By Mike McPadden

October arrives with a tasty pile of tricked-out DVD treats that'll have you jacking your lantern. Here's a peek at the best of the breast.

OCTOBER 3, 2006

ABOMINABLE (2006)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDE: Tiffany Shepis (Picture: 1) (breasts, buns)
THE SKINNY: Yeti, Sasquatch, Bigfoot . . . the mythical beast-man at the center of the fun, first-rate creature-feature Abominable goes by many names. He's mammoth, ferocious, frothing, and hellbent on getting his grabby mitts all over sumptuous B-movie super-siren Tiffany Shepis. Prepare to identify, then, with this misunderstood monster and, once you see Tiff topless, you'll understand why he has to go around offing people in such highly gory fashion out of sheer frustration.

CINDERELLA 2000 (1977)
STUDIO: RetroSeductionCinema.com
NUDES: Catherine Erhardt (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns), Buri Cowans (breasts), Sherri Coyle (FFN, buns), Adina Ross (breasts), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Cinderella 2000 is legendary schlock maven Al Adamson's contribution to the bizarre, only-in-the-1970s "dirty fairy tale" sexploitation genre. Semi-true to its futuristic title, this Cinderella actually takes place in the year 2047, where sex and romance are against the law--but spontaneous disco-dance numbers most assuredly are not. Rebellious young Cindy (Catherine Erhardt) is called upon by her Fairy Godfather to topple her planet's anti-sex regime by seducing her way up to its cold-hearted--but perhaps hot hard-on'd--leader. A raucous romp from end to end, Cinderella 2000 is a flashy, gloriously trashy blast from a more-fun past and, watching it, you'll gaze in awe as the future never looked so nude.

THE CONVENANT: BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL (2006)
STUDIO: Allumination
NUDES: Chandra West (Picture: 1) (buns), Sandra Steier (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Nineties teen star Edward Furlong spooks it up in the supernatural fright-fest The Covenant: Brotherhood of Evil, which was originally known by the decidedly less evocative title Canes. You'll get a meat cane when you eyeball sweet Sandra Steier's succulent love sacks, as well as some buttage from Chandra West. But be warned--those buns may belong to a body double. Now that's really scary! Still, this is one Covenant worth keeping.

THE CURSE OF EL CHARRO (2004)
STUDIO: Paramount
NUDES: Victoria Vanegas (Picture: 1) (breasts), Tabitha Stevens (breasts, buns), KellyDawn Malloy (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: No, it's not the story of a hex imposed by the Latin "cuchi-cuchi" mamacita of 1970s variety-show stardom. The Curse of El Charro, in this case, focuses on the homicidal Arizona desert-dweller of the title, played by Andrew Bryniarski (who took on the role of Leatherface in the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake). Four female friends make El Charro's work easy enough when they venture out to his arid domain in search of a dance party. Along the way the ladies encounter both wacked-out weirdoes and the lethal intentions of El Charro himself. And some of them show their naked cuchi-cuchis.

DESOLATION SOUND (2005)
STUDIO: Allumination FilmWorks
NUDE: Helene Joy (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Employing a reliably torrid erotic-thriller set-up, Desolation Sound showcases Helene Joy as a harried wife whose life is further complicated when Jennifer Beals shows up. The Flashdance and The L Word lovely plays an old friend who casts a new eye on Helene's husband (Ian Tracey). Sensual shenanigans, murderous mayhem, and some genuinely gripping suspense sequences follow suit. Helene pushes Desolation Sound past the must-see barrier by appearing in her birthday suit.

EDMOND (2005)
STUDIO: Visual Entertainment
NUDES: Bai Ling (Picture: 1 - 2) (breasts), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Screenwriter David Mamet and his frequent collaborator, actor William H. Macy, come under the tutelage of cult-horror director Stuart Gordon in Edmond. Although decidedly less gore-sopped than Gordon's best-loved efforts (Re-Animator, Dagon), Edmond does plumb dark territory, tracing Macy, in the title role, having his mind blown by a fortune teller and unraveling from an upright businessman to deranged sociopath in short order. Edmond's spiral is punctuated by trips to a commercial sex district where we see multiple unnamed strippers in the nude and Bai Ling baring bosom as a peep-show dancer. There's also some A-list sexiness courtesy of knockout nymphs Julia Stiles (Picture: 1) and Mena Suvari (Picture: 1).

LIVE FEED (2006)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDES: Charlene McCulloch (FFN, buns), Linda Stang (breasts), Caroline Chojnacki (breasts), Ashley Schappert (breasts)
THE SKINNY: A gaggle of ugly-American sorts heads to the Far East in search of exotic kicks. Naturally this leads them to strip clubs, peep shows, and one particularly intriguing porn theater, where the on-screen features look suspiciously like snuff films and where the "private rooms" may just turn out to be mini-studios where the rough-and-tumble videos get cranked out--sometimes literally. Live Feed is a fresh jolt of torture horror in which the shocks are made more palatable by the sight of nude female skin, both from professional peelers and vixenish victims of the sickos running the show. Feed will satisfy your hunger for flesh and blood alike.

NEXT DOOR (2005)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDES: Julia Schacht (Picture: 1) (FFN), Anna Bache-Wiig (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: John (Kristoffer Joner) has just broken up with his girlfriend. Fortunately (it seems), he can distract himself with his two weird but undeniably gorgeous and seductive young neighbors--Anne (Cecilie A. Mosli) and Kim (Julia Schacht). What John cracks open in Next Door, though, is a hallucinatory, often harrowing venture to new dimensions in sensuality that blurs sex and violence, pain and ecstasy, and even life and death itself. Containing vivid erotic imagery, including one of the wildest carnal couplings to ever ignite arthouse screens, Next Door is an entryway that you should open now.

