any nudity, despite the fact that her shirt is off and she shows a lot of sideboob!
Eric (Alexander Sarsgard) is already in the second stage of the Hep V infection, and at the end of the episode, Bill gets out of the bathtub and looks in the mirror to discover a bulging vein, a sign that he too is infected.
Sookie (Anna Paquin) finds a payphone and calls Jackson (Robert Patrick) to tell him that his son Alcide (Joe Manganiello) is dead. When he receives the call, Jackson is having quite a time with Jenny (Stacy Haiduk) who's wearing a thong and a somewhat see-through bra. Jason (Ryan Kwanten) meanwhile calls Hoyt (Jim Parrack) to deliver the sad news to him of Maxine's death.
Sookie formulates a plan to round up a gang of vampires that are willing and able to go after the H-Vamps. Bill (Stephen Moyer) discovers the plan and decides to go after her to get her out of danger, but danger quickly finds them all when Arlene (Carrie Preston) is a attacked by a band of H-Vamps. Arlene ends up recovering after having a vision of Terry (Todd Lowe) who tells her that she needs to live and not come to him yet.
This week, we're treated to a flashback of Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) and Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) in France. Pam is abducted by a group of Japanese agents who track down Eric having sex with Sylvie (Gabriella Wright) in a graveyard. They grab Sylvie and we get to see some fantastic full frontal from her before they get down to business. The agents offer Eric a choice, either Pam or Sylvie must die. He reluctantly agrees to sacrifice Sylvie and both he and Pam are led away.
Sookie (Anna Paquin) has devised a plan to take down the H-Vamps. She tells Bill (Stephen Moyer) that she knows that the H-Vamps are after her, and wants to use herself as bait. She also laments that she can't sense Bill anymore, and he tells her it's because the Lilith blood has made it impossible. He tells her that the only way for her to sense him again is to drink his blood, which she does.
The H-Vamps attack and at first Bill can hold is own, but they put a silver chain around his neck, which renders him powerless. Two other H-Vamps take Sookie, and just then Alcide (Joe Manganiello) and Sam (Sam Trammell) show up in canine form and kill the H-Vamps. Alcide warns Sookie not to open her mouth since she's covered in blood and could be infected. She goes to wash off the blood, and Bill and Alcide begin to argue when gunshots ring out. Sookie runs to see what's happened, and Alcide has been shot in the head and killed.
The final season of True Blood picks up exactly where season six left off, with the H-Vamps attacking the Bellefleur's human/vampire mixer. Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Alcide (Joe Manganiello) easily dispatch of a few, but a number of people are abducted. Just as quickly as they came, the H-Vamps all retreat at the sound of a whistle, taking their hostages with them. Sookie then breaks down at the news that Tara (Rutina Wesley) is among the dead.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) calls Andy (Chris Bauer) to tell him that Tara is dead, and Andy relays the news to Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), who is similarly dismayed by the death of her friend. Sookie hears the others thoughts and discovers that they're blaming her for the attack, including Alcide. Heartbroken, she flees Bellefleur, and ignores Alcide's calls as she wanders through the woods alone. She makes it home and discovers Alcide is already there, and she decides to get in bed with him, dropping her robe to reveal her awesome rack! They begin to get it on, and we ALMOST get to see her bush, but alas it's not to be!
Jason, meanwhile, is driving Violet (Karolina Wydra) home when they happen upon Vince (Brett Rickaby) and a group of vigilantes who are tracking down the H-Vamps and killing them themselves, which Jason worries will lead to all out war between the humans and vampires. Violet tells them to leave, lest they face her wrath, and once they do, Jason gets upset with her, but they're both insanely turned on and start having sex right on the hood of the car, with Violet baring her beautiful breasts!
The final episode of True Blood Season Six may not answer all of the questions that have been swirling around all season, but it definitely brings some closure to a handful of story lines. Sookie (Anna Paquin) finds an unlikely ally in Alcide (Joe Manganiello), who takes her to see her brother Jason (Ryan Kwanten). Jason's girlfriend Violet (Karolina Wydra) becomes jealous until she realizes that Sookie is his sister, and we see her violent and impulsive tendencies. We also find out that she has a pretty insatiable sex drive which will come into play later in the episode!
About halfway through the episode, Jason goes down on Violet, giving us some nice long looks at Karolina Wydra's sensational shakers! The scene runs a shade over two minutes, and is one of the best nude scenes we've gotten on the show so far! Her bush and butt are not revealed, but her spectacular rack-ular more than makes up for that! While the episode ends with the promise of a coming war with the vampires that have been infected by the Hepatitis V virus, but we're so consumed with Karolina's nude debut, we can barely keep pace with this plot any longer!
Eric (Alexander Sarsgård) starts the episode mourning the death of his sister Nora (Lucy Griffiths). Determined to know if Bill (Stephen Moyer) was able to foresee her death, and angry that he may have withheld the information from him, he goes to confront Bill and ends up being tortured by Bill. Eric is determined to find Warlow (Robert Kazinsky) and feed on him to obtain his power to daywalk, but it's not going to be easy since Sookie (Anna Paquin) has transported him to the Faerie World.
Eric stumbles upon Adilyn (Bailey Noble) making out with Wade (Noah Matthews), and she removes her shirt in an attempt to get hot and heavy with him, baring her Noble knockers! Unfortunately for her, Eric decides he'd like to feed on her, and does so, bringing her topless scene to a bloody end. It's not much, but it is Bailey's nude debut, so that's definitely cause for celebration... and masturbation!
Still reeling from the post-coital bliss of their episode ending sexual encounter on the previous episode, Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Warlow (Robert Kazinsky) start the episode soaking up the sun and laying nude on a plane of the Fae. The two argue about whether or not Sookie has agreed to marry Warlow, and it gives us plenty of time to drink in the sight of her naked knockers! We also get a brief shot of her heinie, and a little flash of fur as she sits up during their argument!
The end of the episode brings us one more nude scene, courtesy of Ellen Soderbergh! During a flashback sequence, Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) recalls a time when he was asked to find a woman who was helping people with black plague, and return her to the king before she gets the plague herself. When Eric finds her, however, she's already been taken by the plague. Ellen Soderbergh sits on a bed with the king with her right rib cushion just barely hanging out of her open shirt as Eric delivers the bad news. It's hard to concentrate on any news when there's a lobber that lovely on display!
In an effort to repay him for saving her life, Sookie (Anna Paquin) agrees to transport Warlow (Robert Kazinsky) to the Land of the Faerie to protect him from Bill (Stephen Moyer). Afraid that he won't be able to control himself when night falls, Warlow asks Sookie to tie him to a tree, which leads to a supremely sexy scene as she allows him to feed on her and she to feed on him, and she doffs her duds to do so! It's been a while since we've had a nude scene from Anna Paquin, and this one was worth the wait as she shows off her sensational snoobs and a tiny bit of booty!
There's also a super hot nude scene from Stacy Haiduk in this episode! Alcide (Joe Manganiello) is attempting to track down his father (Robert Patrick), and manages to follow his scent to his hotel room. Here he finds his dad engaging in some fun with a fully nude Stacy Haiduk! Stacy bares boobs and bush, though her butt stays off-camera sadly, on her way to grab a bucket of fried chicken. That babe is finger lickin' good!
Ben Flynn (Robert Kazinsky) takes center stage in this episode after it is revealed by Sookie (Anna Paquin) that he is Macklyn Warlow in disguise. After exposing Warlow, he explains to Sookie why he killed her parents, and that it was done to save her life as they intended to kill her. As she attacks him, Bill (Stephen Moyer) suffers an acute pain in the same area where Sookie attacked him, triggering his memories of Lilith (Jessica Clark), the first vampire.
When Bill arrives to tell Sookie that Warlow is his progeny, things go south in a hurry. It is soon revealed that Warlow was the one who killed Lilith the first time, and Nora (Lucy Griffiths) surmises that he may be able to kill her again. A flashback shows Lilith turning Warlow into a vampire for the first time, and Jessica Clark bares all in the scene! Although the bush is a merkin, those boobs and booty are as real as can be! Talk about an erotic awakening!
With Bill (Stephen Moyer) back from the dead, Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) lead an exodus from the Authority compound. Joining them in their daring escape is Jason (Ryan Kwanten), Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), Tara (Rutina Wesley), Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten), and Nora (Lucy Griffiths). Left behind at the compound to dodge the swarming guards are Sam (Sam Trammell), Luna (Janina Gavankar), and Emma (Chloe Noell).
Alcide (Joe Manganiello) takes over as packmaster now that J.D. (Louis Herthum) has been devoured by the pack. One of the perks of being packmaster is that he now has an undying allegiance from Danielle (Jamie Gray Hyder), and when she transforms from wolf back to human, gives him and us a nice look at her hellacious hooters! Things really get bonkers when Rikki (Kelly Overton) catches Alcide and Danielle getting it on in the woods, and rather than getting mad, she joins in the fun! Lots of sapphic smooching from both ladies, though Overton doesn't show any skin. Thankfully Hyder makes up for it by baring all, giving us some nice looks at her boobs, bush, and butt! This threesome will have you howling at the poon!
With their hiding spot revealed, the fairies are doing their best to keep the hungry Russell Edgington (Dennis O’ Hare) at bay, but he is too powerful to be stopped. Fortunately Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) senses that Sookie (Anna Paquin) is in danger, and shows up just in time to shuffle Russell off this mortal coil with a good staking.
Meanwhile at The Authority headquarters, Sam (Sam Trammell) tries to reason with the newly fanatic Bill (Stephen Moyer), but is forced to escape in fly form soon afterwards. Back in the holding cells he convinces Luna (Janina Gavankar) to shift into the form of Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) and just walk out the front door holding Emma. The plan is going swimmingly until Rosalyn (Carolyn Hennesy) forces the faux Steve to immediately go before live cameras to do damage control for the fraternity killings. Luna shifts back on air and quickly warns the world about the vampire plot.
Over at Merlottes, Maurella (Kristina Anapau) shows up 9-monts pregnant and Andy (Chris Bauer) has to spill the news to Holly (Lauren Bowles) that he’s going to be a father. Sooner rather than later because Maurella goes into labor right then and gives orgasmic birth on the pool table to a litter of four baby girls.
Bill is still knocking boots with Salome (Valentina Cervi), but both think that they are the rightful chosen one. We don’t care who the chosen one is as long as Salome is the naked one! When Salome’s magnificent melons come out in bed, it all seems right to us!
As Eric, Sookie, Pam (Kristen Bauer), Tara (Rutina Wesley), Jason (Ryan Kwanten), and Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) begin an assault on the headquarters, Salome drinks the vial of Lilith’s blood and falls sick thanks to a blood switcheroo by Bill. He replaced the holy blood with a silver laced imitation and kept the good stuff for himself. Sookie and Eric find him alone, but he quickly drinks Lilith’s blood and explodes into a pile of gore. As Sookie weeps inconsolably, Bill begins to reform terminator style from the pool of blood. Hasta la vista, baby!
Lilith’s (Jessica Clark) hold over The Authority council is still strong thanks to the sway her naked form holds over everyone. We know the feeling! This week she’s telling Bill that he alone is the chosen one, and should get to keep all of her blood for himself. Meanwhile Kibwe (Peter Mensah) and Salome (Valentina Cervi) have received the calling from Lilith’s spectacular rackular and faux crotch fur as well, and start to turn against each other in their race to be top dog.
Nora (Lucy Griffiths) keeps having visions of Godric being ripped apart, and is starting to doubt her devotion to the new regime. A visit to Eric’s (Alexander Skarsgard) bedroom clears things up, since it turns out that Nora only needed a ride on the baloney pony to clear her mind.
Luna (Janina Gavankar) and Sam (Sam Trammell) manage to find puppy Emma in the holding cells below the Authority, but don’t have a plan to get her out. Speaking of animals, check out the sweater puppies on Luna’s chest when she changes back to human form. Owoooooo!
Sookie (Anna Paquin) is hiding out in faerie land to avoid Russell Edgington (Dennis O’ Hare) who is determined to drink her blood again. Unfortunately Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is still in the outside world, and when Russell and Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) catch up to him, he is easily glamoured into revealing Sookie's location. When the trio arrive in the field that holds the secret faerie entrance, the vampires can smell the fairies around, but are unable to see the other dimension. But when Russell threatens to rip Jason apart, a faerie elder steps out to save him and is immediately drained dry by Russell. As the blood takes effect, the hidden entrance begins to materialize before Russell, and he is feeling plenty peckish.
Breast of Show: Lilith continues to make skin fans spillith with her blood soaked full frontal appearing every week.
