Girls in
The Last King of Scotland (2006)

Some may wonder what advice I, Mr. Skin, the world’s foremost authority on celebrity nudity, can provide to amorously adventurous, married—and now, no doubt, harried—attempted-blackmail victim David Letterman.

Well, for one, I can tell him where to find the greatest women-in-prison shower scene of all time (29 minutes into 1983’s Chained Heat, where new fish Linda Blair gets a taste of queen jailbird Sybil Danning).

But, more practically, I can offer guidance to Dave via lessons I’ve gleaned from vital naked movie moments. In fact I can even give him:

Mr. Skin’s Top 10 Extramarital/Interoffice Nude Scenes (and What David Letterman Can Learn from Them)

10. Secretary (2002)

Time: 1 hour, 15 minutes

Nude: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Scene: Maggie leans forward on a desk for boss James Spader, who removes her undergarments and spanks that assistant.

The Lesson: Love hurts. So much, sometimes, it can leave you black and blue and read (on the very gossip sites you’ve forever struggled to avoid) all over.

See the complete list after the cut.

“I like big butts and I cannot lie,” rhapsodized Sir Mix-A-Lot in “Baby Got Back,” his 1992 smash single that simply cannot be overlooked when composing a paean to the limitless pleasures of lusciously large-scaled female posteriors.

Of course, legendary metal mavens Spinal Tap had already kicked open that back door lyrically via their opus “Big Bottom,” which declares: “The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’ / The looser the waistband / the deeper the quicksand / My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights / Big game's waiting there inside her tights!”