By Mike McPadden
JANUARY 2, 2007
BEER LEAGUE: 2 DISC COLLECTOR'S EDITION (2006)
STUDIO: Echo Bridge
NUDES: Keisha (Picture: ), Charlene Biton, uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Enormously affable stand-up-comedy superstar and Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange spills onto the big screen with all his hilarity intact via the extremely tactless brews-boobs-and-baseball epic Beer League. Best described as "The Bad News Bears grow up to become insane alcoholics," Beer League chronicles Artie (playing a character named Artie) leading his hard-luck softball squad in and out of all manner of foul-mouthed, bodily-function-intensive misadventures. This includes a naked-hooker-packed bachelor party in which porn star Keisha (as Pitching Machine) even pops ping-pong balls out of her own batter's box. Talk about a gland slam! Beer League is in-fox-icating!
THE COVENANT (2006)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Laura Ramsey, Basia Jasinski (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: If the prospect of a male spin on the 1996 goth-girl classic The Craft doesn't put a magic wand in you warlock's robe, consider the TA possibilities on hand for a dude with supernatural powers. The quartet of magically enhanced fellows in The Covenant is charged with defending humanity from an ancient evil that only they can combat, but not before they blow a bar maid's skirt up to reveal her bewitching keister. The Covenant delivers on the promise of bare derriere.
DARK PORTALS: THE CHRONICLES OF VIDOCQ (2001)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: In?Sastre (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Many cultures boast a legendary detective mastermind who is followed by a devoted biographer. London of the 1800s was enriched by the presence of Sherlock Holmes and his dear Watson, and Paris of the same era presented many a mystery to be solved by the dark and fearless deductive genius Vidocq. Dark Portals: The Chronicles of Vidocq archive the dashing sleuth's scribe Etienne Boisset, who follows in Vidocq's footsteps when the daring detective goes missing. Revenge and resolution become elementary.
A LUCKY DAY (2002)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDE: Valentina Bassi
THE SKINNY: Valentina Bassi plays a single woman in economically depressed Buenos Aires. To survive, she pulls off several outlaw operations in the company of her corrupt pals, all in hope of ditching Argentina to reunite with her one-time lover in Rome. As this acclaimed drama plays out, there are sweet snatches of leading-lady nudity. And any time we get to see Valentina Bassi in the buff, it's A Lucky Day.
SHOTTAS: 2 DISC SPECIAL DIRECTOR'S EDITION (2002)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: San San (Picture: ), Marilyn Manhoe (Picture: ), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: A tale of warring Jamaican drug kingpins, Shottas plays like a West Indian Scarface, but with even more nudity! Biggs (Ky-Mani Marley) and Wayne (Spragga Benz) are childhood friends turned dope pushers. When they attempt to expand their empire from Kingston to Miami, mad hot violence erupts, tempered only by knockout nakedness courtesy of full-frontal San San, plastic-bosomed blonde Marilyn Manhoe, and a host of unnamed females. Shottas provides plenty to pop off about.
SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006)
STUDIO: New Line
NUDE: Samantha McLeod (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Samuel L. Jackson wants these motherfuckin' snakes off this motherfuckin' plane! That should be pretty much all anyone needs to know about the much-hyped, dizzyingly high-camp hit Snakes on a Plane. But beyond the slithering reptiles, beyond the airborne hysterics, beyond super-cop Sam Jackson's obscenity-enflamed tirades, Snakes on a Plane is also replete with succulent Samantha McLeod baring her cumulus twosome as she attempts to enter the Mile High Club. And that'll make you Samuel L. Jack-off!
TWEEK CITY (2005)
STUDIO: Maverick
NUDES: Eva Fisher (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Speed kills in the indie drug drama Tweek City but, ironically, death does not come quickly. Instead, for Bill Jensen (Giuseppe Andrews), a two-bit amphetamine pusher who flails from San Francisco to Los Angeles to the wedding ceremony of his high-school sweetheart, the ultimately lethal consequences of addiction propel him on a journey of profound soul-searching. Fortunately our hero stops to get high the natural way too: by fondling the naked nay-nays of Eva Fisher. Oh, to tweak those titties!