With the True Blood factories bombed and out of production, the vamps are getting mighty hungry, and the Authority bloodsuckers are taking their fill from the local population. Now that Russell (Dennis O’ Hare) is at the top of the food chain, he wants to go a step further and walk in the sun with the help of Sookie’s (Anna Paquin) blood.
Sheriff Elijah (Keram Malicki-Sánchez) is wreaking havoc at Fangtasia, and suggests that they install peepshow booths that allow vampires to feed on humans. And if Pam (Kristen Bauer) refuses any of his wishes, he threatens to seize her assets and take Tara (Rutina Wesley) away. The thought of being taken from her maker rubs Tara the wrong way, and she sets up an ambush that leaves Elijah decapitated. That’s one way to get a-head!
Meanwhile Sam (Sam Trammell) and Luna (Janina Gavankar) are formulating a plan to retrieve puppy Emma from her captivity at the Authority headquarters. They sneak into Steve Newlin’s (Michael McMillian) dressing room in mouse form while he is making a TV appearance to search for clues. And when they shift back to humans, Luna is predictably but amazingly unclothed. Those topless treats cannot be beat!
Back at The Authority, Bill (Stephen Moyer) is hoping to make Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) see the light by forcing him to ingest more of Lilith’s holy blood. After Eric gets dosed, he sees Godric (Allan Hyde) appear before him then Lilith (Jessica Clark) turns up and slashes Godric’s throat. Lilith comes from a simpler time when clothing was completely unnecessary so we get a great look at her goddess glands and holiest of holies. She’ll get you pounding your pulpit!
Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) comes over to investigate the creepy face in Sookie’s (Anna Paquin) mirror, but instead gets a beyond the grave message from Gran to look under the bed. There Sookie finds her parents’ obituary and discovers that Bud Dearborn (William Sanderson) was the one to find their bodies.
Meanwhile the police are questioning Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) about Hoyt’s disappearance, and she tells Jason (Ryan Kwanten) that she can feel he is in danger. Andy (Chris Bauer) and Jason watch a video of the hate group killing a vampire, and Andy realizes that one of the masked members is wearing the boots they gave Sheriff Dearborne at his retirement party.
Sookie arrives at Bud’s house to question him about her parents and gets knocked out by his new girlfriend, Sweetie (Jennifer Hasty), who just happens to be the Grand Dragon at the head of the hate group. She ties Sookie up and has her thrown into the barn where Hoyt (Jim Parrack) is also being held hostage. Fortunately Sam (Sam Trammell) is already there in pig form to save her, and soon after Andy and Jason arrive and take out Bud. Sweetie tries to run but is chased down by a dog that then shifts back into the wonderfully naked Luna (Janina Gavankar). Luna certainly is a knockout with her tits swinging and fists flying.
Back at The Authority headquarters, Bill’s (Stephen Moyer) plan to blow up the True Blood factories is in full swing and only Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) wants to escape the captivity. We get to see the reason why Bill is so gung-ho about the Authority as Salome (Valentina Cervi) seduces him in her bedroom with a topless dance featuring plenty of upturned dumpling delight. As they knock boots in bed, Salome first transforms into Sookie, and then she morphs into the blood-covered goddess Lilith (Jessica Clark), who gets on top to present her peepers and magnificently meaty seat. Three for the price of one, not too shabby!
After Joe-Bob (Ted Welch) is arrested at the hospital for being part of the hate group, Luna (Janina Gavankar) freaks out and uncontrollably shifts into Sam (Sam Trammell) form. Unable to shift back on her own, Luna searches out the real Sam who is interrogating Joe-Bob with Andy (Chris Bauer), and the group manages to suss out the redneck’s hideout.
Meanwhile Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) has been duped in leaving Fangtasia with a fangbanger who leads her to the secluded house and ties her up with silvered chains. She is presented to Hoyt (Jim Parrack) as a test to prove his loyalty to the group. Hoyt is unable to kill his former ladylove but he unties her so she can kill the human that tricked her. Jessica still can’t leave the house since it is daytime and while Hoyt is out looking for help, Sam, Andy and Luna show up.
Holly (Lauren Bowles) and Arlene (Carrie Preston) turn to Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) to help Terry (Todd Lowe) with his ifrit problem, believing that that the problem is all in Terry’s head. But when they set up a séance, the spirit of the woman that Terry killed appears to Lafayette and demands that either Terry or Patrick (Scott Foley) die to satisfy her need for vengeance.
Over in Shreveport, J.D. (Louis Herthum) challenges Alcide (Joe Manganiello) to a human hunting competition to prove who is worthy to be the packmaster. Alcide refuses the hunt and gets into fisticuffs with J.D. but is unable to overpower him. Fortunately Alcide has his new werewolf hump-buddy Rikki (Kelly Overton) to keep him happy with an animalistic fur bumping. That superhumanly hot T&A will turn your pants into a shapeshifter!
Sookie (Anna Paquin) learns from her fairy brethren that she is only part-fae and therefore her powers are finite and could one day run out. But that doesn’t seem too bad a prospect for Sookie since she has always wanted to lead a normal human life.
Hoyt (Jim Parrack) is hanging out with the supe-haters at their hideout and discovers that he has some lingering hatred towards the supernatural himself. While he is commiserating his tale of vamp tragedy with the bros, the group gets the call that Junior has been killed and they set out to avenge him.
Meanwhile over at The Authority headquarters, Russell (Dennis O’ Hare) has been captured again after staking Roman, but Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) have plenty of questions about how he was able to escape. That’s cleared up pretty soon as Salome (Valentina Cervi) has taken over as chancellor and brought in Russell and Nora (Lucy Griffiths) to stand at her side. Everyone gathers around Lilith’s blood shrine where Salome insists they all take a sip of the holy relic. Bill and Eric reluctantly agree and soon are stoned out of their minds and wandering the streets of New Orleans with the other tripped out council members. When they come across a rehearsal dinner, the horrified attendees recognize Russell and the party quickly dissolves into a bloodbath. Amidst the carnage a woman suddenly appears rising up fully nude (with merkin) from a pool of blood. It’s the vampire goddess Lilith (Jessica Clark) and her presence encourages the frenzy with only Eric doubting the divinity. With Lilith baring the holy trinity of boobs, buns, and bush, there are plenty of pink parts to be praised!
Sookie (Anna Paquin), Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), Bill (Stephen Moyer), and Alcide (Joe Manganiello) have tracked Russell Edgington (Dennis O’ Hare) down to an abandoned asylum, but he is being guarded by a rogue pack of werewolves. Still it seems that the vampires will emerge victorious until The Authority shows up and takes everyone back into custody.
Luna (Janina Gavankar) and Sam (Sam Trammell) are in the hospital after getting shot by a group of shifter haters, and Martha (Dale Dickey) brings Emma (Chloe Noelle) in to prove that she is safe, sound, and back in human form. Sam later meets with Andy (Chris Bauer) and convinces him that supes being hunted is a hate crime and offers to sniff out the perpetrators. After a reluctant agreement from Andy, the duo head over to the Stake House to question the clerk Junior and end up in a firefight that leaves Junior with a fatal crossbow wound.
Back at Authority headquarters, Russell is being questioned by Salome (Valentina Cervi) about his involvement in the Sanguinista movement but no information is forthcoming. Roman (Christopher Meloni) decides to execute Russell for his crimes, but when he attempts to activate the iStake it malfunctions and Russell manages to stake Roman instead.
Sookie travels to fairyland with Jason (Ryan Kwanten) to try and warn her cousin Hadley (Lindsey Haun) away from the potentially dangerous inhabitants. She finds out that the fairies mean her no harm, but also that her parents were killed by a vampire instead of drowning as she was told. That’s all well and good but the real action is happening on stage in the background where a bunch of barely-clad dancers are doing an acrobatic bump-and-grind. One particular spandex covered dancer (Genise Ruidiaz) has contortion skills that are sure to rub you the right way and get you dancing with yourself!
Vamp Tara (Rutina Wesley) is on the loose, and has no idea how to control her bloodlust. Fortunately after an aborted attack on a random passerby, Tara heads over to Merlotte's where Sam (Sam Trammell) lets her guzzle True Blood then hide in his walk in freezer.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) meets up with his old high school teacher Mrs. Steeler (Melinda Page Hamilton) at the supermarket and it’s clear that she’s the one who first skinstructed him in the ways of love. They take a walk down mammary lane that ends with a presentation of her puffy-tipped pyramids. A+
Meanwhile Pam (Kristen Bauer) is still refusing to take care of her new vampire daughter Tara, until she starts remembering the time when Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) turned her. As the mouthwatering Madam of a Victorian era brothel, Pam met Eric after several of her working girls where murdered on the job. Eric confronts the naughty customers, who just happen to be Lorena (Mariana Klaveno) and Bill (Stephen Moyer), while they are feasting on the nubile and topless form of an unfortunate prostitute (Melanie Camp). Pam wants to join him in undead bliss but he refuses to turn her into a vampire until she slashes her wrists in front of him, forcing his hand (and mouth) into action.
Over at the Authority interrogation rooms, Bill and Eric are being fitted with iStakes, an electronic device that has the potential to murder them whenever activated remotely. Yep there’s an app for that. Bill later gets a personal visit from Salome (Valentina Cervi), a member of the Authority and legendary seductress. After a superhuman hump session against the wall with Bill, Salome heads over to pay Eric a visit and offers him a comforting roll in the hay. She unveils her tempting twin peaks and tail to lure him in to bed, and then stays nude to serve up more boobs and buns for Roman (Christopher Meloni) afterwards. Don’t lose your head, because Salome will pop your top off!
While Sookie (Anna Paquin) is fighting to the death with Debbie Pelt (Brit Morgan), Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) sense that she is in danger, but don’t respond since she just broke their poor undead hearts. Bill finally gives in but as soon as he and Eric run out the door, they get taken down by The Authority and stuffed in a car trunk together. They manage to escape by jabbing an umbrella into the gas tank, but the explosion leaves them injured. Fortunately one of the captors, Nora (Lucy Griffiths) has a hidden agenda and after killing her partner immediately starts sucking face with Eric, who only turns around to reveal that she is his sister. They have the same vampire maker that is, so when they get humping in an abandoned shipping container soon afterwards we can just enjoy the sight of Nora’s trim tush. Unfortunately that comes to an end when The Authority tracks them down once again and surrounds them with guns drawn.
While Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Sookie are still staring in disbelief at Tara’s (Rutina Wesley) lifeless body, Pam (Kristen Bauer) shows up looking for Eric, and manages to get roped into turning Tara into a vampire. Sookie just has to agree to patch up her relationship with Eric and owe her a favor in the future. Since Pam has been known to lunch on ladies, we have some ideas about what that favor should be! The next evening Sookie and Lafayette wait by the fresh grave, but when Pam emerges Tara stays lifeless in the ground. All seems lost when suddenly Tara lunges out of the grave and goes straight for Sookie’s throat.
Sam (Sam Trammell) also has someone on his tail because he’s being followed by Marcus’ old wolf pack, led by the clothes free shifting talents of Rikki (Kelly Overton). Every time she switched back to human form we get to see some howlingly hot hooters (but strategically covered nips) and heinie. Sam gives up the location of Marcus’ body to protect Luna (Janina Gavankar), and when the pack finds it they start to chow down on his dead body. Just close your eyes and think about Rikki naked. Nice full moon!
Still under the control of evil witch Marnie, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) ties Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) up and forces him reveal his power. Knowing it’s either him or Lafayette, Jesus gives into his demon and Marnie/Lafayette stabs him to get his powerful brujo mojo.
Sookie (Anna Paquin) gets her job back at Merlottes from the real Sam (Sam Trammel) and gets a come on from werewolf Alcide (Joe Manganiello). Alcide’s howling at Sookie's full moons is interrupted by a call saying that the construction site were Russell Edgington was buried in concrete has been ripped open.
Meanwhile, Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) and Bill (Stephen Moyer) have been captured by Marnie/Lafayette and she’s got them tried to a pyre for a little revenge grilling. Wiccan waitress Holly leads Tara and Sookie to raise the spirits of the dead in the Bon Temps cemetery. With Holly (Lauren Bowles) stills wearing her racktacular fairy Halloween costume, the dead are not the only things rising! Ghosts Antonia (Paola Turbay) and Gran (Lois Smith) save Bill and Eric from the flames and force Marnie to leave Lafayette and the world behind. Sookie heals Eric and Bill with some double trouble bloodsucking but decides to keep playing the field and kicks them both to the curb.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) tells Hoyt (Jim Parrack) that he has been burying his stake in Jessica and gets punched in the face for his troubles. That night Red Riding Hood Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) comes over to Jason’s for a little more country bumpin’.
