By Selwyn Harris
With August come the dog days of summer, along with a potent pack of howlingly hot new DVD releases for your drooling perusal. Each of the following nudity-intensive videos below makes for perfect viewing in air-conditioned comfort. That way you can beat the heat while you beat your . . . well, it is also high barbecue season.
In fact, August is so brimming with delectable discs that we'll be breaking our report into two parts. Stay tuned for the second installment on August 18th.
AUGUST 1, 2006
The Comeback: The Complete and Only Season (2005)
STUDIO: HBO
NUDES: Dee Dee Rescher (Picture: 1), Malin Akerman (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The theme song to NBC's blockbuster sitcom Friends famously declared, "I'll be there for you," but, alas, that's proven an uncomfortably tall order for its various cast members. Among the creative casualties has been Lisa Kudrow and her HBO meta-yukfest The Comeback. Playing a middle-aged TV actress sniffing for a hit, Kudrow spoofed herself while co-stars Dee Dee Rescher and Malin Akerman exposed even more, doffing their tops in a manner that makes us regret that The Comeback will be back no more.
Kingsize (1988)
STUDIO: Facets Video
NUDES: Katarzyna Figura, Liza Machulska
THE SKINNY: Kingsize is a wild comedy regarding a scientist from an all-male world of dwarves who swallows a magic potion and emerges in 1988 Poland. One gander at Eastern European eyefuls on the order of Katarzyna Figura and Liza Machulska renders the transformed traveler's kielbasa king-sized and there's no turning back--but lots more turning on.
The Sex Thief (1973)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDES: Diane Keen (Picture: ), Val Penny (Picture: 1), Jenny Westbrook, Deirdre Costello
THE SKINNY: The British bedroom farce The Sex Thief chronicles the capers of a London cat burglar with an eye for sterling beauties and a unique prowler's tool just south of his belt buckle. Upon entering the domiciles of his female prey, the "sex thief" proves to be so charming that the ladies not only surrender their precious gems, they reward the pilferer with all manner of erotic undertakings. Brace yourself to spring a Big Ben in your britches.
*
AUGUST 8, 2006
Brick (2005)
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
NUDE: Nora Zehetner
THE SKINNY The classic detective-story archetypes of Raymond Chandler fiction and Humphrey Bogart movies get the twenty-first-century youth-culture treatment in Brick. Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays a teenage loner who investigates the death of his ex-girlfriend by infiltrating the criminal underworld of his high school. Encountering characters along the way with names such as The Brain and The Pin, Brick makes good on the film noir tradition of the femme fatale in the luscious form of Nora Zehetner, who bares her left breast. That'll gum your shoe.
Ghosts Never Sleep (2005)
STUDIO: Allumination
NUDE: Shea Alexander (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The tortured life of the screenwriter infuses Ghosts Never Sleep, the story of a scribe who turns a deep family secret into a script, with a true-to-life heaviness. Sumptuous Shea Alexander lightens up the drama as a stripper who provides the perfect antidote to writer's block by repeatedly peeling off her top.
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
STUDIO: Paramount
NUDES: Paula Marshall
THE SKINNY: Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth unleashes the inventively deformed demons known as The Cenobites on unsuspecting urban dwellers with predictably splat-tastic results. Only ace reporter Terry Farrell seems capable of sending them back to The Lake of Fire by decoding the Rubik's-Cube-of-the-Damned. Horny devils will take special interest in Paula Marshall, who lets her left lung pillow out for a peek.
Manderlay (2005)
STUDIO: IFC Films
NUDE: Bryce Dallas Howard (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3)
THE SKINNY: In the arthouse outrage Manderlay, Danish iconoclast Lars von Trier castigates the pre-Civil-War American south the most powerful way possible: by having Bryce Dallas Howard--the real-life daughter of actor-director Ron Howard--strip completely nude while she gets it on with a black dude. That's right; Opie's girl shows both her Mayberries and even her Aunt Beav. So we learn all kinds of useful facts from Manderlay--first, that slavery is a bummer, and, much more crucially, that Bryce is a natural redhead.
Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (1987)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDE: Kathryn Charly (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Unlike their neighbors in Italy, French filmmakers have explored the zombie genre only fitfully. Revenge of the Living Dead Girls represents one of those fits. Toxic ooze reanimates the entombed lovelies of the title, who unearth themselves in a frenzy to exact revenge on the dairy plant whose poisonous milk killed them in the first place. All-points nudity comes courtesy of Kathryn Charly, who graphically gets it on with a guy amidst the gory proceedings going down everywhere else.
Salom?em (2002)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDE: A? G? (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Gorgeous ballerina A? G? electrically embodies Salom?em, the booty-shaking Biblical vixen who called in a to-go order for Head-of-John-the-Baptist on a platter. This version of the classic tale is told in dance, with A? unveiling every inch of her talents as she seduces both the ancient Middle Easterners of the story and contemporary audiences transfixed by her raw abilities.