*
JANUARY 9, 2007
BROKEN BRIDGES (2006)
STUDIO: Paramount
NUDES: Lindsey Haun (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Real-life country-music superstar Toby Keith portrays a fading, broken-down country-music crooner in Broken Bridges. After the death of his younger brother, Keith's boozy character travels back to their hometown, where he reunites with his old girlfriend (casaba goddess Kelly Preston) and Lindsey Haun, who may or may not be his teenage daughter. One thing is for sure about Lindsey, though: She slips left nip at the eleven-minute mark. And that will repair any Broken Bridges in your pants.
CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER WOMEN (2005)
STUDIO: Hart Sharp Video
NUDES: Helena Bonham Carter (Picture: ), Nora Zehetner (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Man (Aaron Eckhart) meets Woman (Helena Bonham Carter) at a wedding in the 2005 arthouse hit Conversations with Other Women. Those are really the characters' names. Each of these formally attired celebrants is in their late thirties and, while romance does not exactly bloom, they do end up in a hotel bed before the evening--and much combative, scintillating, and ultimately arousing talk--is through.
CORRUPTED MINDS (2006)
STUDIO: New Light
NUDES: Candace Posluszny, Hope James, Eva Wilson, Kristina Spotts, Aida Munoz (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The action-drama Corrupted Minds serves up a cross-section of lives that converge in Detroit on the verge of a riot whose organizers aim to rattle every last piston in the Motor City. Thugs, cops, radicals, and everyday people reveal how they cope with urban strife and inescapable violence, while a stunning number of ladies in the cast reveal their naked bodies. It's not your Mind that will be Corrupted by those sights!
CRANK (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Amy Smart's Body Double, uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Shaven-scalped action star Jason Statham, of The Transporter movies, ignites the high-octane blow-out Crank as an assassin who's been injected with a hyperactivity-inducing poison--if his heart-rate falls, he dies. Joining Statham for this wild, ultra-kinetic romp is blonde beauty Amy Smart, whose Body Double flashes funbaggage, as well as topless massage girls and pool bunnies to keep the adrenaline racing and give viewers something to Crank to.
FINAL MOVE (2006)
STUDIO: MTI
NUDES: Lyndsay Griffin (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: In Final Move, a pair of LAPD detectives team with an FBI agent (Rachel Hunter) to track a murderer who seems to be emulating the crimes of a killer who's just been executed. Further complicating the matter is that one of the cops starts having psychic flashes of slayings yet to go down. Ravishing redhead Lyndsay Griffin brings light to the police procedural with a topless love romp in a hot tub. After Lyndsay's scene, your Final Move will be to wipe up!
MURDER-SET-PIECES (2004)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Renee Sloan, Christina Holsinger, Lauren Palac, Crissy Moran, Valerie Baber (Picture: ), LeAnn Clinton, uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Writer-director Nick Palumbo shocked even the most hardcore horror fans with his splatter-blasting sexual-torturer/serial-killer freak-out Murder-Set-Pieces. Sven Garrett plays The Photographer, a Hitler-sympathizing German who shoots pictures of numerous Las Vegas sex workers before slicing, dicing, chopping, burning, brutalizing, and otherwise hideously disposing of these women. The good news is that we get to see each of them extremely naked first. Murder-Set-Pieces takes a convincing stab at the title of the ultimate exercise in flesh and blood.
SERUM (2006)
STUDIO: Hannover House
NUDE: Leslie Caples (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Dr. K (David H. Hickey) is in a pickle. Put in charge of producing a "cure-all" formula, he's running behind and his pharmaceutical financers want some results. In a fit of "mad-scientist-ism" the put-upon doctor rushes through the half-baked Serum of the movie's title and the results are, as expected, monstrous. Luscious Leslie Caples also happens to be monstrously hot in her two topless scenes, injecting this Serum with just the right mix of sex and scares.
VAN GOGH (1991)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Alexandra London, Elsa Zylberstein (Picture: ), Corinne Bourdon (Picture: ), Leslie Azzoulai
THE SKINNY: It's telling that Vincent van Gogh sliced off his ear and not another more important part of his body. He may have been a little crazy, but the passionate artist wasn't nuts. Painters were the rock stars of the past, and they partied as hearty as any touring band. In Van Gogh, he gets to dip his brush in more flesh than a peep-show mop boy. Inspiring muses such as Corinne Bourdon, Alexandra London, and Elsa Zylberstein make the last three months of the tortured creative type's life a little less blue. They all have frames any man would like to see in his bedroom. Yes, Van Gogh is a real canvas stretcher.