Debbie Pelt (Brit Morgan) takes a shotgun to Sookie’s house to teach her a lesson, but ends up killing Tara (Rutina Wesley) instead. Sookie gets the gun and finally sends Debbie to join her Cooter in heaven.
Breast of episode Deborah Ann Woll will keep you up all night with her wham bam thank you mams.
Alcide (Joe Manganiello) carries the injured Sookie (Anna Paquin) home, where she is healed by sucking down some of Bill (Stephen Moyer)’s blood. Later, Sookie dreams she strips her clothes off for her two vamp lovers, Bill and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard). The only two things Mr. Skin is dreaming about are Sookie’s tan cans.
The witches and Eric are being held captive by Marnie (Fiona Shaw), who plans to attack the Vampire Tolerance Rally that Bill is heading.
Ghost Mavis still has control of Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and uses him to tell the story of her baby’s murder. Doofus cops Andy (Chris Bauer) and Jason (Ryan Kwanten) show up to rescue Mikey, and Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) convinces Mavis to make her peace and leave Lafayette.
Marcus (Dan Buran) goes to Bon Temps to pick a fight with Sam (Sam Trammell) over Luna, but only finds Tommy (Marshall Allman). Tommy shifts into Sam and heads out to fight in Sam’s place over in werewolf territory. Talking about the horizontal mambo with Luna gets Tommy a werewolf biker beatdown until Alcide breaks it up.
Hoyt gives Jason a box of Jessica’s stuff to return to her. Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) then gives Jason her box in the bed of his pickup truck. Don’t come knockin when this truck is rockin’! Sadly, Jessica keeps her hands over her hood ornaments.
Back in Shreveport at the vamp “Festival of Tolerance”, Marnie and mind-wiped Eric make their move and start killing everyone in sight.
Anna Paquin shows off some top-notch crotch in red panties this episode. Seductive siren Sookie always keeps the undead stiff!
Under Marnie's (Fiona Shaw) spell, Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) continues to go towards the light but is stopped at the last minute by the lovelorn Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten). She rewards him with a hot and heavy dry hump on the floor before he carries her back to safety.
Sookie (Anna Paquin) heals Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) with her blood, and he does the same for her. Things start to get trippy as they try to get wet in the shower, but the weather suddenly turns nippley. As Sookie and Eric share a hallucination of a winter wonderland. But the trees aren't the only things made of wood in this forest as the drugged-up twosome bang like bunnies.
Back at the werewolf pack, Alcide (Joe Manganiello) promises Debbie (Brit Morgan) he'll stay away from sexy Sookie. Alpha werewolf Marcus (Dan Buran) sees Sam (Sam Trammell) with the luscious Luna (Janina Gavankar), and lets him know he's not happy with anyone else humping her leg.
Marnie realizes that her spell to kill vampires was a failure and agrees to meet King Bill (Stephen Moyer) in the cemetery to discuss a truce. The ghost that's been stalking Arlene's baby finally makes her move and takes possession of Lafayette's body. Under the ghost's skinfluence, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) breaks into the Bellefleur's and kidnaps Mikey.
Jessica breaks up with Hoyt, who then kicks her out. She goes to Jason, but he won't take her in either. She would always be welcome at Mr. Skin's door!
Bill and Marnie face off at the cemetery. Bill is injured and a spell renders Eric completely under Marnie's control. Sookie gets shot and Alcide marks his territory by carrying her off while Debbie Pelt watches.
Anna Paquin heats up this episode frolicking naked through the frozen forest. This snow angel will start a fire in your stick!
The incarcerated wickedest witch of the woods, Antonia, is enjoying her extended stay in the Hotel Marnie (Fiona Shaw). With a spell cast on Luis (Peter Macdissi), Antonia uses the guard to summon Hurricane Katerina (Alexandra Breckenridge), who lays out an escape path before getting strangled. Antonia/Marnie then orders the guard to announce to the Vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compon (Stephen Moyer) that she is Baddest Mama Jama in all the land before opening fire on him. Luis stakes himself following a kerfuffle.
With Antonia’s magic on the loose, Bill orders all vampires to get the hell out of Louisiana or to bind themselves with silver during the day.
Cabbage head Pam’s (Kristen Bauer) face is still peeling away when she attempts to kill Tara (Rutina Wesley) and Naomi (Vedette Lim), but she is stopped by a rove of by-standers with camera phones hoping their vampire video goes viral. As is common when an attempt at violent action is stopped by a video camera, she turns on her sirens and speeds away. Tara is met by Antonia (Paola Turbay) and gets drawn into her coven, quickly recruiting others including Holly (Lauren Bowles). Holly’s date with Andy (Chris Bauer) doesn’t go well as his addiction to V for Vampire Juice sends him out the door before dessert or any tonguepunching. It’s discovered that Tommy Marshall Allman shapeshifted into his brother to sleep with Luna (Hanina Gavankar) prompting Sam (Sam Tremmell) to kick him out of the home. Why doesn’t Sam just shapeshift into Tommy and bang HIS chicks?
Comforted by Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis), Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) recovers from the snakebite. When the evil Don El Barto (Del Zamora) is asked why he would do this to his own grandson, he answers that he had to do it so Laffy Taffy would recognize his power as a medium. Later, while playing with Mikey, Laffy sees a young black woman singing a lullaby to the baby. She must be homeless as nobody seems to pay any attention to her.
Having paid their induction fees and agreeing to a one-year term with Marcus’ pack, Alcide (Joe Manganiello ) and Debbie (Brit Morgan) stumble through the woods and find amnesiac Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) laying down some log with Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin). In this situation, the Mr. Skin book on etiquette dictates that you begin fondling yourself before joining. Sookie and the Norse Vampire take it inside. The witches begin chanting, and soon all vampires within 20 miles are drawn to the sun. Closet vamps that were too cool for school vanish in the sunlight. The titillating teenage terror Jessica Hambone (Deborah Ann Woll) is able break away her silver bindings and kicks open the door ,where she meets the sun and is engulfed in the white hot light.
Picking up from where last week left off, Anna Paquin resumes her romp with the Norse Vamp as we see Sookie Stackhouse’s Stacked Houses while her and Eric take a grand glandular tour through the horizontal surfaces in the house.
Years of speculation from eager fans is put to breast when Sookie and Eric finally get it on in True Blood Season 4, Episode 6, “I Wish I was the Moon.” In this episode, the full moon is making everyone a little bit crazy, especially Sookie (Anna Paquin), who is crazy about the new-and-improved amnesiac Eric (Alexander Skarsgard). She and Eric are about to get it on when Bill (Stephen Moyer) bursts in, fangs bared. The undead dudes begin to fight- though Eric’s memory has been erased, his strength and speed are still intact, and he’s about to kill Bill when Sookie reminds him that Bill is the Vampire King of Louisiana. Chastened, Eric allows himself to be taken into custody, but Sookie’s sweet nothings aren’t so effective on her ex Bill; he rudely tells her to butt out of vampire business as he whisks Eric away. Once in custody, Pam (Kristin Bauer), also a shadow of her former self, tries to remind Eric of his past, but all he can remember now is Sookie. As Bill seeks the death penalty for his former sheriff, witch Marnie (Fiona Shaw) grapples with a 17th-century spirit that’s been haunting the vampire clan.
Meanwhile, Tara (Rutina Wesley)’s girlfriend Naomi (Vedette Lim) has followed her home to Bon Temps, and Tara’s traumatic past is revealed in a confrontation that ends with a loving lesbian kiss. Speaking of arguments and kisses, shapeshifter Tommy (Marshall Allman), still upset about killing his parents, takes on the form of his brother Sam (Sam Trammell), causing strife at the café by firing Sookie and strife amongst the shapeshifters by sleeping with Luna (Janina Gavankar), who thinks she’s scoring with her lust object Sam.
In other full moon news, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Jesus get more than they bargained for when they seek out witch doctor Don Bartolo, and Terry (Todd Lowe) and Arlene (Carrie Preston)’s house catches fire, leading to a spooky encounter between their son and a spirit. Jason (Ryan Kwanten) has chained himself to a bed out of fear of becoming a werepanther; after an argument with Sookie, he flees into the woods. He is pursued by Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), who finds the fledgling feline shapeshifter and helps him accept his supernatural fate. Sookie also goes into the woods looking for Jason, but instead she finds Eric, and they make sweet, sweet vampire-on-human love under the full moon.
In this episode, Janina Gavankar flashes sexy shapeshifting snookers as she attempts to seduce Sam, and Anna Paquin makes a very welcome return to the world of fang-banging funbags as she gets it on with Eric. Mr. Skin must be a shapeshifter too, because there’s some serious transformation in his pants right now!
Things are all kinds of stinky in Bon Temps as Pam (Kristin Bauer) slowly begins to rot thanks to a spell cast by Marnie (Fiona Shaw). Vampire Bill (Stephen Moyer) has had enough and decides to imprison the witch, who continues to have visions of ancient spirits. Bill demands that she reverse the spell, but Marnie claims that she’s unable. Bill’s day gets even worse when he learns that Sookie (Anna Paquin) is hiding Eric (Alexander Skarsgård). The news irks Tara (Rutina Wesley), too, who refuses to believe that Eric has changed his ways. Elsewhere, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) recovers from captivity by having erotic dreams about Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), but his friendship with Hoyt disrupts the nocturnal sexytime. Arlene (Carrie Preston) and Terry (Todd Lowe) want to exorcise the demons from their evil baby. so they seek local help. And Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Jesus head south of the border to Mexico to get help of their own.
Episode 41 is devoid of nudity, but what it lacks in boobs, butts and bush it makes up for in sexiness thanks to the red-headed vision of perfection Deborah. Her creamy white, booming chest bombs are begging to be released from a sheer black bra as she rides a very confused Jason. You'll be pulling your pud till the sun comes up!
All is aflutter in Bon Temps after Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) disappears again, so Sookie (Anna Paquin) enlists Alcide (Joe Manganiello) to find him. Bill (Stephen Moyer) is very eager to see Eric’s return as well. Pam (Kristin Bauer) gets more than she bargained for when she asks the witch Marnie (Fiona Shaw) to reverse a spell that she put on Eric. Bill meets Portia Bellefleur (Courtney Ford)’s mother, but the encounter leads him to sever their relationship. Jason (Ryan Kwanten) finally breaks free from Crystal (Lindsay Pulsipher) and her shape-shifting clan. Terry (Todd Lowe) and Arlene’s (Carrie Preston) evil baby has a message for the missing Eric. And finally, Tommy (Marshall Allman) falls out with Sam (Sam Terrell), but finds his mother in the process. However, the welcome he receives from her is…unexpected.
Episode 40 is light on the nudes, but what we do see is pure gold.
Innocent-looking blond beauty Lindsay Pulsipher shape-shifts from panther back to gloriously naked woman while in the forest with Jason and a bloodied-up dead body. No wonder Jason looks stunned as she slinks towards him in all of her buck-naked, post-transformation glory. After seeing Lindsay’s precious pair, you’ll be pawing at your own stick.
Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) loses his memory after an encounter at the coven. He knows that he’s a vampire, but everything else in his noggin’ is lost. Luckily, Sookie (Anna Paquin) comes to his rescue, taking him home and calling Pam (Kristin Bauer) for help. Tara (Rutina Wesley) grows concerned when her cousin Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) goes missing. What do you expect when you mess with witches? Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is still shape-shifter Crystal’s (Lindsay Pulsipher) prisoner, and he’ll soon learn what she and her backwoods gang have in store for him. Sam (Sam Trammell) is none too pleased with his brother for wanting to scam the elderly Mrs. Fortenberry (Dale Raoul) out of a potential fortune. Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) turns to Bill (Stephen Moyer) for help after she adulterously sucks on someone she met at Fangtasia. And finally, the faerie world makes a surprise appearance in Sookie’s life once more. Faeries may seem nice, but there’s no escape from those little twerps.
Along with the feeding, we get a fleeting glimpse of pint-sized Courtney Ford’s perky pair. Wearing only a dark blue negligee, Courtney rides vampire Bill in a rocking chair. One particularly skintense pump has Courtney offering herself as an appetizer. You’ll be working your own back-and-forth motion!
Sookie (Anna Paquin) decides to stay in her house, despite it being sold out from under her while away in faerie land. However, when she learns the new owner’s identity, she fears for her safety and turns to Bill (Stephen Moyer) for help. Bill is now the Vampire King of Louisiana, and flashbacks reveal much of his past, including how he became king.
