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“We’ll take any excuse to down a cheeseburger,” proclaims Coed.com. “So we obviously love NationalCheeseburger Day, a designated holiday that allows us to feel less guilty indulging in greasy slabs of meat covered in cheese. We can totally drink to that. “Celebrate with these insanely hot babes chowing on some cheeseburgers. It’s a really good day.” And one we can really get our arms around (below left, an actual Arby’s ad) … even if a Hardee’s honcho hissed that Heidi Klum—his firm’s front woman (above right)—“is no spring chicken.” What’s his beef ? (below right).

When last we left you scant hours ago, a buxom brunette—Abigail Ratchford—was about to engulf such a DD•elicacy … so let’s start with another: “Lacey Banghard has one of the best names in all of modeling,” notes Gunaxin.com, “a name so good it qualifies her for consideration as a Bond Girl.” And gives her a License to Grill

“Lacey is totally different,” gushed glamour photographer and judge Alison Webster when the teen won the prestigious Page 3 Idol compe•tit•ion in 2011. ‘Massive boobs and, at 18, very fresh {like the all-beef burger her all-natural bod’s overshadowing below}.

Adds Alison: “She’s got a tiny body {5-foot 2 with the smallest ribcage of any pinup model in the UK topped by 26GG jugs} and a great bum as well.”

Banghard’s “unusual surname is the result of a misspelling by immigration when her paternal grandparents moved from India to the UK,” but Lacey laughs that she’s now “used to it. I’ve had every joke you can think of thrown at me. I don’t care. I’ve got three brothers and they love the name.” And likely have the T shirt

Indeed, this is the day when burgers and an ability to Bang hard seem to come together:

We’ll have fries with those thighs!

“Remember those Body Sushi Girls guys ate off of ?,” asked a bawdy babe blogger. “What if your man does not like Japanese cuisine? Hey, it’s no big deal to use cheeseburgers—they are definitely cheaper. And a great way to combine food with a fuck. Or deal with a hungry man when you did not cook dinner.”

And way better than tossing his salad … as this meme maintains:

“Eat clean to stay fit,” is It Girl Gigi Hadid’s mantra. “Eat a burger to stay sane” (below left). Or, at a minimum, go out for some ‘Street Meat’ {below right—words to live buy!}.

But who needs a hooker when you can bag a looker: they’re huntin’ peckers at Checkers (below left) and offering up Fur Burgers at Bob’s (below right).

So much so that a fetish has emerged front and centered … an entire genre based on the striking similarity between fast food and a woman’s meat curtains!

Evidence is everywhere—as an a•side, flash forward to In-N-Out Burger (above left) and Wendy’s (above right)! Or head to the beach to compare in the fresh air:

Why, the up-to-date Urban Dictionary even has a detailed description of the fem•omemon -- defining BurgerPussy as: “A woman’s vagina when she lays naked on her side … Her labia form the buns and her clitoris (depending on size) and ‘meat’ in the middle form the hamburger patty.” Hold the cheese, please …

And steer clear of cheap ‘eats’ :

Instead, relish all the ‘trimmings.’

At times, the resemblance is remarkable …

… so ‘Have It Your Way.’

This curious cattle call has so many fapplicants that they’ve created a Tumblr feed for hot ‘heifers’ to post their pudenda pix, with the handle Hamburger Slit: “This blog is dedicated to the love of Cheeseburger Pussy,” the main menu offers. “HS accepts submissions of images of the best large, meaty, puffy labias. Please follow and have fun.”

And there seem to be fewer followers than those who dive right in! Muff said:

So, since these women went to the trouble of sending these in, we’re hungry to test some of the famous phrases featured in fast food. Such as “Eat Fresh” ...

Or, if tight tacos aren’t your thing, how ’bout “Think Outside the Bun”?

Surely “Finger Lickin’ Good” comes to mind …

… while Long Dong Silver’s “We Speak Fish” would describe this Vaggie Burger :

Had enough of these scrumptious Snatch Snacks? As McDonald’s would say, “I’m Lovin’ It” … and “We Love to See You Smile.” Even vertically

Burgers and Buns … a classic combination!

Cheez, that sizzling swimsuit makes for one piece … no matter how you slice it!