*
JANUARY 16, 2007
ALONE WITH HER (2006)
STUDIO: IFC First Take
NUDES: Ana Claudia Talancn (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Colin Hanks portrays a high-tech perv who spies on unsuspecting females in Alone with Her. Ana Claudia Talancn becomes the main object of his attention, and ours, as we repeatedly see--via kinky surveillance devices--in and out of her clothes. Especially revealing is the Hanks-installed shower-cam. When you get all this time Alone with Ana Claudia, be prepared to do some other things alone with yourself.
MAY 6th (2004)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDES: Tara Elders (Picture: ), Femke Lakerveld (Picture: ), Caro Lenssen
THE SKINNY: Muslim-murdered Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh recreates the 2002 day that Dutch politician Pim Fortuyn was assassinated. The plot then focuses on a photographer who follows the trail of Tara Elders, who plays a radical associated with the environmental group that is suspected in the killing. As the mystery unfolds, the female cast disrobes, making May 6th a good day for fans of naked European starlets.
LA MOUSTACHE (2005)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDES: Emmanuelle Devos
THE SKINNY: When Parisian architect Marc (Vincent Lindon) shaves the hairy expanse between his nose and upper lip in the existential drama La Moustache, he expects that his wife (Emmanuelle Devos) and their friends will at least notice the change. But they don't. In fact, everyone Marc meets insists that he never had a mustache. Is he going mad? Did he only imagine taking a razor to his facial fur? These and other questions are raised by this curious arthouse hit, and one crucial query does get answered: What does Emmanuelle Devos look like with her clothes off?
THE QUEEN'S SISTER (2005)
STUDIO: BBC Warner
NUDE: Lucy Cohu (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: England's real-life Princess Margaret is smashingly embodied by Lucy Cohu in The Queen's Sister. This lively and elegant biopic profiles the Princess's controversial life from her father's 1952 death up until the 1970s. Among her tabloid-friendly adventures are numerous crackpot romances, a 1961 wedding opposed by many in the British government, and even her planting a smooch on the daughter of a United States ambassador. Top-heavy Lucy bares her Towers of London at the twenty-minute mark. Drool, Britannia!
ROLLER BOOTY (2007)
STUDIO: Peach
NUDES: Samantha Ryan (Picture: ), Angie Savage, Jennifer Lee, Zoe Britton (Picture: ), Cheleste Star (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Brunette bombshell Zoe Britton gets more than a quick spin in Roller Booty. After her insanely sexy pals coax Zoe into joining them for a night out at a skating rink, it becomes tantalizingly transparent that what goes on--and comes off--there is a lot faster than anything on wheels! Roller Booty is a dizzyingly fun and delectably arousing softcore romp from Peach DVD. Give it a whirl!
SHADOW OF THE SWORD (2005)
STUDIO: MTI
NUDES: Anastasia Griffith
THE SKINNY: Also known by the potentially promising title The Headsman, Shadow of the Sword takes place in sixteenth-century Europe, as two longtime friends--one an army captain, the other a monk--confront the changing world during the Spanish Inquisition. Anastasia Griffith plays the nubile daughter of an executioner, and when she takes up with the military man, her costume comes off. Beware the Shadow of the Sword that arises--in your pants!
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING (UNRATED EDITION) (2006)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDE: Jordana Brewster (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Poor, poor, pitiful Leatherface. After first gaining infamy in the drive-in cult sensation The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the power-tool-obsessed fright icon went on to make various bloody messes in three sequels and a big-budget 2003 Hollywood remake. Now we get his back-story in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. The movie is set in the early 1970s and, as usual, a gaggle of not-long-to-be-in-one-piece youths makes a wrong turn in the Lone Star State. Upon running afoul of the evil Sheriff Hoyt (R. Lee Ermey), the travelers are introduced to young Thomas Hewitt (Andrew Bryniarski), who is being raised in a manner that can only lead him to wearing masks crafted from human flesh and wielding a chainsaw for other than lumber-related purposes. As she runs for her life, Jordana Brewster flashes a bit of butt cleavage. It's a real crack-up amidst all the cutting up that goes on.
*
JANUARY 23, 2007
ROOM (2005)
STUDIO: Hart Sharp Video
NUDE: Cyndi Williams
THE SKINNY: Julie is a middle-aged bingo-parlor employee played by Cyndi Williams (and please note the spelling: this is not the former Shirley Feeney) who experiences psychic hot flashes that compel her to seek out the titular Room, which appears in her visions. Departing Texas for New York on impulse, Cyndi's inner visions appear on screen, as do, after peeling off her outfit, her backside and left breast. As a result, this is one Room with a view!
