By James Hollis SmithIt's time to celebrate our country's independence, and what better way to do that than to invest in some nudity-filled DVDs? C'mon, let's revel in the freedom to flash flesh on film! We've got a tight-and-taut teenage Melanie Griffith, a full-frontal Christina Ricci, a foxy-boxing Hilary Swank, a double dose of Gene Hackman, and even a few dodgeball players who think they have more balls than Lee Marvin! You guys ready to play yet? "Effin' A, Cotton! Effin' A!"
Out on July 5
Prozac Nation (2001, Buena Vista)
Finally! Yes, it's been a long wait for Prozac Nation, and if you're a big Christina Ricci (Picture: 1 - 2) fan, you've probably needed to go on some sort of medication yourself to quell your panic attacks for fear that this DVD would never arrive. But at long last this feminist love song to a doctor-prescribed ivy-league nirvana is available on DVD. And that means you're in for a skintillating onslaught of Ricci-filled riches. Sure, Chris may battle her chemical demons with mixed--if not downright bipolar--results, but it's hard not to find even her most morose moments oddly arousing. If Buffalo '66 (1998) only teased at Christina's anatomical talents, Prozac Nation brings them center stage, unleashes them, and lights them up. Full-frontal nudity is the order of the day while a catatonic Christina sits on the bed while her Mom reads her the riot act. We get not only a great rotating view of Ms. Ricci's rack but a hint of hair-pie as well. This is one DVD that will leave no one depressed!
Point Blank (1967, Warner Bros.)
I don't know what we did to get so lucky, but there's been a heaping helping of Lee Marvin coming out on DVD lately, and this little nut cruncher is one of the best. When Lee is shot and left for dead by his crime partner (yes, it's Dean Wormer!) and Lee's two-timing wife, it's only a matter of time before our favorite white-haired revenge junky comes back to settle the score. Deliverance (1972) director John Boorman shoots the film as if it's a football game and Lee's the ball. The level of violence, both physical and mental, is sustained throughout. Our only tender moment comes from the rat pack's favorite piece of cheese, Angie Dickinson (Picture: 1). The ageless wonder whipped out her whoppers to act as man bait in a darkly lit but still sexy scene. After Lee opens up a can of whoop-ass that breaks up the romantic interlude, we see Angie hurriedly getting dressed by the bathroom. Point blank: If you're a fan of Ms. Dickinson's big'uns (and who isn't?), bite the bullet and go buy this brutal bad boy.
Out on July 12
A Very Long Engagement (2004, Lion's Gate)
Audrey Tautou (Picture: 1), the beautiful minx from Amelie, is back in her element of nudity-filled Euro dramas in this slice of heaven from the land of fragrant fromage and full-frontal friskiness. Ms. Tautou only shows her delish derriere in this arthouse offering, but, as anyone who's ever seen her perfect Parisian posterior can attest, that alone is worth the price of admission. Not only that, but some lucky devil gets to massage those soon-to-be sticky buns! Damn, those French frogs have all the fun. Made by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, director of the cult classic Delicatessen (1991), A Very Long Engagement is a wisely reserved and surprisingly fun jaunt with the most delectable French fox since Brigitte Bardot. I know I'm probably overdoing it on the Tautou-touting, but I don't want to sell short the subtly seductive work of co-star Marion Cotillard, whose lingerie-sortie as a kind of twenty-first-century Mata Hari on a mission to nail a military muckety-muck is sure to put an Eiffel Tower in your pants!
Night Moves (1975, Warner Bros.)
Gene Hackman plays Harry Moseby, an ex-jock burnout turned private eye who is hired to track down a rich lady's runaway stepdaughter named Delly. The delish Delly is played by a very young Melanie Griffith (Picture: 1 - 2) in her first big role. Mel gives up the goods during a skinny-dipping scene, where her world-class ass--not to mention her outstanding nubile breasts and an unbelievably generous gyno shot--make quite a splash. And that ain't no body double! Harry Moseby is an actor's dream role, as Hackman is surrounded by women who just can't wait to drop their clothes and jump into bed with him. Luckily Emmanuel Lewis is not in sight while Susan "Webster's Mom" Clark (Picture: 1) goes topless before hopping on Gene's royal Tenenbaum. And TV-movie vet Jennifer Warren (Picture: 1) pops her top so that Gene can suck on her hoosiers until his old hickory gets hard. This neo-noir mood piece from Bonnie and Clyde (1967) director Arthur Penn is an underrated gem that delivers on all fronts. Hell, after you rediscover the succulent splendor that is the young, tight Melanie Griffith, you'll find yourself making a few "night moves" of your own!
