The 2006 State of the Poonion AddressBy Mr. Skin

My Fellow T&Americans:



Good day, and welcome to the Year of Our Whored Two-Thousand Sex.

Whoops, I mean Lord.

And six. Two-Thousand Six.

It is with a warm heart and even warmer other part that I join you in greeting the second half of the first decade of the 21st century on such an up note.

The reigning hit in movie theaters, you see, is Hostel--a fright flick so overflowing with naked female flesh that it is a skinstant four-star classic.

This is how every year should start.

Hostel sets a scarily high nudity standard that we can only hope the releases of the next twelve months will aim to supersede.

Perhaps the film's bare boob-and-buttocks bonanza is a continuation of the onslaught of unclothed actresses who illuminated the final months of 2005. Such noble nakedness included Claire Danes's delectable derriere display in Shopgirl and, of course, Anne Hathaway in the direct-to-DVD drama Havoc (Picture: 1 - 2), wherein the Princess Diaries star bared her most regal dairy queens.

I and the rest of the team at Skin Central worked tirelessly in the past year to bring you the complete skinny at MrSkin.com. Aside from keeping up with all the latest and greatest nude scenes, we continually worked to improve and enhance the technical elements of the site.

For example, we upgraded our clips so that you could enjoy them using the Windows Media Viewer. Keeping your computer screens smudge-free after the fact, however, must remain in your hands.

For me, the Skin-pire's expansion into print media was one of my ultimate dreams, and it was fulfilled in the form of Mr. Skin's Skincyclopedia: The A to Z Guide to Finding Your Favorite Actresses Naked, my 600-plus page magnude opus from St. Martin's Press. The best-selling tome brought the world of Skin into bookstores and, no doubt, on top of the toilet tanks of countless satisfied customers everywhere.

At the newsstand in 2005, Penthouse magazine began carrying an official column by Mr. Skin. Each month, I celebrate a trio of actresses presently in the news and point out where you can see them in the nude. Be sure to scan the pages that aren't stuck together for my column in every issue.

Online, MrSkin.com spawned a spate of skinformation-packed spin-off sites, including Nude in Theaters, Nude on DVD, and Nude at Film Festivals.

Our crack team of Skin Skouts scours the globe relentlessly to keep these regularly updated outposts awash in breaking nudes. Never has the full gamut of up-to-the-minute actress unveilings been so exhaustively (un)covered.

CelebNewsWire casts an uproarious, sardonic spin on Hollywood gossip, courtesy of MrSkin.com's editorial department, while SexWrecks has served as the healthiest possible outlet for some of my more, ah, exotic-minded writers to explore the furthermost regions of human carnality. The former will have you wetting your pants with laughter. The latter will make you want to scrub up for other reasons.

Troma Films and MrSkin.com kicked off a heady partnership in 2005. New York's most truly independent movie studio has been acquiring and reissuing classic sexploitation films on DVD, and, recently, I have been appearing in video bonus features where I salute each flick's flesh factor in my signature pun-tastic style.

My first two collaborations with Troma--on the DVDs for Crazed (1978) and Video Vixens (1975)--have proven to be fun for me and, I hope, funny for you. And, actually, since Crazed features Catherine Bach naked (Picture: 1 - 2) and Video Vixens is an untrimmed-'70s-muff-fest, I'm not overly concerned with my fans enjoying these discs. They're skinstant home runs from the company that also gave us Squeeze Play (1980).

And so where do we stand as 2006 bears down upon us? What now? Where the naked babes at?

First off, my proud, long-running association with The Howard Stern Show has continued on up into the heavens, following the King of All Media on his conquest of Sirius Satellite Radio.

"The Mr. Skin Minute" runs every Thursday on Howard 100 News. That's right: There is now furburgerage in space. Tune in, turn on, and pop off. I'm being Sirius.

From the starry skies to starry thighs, the 2006 Anatomy Awards loom luminously. This is my annual tribute to the previous year's most towering skin-chievements in celebrity nudity. Get set to have a statuette in your lap come early March.

I've long enjoyed Playboy in its many bunny-tailed incarnations, so it will be a special thrill for me in 2006 to feature Playboy's Cybergirl of the Week on MrSkin.com, while contributing a celebrity nudity feature to the Site That Hef Built.

Elsewhere at MrSkin.com, plans are underway for a front-page redesign that will knock your socks off before our pics and clips have a chance to knock your pants down. Among the new(d) features is The Wheel of Skin. I don't want to reveal too much, but I'm sure you'll flip for it.

Prize-wise, MrSkin.com will no longer occasionally award free giveaways to our members. In 2005 we provided fans with various DVDs, books, and even Asia Argento's pants. This year, we will present such giveaways every week. Watch the front page for your chance to Win Skin.

On the technical front, further skinnovations are set to include "My Mr. Skin" and "Skin Rewards". Never has your desire to drool over nudie movie babes been so profitable.

And as the world outside changes and develops, MrSkin.com is poised to adapt and improve along with it. Mobile phones, iPods, and all manner of feverishly expanding technologies are delivering new ogling opportunities on a near daily basis.

We will be there for you.

The months immediately before us promise the return of The Sopranos on HBO, and theaters will welcome Bryce Dallas Howard baring her Aunt Beav in Manderlay (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3) and Gretchen Mol's nipple-icious biopic The Notorious Bettie Page.

With that in mind and something else in palm, Mr. Skin is destined to be a busy man.

It's a dirty job, and it is my privilege to do it. For you. And the naked babes.

Skincerely,

Mr. Skin


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