SAW III: UNRATED EDITION (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE: Debra McCabe
THE SKINNY: Saw III is the sickest, scariest, most inventively agonizing entry in modern horror's premier extreme film series to date. This edition ups the ante of its gruesomely potent predecessors both in the realm of nihilistic terror and frighteningly sexy nudity. As diabolical mastermind Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) lies dying, he dispatches Shawnee Smith, as his henchwoman, to rig up all manner of nauseating tortures. Among the most ghastly set-ups in Saw III is the slow execution by freezing of Debra McCabe, who is chained to pipes full-frontally nude in a sub-zero room while being doused with ice water. It's totally hot.
SHERRYBABY (2005)
STUDIO: Universal
NUDES: Maggie Gyllenhaal
THE SKINNY: What was independent skinema before Maggie Gyllenhaal came along? Ever since her kinktastic bare debut in Secretary, Jake's lanky, long-limbed, searingly sexy sister has been an absolute stand-out in numerous original roles. Best of all, many of them have prompted Maggie to peel down, as well. Sherrybaby is one such production. Here, Maggie plays a rough-edged New Jersey woman who gets out of prison and attempts to reestablish a connection with her young daughter. Her attempts to connect with other adults, however, frequently involve illicit sex and Maggie's mouth-wateringly naked funbaggies.
*
JANUARY 30, 2007
THE ARRANGEMENT (1969)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDES: Faye Dunaway, Deborah Kerr
THE SKINNY: Director Elia Kazan's dark romantic-triangle drama The Arrangement showcases Kirk Douglas as a suburban advertising executive who attempts to balance his career with his artistic ambitions in much the same way that he struggles to keep up an empty marriage to his wife (Deborah Kerr) while simultaneously falling for his firebrand mistress (Faye Dunaway). As complicated as matters get, Faye does manage to show off her seat meat, while Deborah flashes her left Kerr-horn. And that's an Arrangement that Mr. Skin can get behind--or on top of!
THE FIRST NIGHT (2003)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDE: Carolina Lizarazo (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The Colombian-made drama The First Night takes an unflinching look at that country's recent violent miseries, focusing on a group of displaced peasants in search of stable ground. As war and greed rage on around her, Carolina Lizarazo portrays a young mother desperate to reach a safe place in which to raise her child. She also gets naked a few times, which is nice.
HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT (1979)
STUDIO: Shriek Show
NUDES: Alison Elliot, Debbie Linden
THE SKINNY: In Home Before Midnight, British exploitation-movie visionary Pete Walker, who gave us The Flesh and Blood Show (1972) and Frightmare (1974), turns to the swinging British rock scene for kicks and chicks. When pop star Mike (James Aubrey) is accused of statutory crimes against fourteen-year-old Ginny (Alison Elliott), his life, career, and ultimately his freedom look certain to go the way of . . . well, Gary Glitter's. Peppering this cautionary story are the full-frontal nudie bits of some definitely legal, but still glam-tastically nubile, English go-go birds.
LOOKER (1981)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDES: Susan Dey (Picture: ), Terri Welles
THE SKINNY: Thanks to its omnipresence on early-'80s cable TV, writer-director Michael Crichton's Looker became a cult favorite after initially being ridiculed by critics and rejected by theatrical audiences. The fact that Laurie Partridge gets naked in a PG-rated movie has also kept Looker cooking. Albert Finney portrays a plastic surgeon who uses cutting-edge computer technology to nip-and-tuck his numerous high-profile patients. And they include fashion model Susan Dey, who strips and shows TA while submitting to a full-body scan. When Finney's patients start turning up dead, he and Dey snoop out a high-tech conspiracy--but not before Terri Welles gets naked too.
LOVE SCENES (1984)
STUDIO: Ryko
NUDES: Monique Gabrielle, Tiffany Bolling
THE SKINNY: Originally made for the Playboy Channel, the softcore opus Love Scenes tells the story of a director who's set to shoot a sexy autobiographical screenplay penned by an aging movie starlet. It's all a set-up for some excellent sexploitation-style love making and body baring by B-movie super sirens Monique Gabrielle and Tiffany Bolling. Also look for skinteresting supporting work by Britt Ekland, Julie Newmar, and borscht-belt yukmeister Jack Carter. You'll love seeing Love Scenes.
