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The Love Boat

The Love Boat (1977-1986)

No Nudity

Review

“Love, exciting and new . . . come aboard, we’ve got Teri Hatcher’s hooters too!” With all the female guest stars that traipsed across the deck of the Pacific Princess over the years, it’s hard to believe that Hatcher, who guest- starred as the mermaid Amy, is the only one who has bared her beauties elsewhere. First airing in 1977, The Love Boat sailed the seven seas of romance for an impressive nine years before finally heading to dry dock. Helmed by Captain Stubing (Gavin McLeod), who got the job after that little “accident” he had on the Exxon payroll (okay, we made that part up), the ship’s sole purpose was to help people get laid. The only way it could have been better was if they’d called it the Orgy Boat. While the principal cast all went on to become household names, most people remember cutie-pie cruise director Julie McCoy (Lauren Tewes) the most. The biggest mystery of The Love Boat was this: why wasn’t Isaac the Bartender (Ted Lange) the ladies man of the show? He knows how to mix drinks and you just know the brother was hung like a moose, but who ended up getting to shtoop all of the fine lady passengers? The dorkiest, whitest cracker on the ship, Doc Bricker (Bernie Kopell). What the hell? Must have been his access to the meds cabinet. “Here, my Dear, try this Roofie Margarita. It’s exciting and new!” As for Mrs. Long herself, Teri Hatcher gave us a view of her porch swings when she stood starkers on the patio in Heaven’s Prisoners. She also won the gold for the breast stroke in Cool Surface and wore some tight-ass clothes that kept co-star Andrew “Dice” Clay (and us) drooling in Brain Smasher: A Love Story.