Elsewhere, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) wakes up tied to a bed as Crystal (Lindsay Pulsipher) and her hubby wait with a shape-shifting surprise. Sam (Sam Trammell) falls for part-Navajo shape-shifter Luna (Janina Gavankar), who once shifted into her own mother as she died giving birth to her. Weird. Arlene (Carrie Preston) grows terrified of her baby, whom she’s convinced is evil. Hoyt (Jim Parrack) shakes off an encounter with anti-vamp protestors, but he can’t shake a fight with Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), who jets for Shreveport. Tara (Rutina Wesley) returns to Bon Temps and joins Lafayette at the coven. Bill orders Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) to halt the coven’s attempts to reanimate a dead human, but surprises await….
The boobage is bountiful as red-head Katerina (Alexandra Breckenridge) gets boned into oblivion by vampire Bill. We spy Alex's pale pillows again in a quick scene that reveals Sookie’s knowledge of the tryst. Shape-shifting Lindsay reveals her small but mesmerizing ta-tas when she sheds her dress before transforming as a tied up Jason watches. And time stops completely at the sight of Janina reclining seductively in the dark woods, her perfectly shaped caramel knockers practically daring you to pump your pud.
Season Four opens with a fang as Sookie (Anna Paquin) returns to Bon Temps from what she thought was a brief jaunt to faerie land. Turns out she was gone 13 months, and has been declared missing by her friends! Sookie’s sabbatical didn’t end her troubles with the men-folk—living and dead—in her life, though. She can't bring herself to forgive Bill (Stephen Moyer); her brother Jason (Ryan Kwanten) sold her house while she was gone; and Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) still has the hots for her.
Meanwhile, bar owner Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) is slinking around with some sexy shape-shifters; Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) and Hoyt (Jim Parrack) try their hands at domestic bliss; Arlene (Carrie Preston) is worried that she birthed an evil baby; Tara (Rutina Wesley) has ditched Bon Temps for New Orleans and sexy new lady friend Naomi (Vedette Lim); and Lafayette mingles with some witches.
Chocolate and vanilla taste great together as Rutina and Vedette hit the sheets for a skinterracial lezbo romp. Rutina keeps her undies on, but every inch of her tight and toned brown body bangs as she rolls around with her raven-haired Asian ladylover Vedette. Vedette’s perfectly perky boobies come into full view after she climbs on top of Rutina, and we also get an eyeful of her tiny bangable bottom in little black panties as she writhes between Rutina’s spread legs. You’ll be putting the cream on top of this seductive Sapphic sundae!
Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) is about to save ole Snookie Stackhousen (Anna Paquin) from multiple fangasms at Fangtasia before being stopped dead(er )in his tracks by Pam (Kristen Bauer), who blinds him with vampire science. His efforts are too tittle, too taint as the lovelorn Yvetta (Natasha Alam) unbinds the bound Snookers and cleans up Bill’s mess like only a woman can.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is coming to terms with his girlfriend Crystal (Lindsay Pulsipher) being a were-panther. His agonizing leads him to the Bon Temps football field, where Kitch Maynard (Grey Damon) is just destroying it on the iron grid. Jason confronts the star QB about being on the juice, which Kitch admits to, adding that nobody would care if they found out. This sends Jason back to Crystal ready to make it work, as everybody in Bon Temps is something else.
Drunk off Jessica’s (Deborad Ann Woll ) blood, Hoyt (Jim Parrack) offers to let her suck off his tap while Eric the Norse Vampire (Alexander Skarsgard) and Russell Stover the King of All Vampires (Dennis O’ Hare) face off in a museum. Eric offers to trade the secret to walking in the sun if Russell promises to, you know . . . not kill him. (Prediction: If/when vampires are able to walk in the sun, Mr. Skin insists that scene be accompanied by the Smash Mouth song of like title.)
Across town at Merlotte’s, Arelene (Carrie Spreston) and Holly (Lauren Bowles) are going over the details on how they’re going to Dirty Dancing away Arlene’s pregnancy. On stage right, Andy (Chris Bauer) becomes a sobbing mess when Tara (Rutina Wesley) tells him she knows what happened to Egg .
Bill and Sookie are driving back to Von Trapp when Russell Stover the King of All Vampires physically stops the car and takes them back to Fangtasia. There, Russell and Eric nearly suck Sookie dry before Eric is sent into the sun as King Russ watches from a security camera. Seeing Eric is fine, he joins him outside only to find himself cuffed to a burning Eric who gives him the Bull and Axe “You go, we go” treatment.
Tara Buck as Ginger gives us a nice side peek at some sweet seat meat in this episode.
Snookie Von Snookerson (Anna Paquin) finds out that her fancy faery blood is intoxicating to vampires. (Paquin hasn’t been this desirable to blood suckers since her Oscar win.)
At Merlotte’s, what’s left of Franklin is being scraped off the parking lot. Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) gives Calvin (Gregory Sporeleder) some V for Vampire Juice, which saves his life but upsets him to the point of disowning his own daughter for going outside the species.
Via flashback, we learn that Sam (Sam Trammell) killed his former partner in sexy-crime Charlene (Arielle Kebbel) and her boyfriend Jon (Daniel Gillies) after the two had double-crossed him, leading to a weepy flash-forward to the pretty girl’s makeshift grave.
Certain that Russell Stover the King of All Vampires (Dennis O’Hare) will end him for killing Talbot, Eric bequeaths his vampire estate to Pam (Kristen Bauer). What does he have planned? Is this just a sly move to beat the capital fangs tax? Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) then drops in on Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton and Sookie to let Bill know that he knows what Bill’s been knowingly keeping from Snooks’ knowing. She interrupts the two and before Eric flies away home, he mentions he won’t be around too much longer. A skirmish outside of Merlotte’s ends with Tommy (Marshall Allman) shape shifting into a pit bull and mauling Hoyt (Jim Parrack). After Jessica punts the mutt into the woods, she professes her love to Hoyt and lets him suck her off. Bill wakes to find that Sneaky Stackhouse snuck out to Fangtasia to meet with Eric who sweeps her off her feet - then chains her in the basement!
Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) is worried that Russell the King of All Vampires (Dennis O'Hare) is going to kill him for the murder of Talbot. But before he and Pam (Kristin Bauer) can leave Fangtasia, Nan Flannagan’s (Jessica Tuck) vampire squad busts open the doors and starts searching the bar for answers in the Magister’s disappearance. Nan forces Eric to reach out to the Vampire Transit Authority via live broadcast. Eric uses the airtime to tell of Russell murdering the Magister as well as Russell’s quest to rule the world ever since he heard that Tears for Fears song.
Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) washes the blood off Rogue’s red rockets (Anna Paquin) in a great shower scene before she takes care of a different sort of furry beast – the corpse of a werewolf.
Crystal (Lindsey Pulsipher) knocks out her half-brother Felton (James Harvey Ward), then covers him in Vamp blood and calls in an anonymous tip. The plan doesn’t go over too well when the officer who went to arrest Felton is nearly beaten to death. (Whoops!) Jason (Ryan Kwanten) approaches Andy (Chris Bauer) about raiding the hick town of Hot Shot to take down the meth and V for Vampire Juice circuit.
Sookers meets up with Hadley (Lindsey Haun), who has pulled her kid out of school. Hadley apologizes for telling the Queen about Sukiyuki's power and then asks if her son Hunter (Max Charles) has any powers. After shining back-and-forth, Sookie confirms that he does which sends Hadley into exile to protect the kid.
High on Sookie blood, Bill approaches Claudine (Lara Pulver) in a dream to find out what Sookie really is. Upon waking, he heads out to tell her.
The Vampire Transit Authority decides that Eric must kill Russell Stover the King of All Vampires and to make sure that none of this ever makes the presses.
Things get cuh-razy at Merlotte’s when a kerfuffle ends with Jason and Hoyt (Jim Parrack) having to pull Sam (Sam Trammell) off Calvin (Gregory Spoeleder). Crystal accompanies her father to the hospital just as Franklin (James Frain) comes out of nowhere and is about ready to kill Tara. Jason saves the day and fires a wood bullet into Franklin’s chest, reducing him to a pool of goop.
Russell Stover the King of All Vampires becomes a VR nightmare when he kills a news anchor during a live broadcast and tells the viewers that all vampires are like him.
In this episode, Kate Luyben gives us a long look at those beautiful bazzans and Tiffany Taylor whips out her luscious lactose launchers as she and her vampire friend get their luxury limo lezzing on.
Sookie (Anna Paquin) comes out of her coma and screams when she sees the vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer). They decide that their love is too dangerous and can’t be. Big weepy tears of blood follow.
Talbot (Theo Alexander) is furious that Russell Stover The King of All Vampires (Dennis O'Hare) is letting his new wife Sophie (Evan Rachel Wood) move in. Giving the king more grief is Debbie Downer (Brit Morgan), who can’t stand that ole Snookers is too valuable to kill. The very gracious King does promise Debbie (and us) that she’ll get a chance to play with Rogue's rockets once they go to Bon Temps to get her. If you listen closely, you can hear every DVR in the country firing up. The king suggests that Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) entertain Talbot while they’re away, which brightens up Talbot. Now you can hear every DVR powering down.
Expecting Russell and his thugs, Bill frees Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) from his control, but she won’t go. Devastated by the man she killed, Russell decides that she’s better off in his care and readies her for the coming battle.
Just when things are getting good between Sookie and Alcide (Joe Manganiello), Jason and Andy (Ryan Kwanten and Chris Bauer) have to burst in and try to convince Sookie to press charges against Bill for assaulting her. Sookie refuses, sending an angry Jason storming out. Alcide is called to Jackson where Debbie Downer has set fire to his sister’s shop. He promises to come back.
Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) explains to Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) that he wants to quit dealing the V for Vampire Juice. They might have kissed. Mr. Skin is very busy and doesn’t have time to watch men kiss away their problems.
Jason is scouring his place for shotgun shells packed with wood when a dripping wet Crystal (Lindsay Pulsipher) comes to at the door. She doesn’t want to marry Felton. This leads to him packing her shell with his wood. When he’s done, he leaves – taking the shotgun with him.
Eric sends Hadley (Lauren Haun) to Snookers with a warning that Russell Stover the King of All Vampires is coming after her and that Bill can’t be trusted. Snooks decides to stay.
Debbie Downer and her wolf pack run an assault on Sookie’s pad. After a full-on battle royal, Sookie scissors Debbie when she stabs her in the face with a pair of shearers. As Russell is about to drive his spur into Bill’s pretty face, the King of All Vampires is overcome by an uneasy feeling. Back at the mansion, Eric has taken a stake and shot it though Talbot’s heart. But it's too late. Russ gives blood, a bad name.
In this episode, Anna Paquin unpacks great T&A as she rough rides Vampire Billy like Teddy Roosevelt through the Badlands. Honorable mention to Lindsey Haun, who turns me on with her thong.
Sookie (Anna Paquin) shows some tenderness as she licks Alcide’s (Joe Manganiello) wounds. He reveals that his ex-fiancee Debbie Downer (Brit Morgan) is now engaged to Coot (Grant Bowler). Right as things are about to get good, Bill (Stephen Moyer) calls to break up with Snookers. There hasn’t been worse timing since that Rolex Mr. Skin bought in Mexico.
Franklin (James Frain) sinks his fangs into Tara (Rutina Wesley) and ties her to the toilet before going underground.
Not content with breaking just one heart, the Vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton hangs up with the sobbing Sookie and tells the Luscious Lady Lorena (Mariana Klaveno) that he’ll never love her, then backs this up by punching her into the next time zone.
Alcide’s sister Janice (Dawn Olivieri) drops in to help disguise Snookers for her visit to Lou Pine’s. Reading her mind she discovers that not only is Alcide’s ex Debbie engaged to Cooter, she’s being inducted into the werewolf family. Sookie tells Alcide and they head out to Lou Pine’s.
At Merlotte’s, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) has words with Kitch Maynard (Grey Damon), the Bon Temps QB about to break Jason’s records. Arlene’s (Carrie Preston) request for a new waitress backfires when Sam (Sam Trammel) brings in Tammy (Carlson Young), a hot young redhead.
In the hillbilly town of Hot Shot, local V for Vampire Juice dealer Calvin Norris (Gregory Sporleder) isn’t interested in Lafayette’s (Nelsan Ellis) supply. Things get ugly when the slack jaws strip Laffy Taffy’s car. Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) saves his ass, but gets word from Pam that the Magister is raiding Fangtasia and has found the stash of juice.