We chose only the finest skingredients to cook up Sleuth’s Top Ten ‘Burger Queens’ for you to feast on:

PADMA LAKSHMI

“Her manager contacted us,” is how the CEO of Carl’s Jr. recalls the Indian-born Top Chef host coming to their attention for a 2009 commercial. “Padma actually put in one of her cookbooks how when she was modeling as a teenager, her parents moved to Los Angeles. They couldn’t eat meat, right? But she would sneak out to a Carl’s Jr. and get a Western Bacon Cheeseburger, and then lick the barbecue sauce off (above) when she got home, so her parents couldn’t tell.”

And it’s hard to tell that’s the Hindu hottie beneath this Top Coif around that same time:

“Outside of the car wash,” Ad Week referred back to the company’s first such controversial commercial, “it doesn’t get more food porn-y than this. Paris Hilton, please pack your knives and go.”

PARIS HILTON

Not so fast, foodie! “It started with an agency we used to have, and a guy named Jordin Mendelsohn,” narrates Carl’s chief exec Andy Puzder. “He came up with the idea to use Paris Hilton in an ad and make it very cutting edge, where she was washing a Bentley (above). Actually, he tried to chicken out {another fast food chain!}. He called and said, ‘I don’t think we should do this ad.’ But I called him back and I said, ‘I want to do the Paris Hilton!’ This was 2005.”

“Paris washing a Bentley in a swimsuit and a pair of high heels is what kicked off Carl’s Jr.’s campaign of using women’s bodies to sell their product,” writes feminist blog Jezebel {whose parent company Gawker just got sold}. “The ad gained notoriety and YouTube infamy after it was banned from TV before it ever even aired.”

Sheerly they could see that prancing Paris’ panties were alsoflame broiled.

“It’s upsetting because of its objectification of women,” Jezebel jeers. “It’s infuriating because who in their right mind eats a cheeseburger with sopping wet hands?” As we know from her sex tape, hottie Hilton does many things with ‘sopping wet hands,’ and the commercial’s come-on line played off that word of mouth:

Though according to her respected biographer Jerry Oppenheimer: “Mom Kathy Hilton {sister of Kim and Kyle Richards of Beverly Hills Housewives} taught her daughter Paris not to perform fellatio because it would put ‘holes’ in her cheeks.” Evi-dent-ly, she found a way around it:

“A tradition of sex lessons amongst the Hilton women supposedly originated with Kathy’s {thrice married} mother,” Oppenheimer opens up. “Big Kathy wanted her daughter to know ‘all about sex’ and how to perform sex, literally in the best possible way.”

BIJOU PHILLIPS

Many men “will always have Paris” … but several women did too—reportedly fellow famous-family fox Bijou (holding hands on a date above left, when both were “between men”). The wilder, more androgynous daughter of John Phillips and Genevieve Waite made her Mama and Papa worried when she shaved her head … and disrobed down to her ‘Double Deckers’ to scarf a cheeseburger with a girlfriend (above right)!

EMILY RATAJKOWSKI

Speaking of Sapphic … and graphic … before she sat at the top of the heap among hot chicks, the former Disney deb from Nickelodeon’s iCarly was scissoring with Playmate and Attack of the Show host Sara Jean Undewood while sharing a Memphis BBQ burger from Carl’s Jr. The tagline was, “Without us, some guys would starve,” but the gals seemed to eat each other up!

“In the heat of summer 2012, Sara and her lovely friend Emily teamed up for twice the fun,” Crave.com recalls. “There was lots of saucy lathering, booty bouncing and food mashing. Oh, that friend Emily that we mentioned? All you need to know is that Ratajkowski went on to be the girl from Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines, the greatest music video of all mankind.” Nothing blurred about what occurred within the womankind at lower right.

CARA DELEVINGNE

No men come between lesbian model icon Cara’s thighs … or her fries. So any In-N-Out for her involves a toy, not a boy. “Do what tastes right” is Wendy’s motto—and Cara’s sets her capstrictly for ‘the gap.’

COURTNEY LOVE

Kurt Cobain’s widow is not nearly as selective … opting to service a fast food fan during “her magical evening in NYC on St. Patrick’s Day 2004,” according to one eyewitness account, “when, among other things, she hit a dude on the head with a mic stand, flashed her boobies and got arrested, though not necessarily in that order. Some flashing happened at Wendy’s on 14th Street just west of Union Square.” On his way into the store, homeless rapper Kofi Asare spotted barefoot (double) bag lady Love leaving (above right)—and “asked for her to flash him one last time, and she obliged. Quickly, Kofi latched onto her bare breast and the rest is, er, well, history we’d rather forget.”