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (Unrated Version) (2004, Fox Films)
The theatrical version of Dodgeball has been released already on DVD, but now it's back in an all-new, balls-deep "unrated" format. That means more violence, more filthy humor, and slightly more skin. For the few worldwide who have yet to see this jock-strap-clad Lord of the Flies, Peter La Fleur (Vince Vaughn) is the owner of Average Joe's Gym, and he needs fifty grand to save his foreclosed gym from falling into the clutches of Ben Stiller's White Goodman--owner of the rival Globo Gym. When Vince's Joe team enters a Dodgeball tournament to try to win the money, White enters his Globo Gym Cobras in the contest and we're set for a big battle. Did anyone else get the not-too-subtle G.I. Joe cartoon reference of the Joes vs. the Cobras? No? Just me? Okay, well, not everyone in this flick has balls, luckily, and Mrs. Stiller, Christine Taylor (Picture: - ), is on hand to play the perspective love interest of our two gym rats. Christine may have been a conservative dresser as Marcia Brady, but thanks to an Average Joe's uniform snafu, she's a horny hellcat on the court in tight leather bondage gear. Not only are we treated to watching Chris play in hot-pants and a bustier, but she decides to punctuate her team's victory like all great female athletes do: with a little Sapphic smooching. Pop this tutorial in anytime you forget the five D's of dodgeball: "dodge, duck, dip, dive, and . . . dodge!"
Million Dollar Baby (2004, Warner Bros.)
In last year's Best Picture Oscar winner, Hilary Swank plays a determined boxer named Maggie who has lots of skill but no direction. Maggie meets up with Frankie Dunn (Clint Eastwood), a once-great trainer who's so miserable these days it's almost as if we keep catching him between Russian roulette games. Poor Frankie is a failed fighter who blames himself for his pal Eddie (Morgan Freeman) losing an eye. He also blames himself for driving his daughter away. Frankie doesn't want to get close to anyone, but Maggie keeps hounding Frankie at his gym every day until he agrees to train her. Maggie gets better, moving up the ranks, and heads for a title fight as she and Clint and Morgan get closer and closer. You can see the rest of the plot coming up Fifth Avenue, but then the film quickly sticks and moves and lays you out with a haymaker. I won't spoil the ending for you, but suffice it to say the hits just keep on coming for Clint. Hottie Hilary trained for months to get into prime condition and it shows. She added lots of toned muscle, and for you guys who like that, there are plenty of titillating workouts of the sports-bra variety. Let's face it, there's something very sexy about a woman who can bench you. It's unanimous: This flick's a knockout!
Scarecrow (1973, Warner Bros.)
This slice-of-skid-row life is a riveting buddy picture from the slovenly '70s featuring Gene Hackman and Al Pacino. Gene's an ex-con who throws punches first and asks questions later; Al's a sailor who has come home to see his newborn son. As the two pal around together, Al smoothes out some of Gene's rough edges in an attempt to turn him into a "scarecrow" that amuses crows rather than scares them. Perhaps Gene should have been the one doing the teaching, as Al could have used some toughening up during the terrifying beating that Richard Lynch lays down on the littlest Corleone. For comic and sexual relief, enter the always fun Eileen Brennan. Eileen only pops out one of her Private Benjamins in the scene, but she gets extra points for spending a fun night partying with both of the boys.
Out on July 26
Prison A-Go-Go! (2003, E.I. Cinema)
What do you get when you combine Reform School Girls (1986), The Big Bird Cage (1972), Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979), and Day of the Dead (1985) into one sex-crazed bamboo steamer out in the middle of the Philippines? You get another winner by our pals in New Jersey, E.I. Cinema, who know enough to keep the costumes even skimpier than the budget. Former Velvet Underground go-go dancer turned Paul Bartel muse Mary Woronov is the warden in charge of this deliciously demented house of detention, and you'll agree she runs one hell of a bitchin' big house. It's got it all: group shower scenes, zombies, ninjas, corrupt guards, false identities, false tits! After luscious Laurie Walton's sister is abducted by a mad scientist and taken behind the prison walls, Laurie commits a murder to get inside and find her. Skin fans, not only are there multiple shower scenes, but there is a "Shower Clock" in the lower-right-hand corner that counts down to the next group sudsing! (All of this nudity is provided by uncredited actresses, but, hey, naked chicks are naked chicks!) The real attraction in this film, however, is the still fabulous (at fifty!) Rhonda Shear as an oversexed lifer named Jackpot. There's no doubt this curvy convict will keep your one-armed bandit up all night!
The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976, MGM)
Peter Sellers stars as our favorite stumbling, bumbling French detective Inspector Clouseau in this action-packed entry about his old boss, Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom), escaping from a sanitarium, building a doomsday device, and threatening to begin blowing up entire cities until someone kills Clouseau for him. That threat sends twenty-two of the world's most deadly--and equally ineffectual--assassins on Clouseau's tail. One of those assassins, a beautiful Russian agent played by Lesley-Anne Down (Picture: 1), clearly puts the "ass" in assassin--twice! Ms. Down forces a new spelling of the phrase "Russian bear" when she turns down the lights, strips off her clothes, and slips into bed to await the Inspector. Leslie's clearly down for some action, as we get a nice view of her right breast even in the dark. Clouseau yet again manages to escape death when a fellow mustachioed ladies' man (a rival assassin played by an uncredited Omar Sharif) manages to take advantage of the bad lighting in order to do some carnal inspecting of Lesley-Anne's downy freshness. If comedies were diamonds, this one would be flawless. Take it from me, the Rod Laver of the parallel bars.
