By Mike McPadden
Spring has sprung, the bloom of rejuvenation is in the air, and, at the video store, starlets continue to get naked on DVD.
As the weather warms up, here's a list of new, nude-intensive DVD releases to serve as even more of an incentive for you to take some clothes off and relax. Only, please, gentlemen, stay inside.
March 20, 2007
THE BRIDESMAID (2004)
STUDIO: First Run Features
NUDE: Laura Smet (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: France's very own "Monsieur of Suspense" Claude Chabrol adapts British thriller writer Ruth Rendell in The Bridesmaid (2004), a tense tale of a matrimonial ceremony gone maniacal. Twenty-something Philippe (Beno?Magimel) bears an unnatural attachment to a sculpted head and, at his sister's wedding, falls for a bridesmaid (Laura Smet) who resembles the object of his affection. The two pair up for wild sex during a thunderstorm, and their ensuing relationship is every bit as twisty and tumultuous as their first night together. Luminous Laura tosses off her top and reveals her tail, making The Bridesmaid a blossoming bouquet of bare French flesh.
FIRST BORN (2007)
STUDIO: First Look
NUDE: Elisabeth Shue (Picture: 1) (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Elisabeth Shue plays a professional dancer in First Born (2007) who gets tripped up by getting unexpectedly knocked up. After she moves to the country and gives birth, odd happenings occur, including a rat invasion, dolls moving about by themselves, and, naturally, the appearance of a creepy nanny. Amidst the eerie doings, and en route to several shocks before the end, Elisabeth busts out a milky mammary to feed her First Born, and you'll feel a happy stirring in your own baby-maker.
THE PERFECT MATCH (2007)
NUDES: Jamie Hammer (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Aubrey Taylor (FFN, butt), Nikki Kane (FFN, butt), Lisa Daniels (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: "How would you like a chance to win a date with the girl of your dreams?" asks the tagline for the latest PeachDVD.com softcore sexcursion, The Perfect Match (2007). Gathering a gaggle of gorgeous ladies who are eager to bare all, The Perfect Match chronicles a game show in which a nerdy male contestant has a shot at any number of ferociously sexy--and brazenly bare--females. Can you guess who wins? Anyone who watches the perfect bodies of The Perfect Match peel off their clothes, that's who.
March 27, 2007
BLACK EMANUELLE'S BOX: 4 DISC LIMITED EDITION
NUDES: Emanuelle in Bangkok: Laura Gemser (Picture: 1 - 2) (FFN, butt), Ely Galleani (Picture: 1) (breasts, bush), Debra Berger (FFN, butt), Koike Mahoco (FFN, butt); Emanuelle Around the World: Laura Gemser (FFN, butt), Brigitte Petronio (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Karin Schubert (FFN, butt); Sister Emanuelle: Laura Gemser (FFN, butt), M?a Zanchi (FFN, butt), Dirce Funari (FFN, butt), Vinja Locatelli (breasts)
THE SKINNY: It's a mother lode of vintage sexploitation greatness from the heroic grindhouse archaeologists at Severin Films. Luscious Laura Gemser originated the title role of Black Emanuelle in 1975 and continued brilliantly embodying the supremely carnal character in numerous sequels and follow-ups. Black Emanuelle's Box collects three of her best (and barest) efforts: Emanuelle in Bangkok (1976), Emanuelle Around the World (1977), and Sister Emanuelle (1978). The box also includes an exclusive, all-new soundtrack CD, Getting Down with Black Emanuelle. Crack open Black Emanuelle's Box right now!
STUDIO: Velocity / ThinkFilm
NUDE: Abbie Cornish (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Heath Ledger plays a poet in love with Abbie Cornish, as an art student, in Candy (2006). But the bohemian lifestyle has its dark side, specifically in Ledger's addiction to heroin. A couple of hooked junkies may not seem to make for a happy affair, but the drama is surprisingly romantic. It helps that Abbie flashes her funbags four times. Cornish will make you hornish!
CHILDREN OF MEN (2006)
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
NUDES: Claire-Hope Ashitey (breasts)
THE SKINNY: In the future, no one will be a baby. That's because in the year 2027, as depicted in the acclaimed sci-fi drama Children of Men (2006), humanity has become incapable of reproducing. As various bands of radicals duke it out with England's totalitarian government, a miraculously pregnant woman (Claire-Hope Ashitey) is discovered, and then it's up to a former dissident (Clive Owen) to usher her to safety. Bleak, powerful, exciting, and unique, Children of Men is a mindblower with just enough nakedness from mom-to-be Claire-Hope to make the dystopia on-screen go down easy.