At Lou Pine’s, Sookie is throwing back shots with bikers when Debbie Downer threatens her. Alcide steps in only to get into it with Cooter. Russell Stover the King of All Vampires (Dennis O'Hare) takes the stage and silences the crowd. He spouts some scary German gibberish to his werewolf friends, then starts a raging kegger by tapping his own vein. Debbie is branded with the Operation Werewolf Sigil and everyone in the house starts shifting. Alcide screams for Sookie to run while she can.
It might be easier to list when their isn't some fabulous flesh being displayed in this episode!
Natasha Alam's funbags are on on display through her fishnet top as she dances for a bored Eric. Jade Tailor is able to give us a peak at her ripe dairy bombs on stage to a more receptive crowd. She then puts on an even better show for Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton. respect to Brit Morgan and Anna Paquin for stripping down to their sexy skivvies.
Bill (Stephen Moyer) has been kidnapped by a group of bikers, leaving a confused Sookie (Anna Paquin) to try to convince the cops to care. Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) has accidentally killed her latest snack and is hiding his body in the basement.
Sookie goes to Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) for help finding Bill, but finds him playing hide the kielbasa with randy Russian stripper Yvetta (Natasha Alam). As Eric moves away, we see some full frontal boobs and bush. Yvetta can show us her southern belle anytime!
Bill manages to escapes his chains and kill one of his kidnappers before forcing their car to crash. As Bill runs away from the crash, he sends out a mental SOS to Jessica. Sookie tells Tara (Rutina Wesley) that she helped Eggs (Mehcad Brooks) remember what happened under the Maenad’s influence. Tara tries to overdose, but Lafayette(Nelsan Ellis) saves her at the last minute. Sam ( Sam Trammell) has some luck tracking down his biological family, but finds out they are troubled trailer trash. Vampire Queen of Louisiana Sophie-Anne (Evan Rachel Wood)comes to town and orders Eric to sell off his supply of V before the Magister finds out who is really behind the sale of the drugs. Arlene (Carrie Preston) discovers she is pregnant again, possibly with the progeny of evil ex Rene.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) and Hoyt bring two veterinary students home from the bar. While Jason is getting cookie nookie from his girl ( C.C. Sheffield), the other comes into the room to get some gleesome threesome action.Bountiful boobies and supple skin abound but Jason keeps flashing back to shooting Eggs and can’t perform. Mr. Skin knows what these vets need…doggy style!
Still in the woods, Bill comes across an old lady who he glamours into giving up her blood. With his strength back, he goes outside to face the remaining biker werewolves.
It’s a crowded field, but this has to be Bon Temps’ breast episode yet! Natasha Alam's bangin' bod will have you saying “do svidaniya” to your pants.
Things start off sizzling when Sookie (Anna Paquin) is forced to strip down to her sexy skivvies by the black-eyed, probably foul-smelling, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis). Laffy Taffy hands Sookers a toga, then forces her to shotgun a beer before leading her downstairs where the matron maiden Maryann (Michelle Forbes) is leading a band of frenzied females all going ga-ga in their togas. It's all the terror and mayhem of a wedding dress sale at Filene's. Maryann wants to know how Snooks was able to shoot lightning out of her hands. Even though our heroic heroine doesn't know, Maryann will keep her around as bait to lure Sam (Sam Trammell) back into the circle.
Meanwhile at the Queen's castle, the succulent succubus SophieAnn (Evan Rachel Wood) readies to sink her fangs into Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) unless he can tell her how the Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) knows she's having Eric sell V for Vampire Juice. Eric promises to take care of the matter.
Out back the Stackhouse shack, Jason and Andy (Ryan Kwanten and Chris Bauer) prove to be the worst heroes ever when Maryann quickly blackens their eyes like she were Manny Pacquiao.
Bill marches in with Sam and offers him up to Maryann as a vessel in exchange for Sookie. Over Snookie's shrieking, Eggs Benedict (Mehcad Brooks) plunges a dagger into Sam's chest. As the blood spills out, Snooks receives a message from Sam telling her to distract Maryann. She quickly pushes over the totem and goes crazy on the gaggle of googly gals. How crazy? Overdraft dispute crazy. In all this rucuks, their God appears. The bull charges at Maryann who welcomes it and is gored into a black pulp. The beast then changes shape - back into Sneaky Sam.
Turns out Bill fed enough of his blood to Sam to survive the stabbing. Maryann's death frees the black eyes, and the people of Bon Temps, LA make excuses for their lapses and resume life as they knew it. Except Eggs Benedict, who is pained by guilt over things he can't remember. He has Snookers unlock his mind, allowing him to see the murders he committed under the spell.
Eggs holds Andy at deadly dagger point demanding he be arrested for murder. Jason stumbles across this scene and shoots Eggs in the head, killing him. Andy takes the gun and tells Jason to leave. He runs off before Tara finds Egg's body and collapses beside him.
A marriage proposal from Bill sends Snookie to the bathroom to gather her thoughts. When she exits loudly proclaiming, "Yes! I will marry you and have your vampire babies!" she finds the room empty with the exception of the remains of a struggle.
Sorry folks, not much in this episode except for story and a scantily clad Snookers.
Things kick off with a bang with the Vampire Queen of Louisiana Sophie-Ann (Evan Rachel Wood) sucking on the thigh of a nubile nymph as the Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) watches. Once she's finished snacking, Queen Sophie-Ann hears tell about the maenad that's been wreaking havoc on Bon Temps. He'll need to team up with her to kill the creature.
Domestic disputes dominate as Hoyt (Jim Parrack) is forced to pry Jessica's (Deborah Ann Woll) fangs from out his mother's neck. And Tara (Rutina Wesley) is on lock down in Lafayette's place. Everyone wants to keep her from returning to the abusive Eggs Benedict (Mechad Brooks).
At the bar, Sam (Sam Trammell) is explaining his powers as a shape shifter to Jason and Andy (Ryan Kwanten and Chris Bauer) and tries to talk them out of going after the maenad Maryann (Michelle Forbes). The two decide to go after her with every piece of firepower they can find at the police station.
While standing guard over Tara, Sookie (Anna Paquin) tells Laffy Taffy (Nelsan Ellis) about the dream bone sessions she's been having with Eric (Alex Skarsgard) since she drank his blood. Laffy informs her she's not the only one. Inside, Tara is putting the screws on her mother Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) to help her escape. Lettie caves and is able to get control of Laffy's gun, holding him and Snookie hostage. The crazy chick's coup is short-lived as they regain control of the gun and dash to Maryann's to kill the maenad.
Sam reaches out to Eric for help with everything going on in Bon Temps. Although the work is beneath him like an internship, he agrees for a chance to get closer to the sexpot Snooks.
Bill is stuck in poor host hell, as he plays an endless game of Yahtzee with the Louisiana Queen (As far as Mr. Skin is concerned, there's only one Queen of Louisiana - that chick from the Popeye's Chicken commercials). To keep him around, the "queen" gives Billy some information about Maryann. The only way to kill her is to let her meet the God who comes. As he's leaving, Bill runs into Eric and knows he's angling for Snookers. Bill tells him to step-off, otherwise he'll tell the "queen" he's selling V for Vampire juice. Dance fight ensues. Lots of jazz hands.
Jason and Andy arrive to the ole Stackhouse Shack ready to battle with Maryann. Inside, Snookie finds the crazed locals hanging out in her kitchen. Upstairs she's able to see Tara and Egg building a giant nest before Laffy Taffy appears - his eyes as black as this situation is ridiculous.
Nothing to report this week as this is one of those "story" episodes.
Eric the Norse Vampire (Alexander Skarsgard) is about to sink his rock hard fangs into Sookie's (Anna Paquin) supple skin when she comes to in the backseat of a car. Jason (Ryan Kwanten) recognizes the signs of an erotic fantasy and won't let up until their car hits a pedestrian. They get out to find that the town of Bon Temps is in ruins, like Hill Valley when Biff had the almanac, or maybe Detroit.
At the Stackhouse shack, Maryann's (Michelle Forbes) followers are building a totem for the God Who Comes Schedule Permitting. A dark eyed Eggs Benedict and Karl (Mechad Brooks and Adam Leadbeater) are attending to her like loyal minions.
For those of you lost, Sam (Sam Trammell) reminds Andy (Chris Bauer), who’s just returned from a deserted police station, what's happening: Maryann's a most likely indestructible ancient creature known as a maenad who wants to sacrifice Sam in order for her God to appear. This most appreciated recap is ended with a phone call from Merlotte's. Arlene (Carrie Preston) and her children are pinned down by crazed townspeople. Andy arrives to find out it's a trap and are ambushed by the dark-eyed locals. They take refuge in the walk-in fridge.
At Lafayette's, a possessed Tara (Rutina Wesley) is tied to a bed under the watchful eye of her mother Lettie Mae (Adina Porter).
The Stackhouses arrive to find their home is now an altar for the God Who Comes Schedule Permitting. They get a call from Laffy Taffy asking for help, but Maryann appears and blocks them in. Bill takes a bite out of her only to find her black blood makes him puke. Sookie places her as the creature that attacked her in the woods and shoves her. Sparks shoot from her hands, sending Maryann across the room. She has no idea what she just did, but it gives them a chance to escape.
Jason and Andy are able to get out of the cooler when Sam offers himself up and fools the crowd into thinking he's been killed by Jason. The mob accepts the anti-climactic resolve and leave to report the good news to Maryann.
Sookie and Bill are able to free Tara from Maryann's spell, only to find that her urge to be with Eggs Benedict persists.
Sorry folks, no good parts to report on this episode.
Things kick off with the second best kind of bang. Luke has detonated the bomb strapped to his chest, obliterating the Dallas vampire compound. The Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer), who was outside the lair breaking things off with Lorena, rushes in and finds Sookie (Anna Paquin) was shielded from the blast by the Norse Vampire Eric (Alexander Skarsgard). Bill catches a Soldier of the Sun runt and sinks his fangs into the kid's neck, but leaves enough for the boy to return to the fellowship to tell the others he was spared.
Silver shrapnel Eric took in the explosion is killing him. He asks Sookie to wrap her lips around his wounds and suck out the poisonous metal. (This may be the best move since cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box!) Bill returns to inform Snooks that the silver isn't hurting him and she's now drank his blood - connecting the two forever.
Covered in bruises, Tara and Eggs Benedict (Rutina Wesley and Mechad Brooks) wake up with no memory of the night before. Maryann (Michelle Forbes) suggests that the two are evolving into something great - which Tara is unable to accept, given her past history of abuse. Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) assumes the bruises are from Eggs' abuse and attacks him in the restaurant.
Bill had warned Snookie that, along with dry mouth and clammy hands, sexual fantasies of Eric would be a side effect of drinking his blood. In a great dream sequence, we see what Wolverine was always vying for when Snookie whips out and lets hang her lush left breast.
Most of Bon Temps is incarcerated due to odd behavior. Maryann gets the now black-eyed Sheriff to release everyone. She demands to see Sam (Sam Trammell), who is also being held, but he turns into an insect and leaves behind only his clothes.
Hoyt (Jim Parrack) introduces Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) to his mother and it goes splendidly. She refuses Jessica's attempts at civility and tells the vivacious vixen that she doesn't want her son involved with a vampire who can't give him children. Snap! Not a good way to talk to a vampire with anger management issues.
Maryann puts Eggs Benedict and tortured Tara under the spell, blackening their eyes. Lafayette is able to get Tara out, but Eggs is unable to escape. Maryann, looking for Sam, heads into Merlotte's and announces that "The God Who Comes demands his sacrifice. Where is Sam Merlotte?" Though Sam is nowhere to be found, the patrons' eyes turn black.
Nan Flanagan (Jessica Tuck) demands accountability for the events in Dallas. My Man Godric (Allan Hyde) offers to take the blame. With Snooks by his side, Godric heads to the roof to meet the sun - disappearing into an arc of bright white light.
Did you get a load of Snooks' titty earlier?!
Sookie (Anna Paquin) is being held in the basement of the Fellowship of the Sun church. My Man Godric (Allan Hyde) snaps Gabe's neck, then directs the Norse Vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard) to lead Sookie from here without any more shenanigans. That lasts until the next room, when Eric overtakes a group of guards. They're apprehended by Steve Newlin's (Michael McMillian) army and are to replace Godric in the ceremony.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) wakes to find that he was shot with a paintball gun. He tries to explain to Sarah (Anna Camp) that he was trying to get away from her husband. Still feeling scorned, she fires again, only this time into his man meat. She calls the Von Stackhousens a bunch of fangbangers which gives Jason Hulk-strength. He knocks Sarah to the ground, takes her gun, and rides off in her car.
