If you could pick anyone in the world to be an action starlet, what sort of woman would you pick? Maybe someone who is athletic? Maybe someone who can act? Maybe someone good looking? Would one out of three suffice? It seems to in The Demolitionist, a low budget comic book action hero flick that is filled to the brim with terrible acting, hopeless writing and awful direction. What it does have is two positives – the comedy of Richard Greico and the body of Nicole Eggert.Eggert is a policewoman who is killed by an arch criminal by the name of ‘Mad Dog’. Considering that the name Mad Dog has been used by 45% of all criminals in movie history, this probably isn’t an indicator that we’re about to watch groundbreaking drama. In true ‘no plot’ form, the Mayor (Susan Tyrrell) has had a scientist working on a method of raising the dead, with a view to creating a super-cop that can fight the recent crime wave. Of course, the recent crime wave isn’t being helped by the fact that the Chief of Police (Peter Jason), a weirdo who dresses like a 1930’s chauffeur, is actually selling guns to the criminals.Which is all really neither here nor there. All this film really wants is for you to enjoy watching Nicole Eggert in her black superhero leather, firing futuristic guns and riding a fat motorcycle. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a lot of fun, especially when you catch the uncredited Bruce Campbell cameo and watching Richard Greico hamming it up as a super villain is even better. Greico’s lines were clearly either written by him or someone that he hired, as they’re about six gazillion times better than any other lines in the film.Which, granted, isn’t saying much. That there were four writers on this screenplay doesn’t say much for the talents of any of them.So the rejuvenated Eggert kicks much criminal butt but she needs to get a series of injections daily or her skin rots. Mmm… supermodel toe jam. In between giving her scientist boss (Bruce Abbott) hell for bringing her back to life in the first place and refusing to take her injections, Eggert works out (“her reflexes and speed have tripled in the last 24 hours!”) and whines about being dead. Which I’m sure we can all relate to.In the most Roger Corman-like fashion, The Demolitionistt is nothing more than explosions, bad dialogue and a little T&A but there’s also enough schlock in the final product to make it an enjoyable ninety minutes of TV if you don’t have any other pressing engagements… say like counting the number of police sirens you hear coming from outside… Honestly, they’ve tried to make this film a lot better than it turned out to be, with an interesting Marvel Comics-style look to things, so you’ve at least got to give some credit for effort. Where the film really comes undone is in script and the casting of Eggert in the lead role. If you don’t get the urge to bitchslap her within the first half-hour, you’re a monk.Nudity Report: While Nicole Eggert spends much time in this film cavorting about in nothing more than a white T-shirt and panties, as well as that tight latex superhero gear, there’s not nearly enough nudity involved as to make the flick a skin fan’s must-see. However, dancer Naomi Jamarillo does get her gear off when she performs a little beaver dance at Greico’s table. If you’re after some primo Nicole Eggert nudity though, you’d be better served looking for the 1992 flick, Blown Away.Ratings: IMDB: 4.3/10, OZ: 3/5 - If you can’t have fun with a female supermodel superhero, you’re just not trying!Versions: CABLE TV/VHS/DVD – Apparently there’s enough Eggert fans out there to warrant a pretty reasonable roll-out of Demolitionist product but a closer look at the DVD will save you some money. The ‘factoids’ mentioned as a feature are actually a cast and crew list and the ‘making of’ doco is about four minutes long. Go for the VHS version and save yourself some bread.Written by: OZ