EL CORTEZ (2006)
STUDIO: Monarch Home Video
NUDES: Tracy Middendorf (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: Lou Diamond Phillips has starred in numerous low-budget thrillers, but never as an autistic anti-hero, as he does in the twisty El Cortez (2006). After being discharged from a mental institution, Phillips's character works as a clerk in the cheap hotel of the title, where he comes into contact with a hothead cop, a two-bit dope pusher, various scam artists, and femme fatale Tracy Middendorf. True to its film noir roots, El Cortez intercuts its present-day action with a story set in the 1940s, making for a tricky mystery made all the more fun to figure out by Tracy's repeated displays of tush and toplessness.
DAMNED IF YOU DON'T (1987)
NUDE: Peggy Healey (Picture: 1) (breasts, bush)
THE SKINNY: High art meets hot nuns in the (s)experimental black-and-white opus Damned If You Don't (1987). Peggy Healey plays The Nun. Ela Troyano is The Other Woman. Lesbian longing is their spiritual bond, and it eventually flowers into full-on-nude contact. With a soundtrack that consists of narration from the biography of a sixteenth-century lady-loving nun and confessions of Sapphic trysts at Catholic learning institutions, Damned If You Don't is damned intense, damned well made, and, above all, damned sexy.
DARK RIDE (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Andrea Bogart (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Abandoned amusement parks, meddling teens, and mad slashers have made a winning B-horror combo since the earliest days of drive-in skinema. Dark Ride hails from that rich tradition, chronicling the misadventures of six youthful friends who interrupt their road trip to spend the night in a shuttered fun-land, specifically crashing in a rickety structure labeled, in keeping with the movie's title, "Dark Ride." The na? sextet, of course, is in for the ride of their soon-to-be-suddenly-cut-short lives, as a homicidal no-goodnik with equal penchants for carnival kitsch and screaming teenage carnage is on their tails. Andrea Bogart's naked chest Humphreys provide some welcome light, but otherwise Dark Ride is an exhilarating roller-coaster plunge into howling horror.
THE HAMILTONS (2000)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE: Tara Glass (Picture: 1) (left breast)
THE SKINNY: At first glance, The Hamiltons appear to be an average collection of American siblings, albeit a bunch closely united by the sudden demise of their parents. But look harder. There's more to this brood than meets the eye--not to mention the jugular. Delving deeper into his surroundings is teenage Francis Hamilton (Cory Knauf), who documents the family's doings on a camcorder. Murder, kidnappings, a torture chamber, apparent cannibalism, and brother-sister twincest are just some of the Hamiltons' anti-social undertakings. Between the movie's maddening chills and macabre chuckles, Tara Glass provides a peek at her left teat. And that Glass is half full!
STUDIO: Subversive Cinema
NUDES: Laurene Landon (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt), anonymous nudes
THE SKINNY: Conan gets a gender makeover in the sword-slinging, plasma-splattering barbarian adventure Hundra (1983). In the title role, tantalizing Laurene London is a fierce archer, equestrian, and full-contact warrior whose all-female tribe gets massacred by a throng of marauding men. Thus begins Hundra's ferocious, one-woman battle of the sexes, further complicated by her need to get pregnant in order to prolong her bloodline. Hundra delivers in a way that only early-1980s exploitation movies really can, which is to say that it's packed with copious nudity, wild violence, and nonstop, endlessly inventive excitement. Like the heroine's often bare body, Hundra is absolutely perfect.
THE LOST STEPS (2001)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDES: Irene Visedo (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The Lost Steps (2001) is a politically charged thriller from Argentina chronicling the abuse of local citizens at the brutal, relentless hands of government agents. In the lead role of a tragic young woman who falls prey to evil forces of the state, Irene Visedo not only bares her soul in a powerhouse performance, she bares her chest, too. The beauty of Irene's bare body is inspiration enough for even the most downtrodden people to rise up against the tyranny of oppression. ¡Viva la rack-olucion!
THE PASSION OF FASHION (2007)
NUDES: Erika Jordan (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Anita Dark (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Crystal Klein (FFN, butt), Sabrina Rose (FFN, butt), Lux Kassidy (FFN, butt), Shay Laren (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: Awesomely sensual Erika Jordan heads up a haute-couture agency in The Passion of Fashion (2007), where the mouth-watering models in and out of her office all day ignite fantasies in her head all night. One by one, and sometimes even more, we see the picture-perfect beauties that Erika ogles act out her wildest passions in her private thoughts. Sumptuous Shay Laren ultimately makes Erika's creamiest dreams come true and turns The Passion of Fashion into a must-see movie for fans of softcore Sapphism.