The lavishly lewd Lorena (Mariana Klaven) is at a loss for how weak the Vampire Bill ' Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) has become. She takes a drink from the bellhop who delivered Snookie's SOS, and is so distracted by his subtle tones and bold flavor that she does not notice Bill cracking her skull with a flat-panel television. As he rushes to leave, he finds that Jessica and Hoyt (Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack) are poised to deflower each other - sending a wave of all sorts of wrong through him.
When Jason arrives to the church, he finds everyone is in a double serving of triple trouble. The Minister Steve Newlin has a shotgun aimed at Snooker's head, which is a little excessive. Even for this show. Eric is chained to the altar like a child actor whose father went out for smokes. And The Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) is surrounded by a whole mess of hot soldiers with wood. Stakes that is. And not the meaty kind.
Like a Deadshot Dick, Jason fires the paintball gun and knocks the gun from the minister Steve Newlin’s hand. Then he fires again, hitting the minister right between the beady eyes.
Before any more blood can be spilled, Godric settles tempers and most of the army leaves on their own accord. Lorena appears, prompting her and Snookburger to turn the Maury Povich to 11. Godric banishes Lorena from the area, easing Bill of any recourse. Jason apologizes to Bill for his stance on vamps and just as everything is looking to wrap itself up, Luke enters with a dynamite vest strapped to his chest.
No nudity to report this episode. Hopefully, that'll change.
Drunkenly stumbling in search of the pig he almost ran down, Detective Andy Bellefluer (Chris Bauer) discovers the people of Bon Temps naked and chanting without a permit as the mysterious maiden Maryann (Michelle Forbes) is about to cut out Sam's (Sam Trammell) heart as a sacrifice. Drunk Andy fires a shot into the air, giving Sam enough time to turn into an owl and fly away home (Paquin reference!). When Andy tries to get his cousin's attention, black eye Terry (Todd Lowe) breaks Andy's arm with a snap worse than this: Yo Mama is so dumb, she printed her registry information on the invite - not on a separate card included the same envelope.
Sam takes a gun to the delightful dish Daphne's (Ashley Jones) head for betraying him. Daphne reveals that Maryann is the maenad, an indestructible creature who controls the thoughts and will of all humans but not those of any supernatural creature. Or Dakota Fanning, for some reason. Sam lowers his weapon and leaves, not sure of how to process this.
Sookie and Hugo Boss (Anna Paquin and Christopher Gartin) are in the basement of the Fellowship of the Sun Church. As Hugo is having a panic attack from the tight space, Sookers is trying to figure out who could have set them up. Could this be a move by Stan to get obtain power from the teen vampire My Man Godric?
The lavishingly lewd Lorena (Mariana Klaveno) keeps the Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton under her thumb in the hotel, she being the stronger of the two. They relive a past encounter when Lorena brought Billy a chorus girl as a gift. Bill refused, but Lorena had no problem biting into the Busby Berkeley babe. Fast forward to the hotel. Bill warns Lorena that if he harms Snooks, he'll drive a stake through her heart then leave her some negative feedback.
Back at the church, idiot Hugo Boss blurts to minister Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) that they're holding THE Snookie Stackhousen. Worrying that things are going to go from bad to worse, she sends out a mental S.O.S to Barry the Bumbling Bellhop Telepath (Chris Coy), which he nervously relays to Bill and Lorena. As Hugo Boss becomes more of a mess, his thoughts become more apparent and Snooks discovers that after Isabel refused to turn him, he felt rejected and turned to the Fellowship.
Eggs Benedict and Tara (Mechad Brooks and Rutina Wesley) wake up in the Stack Shack not sure how they got there. Covered in wabbit blood, Maryann seems to have settled into the home.
Thanks to the idiot Hugo Boss, Steve has left in search for Jason (Ryan Kwanten), thinking that the Stackhouse bro is working with the vampires. Steve finds him leaving the campground and holds him at knife point. Jason is able to get away, but then he comes across the sinless sexpot Sarah (Anna Camp), who raises a gun and shoots him.
Daphne (Ashley Jones) waits for the maenad Maryann on the dock. When she arrives with Eggs Benedict, she welcomes them with open arms, allowing Eggs to drop a dagger into the sad shape-shifter's chest.
In the basement, drill sergeant Gabe (Greg Collins) pummels the idiot Hugo Boss. As he forces himself atop Snookers, Gabe is lifted into the air by an inked-up teen: My Man Godric!
In an attempt to get Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Steven Moyer) straight outta the picture, the Norse Vampire Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) has called in his competition's creator - the lavishly lusty Lorena (Mariana Klaveno). A vivacious vixen vamp if ever there was one, she relives her and Bill's previous exploits: Seducing a Chicago couple in the roaring 1920s, then sucking them dry and having a sweaty bone session next to their gurgling bodies. As his creator, she has absolute power over Bill, so when her progeny arrives, she refuses to let him leave.
The tortured Tara and Eggs Benedict (Rutina Wesley and Mechad Brooks) are making the most of the Stackhouse Shack as Tara's birthday party rages in the back woods. Sam and the delectable dish Daphne (Sam Trammell and Ashley Jones) strip down, and she offers to show off hers if he'll whip his out - shape-shifting ability, that is. Terry and Arlene (Todd Lowe and Carrie Preston) interrupt the naked pair as they too were expecting to “rough it” in the woods.
In Dallas, Sookie (Anna Paquin) won't ease up on poor Barry the Bumbling Bellhop (Chris Coy), who is afraid that his telepathic powers will make him a vampire target. Jessica Hambone and Hoyt (Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack) nerd out over geek stuff while Snookie tries to put the vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) at ease so as to spend the night with him. But Bill is too worried about the Norse Vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard) to saddle up with ole Sookie Shackhouse.
Lafyette (Nelsan Ellis) returns to everyone's excitement, but Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) is wary about a pall hanging over Laffy Taffy.
Maryann (Michelle Forbes) seems to have taken up residence in the Stack Shack. When Tara voices her worry to Eggs Benedict, he takes it as an offense to the family.
Gabe (Greg Collins) is the drill sergeant at the Light of Day Institute. As his fellow recruits struggle with the endurance regiment, Jason excels, drawing praise from Gabe and even more attention from the sinfully seductive minister's wife Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp).
The Norse Vampire Eric joins Snookers and Bill with the Dallas vamps Isabel and Stan (Valerie Cruz and Ed Quinn). Eric is angered by the bickering that takes place among the clan while My Man Godric is missing. Aside, Eric reveals to Bill that the missing vamp is a teenager responsible for turning Eric. Against Bill's wishes, Snookers volunteers to infiltrate the church.
Jason is falling further into the good graces of the Newlin family. First Steve shows him the armory where the weapons for the coming vampire war are being stowed, then Sarah gives Jason a five-fingered salute while the good soldier is taking a bath.
Maryann uses her powers to turn the staff of Merlotte's against Tara, sending the poor waitress to her for support. After the doors are closed, Sam and the delectable dish Daphne size one another up for a game of two balls, one pocket.
We get a glimpse of Ashley's assets when she strips down in the woods to shift Sam's shape.
Jason Stankhouse (Ryan Kwanten) may be a little too dedicated to the Light of Day Institute. A prank sends him over the edge and at odds with his fellow recruits. Vampires, like the Police Academy franchise, are not something to laugh at. The Reverend Steven Newlin (Michael McMililan) takes notice and invites the lad out for a night of shooting and ribs with the equally finger lickin' Sarah (Anna Camp).
The Vampire Bill ’Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) is uneasy with Jessica and Hoyt’s (Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack) blossoming relationship. But it’s not the sexpot succubus he’s worried for. Their trip to Dallas kicks off on a rocky start as the limo driver picking them up at the airport attempts to abduct our Snookie Snookerson (Anna Paquin) before Bill bursts from his travel coffin and subdues the would-be assailant. Under questioning, the driver admits that the Light of Day Institute put him up to the task.
Tara (Rutina Wesley) is leaving Maryann's (Michelle Forbes) to watch the Stack Shack. When she thanks her host, Maryann mentions that she’s certain Tara would do the same.
The Norse Vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard) lets the wounded Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) drink from his tap until the dying Laffy is now dancing with delight. The jump-off is cut short when Eric is summoned to Dallas, where he warns the others that the vampire My Man Gordic’s disappearance will lead bloodsuckers to turn on humans.
Jason is offered a spot on a special team of followers who are ready to engage in combat against the vampires. But when he returns to his bunker, the other recruits can’t help but diminish the invite as usual. Like Mama Skin said, “If your friends can’t be happy for your inclusion in a holy war against the living dead, they weren’t your friends to begin with.” She even had that crocheted into a pillow.
Alone at the Stack Shack, Tara hears noises coming from outside. Never having seen a single horror movie in her life, she goes to investigate and finds Maryann, Eggs Benedict (Mechad Brooks) and the manservant Karl (Adam Leadbeater) surprising her with a birthday party. Within hours, the entire town is tearing it up outside. As the night continues, the party grows rowdy. Tara and Eggs leave to get it on in Snookie’s bedroom while Maryann begins a chant that gets the revelers reveling in reverie. Clothes come off. Maryann’s hands turn into claws. Someone tears the labels off the canned goods. It’s anarchy!
This episode doesn't dole out any dames' derrieres. Nor does it flaunt any funbags. Sad face.
The Vampire Bill ' Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) is pissed that Sookie (Anna Paquin) put Jessica's (Deborah Ann Woll) family in danger. When her apologies fall on deaf ears, Snookie, the queen of bad ideas, sprints from the car and decides to walk home. Five feet later, a creature attacks our distressed damsel, triggering a reaction that prevents Bill from feeding her his blood. This is why you should stay in the car, ladies. There's much worse out there than a clumsy groping. Bill rushes Snooks to Fangatsia where a magical dwarf (aren't they all magical?) pours some of that Last Crusade juice on her wounds, allowing her to drink Bill's blood and heal.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is away at Light of the Day Camp, where his days are spent praying for guidance and hearing tales of how vampires have ruined people's lives. He was expecting this to be more of a fantasy getaway where he'd be playing guitar with Joan Jett, Michael J. Fox and Michael KcKean. When he walks away in a huff over vampires not being a black or white category, the church minister's wife Sinless Sarah (Anna Camp) tells the young solider that his humanity and spirit are commendable traits. And we all know what we're talking about when we talk about humanity.
Snooks wakes up rejuvinated, then discovers that Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) is being kept in the basement. She's unable to free him, but approaches the Norse Vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard) with a proposition. She'll go to Dallas to help locate My Man Godric, if he'll free Laffy Taffy. Also, he has to add $10,000 to the kitty.
Someone needs to call the operator as Maryann's (Michelle Forbes) party is off the hook. Detective Andy Bellefleur (Chris Bauer) arrives to ask the hedonistic host to keep the noise down. The hooch at this party must be good, as the revelers are getting crazy. Boobs are a-popping. Bodies are a-writhing. Eyes are a-turning black.
Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) goes for a late night swim when the delectable dish Daphne (Ashley Jones) emerges to join him. She strips out of her shirt revealing a series of scars that look just like those fresh on Sookie's back.
Ashley Jones gives us some beautiful back crack when she strips down, wetting our appetites for what's to come.
Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) is questioned by the Norse Vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard), who decides that instead of torturing Sookie's brother Jason for killing vampire Eddie, he’ll ask Laffy who would have abducted the vampire Godric of Dallas.
The Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) and Sookie (Anna Paquin) bask in the awesomeness of make-up sex. Snooks gets worried that the titillating teen terror Jessica Hambone (Deborah Ann Woll) might have heard them getting it on. Bill lets on that her dangerous impulses make Jessica more than just an awkward teenager.
Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) catches a bus for the Light of Day Institute camp in Dallas thanks to an estate check from a deceased uncle. On-board, he meets Luke McDonald (Wes Brown), who has been waiting for acceptance into the group for as long as he can remember. He suggests Jason bunk with him, because it's always a great sign when someone you just met wants to live a few feet away from you.
The tortured Tara (Rutina Wesley) learns that Eggs Benedict (Mechad Brooks) has a past more checkered than an Indy flag. He did time for assault, lived under a freeway, and had his pilot picked up by FOX. Snookie invites Tara to stay at Gran's house so as to not have to deal with Maryann (Michelle Forbes), an offer which doesn't bode well with the mysterious maiden. The new waitress at Merlotte's, the delectable dish Daphne (Ashley Jones), is struggling with her tables, but Sam tends to Maryann's booth and is reminded of a cool $100,000 he stole from the woman after the two had finished with an epic jamming session on par with The Last Waltz.
