By Selwyn Harris
February may land smack in the dead of winter, but it's also the month of various Valentine-related activities, along with Presidents' Day, either one of which (or both) should provide you with a perfect opportunity to scope out the latest DVD releases that contain nudes of note.
So cozy up with your honey and/or your remote when consuming the following nakedness on disc and, remember, you only need one hand to keep warm.
FEBRUARY 7, 2006
Eros (2004)
NUDES: Ele Keats (Picture: 1), Regina Nemni (Picture: 1), Luisa Ranieri (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: "Three visionary directors. One erotic journey." So proclaims the tagline for the recent arthouse offering Eros. The trio of filmmakers at hand is made up of Michelangelo Antonioni, Steven Soderbergh, and Wong Kar Wai. The erotic components at gland include Ele Keats, Regina Nemni, and Luisa Ranieri. Antonioni's effort, "The Dangerous Thread of Things", focuses on a wayward husband who momentarily ditches his wife (Regina) to boink a babe in a castle (Luisa). Soderbergh's "Equilibrium" showcases Ele in the raw as she's eyeballed by Alan Arkin. Wong Kar Wi's "The Hand" may or may not be masterful movie-making, but since it fails to get star Gong Li naked, this "Hand" deserves a slap.
EXTRAS: Bonus short film "Eye To Eye" by Michelangelo Antonioni
STUDIO: Warner Bros.
Unbearable Lightness of Being: TWO-DISC SPECIAL EDITION (1988)
NUDES: Juliette Binoche (Picture: 1), Consuelo De Haviland (Picture: 1), Pascale Kalensky (Picture: 1), Lena Olin (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Set in Czechoslovakia's "Prague Spring" of 1986, director Philip Kaufman's Unbearable Lightness of Being tracks a horndog doctor (Daniel Day-Lewis) whose sex life gets complicated when a couple of the chicks he's banging (Juliette Binoche and Lena Olin) become friends. When the ladies take nude pictures of one another, there won't be any Lightness in your lap.
EXTRAS: Commentary, making-of documentary, trailer
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
FEBRUARY 14, 2006
Camille 2000 (1969)
NUDES: Dani? Gaubert (Picture: 1), Silvana Venturelli (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Flesh-film visionary Radley Metzger goes all groovily Technicolor in high-swingin' '60s fashion in Camille 2000. Daniele Gaubert plays the title character, a hot-bodied Euro-beauty who takes up with dashing Nino Castelnuovo for some sexedelic headiness while concealing from him her oh-so-tragic secret. Natural beauties, wild rock music, plastic furniture, and naked Continental cooze all add up to Camille 2000, and that's a number we can get behind. And in front of.
STUDIO: First Run Features
Class of 1984 (1982)
NUDE: Helena Quinton
THE SKINNY: In his initial review of the cult-classic punks-gone-wild high-school thriller Class of 1984, Newsweek critic Jack Kroll praised some of the movie's style but ultimately wondered: "Who wants to be mugged by a movie?" You do, that's who, and especially when it's this tale of a leather-jacket-and-safety-pin posse running rampant over their local institutional learning facility. Music teacher Perry King aims to put a stop to the Mohawk-sporting no-good-niks, but not before they knife Michael J. Fox in the cafeteria and Helena Quinton's clothes come off. Now that's Class.
EXTRAS: Commentary with director Mark L. Lester; Blood and Blackboards: An all-new featurette containing interviews with Director Mark L. Lester and Actors Perry King and Merrie Lynn Ross; trailer, TV Spots
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson (2005)
NUDE: Pamela Anderson (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Jimmy Kimmel hosts, Geoffrey Ross kills, Courtney Love appears to be dying, and, all through this traditional celebrity take-down of the late 20th century's premiere blonde bombshell, the top-heavy target herself wears a beyond-see-through shear shirt that comes this close to being sexier than if she were simply giggling and jiggling while completely topless. Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson is some seriously hot stuff.