PENNY DREADFUL (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Tammy Filor (Picture: 1) (left breast)
THE SKINNY: Ravishing Rachel Miner plays Penny in Penny Dreadful (2006), a darling young beauty with a dreadful fear of automobiles following the car crash that killed her parents. Mega-mammaried Mimi Rogers, as a therapist, whisks Penny away for a weekend retreat with the intention of curing her patient's phobia. It's a risky proposition that turns positively gruesome when the well-intentioned shrink picks up a hitchhiker. There's a wreck, there's blood, there's screaming, and there's a whole lot more for our heroine to be frightened of from now on. Deep into the Dreadful doings, Tammy Filor flashes a bit of nip while making out with her boyfriend in a parked car . . . but not for long.
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDES: Mary Carey (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Juliette Clark (Picture: 1) (breats, butt), Lucia (FFN, butt), Aurelie Sanchez (left breast)
THE SKINNY: The appealingly titled drive-in romp Pervert! opens the way every movie ought to: with adult-video star Mary Carey running naked outdoors, waving an American flag. From there, the movie somehow picks up, as youthful James (Sean Andrews) ventures into the wilderness to meet his crackpot sex-addict/meat-sculptor father, Hezekiah (Darrell Sandeen). Adding to the excitement is a mad slasher who's doing away with dad's naked young female playthings. James sticks around to hunt the killer, and a lot of ladies take off their tops. Plus there's blood. Tons of it. And machine guns. All told, Pervert! is a fitting tribute to Baron of Bosoms Russ Meyer that would make the old master (bator) proud.
STUDIO: IFC Films
NUDES: Candela Pe?a> (Picture: 1) (left breast, bush, butt), Micaela Nev?z (bush, butt)
THE SKINNY: Sultry sexbombs Candela Pe?b> and Micaela Nev?z star in the Spanish-made slice-of-streetwalking-life drama Princesas (2005). Micaela portrays an immigrant from the Dominican Republic who turns tricks to send money to her five-year-old back home. Candela's middle-class character has her own reasons for entering the sex trade. The two become friends after Micaela is beaten by a government creep who teases her with the promise of residence papers. Princesas is a well-crafted, moving character study of a pair of complex females whose profession naturally lends itself to on-camera nakedness.
STUDIO: Echo Bridge
NUDE: Nectar Rose (breasts), anonymous nudes
THE SKINNY: Horror director Lucky McKee ventures onto the other side of the camera in the grim thriller Roman (2006), playing the title character--a loony loner whose obsession with his blonde neighbor (Kristen Bell) leads to murder. He's desperate to cover up his crime, and luckily fate deposits ravishing Nectar Rose into Roman's life at a very complicated moment. With a corpse on ice in Roman's bathtub, an odd notion of romance blooms between the two--bolstered by the naked appearance of Nectar's chest blossoms--ultimately propelling Roman toward a climax that befits our tragic anti-hero.
NUDES: Susan Sarandon (Picture: 1) (right nip slip, left nip slip)
THE SKINNY: Adapted from the William Shakespeare play The Tempest, director Paul Mazursky's Tempest (1982) showcases John Cassavetes as a fed-up New York City architect who spends a year of his mid-life crisis in search of himself on a lush Greek island. The seeker's wife is played by Cassevetes's real-life spouse (and frequent collaborator), Gena Rowlands. Post-Facts of Life-waif, pre-John Hughes-muse Molly Ringwald is their daughter. Susan Sarandon, young and chesty and topless as the hero's mistress, provides Tempest with its most gorgeously stormy scenery.
TURISTAS: UNRATED EDITION (2006)
STUDIO: Fox Atomic
NUDES: Beau Garrett (Picture: 1) (breasts), Lucy Ramos (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: Hostel (2005) goes tropical in the spirited spring-break splatter-fest Turistas (2006). Spoiled American college students depart for an exotic getaway in beautiful Brazil, only to find that the land of Carniv? becomes, for them, the land of carnage as a diabolical doctor in the black-market-body-part business takes extra pleasure in yanking organs from still-living yanquis. Gory, gruesome, and frighteningly fun, Turistas is a trip well worth taking--if only for goodbye ganders and the naked nay-nays of Beau Garrett and Lucy Ramos.
VAN WILDER 2: THE RISE OF TAJ (2006)
NUDES: Elena Tecuta (Picture: 1) (breasts), Holly Davidson (breasts), Lauren Cohan (Picture: 1) (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Van Wilder (2002) chronicled the comings and more comings of the titular career college student (Ryan Reynolds), as assisted by his hard-partying Indian-American compatriot, Taj Mahal Badalandabad (Kal Penn). Following in his mentor's footsteps, Taj transfers to England's legendarily snooty Oxford University in Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj (2006). Once there, it's up to him to get the stiff-upper-lipped Brits to cut loose, and he's ably assisted by free-flowing lager and, more importantly, the naked bodies of Elena Tecuta, Holly Davidson, and Lauren Cohan. Those lovely, lusty lassies are sure to get a Rise out of you, too.