By Mr. Skin
As we approach the last years of the first decade of the 21st century, let 2007 be declared a pivotal moment in the onward progression of skinematic history.
For after a long, dismal dry spell during which more and more actresses seemed hellbent on revealing less and less of their bodies on the big screen, these past twelve months proved to be packed with scintillating surprises.
At last, at last.
In fact, 2007 supplied such a varied and unusual crop of clothes-free scenes that it sparked vigorous, healthy, and thoroughly welcome debate around Skin Central as to who should claim the very top spot in the ranking of the year's highest topless and bottomless honors.
But, hey, I'm Mr. Skin. This is my job. And it's my honor to roll out the very breast movie moments to light up theater screens—and my pants—throughout 2007.
1. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Nude: Marisa Tomei (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3)
Theatrical Release Date: October 26, 2007
(0:14): Brooklyn babe Marisa Tomei bowled the world over when she scored a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for My Cousin Vinny (1992). Fifteen years later, Marisa even more stunningly broke out her remarkably pert and gleaming Golden Globes—and glutes—in the Sidney Lumet crime drama Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. After opening the movie up by baring an astonishing amount of boobage and teasing with a bit of tail, fourteen minutes in, Marisa sits in the sack next to Ethan Hawke and then strolls across the bedroom with her topless Tomei-toes on resplendent display. This Devil has demonic power to turn anybody horny.
Nude: Keeley Hazell (breasts) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: July 20, 2007
(0:27): Volcanically voluptuous all-natural British beauty Keeley Hazell is just one highlight—actually make that two headlights—amidst a staggeringly impressive onslaught of knockout nudity in the heady arthouse flick Cashback. The movie chronicles what happens when a supermarket clerk can freeze time—naturally, he disrobes the store's hottest female clientele, and by the time he busts out the big two beneath the shirt of former real-life Page 3 girl Keeley, Cashback will have more than money jingling in your pocket.
3. Hotel Chevalier
Nude: Natalie Portman (butt) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: October 26, 2007
(0:08): Israeli eyeful Natalie Portman (Picture: 1) used to routinely refuse roles that required nudity and was even outspoken about it. Since then, the Star Wars stunner has zipped her lips and dropped her drawers ever more enticingly. Natalie's naked ascent began with a thongtastic pole dance in Closer (2004), escalated with side nudity and a hint of heinie crack in Goya's Ghosts (2006), and then she went full-rear this year in Hotel Chevalier. The short film is director Wes Anderson's companion piece to his The Darjeeling Limited (2007), and it's long on luscious footage of Natalie's flawless caboose.
4. Black Snake Moan
Nude: Christina Ricci (breasts) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: March 2, 2007
(0:22): In the Southern gothic potboiler Black Snake Moan, a backwoods bluesman named Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson) literally stumbles upon Christina Ricci as a stripped-down, doped-up young harlot just aching for redemption. And Lazarus delivers—nearly as effectively as Ricci does once she's chained to a radiator in a shirt too skimpy to contain her full-bodied funbags. Christina's bouncy pink-nosed pups pack this Black Snake with powerful bite.
5. Factory Girl
Nude: Sienna Miller (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1 - 2)
Theatrical Release Date: February 2, 2007
(0:21): Factory Girl is a biopic dedicated to Andy Warhol muse and '60s New York counterculture figurehead Edie Sedgwick. She's brought to lyrical life here by Sienna Miller, who, true to the do-your-own-thing(s) philosophy of the movie's setting, has no problem doffing her chic duds and flaunting the parts that made art go pop. Twenty-one minutes in, Sienna soaks naked in a sexy bath and presents a perfect picture of her soup cans.
Nude: Roselyn Sanchez (breasts) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: June 22, 2007
(0:05): The plot of Yellow may seem hoary and clichéd: an ambitious young dancer hits New York City in hopes of lighting up the Broadway stage, but along the way she pays her dues in some of the Big Apple's wormiest strip clubs. But consider that the heroine here is embodied by Puerto Rican powerhouse Roselyn Sanchez, who cracks open her coconuts just five minutes into the action. In this case, Yellow means go!
