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Toy Soldiers

Toy Soldiers (1984)

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Review

If you think Toy Soldiers (1984) is about G.I. Joe getting it on with Barbie, think again. Not to be confused with the R rated drama The Toy Soldiers (2014), David Fisher’s action flick follows a group of Caltech students (including Jay W. Baker, Jim Greenleaf, Larry Poindexter) who decide to vacation off the coast of Central America. What? Was every hotel room in Florida already booked for spring break? As fate would have it, terrorists kidnap the young Americans. Needless to say, that really bums their high. Luckily, things improve when a retired U.S. Marine (Jason Miller) turns the hostages’ friends into a makeshift special ops force to rescue them. Thanks to this homespun ingenuity, the students escape. Along the way, we encounter Buck (Cleavon Little), Boe (Tim Robbins), Ace (Willard E. Pugh), Col. López (Rodolfo de Anda) and Presidenta López (Angélica Aragón). The R rated flick also features a host of hotties — Monique (Tracy Scoggins), Buffy (Beth Evans) and Amy (Terri Garber). The latter lady puts the thrills into this action thriller when her captors tell her to take off her tank top at the 18-minute mark. While the obliging eyeful does as she’s told, we get to see her right breast (as if there is such a thing as a wrong breast). Nevertheless, these baddies call her a cow which is crazy since she’s a total fox. Even though Toy Soldiers doesn’t offer a lot of flesh-flashing, Ms. Garber’s little guns make Mr. Skin long in the pants!