JANUARY 2, 2007
BEER LEAGUE: 2 DISC COLLECTOR'S EDITION (2006)
STUDIO: Echo Bridge
NUDES: Keisha (Picture: ), Charlene Biton, uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Enormously affable stand-up-comedy superstar and Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange spills onto the big screen with all his hilarity intact via the extremely tactless brews-boobs-and-baseball epic Beer League. Best described as "The Bad News Bears grow up to become insane alcoholics," Beer League chronicles Artie (playing a character named Artie) leading his hard-luck softball squad in and out of all manner of foul-mouthed, bodily-function-intensive misadventures. This includes a naked-hooker-packed bachelor party in which porn star Keisha (as Pitching Machine) even pops ping-pong balls out of her own batter's box. Talk about a gland slam! Beer League is in-fox-icating!
THE COVENANT (2006)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Laura Ramsey, Basia Jasinski (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: If the prospect of a male spin on the 1996 goth-girl classic The Craft doesn't put a magic wand in you warlock's robe, consider the TA possibilities on hand for a dude with supernatural powers. The quartet of magically enhanced fellows in The Covenant is charged with defending humanity from an ancient evil that only they can combat, but not before they blow a bar maid's skirt up to reveal her bewitching keister. The Covenant delivers on the promise of bare derriere.
DARK PORTALS: THE CHRONICLES OF VIDOCQ (2001)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: In?Sastre (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Many cultures boast a legendary detective mastermind who is followed by a devoted biographer. London of the 1800s was enriched by the presence of Sherlock Holmes and his dear Watson, and Paris of the same era presented many a mystery to be solved by the dark and fearless deductive genius Vidocq. Dark Portals: The Chronicles of Vidocq archive the dashing sleuth's scribe Etienne Boisset, who follows in Vidocq's footsteps when the daring detective goes missing. Revenge and resolution become elementary.
A LUCKY DAY (2002)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDE: Valentina Bassi
THE SKINNY: Valentina Bassi plays a single woman in economically depressed Buenos Aires. To survive, she pulls off several outlaw operations in the company of her corrupt pals, all in hope of ditching Argentina to reunite with her one-time lover in Rome. As this acclaimed drama plays out, there are sweet snatches of leading-lady nudity. And any time we get to see Valentina Bassi in the buff, it's A Lucky Day.
SHOTTAS: 2 DISC SPECIAL DIRECTOR'S EDITION (2002)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: San San (Picture: ), Marilyn Manhoe (Picture: ), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: A tale of warring Jamaican drug kingpins, Shottas plays like a West Indian Scarface, but with even more nudity! Biggs (Ky-Mani Marley) and Wayne (Spragga Benz) are childhood friends turned dope pushers. When they attempt to expand their empire from Kingston to Miami, mad hot violence erupts, tempered only by knockout nakedness courtesy of full-frontal San San, plastic-bosomed blonde Marilyn Manhoe, and a host of unnamed females. Shottas provides plenty to pop off about.
SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006)
STUDIO: New Line
NUDE: Samantha McLeod (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Samuel L. Jackson wants these motherfuckin' snakes off this motherfuckin' plane! That should be pretty much all anyone needs to know about the much-hyped, dizzyingly high-camp hit Snakes on a Plane. But beyond the slithering reptiles, beyond the airborne hysterics, beyond super-cop Sam Jackson's obscenity-enflamed tirades, Snakes on a Plane is also replete with succulent Samantha McLeod baring her cumulus twosome as she attempts to enter the Mile High Club. And that'll make you Samuel L. Jack-off!
TWEEK CITY (2005)
STUDIO: Maverick
NUDES: Eva Fisher (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Speed kills in the indie drug drama Tweek City but, ironically, death does not come quickly. Instead, for Bill Jensen (Giuseppe Andrews), a two-bit amphetamine pusher who flails from San Francisco to Los Angeles to the wedding ceremony of his high-school sweetheart, the ultimately lethal consequences of addiction propel him on a journey of profound soul-searching. Fortunately our hero stops to get high the natural way too: by fondling the naked nay-nays of Eva Fisher. Oh, to tweak those titties!
*
JANUARY 9, 2007
BROKEN BRIDGES (2006)
STUDIO: Paramount
NUDES: Lindsey Haun (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Real-life country-music superstar Toby Keith portrays a fading, broken-down country-music crooner in Broken Bridges. After the death of his younger brother, Keith's boozy character travels back to their hometown, where he reunites with his old girlfriend (casaba goddess Kelly Preston) and Lindsey Haun, who may or may not be his teenage daughter. One thing is for sure about Lindsey, though: She slips left nip at the eleven-minute mark. And that will repair any Broken Bridges in your pants.
CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER WOMEN (2005)
STUDIO: Hart Sharp Video
NUDES: Helena Bonham Carter (Picture: ), Nora Zehetner (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Man (Aaron Eckhart) meets Woman (Helena Bonham Carter) at a wedding in the 2005 arthouse hit Conversations with Other Women. Those are really the characters' names. Each of these formally attired celebrants is in their late thirties and, while romance does not exactly bloom, they do end up in a hotel bed before the evening--and much combative, scintillating, and ultimately arousing talk--is through.
CORRUPTED MINDS (2006)
STUDIO: New Light
NUDES: Candace Posluszny, Hope James, Eva Wilson, Kristina Spotts, Aida Munoz (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The action-drama Corrupted Minds serves up a cross-section of lives that converge in Detroit on the verge of a riot whose organizers aim to rattle every last piston in the Motor City. Thugs, cops, radicals, and everyday people reveal how they cope with urban strife and inescapable violence, while a stunning number of ladies in the cast reveal their naked bodies. It's not your Mind that will be Corrupted by those sights!
CRANK (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Amy Smart's Body Double, uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Shaven-scalped action star Jason Statham, of The Transporter movies, ignites the high-octane blow-out Crank as an assassin who's been injected with a hyperactivity-inducing poison--if his heart-rate falls, he dies. Joining Statham for this wild, ultra-kinetic romp is blonde beauty Amy Smart, whose Body Double flashes funbaggage, as well as topless massage girls and pool bunnies to keep the adrenaline racing and give viewers something to Crank to.
FINAL MOVE (2006)
STUDIO: MTI
NUDES: Lyndsay Griffin (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: In Final Move, a pair of LAPD detectives team with an FBI agent (Rachel Hunter) to track a murderer who seems to be emulating the crimes of a killer who's just been executed. Further complicating the matter is that one of the cops starts having psychic flashes of slayings yet to go down. Ravishing redhead Lyndsay Griffin brings light to the police procedural with a topless love romp in a hot tub. After Lyndsay's scene, your Final Move will be to wipe up!
MURDER-SET-PIECES (2004)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Renee Sloan, Christina Holsinger, Lauren Palac, Crissy Moran, Valerie Baber (Picture: ), LeAnn Clinton, uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Writer-director Nick Palumbo shocked even the most hardcore horror fans with his splatter-blasting sexual-torturer/serial-killer freak-out Murder-Set-Pieces. Sven Garrett plays The Photographer, a Hitler-sympathizing German who shoots pictures of numerous Las Vegas sex workers before slicing, dicing, chopping, burning, brutalizing, and otherwise hideously disposing of these women. The good news is that we get to see each of them extremely naked first. Murder-Set-Pieces takes a convincing stab at the title of the ultimate exercise in flesh and blood.
SERUM (2006)
STUDIO: Hannover House
NUDE: Leslie Caples (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Dr. K (David H. Hickey) is in a pickle. Put in charge of producing a "cure-all" formula, he's running behind and his pharmaceutical financers want some results. In a fit of "mad-scientist-ism" the put-upon doctor rushes through the half-baked Serum of the movie's title and the results are, as expected, monstrous. Luscious Leslie Caples also happens to be monstrously hot in her two topless scenes, injecting this Serum with just the right mix of sex and scares.
VAN GOGH (1991)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Alexandra London, Elsa Zylberstein (Picture: ), Corinne Bourdon (Picture: ), Leslie Azzoulai
THE SKINNY: It's telling that Vincent van Gogh sliced off his ear and not another more important part of his body. He may have been a little crazy, but the passionate artist wasn't nuts. Painters were the rock stars of the past, and they partied as hearty as any touring band. In Van Gogh, he gets to dip his brush in more flesh than a peep-show mop boy. Inspiring muses such as Corinne Bourdon, Alexandra London, and Elsa Zylberstein make the last three months of the tortured creative type's life a little less blue. They all have frames any man would like to see in his bedroom. Yes, Van Gogh is a real canvas stretcher.