Using a metal implant that was formerly part of Royce's leg, Laffy Taffy is able to free himself, but runs into an armed Ginger (Tara Buck), who - like all gingers - is unable to reason and fires a round into his thigh. As he lies bleeding, Eric returns from asking Snookie for help in finding the vampire My Man Godric. He offers to let Laffy bleed to death, or be fed upon. The victim suggests he be turned into a vampire.
Jessica Hambone is trying to grow closer to Snookie, until the teenage vamp bolts and leads them to her parent's house. At first, they seem welcoming, but as Jessica's father (Ben Lemon) lashes out at Jessica for disappearing, the titillating teen backs her father against a wall. Right as she's about to sink her fangs into daddy, Bill arrives and quickly the three flee like a carnivorous caravan of gorgeous gypsies.
Anna Paquin continues to bring the heat with back-to-back boobers in this episode and last. This is the kind of record that leads to the Mr. Skin Hall of Fame!
The second season of True Blood opens with the body of Miss Jeanette being pulled from a trash bag, her heart cut out like a coupon.
The Vampire Bill "Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) is laying down the law of the land for the titillating teen terror Jessica Hambone (Deborah Ann Woll). The rules include putting some damn clothes on and not eating people - especially his darling damsel Snookie von Stackhousen (Anna Paquin).
Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) has gotten himself into another fine mess as he wastes away in a squalid basement dungeon (Is there any other kind?). A redneck from Bon Temps named Royce (Caleb Moody) is added to this cavalcade of clumsy criminals.
The long arm of Johnny Law is putting the screws on Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley) about her relationship with the hollowed husk of Miss Jeanette. Her tales of exorcisms, demons and women driving aren't going over well until Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) arrives and backs it all up. Outside the station Lettie meets the mysterious maiden Maryann Forrester (Michelle Forbes), whose harsh words for Lettie bring the mom to tears. Tara leaves with her new supermom, Maryann.
At her home, Tara and Eggs Benedict (Mechad Brooks) start to get comfortable with one another and Maryann's manservant Karl (Adam Leadbeater) is appropriately smacked for offering the bathers towels.
Snookie and Bill's heart-to-heart is interrupted (see: made better) by Jessica, who emerges in nothing but a towel. Snookers is upset that Bill had to turn her and wants to know what other secrets he has. This prompts him to later reveal that he killed her Uncle Bartlett for what he had done to Snooks. This outpouring of honesty ends with Snookers telling Billy that she loves him. They adjourn to the bedroom and bone like Skeletor.
In the dungeon, the redneck prisoner is called up for questioning by the Norse vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard). Royce shoves a silver crucifix in the vamps face that does absolutely nothing. Eric rips the man apart until a shower of idiot blood rains down in the cell.
Season two starts out rollicking with Rogue's ripe rockets on display. We also get a peak at Sookie's Backhouse in this sizzling scene.
Renee (Michael Raymond James) is attempting to console Jason (Ryan Kwanten) by justifying “his killings” as ridding the world of fangbangers. Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) enters and begins telling Jason about the real killer, Drew Michael, but Jason refuses to listen and has her removed. An agent for anti-vampire group the Fellowship of the Sun commends Jason on his actions, and informs him of a legal fund the organization has established for him. He leaves behind literature for Jason. Just a tip, guy- if ever you leave literature for a prisoner, make sure it has a centerfold.
At the mysterious maiden Maryann’s (Michelle Forbes) compound for lost souls, our host explains that her new guest needs to examine what she wants in life and not what she’s lost. She meets Eggs Benedict (Mechad Brooks), another person who was brought in by their new life coach. The two seem to hit it off very well.
In a small town like Bon Temps, gossip travels faster than an STD. Snookie can’t work without hearing everyone’s guilty assumptions about her brother and has to leave early. Her car refuses to start and passerby Rene offers to look at the engine (to make sure he sabotaged it right) and offers to give Snooks a lift. At the bar, Sam (Sam Trammell) finds Rene’s work vest and picks up his scent of the killer.
Snookie gets a tad suspicious when she sees Rene’s memory of killing her grandmother. She makes an excuse to leave the room and returns with a shotgun that, unfortunately for her, is unloaded. Rene may be a killer, but he plans ahead. As Snooks sprints for safety, the Vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) senses his darling damsel in danger and dashes out into the deadly daylight.
Rene has caught up with Snooks and is strangling her in the cemetery when a dog emerges and bites the asshole assailant. The animal attack allows Snookerella enough time to pick up a shovel and bury it in the killer’s neck, decapitating him.
Sam takes back his human form and holds Snookie in an embrace when he sees Bill charring on the ground. Sam carries him to an empty grave and buries him for protection against the sun – and because it’s always nice to bury the guy who got the girl.
All is returning to normal in the quiet town of Bon Temps. So many people are dead. Families have been broken up. Snookie is still enamored with Bill, even though it was Sam who saved her life and Bill’s. Jason is poised to sign up with a cult of vampire killers. An unseen creature has just taken off with Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis). Oh, and there’s a body in the back of the Detective Andy Bellefluer’s (Chris Bauer) car.
Although the first season finale was vacant of vampire flesh, season two is shapeshifting its way into a multiplex of murder, mayhem and most importantly - mammaries. Misty water-colored mammaries.
Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) is rightfully freaked out at the naked Sam Merlotte (Sam Tremmell) sleeping on her bed. He explains that he’s a shape-shifter and one of the many supernatural beings who inhabit this universe. He discovered his ability as a teen and it prompted his adoptive parents to abandon him. That night, there’s an engagement party at Sam’s bar for the waitress Arlene (Carrie Preston) and her beau Rene (Michael-Raymond James). Though the whole town of Bon Temps is there, Sookie is alone without the Vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer).
At his hearing, the magistrate presiding over Bill’s hearing doles out cold vampire justice, forcing Bill to turn the titillating teenage temptress Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) into a vampire. Despite his protests, Bill sinks his fangs into the girl and pays a forty-dollar fine to cover the vampire court costs.
Tara (Rutina Wesley)goes through with the exorcism and kills a vision of her younger self meant to be the symbol of everything wrong within her. She leaves the session feeling cured, but learns that the exorcist is a fraud who fed her and her mother hallucinogens. She keeps this info from her mother, worried that it could damage her progress. As she’s leaving the engagement party after a few too many, Tara swerves to avoid hitting a naked woman walking a pig across the road and ends up kissing a tree.
Amy (Lizzy Caplan) and Jason (Ryan Kwanten) are nervous after Lafayette figures out that something has happened to his supplier Eddie Money (Stephen Root), and that Jason is one of the few people he knows dumb enough to do something like that. Jason wants to free him, but Amy is afraid both of the vampire they’ve kept prisoner and of losing Jason. After some calm rational thinking which probably involved a flowchart and several contingency plans, she drives a stake through the vampire’s heart. Problem solved.
Sadly, Anna keeps it all Packed-In, and Lizzy is too much of a mess to get undressed.
As the bartender vampire Longshadow (Raoul Trujillo) reaches for Sookie Von Strackhouse (Anna Paquin), the Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) skewers him from behind, spraying his blood on Snookers. Killing a vampire in the name of a human is a big deal among the vamp community, and Bill will have to stand before a vampire tribunal.
Amy and Jason (Lizzy Caplan and Ryan Kwanten) keep the vampire Eddie Money (Stephen Root) locked up in the basement and drink off the prisoner to keep their buzz going. As much as Jason doesn’t like keeping Eddie locked away, the marathon log-jamming sessions he’s having with Amy make it all the worthwhile. Jason and Eddie bond over how Eddie became a vampire and against Amy’s wishes, Jason feeds their prisoner TruBlood.
After some back-and-forth, Tara (Rutina Wesley) decides to go through with the exorcism. When she tells Sam (Sam Trammell), he offers to cover the cost. Sam is still in something of a legal pickle as he was found running naked in the woods. Although the local law enforcement can’t find anything on the killer in Bon Temps, they have determined that Sam’s alibi of growing up in a nudist colony is a lie.
Bill swings by Merlotte’s to ask Sam to watch over Snookie in the event something happens against him at Vampire Court. In a statement directed at the slackjaws responsible for the fire, but issued to all in Merlotte’s, the Norse Vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard) warns that like those ads of puppies in shelters, vampires aren’t something you should be comfortable around.
Tara and Snookie are beginning to rebuild their friendship. Until Snooks catches Tara and Sam rounding second base and ready to slide on in to third. Snookie goes to Bill’s where a border collie follows her. She allows the stray to sleep at the foot of her bed, and wakes to find a nude Sam in its place. This is probably on of those Three’s Company misunderstandings.
Eddie Money better spend the rest of this series in that basement, because the Technicolor Titty Town that comes from drinking his Vampire Juice is making this one of the best shows on the air. In this episode, Lizzy Caplan goes all the way and gives us the twin towers, the rear admirable, and even the burning bush.
You ever dream you have a fancy house or a bitchin’ car but wake up to a studio unit and a bus pass? Also, it turns out that you’re not at a urinal? Not Mr. Skin, but that’s because Mr. Skin has his life together. Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) has those dreams, and when he wakes up, he finds that the awesome sex he was having with the amazingly able Amy (Lizzy Caplan) was just a V for Vampire Juice fantasy, or "V-Dream.”
Tara (Rutina Wesley) is being a miserable person. She’s amazed by how much her drunken mother Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) has recovered post-exorcism, but is aggravated by her newfound self-righteousness. She also takes issue with Snookie (Anna Paquin) over the now even deader Bill. This must mean the exorcist was right, so she takes herself in to be rid of this demon.
Sookie is taking flowers to her lover’s grave when the Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) comes straight outta the woods. The two get it on like the kill screen in Donkey Kong. It turns out the fourth coffin contained the body of the local coroner’s assistant, a known fangbanger.
Jason and Amy are becoming V for Vampire Juice junkies and follow Lafayette (Nelsa Ellis) to see where he gets his merchandise. The supply comes from a gay vampire named Eddie Money (Stephen Root, who can make anything he touches that much better), so the Sid and Nancy of Bon Temps kidnap the distributor. This has to go well.
The Norse Vampire Eric (Alex Skarsgard) approaches Bill about having his gal pal Snooker read some minds to find out who is stealing from Fangtasia, the hottest vamp bar in town with no cover before 11 and two dollar you–call-its! Snookie’s mind sweep of the place produces Ginger (Tara Buck), a human who knows that money is being taken, but whose memory has been erased by a vampire.
The bartender who almost turned Jason into dinner, Longshadow (Raoul Trujillo), attacks our supple 'lil Sookie Stackhouse.
This was a great episode, with tombstones shaking and Snookie living out the fantasy of troubled girls everywhere as the Vampire Bill drills her in a cemetery. Paquin gives us a nice view of her left boob, while the right stays with the night. The interred femurs aren’t the biggest bones here!
Rutina Wesley also gives us a profile shot of the money makers as she gets dressed after another rendezvous with Sam.
And Lizzy Caplan’s pillow talk turns Mr. Skin’s mind to chest pillows as those fantastic funbags fill the screen.
The newfound fangbanger Snookie Von Stackhousen (Anna Paquin) soaks in a tub with the Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) where she reveals that her issues relating to her Uncle Bartlett stem from him sexually abusing her as a child. After all, there’s no better to time to talk about your childhood sexual abuse then when you’re soaking in a tub with the guy who just punched your V-Card and drank your blood while he was at it. Anyway, yeah, Bill kills the uncle.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) can’t get any V for Vampire Juice from Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis), as he’s the first person to catch on to what an idiot the guy is. Further proving why nobody should trust him with anything, Snookie catches Jason trying to steal some of Adele’s silver. The brother Stackhouse is forced to try to score at Fangtasia. There, he narrowly avoids being drained by the bartender thanks to Amy Hurley (the amazing Lizzy Caplan), a human who wants to drain Jason of a different bodily fluid.
Tara (Rutina Wesley)’s mom Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) causes a scene at the bank after being refused a loan to get an exorcism. Tara takes her to a traveling exorcist who charges the drunken woman $500 to expel the spirit. After the soul cleansing, the exorcist tells Tara that a much worse demon resides in her.
At Merlotte’s, Sam (Sam Tremmell) and the waitress Arlene (Carrie Preston) can tell that Snookie and Bill got it on the night before. Perhaps it’s the glow. Maybe it’s the bite marks. Or perhaps maybe it’s because she’s been ripped in half. Neither is comfortable with Snookie’s decision.
The three stooge vampires that Bill sometimes runs with crash the bar and are about to go Near Dark on everyone when Bill enters and sways them by offering to give up his mainstream lifestyle of hanging out with humans. Snookers is devastated by his choice of them over her.
