The Watcher

When a TV series borrows the basic premise from an already crappy movie, that should be the first sign of trouble. The second sign is when a has-been rapper is cast in the lead. Such is the case with UPN’s The Watcher, which was a retread of the crappy Sharon Stone movie Sliver. The rapper in question is Sir Mix-A-Lot (yes, the Baby Got Back guy), who played The Watcher. Every week, he would sit in a Las Vegas penthouse and watch the lives of his neighbors unfold through a network of surveillance cameras. He switched between story lines with a remote control, offering up commentary on what he saw. The show aired for a handful of episodes before disappearing faster than Sir Mixie’s slot in the top forty--or top four hundred for that matter. If Sir Mix-a-Lot really did have a penthouse full of television screens, he’d probably be watching the entire Big Butt Sisters series simultaneously while grubbing on some spicy chicken wings. Come to think of it, we’d probably be doing the same. We can’t blame the charismatic rapper for the show’s demise, however. It was doomed from the start by the fact that it was on the UPN network and didn’t have the words Star Trek in the title. However, one saving grace of The Watcher is that it starred Bobbie Phillips as Lori Danforth. This South Carolina born peach has mostly worked in soap operas, sitcoms, and other crap TV. However, the buxom brunette also took it all off with Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls, nearly upstaging her with a fantastic set of cans. She went on to get her nipples gnawed on in Red Shoe Diaries: Luscious Lola, then pranced around naked in her bedroom while a peeping tom watched through a zoom lens in The Hustle. Bobbie, you can take comfort in knowing that even though nobody watched The Watcher, we’re definitely watching you.