Nick & Jessica's Family Christmas

Human history has had its ups and downs, but there are two events that really stick out: the barnyard birth of Jesus of Nazareth and the miraculous marriage of Jessica Simpson to Nick Lachey. Theologians had been wondering since 2002, when the immortal duo said "I do," if there were some way to unite the two . . . would mankind ever see the day when it might pray to the offspring of the almighty and to Jesus Christ as one? In 2004 that moment finally came. Nick & Jessica's Family Christmas was its name. It began with Nick in a festive mood; Jess wore skintight white across her milky moos. The laughed, they danced . . . Jesus those are some snug pants! Whoa, does she have camel toe? Is this a nativity scene, Jess? Put away your breasts; that's totally blouse-phemous! Holy what?! Look at that butt!