By Selwyn Harris

As always when November comes around, we gather together to give thanks for home, family, food, good times, and--most importantly--breasts, buttocks, and vaginas in a fresh batch of movies newly arriving on DVD.

Among the bounty is the boobtastic bare debut of The Princess Diaries's hefty-hootered Anne Hathaway, a blast from the'70s of dairylicious Daisy Duke in the raw, and one of the earliest incidents of onscreen skin that's guaranteed to put an Empire State Building in your pantaloons.

So gather 'round, poon pilgrims and knocker-happy Native Americans, and dive into a feast of fresh flesh for which we shall all truly be grateful. There are pumpkins aplenty and whole flocks of hot birds ripe for stuffing. And, better still, there are no dishes to clean up in the aftermath of consumption--just maybe a stain or two. Or more.

Here, now, is a week-by-week roundup of SKINcoming DVD releases for November 2005.

NOVEMBER 1

Now & Forever (2002)
Who's Nude: Mia Kirshner (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3)
Studio: Ardustry Home Entertainment
The Skinny: A strappingly handsome Cree Indian (Adam Beach) and a haunted abuse survivor (Mia Kirshner) reflect on the seemingly cosmic nature of the way that their lives have intertwined over the years. Their story subverts ideas of time, space, and human nature--but in no way detracts from the universal impact of Mia Kirshner's mouth-watering mammaries. Fans of Mia's graphic Sapphic antics on Showtime's The L Word will appreciate the hetero change of pace, and admirers of sumptuous suck-sacks everywhere will just appreciate the view, period.

***

NOVEMBER 8

Time of Fear (2002)
Who's Nude: Cheryl Pollak (Picture: 1), Leslie Leah (Picture: 1), anonymous nudies
Studio: Ardustry Home Entertainment
The Skinny: A psycho killer perverts the Word of God in Time of Fear, meting out violent demises in the tradition of Biblical punishments--stoning, burning, head-removal, and so on. Fortunately, unlike most religion-based entertainers, he also provides plenty of nudity in his act. Leslie Leah falls prey to the maniac after a convenient (for us) shower, and we see a bevy of unnamed actresses in various undressed states before, during, and after their demises. As subtly named FBI agent Cheryl Hammer, Cheryl Pollak gets her job done on a number of fronts--she tracks down the murderer and takes off her top.

Crazed (1978)
Who's Nude: Catherine Bach (Picture: 1 - 2), Leslie Caron (Picture: 1), anonymous nudies
Studio: Troma.com
The Skinny: The long sought-after psychosexual drama Nicole--which features Daisy Duke's naked moonshine jugs--is finally being released on DVD under the title Crazed. Indeed, Catherine Bach, who unforgettably embodied the role of cousin Daisy on TV's The Dukes of Hazzard, not only busts out her massive, all-natural chest mountains, she places them in the lesbian mitts of also-nude co-star Leslie Caron. The special edition of Crazed from Troma Entertainment also features a special intro by no less a luminary than Mr. Skin himself. So get ready to have a real Boss Hogg!

Zombie Night (2003)
Who's Nude: Sandra Segovic
Studio: Maverick Entertainment
The Skinny: The dead rise--again--in Zombie Night, a good-humored, gore-sopped, Canadian-made romp regarding a young couple in a world overwhelmed by walking corpses who hunger for human flesh. Providing the voodoo spell to make your lap leap up as though born anew are Sandra Segovic's topless sweater bumpers.

The Devil's Rejects: Unrated Edition (2005)
Who's Nude: Sheri Moon, Ginger Lynn Allen, Kate Norby, Priscilla Barnes, Jessica Helmer
Studio: Lions Gate Films
The Skinny: Shock-rock icon Rob Zombie permanently rendered himself a respected filmmaker with this ambitious, widely acclaimed follow-up to his 2003 fright-fest House of 1000 Corpses. Returning--even more naked than the first time--is Zombie's real-life, real-insanely-hot wife, Sheri Moon, as Baby, the femme fatale of the movie's murderous Firefly family. As Rejects's '70s-scented tale of a revenge-bent sheriff in pursuit of these rednecks-gone-wild unspools, the nudity is fast, ferocious, and far-freakin'-out, man. Vintage porn vixen Ginger Lynn Allen bares her more-appealing-than-ever mature form. Three's Company's Priscilla Barnes also looks astonishingly hot. Add in scary-sexy nakedness from Kate Norby and Jessica Helmer as lovely, albeit luckless, victims and Devil's provides a fool-proof brew for getting horny.

