Ted Alexandro: The Mr. Skin Interview

Let's get right to the Comedy Central special: Is this your shining moment of yuks?
Yes. This is my second Comedy Central special, but I think it is shinier than the first. Appearing on Letterman was probably the most exciting thing I've done, but the half-hour specials are a close second because they are longer sets and showcase you doing what you more typically do in a club setting.

Being on stage is usually an aphrodisiac for the fairer sex, so where do comics stand on the Led Zeppelin scale, in terms of partying with flashing fans?
I don't know how often Led Zeppelin got laid, but comics can usually find a willing party after a show. There probably aren't as many as for a band, but it only takes one.

I read that you've had some luck with fans, including a former beauty-pageant winner. Was that a tiara-spinning moment for you?
That actually didn't end well. She thought I was gay, which put a damper on things. Luckily I did well in the swimwear and talent portions.

You have to do better romantically as a comic than you did when you were teaching music in the New York public school system.
Yes. At that time I had a lot of elementary-school girls with crushes on me, but the life of a comic has been more "satisfying." Grown women didn't show too much interest in me when I was a music teacher. I'm not sure if it was the really low salary or the fact that I taught the recorder.

You've made the late-night rounds on Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, but also the early-morning talk show The View, which begs the question: Which of the hostesses on The View is the hottest?

Meredith [Vieira] was the hottest. She's like the hot older woman, like a friend's mom who you want to bang. She was very nice too.

Are you familiar with Mr. Skin?

Yes, a buddy of mine from college works in the "industry," so I am familiar with Mr. Skin.

If you logged onto our site, what would be the movie clip or actress profile you'd go to first?

Depending on my mood, either Jennifer Connelly (Picture: 1) or Mimi Rogers (Picture: 1 - 2). I love that movie she did with the guy from FX where he's a masseur. I jerked off to that countless times.

Yes, Full Body Massage is quite the "work-out." But you've also written about your support for Jennifer Lopez, which leads us to a Mr. Skin-related question: Which actresses do you find sexiest?
I like Jennifer Connelly, but I prefer her teen movies when she was a little more zaftig. I dug Thora Birch in Ghost World; she epitomized that nerdy, hot, aloof teen with a hot body. I also have a thing for Isabella Rossellini (Picture: 1), Frances McDormand (Picture: 1), and Daryl Hannah (Picture: 1 - 2).

Do you remember the first time you saw a sex scene in a mainstream movie?
I remember two vivid examples from my adolescence. 10, with Bo Derek (Picture: 1 - 2), was a classic and came around at just the right time in my youth. And Breathless, with Richard Gere and Val?e Kaprisky (Picture: 1 - 2), was unbelievably hot when I was about twelve. I'm sure if I saw it now it would be tame.

How about nude scenes in general, what's your top-five list of lust?
Bo Derek is up there with 10 and Bolero. Anna Nicole Smith doesn't really count as an actress, but she had that movie that ran on Showtime or something where she was having a picnic and she was naked most of the time. Loved it.

Yeah, Skyscraper.
I tend to cherish the nude scenes I remember from movies during my adolescence because at that age you're so desperate for any nudity. Beverly D'Angelo's (Picture: 1) nude scene in Vacation was classic, as was the scene in Animal House where the sorority girl [Mary Louise Weller (Picture: 1)] takes off her bra as John Belushi leers at her from a ladder.

On your website, in the Readings from the Book of Ted section, you opine on your love of short skirts. Does that make you an ass man?
Yeah, I guess so. But that changes on a daily basis. I'm equal opportunity all the way. I think a short skirt gets my imagination flowing a little more than cleavage does, probably because a short skirt has more possible endings. It's like a "choose your own adventure" novel. You can pick and choose how it ends.

Going through your r?m?I see you've appeared on the greatest homo-erotic show ever to appear on television, Oz. Did it make you as hard as the tin man?
It depends on what way you are using the word "hard"; if you mean hard in a street, thuggish way, then no.

You have the honor of having been animated on Dr. Katz and came on pretty heavy to that cute redheaded receptionist. She is pretty nice, right?
That was a highlight. Yes, Laura Silverman--who I'm pretty sure is Sarah's sister--voiced the character of the receptionist. I always thought her voice was hot. We actually didn't do our scene together so I never met her. I did my stuff first and she came in another day to do her lines. In a way it's better because I can just think of her as that cartoon instead of associating a human face with her.



images of Ted Alexandro all courtesy of Ted Alexandro website