POINT BREAK: PURE ADRENALINE EDITION (1991)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDES: Lori Petty (Picture: 1) (buns), Julie Michaels (Picture: 1) (breasts, bush)
THE SKINNY: The philosophical, extreme-sports, bank-robbing, sock-it-to-The-Man cult-classic Point Break gets a souped-up treatment in its new Pure Adrenaline Edition DVD. Patrick Swayze plays Bodhi, who leads a posse of daredevil surfers who pull off heists in protest of the status quo and to finance their high-octane adventures. Keanu Reeves is Johnny Utah, the FBI agent out to stop them. Lori Petty looks all athletically alluring as Bodhi's ex who falls for the Fed. She also hops out of bed bottomless at one juncture, which is great, but not quite as engine revving as Julie Michaels's full-frontal fire-fight with incoming government agents. As often as you've caught it on cable, Point Break is a wave well worth catching in its totally gnarly new presentation.

REEKER (2005)
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDE: Arielle Kebbel (bush)
THE SKINNY: The lethal protagonist of Reeker is mysterious in all ways but one: He loves to kill people. This is bad news for a disparate group of travelers who arrive at a desert oasis smack in what seems to be the mangler's backyard--or at least his favorite spot to hang out when he's got a few days to kill. True to its title, the unfortunates in Reeker succumb first to noxious fumes, after which the baddie moves in and does his disemboweling best. Reeker is a self-aware horror romp that works the comedy angle just lightly enough to be amusing without condescending to its audience. The movie also pays us further respect by having Arielle Kebbel flash a thatch of crotch fur.

SUBURBAN SECRETS (2004)
STUDIO: SeductionCinema.com
NUDES: Andrea Davis (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns), Isadora Edison (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns), Kay Kirtland (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns), Chelsea Mundae (FFN, buns), A.J. Khan (FFN), Tina Tyler (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns)
THE SKINNY: Legendary 1960s sexploitation director Joe Sarno returns to the genre he helped invent with Suburban Secrets. The plot is vintage soap-opera tawdriness, perfect for setting up a heady succession of sensual encounters. Big-city nude model Laura (Isadora Edison) gets summoned back to the 'burbs by her sister Winnifred (Chelsea Mundae), who lets on that their Aunt Cynthia (Tina Tyler) has been banging Laura's former paramour (John Samuel Jordan). When Laura returns, she is stunned by the sub rosa randiness going on in the town she left behind--and no behinds get left out once the action really starts cooking. Lesbians and numerous other strains of kink make Sarno's Suburban Secrets a sight to be shared!

VOODOO MOON (2005)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES: Georgia Anderson (Picture: 1) (breasts), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Eric Mabius and, more importantly, Buffy beauty Charisma Carpenter play a pair of siblings in Voodoo Moon. Twenty years before the action starts, the kinsfolk survived a malevolent demon wiping out their entire hometown. And now they're back for revenge. Charisma keeps covered, but there's nifty anonymous flesh and Georgia Anderson bares her rack while being crucified during a satanic ritual. That's plenty to Moon over.

*

OCTOBER 10, 2006

ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL (2006)
STUDIO: Sony Pictures
NUDES: Sophia Myles (Picture: 1 - 2) (breasts, buns)
THE SKINNY: Comic-book genius Daniel Clowes and filmmaker Terry Zwigoff, the team responsible for the heartfelt cult classic Ghost World, reunite to expose the loopy, loony, and sometimes delightfully nudie realm of undergraduate figure studies in Art School Confidential. Max Minghella enters the institution of the title, where John Malkovich eats up the screen as a crackpot professor and relief comes in the form of nude models, brilliantly embodied here by sumptuous Sophia Myles. What a masterpiece--of ass!

BABY BLOOD (1990)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDES: Emmanuelle Escourrou (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns)
THE SKINNY: The French-made horror freak-out Baby Blood explores the uncomfortable circumstances of its big-topped circus-worker heroine (Emmanuelle Escourrou) after a vile alien-demon-thingy crawls into her uterus, takes up residence, and prompts her to kill so he can eat. This French gore take on the evil-fetus genre is fantastically graphic, with extreme violence and hot skin. Emmanuelle bounces about nude repeatedly, and she's as gorgeous as her inner occupant is hideous. This Baby will make Blood rush to your own little monster.

HAIL MARY (1985)
STUDIO: New Yorker Video
NUDES: Anne Gautier (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns), Myriem Roussel (Picture: 1) (FFN, buns)
THE SKINNY: Cinematic iconoclast Jean-Luc Godard kicked up a stir worldwide with Hail Mary, his tale of a modern Blessed Virgin giving birth to a new messiah. A lot of believers weren't thrilled with the director's vision of Mary as a basketball-playing gas-station attendant. It didn't help that Godard cast sex bomb Myriem Roussel as the new Holy Mother, but you'll be praising more than saints when you see nude visions of Myriem that'll make a steeple out of your trousers. Anne Gautier's double delights make it a Holy Quartet of hooters, too, along with another heavenly helping of full-frontal faith.

THE KING (2005)
STUDIO: ThinkFilm
NUDES: Veronica Bernal (Picture: 1) (breasts), Pell James (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The king in The King is Elvis, but not the one you're most familiar with. He's a young man discharged from the Navy (played by Gael Garc?Bernal) who travels to Corpus Christi, Texas, to confront the preacher (William Hurt) whom he believes to be his father. The King is an absorbing, intelligent drama marked by moments of powerful arousal via homespun hotties Veronica Bernal and Pell James, who bare royally sweet rackage. Pay extra attention to the bonus boobs from Miss Bernal in The King's DVD Special Features.


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