Wizards of the Demon Sword (1991)
Who's Nude: Heidi Paine
Studio: Troma.com
The Skinny: Schlockmeister Fred Olen Ray (Evil Toons) directs this comic sword-and-sorcery fantasy featuring cult heroes Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes) and Russ Tamblyn (Twin Peaks). Wizards is long on swashbuckling and amusingly chintzy special effects, the most special of which isn't chintzy at all--namely, Heidi Paine's right hooter.

The Devil's Plaything (1973)
Who's Nude: Marie Fors?a,Ulrike Butz, Nadia Henkowa, Anke Syring
Studio: SeductionCinema.com
The Skinny: Renowned softcore maestro Joseph W. Sarno puts his spin on the legend of Countess Elizabeth Bathory, who was reported to bathe in the blood of female virgins as she believed it would keep her young. This time modern nubiles gather in a spooky castle and fall prey to servants aiming to resurrect the spirit of the plasma-happy noblewoman. The flesh is sumptuous, stacked, and delectably unshaven, as it can only be in a prime slice of '70s sexploitation.

Lust in Space: The Erotic Witch Project IV (2005)
Who's Nude: Darian Caine, A.J. Khan, Bethany Lott
Studio: SeductionCinema.com
The Skinny: Faced with the Erotic Witch plague, which has caused modern cities to collapse into nonstop orgies, Colonel A.J. Khan and Captain Darian Caine travel back in time to stop the menace before it takes hold. Wait a minute? City-wide non-stop orgies are a problem? Obviously not, as the stars give in to their carnal impulses and orbital orgasms become the order for eternity!

***

NOVEMBER 15

Happy Endings (2005)
Who's Nude: Lisa Kudrow, Tamara Davies, Anna Shemeikka
Studio: Lions Gate Films
The Skinny: The critically praised indie drama Happy Endings chronicles the lives of ordinary people facing the sometimes extraordinary circumstances presented to them by life. It also presents us with great nude views of Tamara Davies, along with the debut of lovely Lisa Kudrow's right-side sweater friend (or at least that of her body double, Anna Shemeikka)! Happy Endings, as such, will be good for more than a few repeat happy endings.

O.C. and Stiggs (1987)
Who's Nude: Cynthia Nixon (Picture: 1 - 2)
Studio: MGM/Sony
The Skinny: Director Robert Altman adapted an issue-length National Lampoon story about the titular teenage reprobates tearing through polite suburban society in 1980s Arizona. Pranks, scams, and monumental mortification are the order of the day, although the drool-inducingly sweet seat-meat of young Cynthia Nixon is no laughing matter. Those buns are seriously sexy.

Rikky Pete (1988)
Who's Nude: Tetchie Agbayani
Studio: MGM/Sony
The Skinny: Whereas the Mad Max movie depicted Australia's outback as a vast nightmare of constant violence, the same decade's Rikky Pete showcased Down Under's unsettled regions as eccentric, inviting, and rife with colorful characters. That's how the brothers of the title--Rikky is a geologist and Pete is a gizmo-inventing genius--experience their journey through wild Australia, and the sight of topless Tetchie Agbayani will have at least one section of your anatomy hopping like a mad kangaroo.

The Beat That My Heart Skipped (2005)
Who's Nude: Aure Atika
Studio: Wellspring Media
The Skinny: A French remake of the cult Harvey Keitel item Fingers (1978), The Beat That My Heart Skipped casts Romain Duris as a man torn between his two talents--playing classical piano and busting bones as a collector for his mobster father. Making her own sweet music is Aure Atika, who bares her baby-grands and supplies plenty to Beat to.