*
JANUARY 16, 2007
ALONE WITH HER (2006)
STUDIO: IFC First Take
NUDES: Ana Claudia Talancn (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Colin Hanks portrays a high-tech perv who spies on unsuspecting females in Alone with Her. Ana Claudia Talancn becomes the main object of his attention, and ours, as we repeatedly see--via kinky surveillance devices--in and out of her clothes. Especially revealing is the Hanks-installed shower-cam. When you get all this time Alone with Ana Claudia, be prepared to do some other things alone with yourself.
MAY 6th (2004)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDES: Tara Elders (Picture: ), Femke Lakerveld (Picture: ), Caro Lenssen
THE SKINNY: Muslim-murdered Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh recreates the 2002 day that Dutch politician Pim Fortuyn was assassinated. The plot then focuses on a photographer who follows the trail of Tara Elders, who plays a radical associated with the environmental group that is suspected in the killing. As the mystery unfolds, the female cast disrobes, making May 6th a good day for fans of naked European starlets.
LA MOUSTACHE (2005)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDES: Emmanuelle Devos
THE SKINNY: When Parisian architect Marc (Vincent Lindon) shaves the hairy expanse between his nose and upper lip in the existential drama La Moustache, he expects that his wife (Emmanuelle Devos) and their friends will at least notice the change. But they don't. In fact, everyone Marc meets insists that he never had a mustache. Is he going mad? Did he only imagine taking a razor to his facial fur? These and other questions are raised by this curious arthouse hit, and one crucial query does get answered: What does Emmanuelle Devos look like with her clothes off?
THE QUEEN'S SISTER (2005)
STUDIO: BBC Warner
NUDE: Lucy Cohu (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: England's real-life Princess Margaret is smashingly embodied by Lucy Cohu in The Queen's Sister. This lively and elegant biopic profiles the Princess's controversial life from her father's 1952 death up until the 1970s. Among her tabloid-friendly adventures are numerous crackpot romances, a 1961 wedding opposed by many in the British government, and even her planting a smooch on the daughter of a United States ambassador. Top-heavy Lucy bares her Towers of London at the twenty-minute mark. Drool, Britannia!
ROLLER BOOTY (2007)
STUDIO: Peach
NUDES: Samantha Ryan (Picture: ), Angie Savage, Jennifer Lee, Zoe Britton (Picture: ), Cheleste Star (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Brunette bombshell Zoe Britton gets more than a quick spin in Roller Booty. After her insanely sexy pals coax Zoe into joining them for a night out at a skating rink, it becomes tantalizingly transparent that what goes on--and comes off--there is a lot faster than anything on wheels! Roller Booty is a dizzyingly fun and delectably arousing softcore romp from Peach DVD. Give it a whirl!
SHADOW OF THE SWORD (2005)
STUDIO: MTI
NUDES: Anastasia Griffith
THE SKINNY: Also known by the potentially promising title The Headsman, Shadow of the Sword takes place in sixteenth-century Europe, as two longtime friends--one an army captain, the other a monk--confront the changing world during the Spanish Inquisition. Anastasia Griffith plays the nubile daughter of an executioner, and when she takes up with the military man, her costume comes off. Beware the Shadow of the Sword that arises--in your pants!
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING (UNRATED EDITION) (2006)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDE: Jordana Brewster (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Poor, poor, pitiful Leatherface. After first gaining infamy in the drive-in cult sensation The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the power-tool-obsessed fright icon went on to make various bloody messes in three sequels and a big-budget 2003 Hollywood remake. Now we get his back-story in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. The movie is set in the early 1970s and, as usual, a gaggle of not-long-to-be-in-one-piece youths makes a wrong turn in the Lone Star State. Upon running afoul of the evil Sheriff Hoyt (R. Lee Ermey), the travelers are introduced to young Thomas Hewitt (Andrew Bryniarski), who is being raised in a manner that can only lead him to wearing masks crafted from human flesh and wielding a chainsaw for other than lumber-related purposes. As she runs for her life, Jordana Brewster flashes a bit of butt cleavage. It's a real crack-up amidst all the cutting up that goes on.
*
JANUARY 23, 2007
ROOM (2005)
STUDIO: Hart Sharp Video
NUDE: Cyndi Williams
THE SKINNY: Julie is a middle-aged bingo-parlor employee played by Cyndi Williams (and please note the spelling: this is not the former Shirley Feeney) who experiences psychic hot flashes that compel her to seek out the titular Room, which appears in her visions. Departing Texas for New York on impulse, Cyndi's inner visions appear on screen, as do, after peeling off her outfit, her backside and left breast. As a result, this is one Room with a view!
