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One Million Years B.C.

One Million Years B.C. (1966)

No Nudity

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Review

One of those films where the poster is more famous than the movie, plenty of fellas, including Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption (1994), adorned their walls with the image of busty beauty Raquel Welch showing all sorts of cavewoman cleavage in a fur bikini, while looking lost in a prehistoric world. That famous, fapworthy image came from One Million Years B.C. (1966), a British adventure flick that was actually a remake of a 1940 movie called One Million B.C. Humans and dinosaurs were never even close to coexisting, but this one is made for fun, not to portray anything close to reality. Rock tribesman Tumak (John Richardson) is expelled from his cave after producing greater grunts than his father, the king Akhoba (Robert Brown). After several days of roaming, he finds lust in the dust when he runs into the lovely Loana (Raquel Welch), a tempting tribeswoman of the Shell people. He should've just lived the rest of his life as the Shell women's breeding toy, but Tumak gets kicked out of the Shell tribe for trying to swipe a spear after killing a dino. Dummy. Heading back home, he finds his brother Sakana (Percy Herbert) is trying to kill dear old dad and take over the Rock Tribe, himself. Determined to stop that from happening, Tumak recruits some of the Shell ladies to unite with him, and help go to war against his brother for control of the cave. It'd probably bring peace a lot faster if our boy Tumak just announced he'd found a tribe of fine pieces of ass that are willing to drain the balls of you Neanderthals. Erections over insurrections. Just saying. They may barely have discovered fire, but some of the women in this one are hot as Hell. Raquel Welch kills it in that fur bikini, whether while fishing on the shore, getting into a cavewoman cat fight, or just going for a dip in a hot spring. All these years later, thanks to those Jurassic jugs, One Million Years B.C. still holds up in terms of getting it up!