By Phil BuckridgeAs Major League Baseball's 2008 season steps up to the plate, the powers-that-be will begin calculating the facts, figures, and statistics of each player in hope of finding one worthy of our National Pastime's highest accolades.
Among these coveted awards stands the ever important batting title, which is given to the player in each league with the highest batting average. Well, here at Mr. Skin, we care greatly about an actress's boobing average, which is calculated by taking the number of movie and TV roles the actress has been nude in and dividing it by the total number of movie and TV roles in which she has simply appeared.
This calculation allows Mr. Skin to properly pay tribute to the "Great Mam-binos," "Sultans of Twat," and "Colossi of Coconuts" who have labored across decades to keep their boobing averages high, and thus make their names the stuff of legend. After crunching the numbers, here are the top ten all-time boobing-average leaders.
Though, before we list the results, let's first look at a couple of the guidelines used to govern the competition:
1. Only Hollywood Hall-of-Fame inductees eligible. Sure, we could have included softcore actresses, but that's like bragging about hitting .700 in your slow-pitch softball league.
2. Anything not released as of 0ctober 1, 2007 was not counted.
3. TV shows count as one title, no matter how many episodes were made. Sorry, Kim Cattrall (Picture: 1) and Mia Kirshner (Picture: 1).
4. Body Doubles count toward "total acting roles" but not toward "nude acting roles." We simply could not award credit to an actress when a pinch hitter was brought in.
5. Hardcore films do not count toward either the nude acting roles or the total acting roles. It's like playing in a different league that's overseas, and therefore, not acknowledged toward our numbers.
And the yankers take the field . . .
10. Jennifer Jason Leigh
Nude Acting Roles: 20
Total Acting Roles: 69
Boobing Average: .290
Induction Worthy Performance:Flesh + Blood (1985) (Picture: 1)
Few actresses display the consistency of Jennifer Jason Leigh, so it's no surprise that her boobing average would rank in the top 10. In fact, the only Hollywood Hall-of-Famer that boasts more nude credits to her r?m?s #9, Victoria Abril.
9. Victoria Abril
Nude Acting Roles:25
Total Acting Roles:85
Boobing Average: .294
Induction Worthy Performance:Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down (1990) (Picture: 1)Victoria's 25 nude appearances make her the undisputed hit king, and therefore, the Pete Rose of the H.H.O.F. However, unlike Cooperstown, Mr. Skin would never even think of banishing someone with that kind of talent from the Hall-of-Fame, no matter what they had done.
8. Diane Lane
Nude Acting Roles:12
Total Acting Roles:37
Boobing Average: .324
Induction Worthy Performance:Unfaithful (2002) (Picture: 1)
Diane Lane's Hall-of-Fame nudity career seems to have gotten off to an early start, as the former child star can be seen naked in Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains (Picture: 1). Off of the backsides of babes . . . !
7. Jennifer Connelly
Nude Acting Roles:7
Total Acting Roles:22
Boobing Average: .350
Induction Worthy Performance:The Hot Spot (1990)
Jennifer Connelly was the quintessential fire-balling phenom who burst onto the scene and blew everyone away. In The Hot Spot (Picture: 1), her first movie after turning eighteen, she tossed the equivalent of a perfect game by shedding her top to reveal her unbelievable rosin bags. Thankfully she was able to avoid the burnout that so many young phenoms suffer and is still enjoying a long, nudity-filled career.
6. Angelina Jolie
Nude Acting Roles:10
Total Acting Roles:32
Boobing Average: .313
Induction Worthy Performance:Gia (1998) (Picture: 1)
Angelina Jolie has worked her way up through the nudity farm system to become both a powerhouse in the movie industry and a H.H.O.F. member. Though her father helped her get a foot in the door, Angelina showed that sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by your bra straps. Though, with six new projects either in the can or in production, she'll have to get naked in at least two of them to keep her average up.
5. Bo Derek
Nude Acting Roles:9
Total Acting Roles:26
Boobing Average: .346
Induction Worthy Performance:Ghosts Can't Do It (1989) (Picture: 1)Some players have to overcome a lack of natural talent by putting in countless hours of training to be competitive. Bo Derek will never be mistaken for one of those players. With her exceptional epidermal endowments, she was born to be naked on film and, thankfully for us, has done so in more than one-third of all movies she's been in.
4. Pamela Anderson
Nude Acting Roles:11
Total Acting Roles:31
Boobing Average: .354
Induction Worthy Performance:Raw Justice (1994) (Picture: 1)
No one has been a bigger global ambassador of the H.H.O.F. than Pamela Anderson. As the two biggest stars of the show Baywatch (Picture: 1), Pammers' mammers became international sensations as they propelled the show to become the most watched television show in the world. Though there was always a small amount of red spandex separating Baywatch viewers from the glorious sight of Pam's floaters, Pam's other ventures have been rewarding viewers at a .367 rate.
3. Brigitte Bardot
Nude Acting Roles:16
Total Acting Roles:45
Boobing Average: .356
Induction Worthy Performance:Ms. Don Juan (1973) (Picture: 1)A stunning French import who took America by storm, Bardot also made a farewell statement that was nearly as memorable as Lou Gehrig saying, "Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this Earth." Yes, her farewell statement was Ms. Don Juan, in which she has a girl-on-girl scene with Jane Birkin (Picture: 1) that makes guys repeat Gehrig's sentiments immediately after seeing it.
2. Lori Singer
Nude Acting Roles:7
Total Acting Roles:19
Boobing Average: .368
Induction Worthy Performance:Sunset Grill (1993) (Picture: 1)
As a Juilliard-trained cellist, a model, an actress, and a dancer, Lori Singer has a rare combination of tools that make talent scouts drool. Luckily for us, she also accepted a plethora of movie roles that caused every guy to have the same reaction as the scouts.
1. Marilyn Chambers
Nude Acting Roles:15
Total Acting Roles:17
Boobing Average: .882
Induction Worthy Performance:Angel of H.E.A.T. (1982) (Picture: 1 - 2)
Marilyn Chambers, I hereby proclaim you to be the all-time boobing-average leader of the Hollywood Hall-of-Fame. Wear that crown proudly, because appearing naked in 88% of your movies is an amazing accomplishment. Plus, with a 500 point lead over second place, you've put the title completely out of reach for everyone else. To put it in perspective, current runner-up Lori Singer would have to appear nude in 89 straight movies to take over possession of first place. Now that's dominance!