BROOKE BURKE

Long before she was Dancing with the Stars, 15-year-old Brooke was delivering to cars … on roller skates … in the 1986 cult horror flick The Wraith {her stepfather was sheriff for the Arizona town they filmed in}. Three years later she was her high school’s Homecoming Queen … and two decades later would land her King—on the sand and with his hand! (below left). Cast in a series of commercials as the BK royal mascot’s “girlfriend,” Queen BB got oiled as they toiled. She was even more hands on while holding her own in the scorching sun.

“Wake Up with the King” was the firm’s breakfast slogan and while we can’t know if Brooke took the monarch to bed, his castle is in deed the “Home of the Whopper.”

“What is it about red meat—and women and meat, specifically—that seems to evoke sex?” asked Sundance TV. “Carl’s Jr. has long been known to use sex to shill its cheeseburgers. Kate Upton, Padma Lakshmi and, of course, Paris Hilton have all been known to bring sex appeal to the spots for the company.”

Jezebel.com cut to the meat of the matter: “Perhaps you’ve noticed that Carl’s Jr. is not exactly trying to market towards the ladies quite as much as they try to market on them. Its 2013 article entitled “Put It in My Mouth” ends with, “Ladies, gentlemen, ladies splayed across the hood of a car pretending to fellatiate a sandwich: A small sampling of disgusting Carl’s Jr. ads.”

SARA SAMPAIO

“Carl’s Jr. has found their newest beauty to star in their latest advert,” announced the Daily Mail in March 2015, “Victoria’s Secret Angel Sara Sampaio. The 23-year-old Portuguese beauty—who is also the 2014 SportsIllustrated Swimsuit Rookie of the Year—sashays in a tiny red bikini in the too hot to handle commercial for the fast food chain’s new Thickburger El Diablo.” Or as People put it: “As everything begins to melt around her, one must wonder, what’s hotter – the burger or the beauty?” Listen to Sara before deciding,: “I find nudity empowering,” she said while dating One Direction hunk Harry Styles last year. “At the end of the day, we were born naked, and that’s the way we are gonna go.” Tags (top right), #You’re It!

CHARLOTTE McKINNEY

“We have a history of picking these young women before they hit their peak,” boasted Carl’s CEO Andy Puzder … again. “We just did an ad which kind of created Charlotte McKinney. It was her walking through a farmer’s market (above). You think she’s naked until the end, and you see she’s got clothes on {well, a nude bra and flesh-colored undies}. It’s for the All Natural Burger.” That she is … an implant free 32F cup (slurp!, below left) who describes herself as “a curvier bombshell with extremely big boobs. I don’t do runway,” sweet Charlotte states, “but I’m embracing what I have—blonde hair and enormous tits.” (The bikini's the same ... but can't fit the frame!)

Both {all 3?} were put to good use in her followup TV commercial for Carl’s super stacked Mile High Burger:

“No stars for you, Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s,” read the review in Ad Age magazine. “By now the world’s probably grown immune to your juvenile, overtly sexualized and sexist advertising. I’m a guy who likes sloppy, greasy cheeseburgers. What I don’t like is watching other people cram them in their mouths, dripping sauce all over themselves. Especially if those people are making strained sexual double entendres about having sex with strangers in an airplane’s bathroom. (But hey, at least this one isn’t Paris Hilton.)”

Paris was the first. The latest—and among the greatest—is the star of 2016’s The Most American Thickburger campaign …

SAMANTHA HOOPES

As in “we’d jump through ….” The 34D natural blonde got the part, we hear, because of her oral skills. “First of all,” explains Carl’s chief, “you really need to be able to eat the burger like you’re loving it. You really have to go at it. You have to attack it.” Sam seriously did (below left), in keeping with the company caption: “If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face.” Your face, however, belongs in her place—which is shaven and cravin’!

Fronting the flag for what Carl’s Jr. calls “the most American thing ever,” hairless Hoopes baldly supports the troops!”

We salute them too (below right) … open sesame (left) …

… which seems the right note to END on.

Certainly food for thought …

… we’re hungry for bare.