STUDIO: Paramount
Midnight Cowboy: COLLECTOR'S EDITION (1968)
NUDES: Sylvia Miles (Picture: 1), Jennifer Salt (Picture: 1), Brenda Vaccaro (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Oscar's one-and-only X-rated Best Picture winner (back before such a label automatically meant porno), Midnight Cowboy showcases Dustin Hoffman's iconic turn as Times Square lowlife Rico "Ratzo" Rizzo, as well as Jon Voight's star-making performance as wannabe gigolo Joe Buck, along with Harry Nilsson's immortal theme song, "Everybody's Talkin' At Me". It also contains some then-daring dollops of nudity, which will have you squawking, "I'm jackin' here! I'm jackin' here!"
STUDIO: MGM
FEBRUARY 21, 2006
2069: A Sexy Odyssey (1974)
NUDES: Catharina Conti, Nina Frederik, Eva Gross, Heidrun Hankammer, Lydia Mikulski, Alena Penz, and Gerti Schneider
THE SKINNY: Trading in 2001: A Space Odyssey's H.A.L. for loads of S-E-X, 2069: A Sexy Odyssey also goes one better than Mars Needs Women. In this movie, Venus needs sperm, and the barren planet has dispatched its sexier sirens to Earth with an aim to extract and collect. You'll blast off over and over again.
EXTRAS: Bonus feature: Run, Virgin, Run (1970); trailers
STUDIO: SeductionCinema.com
Carmen, Baby (1967)
NUDE: Uta Levka (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Loosey-goosily adapted from the opera Carmen, Radley Metzger's Carmen, Baby updates the classic story's tragic romance to lava-lamp-era Europe. The nudity is scarce--just one booba from luscious Uta Levka--but it's scrumptious, as are the rest of the movie's sexy surroundings.
STUDIO: First Run Features
Little Mother (1973)
NUDES: Christiane Kr? (Picture: 1), Elga Sorbas (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Before Argentina's Eva Perron inspired the Broadway musical Evita and its 1996 Madonna movie adaptation, Little Mother told the tale of a South American First Lady who slept her way to the top with appropriate softcore trappings. Blonde Christiane Kr? portrays the erotically ambitious political figure with a finesse for showing off her funbags, fanny, and furburger that is missing from all other attempts to bring this character to life. That's why Little Mother is the best in all the big ways that count.
STUDIO: First Run Features
Vice Squad (1982)
NUDE: Season Hubley
THE SKINNY: The slam-bang grindhouse classic Vice Squad instantly made a B-movie superstar of Wings Hauser, who stars as the movie's unforgettable villain, a psycho-pimp whose homicidal menace has never been equaled in a movie before or since. More (insanely) violent than sexy, Vice Squad nonetheless does contain nips from bitsy-boobied favorite Season Hubley, in her finest streetwalker performance since Hardcore (1979).
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
FEBRUARY 28, 2006
Evils of the Night (1984)
NUDE: Amber Lynn
THE SKINNY: Space aliens need the blood of human teenagers in Evils of the Night, and there's one best way to come by the stuff: have a couple of hayseed gas station attendants kidnap some young hotties--which include vintage hardcore vixen Amber Lynn--who can they be peeled nude and pumped dry. If that plot premise isn't captivating enough (and it ought to be), consider the extremely oddball adults in the cast: John Carradine, Julie Newmar, and Tina Louise. This is one Night to remember.
STUDIO: Media-Blasters.com
Texas Lightning (1981)
NUDE: Maureen McCormick (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Marcia Brady bares a boob. You need to know more? Well, if you insist. When young Texan Channing Mitchell can no longer abide by the redneck ways of his kinfolk, he turns to a willing waitress (Maureen McCormick) for carnal comfort. Unfortunately for Maureen's character, the rancid crackers bust up her bedroom frolic with junior. Fortunately for us, that's when we see Marcia's Brady Bump.
STUDIO: Media-Blasters.com
Werewolves on Wheels (1971)
NUDE: D.J. Anderson
THE SKINNY: Indeed, that high-concept title states what needs to be known about the drive-in favorite Werewolves on Wheels. The movie's tagline is right up there too: "If you're hairy, you belong on a bike." When a biker gang crosses paths with a cabal of Satan-worshipping monks, they bust up the monks' stuff but leave with a gift that keeps on giving--namely, a curse that transforms motorcycle mama D.J. Anderson into a lycanthrope with a blood-lust for beer guts and leather. Werewolves on Wheels will have you howling.
EXTRAS: Director commentary, trailers, radio spots, galleries
STUDIO: DarkSkyFilms.com