Tromeo Juliet: 10th Anniversary Edition (1996)
STUDIO: Troma
NUDES: Jane Jensen (Picture: 1), Debbie Rochon (Picture: 1), Jacqueline Tavarez (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Screenwriter James Gunn injected new life into the Troma Films formula when he scripted Tromeo Juliet, the raucous studio's robust reinterpretation of Shakespeare's most celebrated love story. Here, of course, we get the tragic romance along with barrels of blood, great gobs of guts, a pedophile priest, a dead squirrel, Lemmy from Motorhead, a stomach-rupturing popcorn demon, and, most spectacularly, Juliet (Jane Jensen) acquiring knowledge of flesh-on-flesh sex from her lesbian nurse (a pierced-and-potent Debbie Rochon). This special-edition disc also overflows with bonus features. Where for art thou, Tromeo? It should be on your DVD shelf.
The Wire: The Complete Third Season (2002)
STUDIO: HBO
NUDES: Deirdre Lovejoy (Picture: ), Kristin Proctor, Callie Thorne (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Inner-city Baltimore provides the rough-and-tumble backdrop for the HBO crime series The Wire. Created by acclaimed filmmaker Barry Levinson and writer David Simon, who were previously responsible for NBC's Homicide: Life on the Street, The Wire details the fierce, frustrating world of drug enforcement from the point of view of both the police and the residents caught in the crossfire. Amidst the intense drama, there are moments of heroism, humor, and, most importantly, nudity. Season Three features fine flesh from Deirdre Lovejoy, Kristin Proctor, and Callie Thorne. Their torrid turns on The Wire will set your lap on fire.
*
AUGUST 15, 2006
Apocalypse Now: The Complete Dossier (1979)
STUDIO: Paramount
NUDES: Colleen Camp (Picture: ), Linda Carpenter, Aurore Cl?nt (Picture: 1), Cynthia Wood (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: If you love the smell of napalm in the morning (and who doesn't?), you'll go absolutely ga-ga for this ultimate version of Apocalypse Now, the Vietnam War epic in which Robert Duvall made his character's fondness for a whiff of burning chemical weapons so famous. This two-disc Collector's Edition includes the original 1979 version of the film, along with director Francis Ford Coppola's "Redux" cut, plus numerous hours of never-before-seen bonus features. Fortunately the Complete Dossier also retains the classic jungle jugs of Colleen Camp, Linda Carpenter, Aurore Cl?nt, and Cynthia Wood, who provide the utmost in aid-and-comfort to the film's fighting men in the form of their superbly natural udders. Colleen, in particular, brandishes a pair as full, round, and smooth as Brando's head in the movie's last act. Now that's high Camp!
Dracula Blows His Cool (1979)
STUDIO: Telavista
NUDES: Bea Fiedler, Betty Verg?/a (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: With his predilection for sucking on virgins and an army of undead hotties that serve as his brides, Transylvania's most skinfamous count has proven rife for numerous sex-flick treatments of both the hard- and softcore varieties. Dracula Blows His Cool falls into the latter camp, following the vampire as he samples a savory parade of German fr?eins with gluttonous glee. Never mind Dracula's cool; you'll blow something else when you get a load (or two) of naked Bea Fiedler and Betty Verg?/b.
Rome: The Complete First Season (2005)
STUDIO: HBO
NUDES: Kerry Condon (Picture: 1), Lindsay Duncan, Indira Varma, Polly Walker (Picture: ), Francesca Berrettini, Francesca Fowler, Lyndsey Marshal
THE SKINNY: Friends, Romans, horny-men, lend me your free hands. You should use those appendages to pick up this DVD edition of the sprawling, brawling, lusty, and busty HBO-BBC collaboration Rome. The empire that invented proper orgies and spawned Caligula never fails to deliver in the deviant sex department. Here, an array of alluring ancients tosses off their togas repeatedly while engaging in Coliseum-loads of kink. Kerry Condon and Lindsay Duncan honor their classic-era sister Sappho in a scorching lesbo romp; Cleopatra (Lyndsey Marshal) bares tits and asp; Indian stunner Indira Varma breastfeeds a lucky sucker; and Polly Walker wows her teenage son by standing nude before him, seductively enticing junior to join her in the bath. As Rome falls, you'll rise.
Fantasies (1974/81)
STUDIO: Telavista
NUDES: Bo Derek (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Director John Derek knew exactly who to cast in his Greek-island-set tale of a young beauty's sensual awakening: his own teenage bride, Bo Derek. Originally filmed as Once Upon a Love in 1974, Fantasies was retitled and rushed to theaters in 1981, hot on the heels (and other body parts) of its leading lust bomb's superstar status in the wake of her breakthrough in the Dudley Moore classic 10 (1979). And now you have a chance to revel in blossoming Bo anew. Who says Fantasies don't come true?