SAW III: UNRATED EDITION (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE: Debra McCabe
THE SKINNY: Saw III is the sickest, scariest, most inventively agonizing entry in modern horror's premier extreme film series to date. This edition ups the ante of its gruesomely potent predecessors both in the realm of nihilistic terror and frighteningly sexy nudity. As diabolical mastermind Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) lies dying, he dispatches Shawnee Smith, as his henchwoman, to rig up all manner of nauseating tortures. Among the most ghastly set-ups in Saw III is the slow execution by freezing of Debra McCabe, who is chained to pipes full-frontally nude in a sub-zero room while being doused with ice water. It's totally hot.
SHERRYBABY (2005)
STUDIO: Universal
NUDES: Maggie Gyllenhaal
THE SKINNY: What was independent skinema before Maggie Gyllenhaal came along? Ever since her kinktastic bare debut in Secretary, Jake's lanky, long-limbed, searingly sexy sister has been an absolute stand-out in numerous original roles. Best of all, many of them have prompted Maggie to peel down, as well. Sherrybaby is one such production. Here, Maggie plays a rough-edged New Jersey woman who gets out of prison and attempts to reestablish a connection with her young daughter. Her attempts to connect with other adults, however, frequently involve illicit sex and Maggie's mouth-wateringly naked funbaggies.
*
JANUARY 30, 2007
THE ARRANGEMENT (1969)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDES: Faye Dunaway, Deborah Kerr
THE SKINNY: Director Elia Kazan's dark romantic-triangle drama The Arrangement showcases Kirk Douglas as a suburban advertising executive who attempts to balance his career with his artistic ambitions in much the same way that he struggles to keep up an empty marriage to his wife (Deborah Kerr) while simultaneously falling for his firebrand mistress (Faye Dunaway). As complicated as matters get, Faye does manage to show off her seat meat, while Deborah flashes her left Kerr-horn. And that's an Arrangement that Mr. Skin can get behind--or on top of!
THE FIRST NIGHT (2003)
STUDIO: TLA Releasing
NUDE: Carolina Lizarazo (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The Colombian-made drama The First Night takes an unflinching look at that country's recent violent miseries, focusing on a group of displaced peasants in search of stable ground. As war and greed rage on around her, Carolina Lizarazo portrays a young mother desperate to reach a safe place in which to raise her child. She also gets naked a few times, which is nice.
HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT (1979)
STUDIO: Shriek Show
NUDES: Alison Elliot, Debbie Linden
THE SKINNY: In Home Before Midnight, British exploitation-movie visionary Pete Walker, who gave us The Flesh and Blood Show (1972) and Frightmare (1974), turns to the swinging British rock scene for kicks and chicks. When pop star Mike (James Aubrey) is accused of statutory crimes against fourteen-year-old Ginny (Alison Elliott), his life, career, and ultimately his freedom look certain to go the way of . . . well, Gary Glitter's. Peppering this cautionary story are the full-frontal nudie bits of some definitely legal, but still glam-tastically nubile, English go-go birds.
LOOKER (1981)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDES: Susan Dey (Picture: ), Terri Welles
THE SKINNY: Thanks to its omnipresence on early-'80s cable TV, writer-director Michael Crichton's Looker became a cult favorite after initially being ridiculed by critics and rejected by theatrical audiences. The fact that Laurie Partridge gets naked in a PG-rated movie has also kept Looker cooking. Albert Finney portrays a plastic surgeon who uses cutting-edge computer technology to nip-and-tuck his numerous high-profile patients. And they include fashion model Susan Dey, who strips and shows TA while submitting to a full-body scan. When Finney's patients start turning up dead, he and Dey snoop out a high-tech conspiracy--but not before Terri Welles gets naked too.
LOVE SCENES (1984)
STUDIO: Ryko
NUDES: Monique Gabrielle, Tiffany Bolling
THE SKINNY: Originally made for the Playboy Channel, the softcore opus Love Scenes tells the story of a director who's set to shoot a sexy autobiographical screenplay penned by an aging movie starlet. It's all a set-up for some excellent sexploitation-style love making and body baring by B-movie super sirens Monique Gabrielle and Tiffany Bolling. Also look for skinteresting supporting work by Britt Ekland, Julie Newmar, and borscht-belt yukmeister Jack Carter. You'll love seeing Love Scenes.