As usual, nobody out-trashes the local rednecks, who form a plot to get back at the three bloodsuckers. Their brilliant plan they took an entire night to come up with? Burn the vampire’s house down. It’s like a genius parade everywhere they go.
Sadly it works, as Snookie arrives to the burning house to find firemen removing four charred coffins from the home.
Speaking of burning up the scene, Paquin dishes out two doses of vitamin-36C as she and the vampire Bill make Snookie’s first time feel as romantic as it is for most people. Well, without the tears or parents in the next room, and these two seem to know what they’re doing.
Lizzy Caplan shows us who the Mean Girl really is when she and Jason Party Down on V for Vampire Juice, letting Lindsey’s luscious lactaters shine.
The Vampire Bill 'Straight Outta' Compton (Stephen Moyer) and just plain Sam (Sam Tremmell) stay with Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) as she cleans her grandmother’s blood from the floor. No matter how good of a talker you are, there is no way to be charming to a girl who is mopping up her grand ma-ma’s blood from the linoleum. The police, although wary of Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten), can’t fathom that he would kill his own grandmother but are unable to ask him as he’s “missing in action.” The wake is held in the Stackhouse Shack the following day and turns into a circus as the entire Bon Temps community comes to gawk more than console. Sookie is so incensed with their inconsiderate guests that she’s sent to sequester herself in her room with Tara and Lafayette (Rutina Wesley and Nelsan Ellis).
Still reeling from his V for Vampire Juice bender, Jason returns home to find what happened and immediately blames Snookie. He pops his sister in the jaw and yells, "I hope that fixes your goddamn teeth!" (Maybe that last part is made-up.) Outside, the Detective Andy Beleflauer (Chris Bauer) accuses Jason of the crime and is quickly shoved to the ground like a thing that’s easily shovable.
The funeral becomes a farce when Jason invites their distant Uncle Bartlett (Cheyenne Wilbur), much to Snookie’s chagrin. Tara’s drunken mother Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) believes she’s possessed by a demon and gives a speech about the deceased, who she barley knew. Everyone’s minds are filled with so much speculation that the telepath Snooks has to scream for everyone to keep it down.
Snookie tells Sam and Tara that she’d like to be left alone. Respecting her wishes, the two leave their friend in peace and screw their problems away like poor teenagers.
Proving the theory about funerals and ease of entry, Snookie runs to Bill where the two take it all off and get their floorplay on. Paquin pops her nude scene cherry as she unpacks the rack for the first time, and lets Bill sinks his fangs (and more) into Sookie’s virgin skin.
The ravishingly rambunctious Randi Sue (Danielle James) also goes blue in this episode as she reveals a round cut of seat meat served up with a bountiful bushel of bazaans riding Jason while on the V-train.
The Vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) starts off this episode by doing the dumbest thing dumb people do. He’s honest to Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin ) about what he would have done to the officers had she not been there. Admitting that he would have fed on them would be like one us mouth breathers telling the lady friend about all the tail we would be crushing were we single. Nothing good has ever come from answering a hypothetical honestly. And Mr. Skin expects a guy who’s been around for 173 years to have figured that out at some point.
Seeing how Snooks can’t get past his vampire ways, Bill agrees to walk away from the relationship. Seeing her on the rebound, Merlotte’s owner Sam (Sam Tremmell) swoops in like a vulture feeding on sadness to invite the rejected Rogue to the meeting of the Descendants of the Glorious Dead, a historical society headed by Snookie’s grandma Adele (Lois Smith) that examines the effects on the Civil War in Bon Temps. Really, it’s second only to the movie theater as the perfect place to fingerblast on a first date.
Keeping with this episode’s theme of dumb people doing dumb things, Tara (Rutina Wesley) is so upset with her brother Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) for selling Jason (Ryan Kwanten) the V for Vampire Juice that she forces him to apologize. Instead of an apology, Laffy Taffy pushes more onto Jason and urges him to be more careful. Sometimes, having blood drained out of your Mr. Miyagi with a needle isn’t enough of a life lesson. Given Bill’s history, he speaks at the D.O.T.G.D meeting attended by Snooke and Sam to tell of his time during the war. (And probably to make sure that no fingerblasting takes place under his watch.) The mayor of Bon Temps gives Bill a photograph of his wife and child, which draws an emotional response from the vamp. Later, when questioned about the recent string of fangbanger deaths, Bill notes that the bodies weren’t drained of their blood…meaning the killer is most likely human. Gasps abound.
After their date, Sam and Snookie go out for coffee and Sam cockblocks his competition by telling Snooks she’s not safe around the vampire Bill. While working the grill at Merlotte’s, Laffy Taffy gets an order sent back by three rednecks who claim the food has AIDS. He shoves the burger down the offender’s throat. At a booth nearby, Jason is drinking with Hoyt and Rene (Jim Parrack and Michael-Raymond James), two of the guys on his road crew. Jason tells Tara that he loves her, but she knows that it’s just the booze and smoke in his system talking. Hoyt fails to hook up with Randi Sue (Danielle James), and when you can’t make it work with a girl named Randi Sue, you should just go home and re-think the last several years of your life. Jason has better luck with the poorly-named girl, as Tara catches them having sex in the alley like cartoon dogs after a spaghetti dinner. Snookie comes home from her date to find Grandma Adele dead in the kitchen, lying in a pool of her own blood.
This is two episodes in a row where there hasn’t been any nudity. Mr. Skin is worried that this might have been a case of the ‘ole bait-n-switch.
Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) screams upon finding the body of the dearly departed Dawn (Lynn Collins). Her brother Jason (Ryan Kwanten) arrives with a bouquet of flowers, as does a nosy neighbor who immediately blames the bad luck bro for the murder. The entire town of Bon Temps comes to gawk at the crime scene spectacle and Jason is taken in for questioning- again. While in police custody, he remembers the V for Vampire Juice he’s holding and drinks the entire vial. The perfect crime! Except for the huge boner it gives him that won‘t go away, no matter what (or who) he does.
Snookie can’t get anything out of the townspeople’s empty noggins, so she approaches the Vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) for help exonerating her brother. He takes her to Fangtasia, a vampire bar with no cover owned by the Norse Vampire Eric Northman (Alex Skarsgard). The 1,000-year young vampire admits to having gotten it on with Dawn but not getting wet with Maudette. Before these Clouseaus can crack the case, the police raid the bar and Bill and Snookie cheese it out of there only to be pulled over on the way back to Von Trapp. Bill does some Jedi mind trick and the cops let them go after getting a lecture about the dangers of vampire profiling.
Tara (Rutina Wesley) convinces Jason to take his engorged member to the hospital, where the doctor is unable to anesthetize Jason for fear of a fatal drug combination – and because the doctor is a dick. Speaking of – the syringe the doc uses to withdraw blood from Jason’s broken wangasaurus could have been the purple-headed spokesymbol for V for Vampire Juice abuse. (Possible slogans for such a campaign: You No Lika Da Juice. Friends Don’t Let Friends Live Forever. V – The Other Deadly Juice On the Loose.)
This episode establishes a very frightening precedent as the first episode of True Blood without nudity. Let’s hope somebody was fired over this.
Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) is about to become supper for the three stooges of the vampire world before they’re stopped by the vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer), who claims the delicious dame as his own. For almost mowing another man’s lawn, the vampire Malcolm (Andrew Rothenberg) offers Bill a drink from a boy toy the stooges keep around. Bill is about to tap the keg when Snookie gets a reading that the kid is spiked with Hepatitis-D - a virus that’s lethal only to vampires and Dakota Fanning. Bill drops the boy and gets rid of the trio before they can ask how Snookie knew he was HPD positive. The incident gives Snookie worry that a 176-year old walking dead man may not be the marrying kind.
In a bedroom across town, the bound Stackhouse brother (Ryan Kwanten) is unable to physically meet the dominatrix Dawn’s (Lynn Collins) demands due to her fang-banging past. Insulted at the slight, Dawn pulls a gun on Jason and kicks him out of the house - causing a ruckus for the whole neighborhood to see. Sookie’s co-worker and bratty friend Tara (Rutina Wesley)is run out of the house by her drunken mother Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) and crashes with her brother Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis), who is in the process of exchanging Viagra with Jason in return for a sexy dance that Laffy Taffy can post on his website. Tara catches some of the show and likes what she sees. Instead of the blue bone pills, the dance pimp gives Jason a vial of V for Vampire Blood with instructions to take only two drops.
Snookie has a dream that she gives up her V for Virginity to Bill. She talks to her grandma Adele (Lois Smith) and decides to give Bill another shot. At Merlotte’s, the owner Sam asks Snookers to drop in on Dawn who missed her shift. At her home, Snooks find the dominatrix Dawn dead in her bed. Somewhere, Jason is certain he’s going to get blamed for this. Luckily, we got to see the goods while she was still alive. First we see the sweater monsters in full-forces as she’s getting it on with all Stackedhammer, then get a shot of her bare derriere as she’s getting dressed.
When we last left the southern-fried sukiyaki Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), she was being pummeled in the parking lot of Merlotte’s by the vile villainous Rattail Brothers. As they rain uneducated blow after uneducated blow, The Vampire Bill ‘Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) swoops in and takes a bite out of grime …y criminals. He whisks Snookers away to a secluded lake where she sucks him off - that is feeds off his blood, reviving her instantly and heightening her senses. Ironically, my senses wouldn’t be the only thing heightened if Snooks were to suck off me.
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is shown a videotape of him and the fang banger Maudette Not-So Slim Pickens (Danielee Sapia) rough-riding through the bedlands. While engaging in erotic asphyxiation, Jason is seen fleeing when Maudette goes unresponsive. (This is why Mr. Skin stresses the use of a safe word. Try ours: Harder.) It turns out the bro Stackhouse was being, to use the kid’s parlance - punked - as Maudette starts laughing after Jason‘s exit. The police still think their suspect is involved but release him. To celebrate, Jason shacks up with Dawn (Lynn Collins) and discovers the tell-tale signs of teeth marks in her neck. When he wakes the next morning, he’s tied to the bed and Dawn is gone.
Taking things to the next level, Bill meets with Snookie’s Granma Adele (Lois Smith ), bratty best friend Tara (Rutine Wesley) and Jason. Under the stars the interspecies couple shares their first kiss. The next morning, Snookie hears that the leader of an anti-vampire church and his family were killed. Curious for his opinion on the matter, Snooks drops in on Bill and discovers three not-so-friendly vampires, including one of Maudette’s previous conquests.
This episode gives us some fangbanger funbags as Maudette is seen in a videotape getting kinky with her possible killer.
A gaggle of Japanese scientists set out with a mission: Develop a premise that allows for maximum celebrity nudity with minimum hassle from the lady. The result: An HBO show where a Japanese scientists develop a Skin-thetic blood alternative - Tru Blood - that allows vampires to come out of the coffin and live peacefully amongst us mouth breathers. The southern-fried Sookie Stackhouse (played by the classy Belladonna - Anna Paquin) lives in Bon Temps, LA, a town which sounds too much like Von Trapp to not call it that. While working as a waitress at Merlotte’s, a bar named after owner Sam Merlotte (Sam Tremmell) who keeps his feelings for the gap-toothed gal to himself, the Vampire Bill ’Straight Outta’ Compton (Stephen Moyer) walks through the door and immediately gets our Snookie’s attention. As a telepath, she can read everyone’s mind - but when she doesn’t get anything off Bill, she deduces that this new customer’s brain is dead, meaning he’s either Mr. Skin’s prom date or a vampire. While Snookers is captivated by her bloodsucking patron, the other waitresses are weary.
As you can imagine, there’s people in the True Blood universe who know that Vampires are normal people who enjoy counting and chocolaty breakfasts but there’s another segment of the population who fear vampires and avoid the vampire side of town but when they get called out on it say that they‘re cool with vampires and point out that they even tutored a vampire in College Statistics. Oh, and then there’s the people who actively hunt vampires for their blood which is highly awesome and sold on the streets as V for Vampire Juice. The Rattail brothers are in the latter category. So when Snookie keeps the drainer bros from depleting her crush, the two become attached. Sookie’s slutty sibling Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is involved with fangbanger (think vampire groupie) Maudette Pickens (Danielle Sapia) whose offerings are anything but slim. Her interests include long walks, hanging out with friends and videotaping her rough and tumble interludes with the walking dead. When she’s found strangled the day after their tryst, the Stackhouse brother is suspect number one. Waiting for Bill in the Merlotte’s parking lot, the Rattails attack the telepath with white-trash fury. What will become of the mind reading minx?
This episode gives us true boobs as Maudette prominently displays her pair while her companion must be in a hurry as he’s eating out at the Y.
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