***

NOVEMBER 22

My Breast (1994)
Who's Nude: Meredith Baxter (Picture: 1 - 2)
Studio: MPI Home Entertainment
The Skinny: A decade before Janet Jackson flopped out her right-side funbag during the CBS Super Bowl halftime show, Meredith Baxter--a.k.a. Elyse Keaton from the ?-'80s sitcom Family Ties--sprung her left knocker on NBC audiences via the sensitive (in all the right places) cancer-themed TV movie My Breast. While Janet's jug sparked outrage nationwide, we've been fuming for years over Meredith's massive, mouth-watering meat balloon. Our cause for concern? The fact that no one had properly immortalized the lap-melting moment when Meredith submits her supple, savory, sweetly sizable torso torpedo to a doctor's probing grip--Mr. Skin's pick for the all-time greatest moment of broadcast network nudity, by the way--on home video. At last we can rest easy, at least for as long as it takes us to pop the DVD of My Breast into the player. Then we'll get all worked up again. But in a good way.

King Kong (1933)
Who's Nude: Fay Wray (Picture: 1)
Studio: Warner Bros.
The Skinny: The hairy-palmed grand-daddy of all giant-gorilla movies is also one of the earliest purveyors of onscreen celebrity skin. Kong is the classic tale of a movie crew capturing an enormous ape on Skull Island, dragging him to New York, and then witnessing in horror as the animal's love for his female co-star (Fay Wray) ignites a rampage that ends with the plus-sized primate battling bi-planes atop the Empire State Building. This eagerly awaited multi-disc edition of Kong beautifully restores the original film and makes one of its most unique aspects more visible than ever: At the one-hour-twelve-minute mark, Fay takes a dip in Skull Island's steamy waters and loses her top. No wonder that monkey went so bananas!

***

NOVEMBER 29

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
Who's Nude: Bobbi Sue Luther
Studio: Sony
The Skinny: The second outing of Rob Schneider's venerable (but not venereal) "man-whore" puts him across the pond, as someone is killing the great gigolos of Europe. As with the original Deuce the raunch is raucous, relentless, and never more appealing than when Bobbi Sue Luther lets us have a look at her Continental nakedness.

Don't Go In the House (1980)
Who's Nude: Johanna Brushay
Studio: Media-Blasters.com
The Skinny: One of the nastiest, most graphic and haunting entries in the early 1980s notorious cycle of slasher movies doesn't even contain a single slashing. Instead, the anti-hero of the New-Jersey-lensed extreme-horror landmark Don't Go in the House uses fire on his victims. Specifically, he uses a flame thrower in a special fire-retardant torture room at the bottom of the creepy old house he shares with (who else?) his mother. The pyro is played by Dan Grimaldi, who's best known today as Patsy on The Sopranos. The first flamb?g victim is played by Johanna Brushay, who shows jugs and bush-ay.

Havoc (2005)
Who's Nude: Anne Hathaway, Bijou Phillips
Studio: New Line Home Entertainment
The Skinny: The celeb-flesh DVD event of the year is here! Havoc is the image-changing effort on behalf of top-heavy teen favorite Anne Hathaway to forever go from Princess Diaries fame to being perceived as a daring thespian on par with her frequently unclothed (on- and off-screen) co-star Bijou Phillips. Will it work? We don't know and we don't care. What we do know and, oh, what we so deeply care about is that Anne reveals her royal rack repeatedly in this tale of upper-class brats behaving badly. Of course, that's a matter of perspective, as any time Anne wants to treat us to her deliriously appealing love pillows, we figure that's human behavior at its very best.

Sexual Life (2005)
Who's Nude: Azura Skye, Kerry Washington
Studio: Showtime Entertainment
The Skinny: With a name suited for porn and a premise borrowed from the classic erotica piece La Ronde, Sexual Life documents the connections between its characters as they get intimate with one another in succession. Although usually game Anne Heche keeps atypically under wraps here, we do enjoy the nude debut of Zoe, Duncan, Jack Jane's Azura Skye (she was Jane), as well as fine flesh from ebony eyeful Kerry Washington. Sexual Life is a welcome way to kill off some of your precious bodily fluids.


Related Links: