The Beastmaster (1982)

The Beastmaster (1982) is like Dr. Doolittle, but with swords and Tanya Roberts, which means that it Dr. Do-lots for Mr. Skin's libido. If you had cable in the eighties where it was on so much people took to calling HBO "Hey, Beastmaster's On", you probably remember this tale of Dar (Marc Singer) a long prophesized child whose special birth wherein, no lie, a witch sucks our hero from his mommy's womb and he comes to term in a cow, gives him the ability to command all animals. This ability comes in handy when an evil horde destroys his village, and he decides to avenge their deaths. The Beastmaster is prowling for revenge and soon enough has enlisted the help of some ferrets, eagles, and a tiger to aid in his quest. Along the way he runs into the slave girl Kiri (Tanya Roberts), but after doing the whole you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals thing, Kiri ends up kidnapped by the people who destroyed Dar's village, and is set to become a human sacrifice if The Beastmaster can't save her. What a perfect opportunity for our bird controlling badass to kill two birds with one stone. Then once he does that, he can bone the Bond girl/one of Charlie's favorite Angels that he did some bonding with after he'd saved her from bondage. Yes, Tanya Robert's makes sure to take full advantage of the role, flashing her cans as she swims across a river, and baring rack and rump while she makes out with The Beastmaster in a cave. The two don't necessarily have animal magnetism, but Tanya's tits possess a carnal chemistry of their own. You might remember the 90's TV show more, but that one showed a whole lot less! Those sensational skin scenes will get you choking the chicken to The Beastmaster!