7. The Heartbreak Kid
Nude: Malin Akerman (breasts)
Theatrical Release Date: October 5, 2007
(0:26): Twenty-six minutes into the Farrelly Brothers farce The Heartbreak Kid, Swedish delight Malin Akerman practically breaks her back performing lap-liquefyingly acrobatic sex act opposite Ben Stiller. It'll give you a hard snake, kid.
8. We Own the Night
Nude: Eva Mendes (right breast) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: October 12, 2007
(0:03): The gritty Gotham police drama We Own the Night gets down to business right quickly, as it sheds light on Latina lustbomb Eva Mendes's right melon at the three-minute mark. We should consider ourselves lucky that a starlet as upper-tier as Eva is still willing to share her goodies with us, even if it's just half of her complete set. Even so, we're not as lucky as Joaquin Phoenix, who gets to plant his lips on (t)it.
Nude: Lena Headey (breasts) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: March 9, 2007
(0:22): The year's bare-chested, oiled-up, rippling, rampaging bohunk extravaganza to beat supplies some much-needed respite from all that man-on-man contact with several nude scenes featuring unclothed females. 300's perfect ten comes in the form of hardbodied Bermuda-born bombshell Lena Headey, who whips out her perfect two twenty minutes into the action when she whoops it up in bed with a sword-wielding warrior.
10. Knocked Up
Nudes: Stormy Daniels (breasts) (Picture: 1) and Nautica Thorn (breasts) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: June 1, 2007
(1:29): Of course, the single most monumental moment of the blockbuster mega-smash Knocked Up occurs at the fifty-nine-minute mark, when viewers are treated to a gorgeous, full-screen, up-close, and very personal shot of the homepage of MrSkin.com. Other than that, this skinstant classic is chockfull of priceless passages, including redhead cutie Emerson Riley (Picture: 1) flashing half a rack and naked-knockered lapdances at the one-hour-twenty-nine-minute mark courtesy of Stormy Daniels and Nautica Thorn.
11. Feast of Love
Nude: Alexa Davalos (FFN, butt)
Theatrical Release Date: September 28, 2007
(0:22): It's a happy occasion when a film lives up to its title, and, for enthusiasts of cinematic skin, Feast of Love proves to be, oh, so much more than a mouthful. To begin with, slinky Selma Blair shows off her eminently noshable nipples in the afterglow of lesbian sex. Ravishing Radha Mitchell ups the ante with repeated revelations of T&A. Even among such stiff competition, however, Alexa Davolos proves to be this Feast's main course. Alexa appears naked three different times and goes the extra distance twenty-two minutes in when she takes matters into her own glands by going full frontal.
12. Good Luck Chuck
Nude: Chelan Simmons (breasts)
Theatrical Release Date: September 21, 2007
(0:04): At first glance, the Dane Cook/Jessica Alba vehicle Good Luck Chuck may have come off as just another romantic comedy. Imagine the deliriously pleasant surprise, then, when we learned that seven separate starlets appear on camera in their altogether, including Kyle XY costar Chelan Simmons, who offers an awe-(sk)inspring opportunity to ogle her chest orbs just four minutes after the opening credits. Is Good Luck Chuck's out-of-the-blue naked abundance a good sign for Hollywood's upcoming attitude toward big-screen skin? Let's just say we're all pulling for it.
13. Lust, Caution
Nude: Wei Tang (breasts, butt, bush)
Theatrical Release Date: September 28, 2007
(2:02): After helming Brokeback Mountain (2005), filmmaker Ang Lee beat a path to the more hetero shores of his native China to come up with the dizzingly erotic Lust, Caution, set in World War II-era Shanghai. Wei Tang portrays a young actress who beds a powerful political figure, and she powerfully presents her own figure frequently. During a carnal coupling at the two-hour-two-minute mark, Wei not only goes full frontal and shows off her sweet seat meat, she allows her loverman to perform oral sex on her hairy armpits. Talk about throwing Caution to the wind.
Nude: Ashley Judd (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1 - 2)
Theatrical Release Date: May 25, 2007
(1:35): In Bug, director William Friedkin returns to the well of intense horror that he tapped so terrifyingly in The Exorcist (1973). This time, mental illness substitutes for demonic possession as a Gulf War veteran (Michael Shannon) seduces Ashley Judd, as an abused wife, and they both collapse into searing paranoia and violent madness. While she's losing her mind, Judd also loses her outfits more than once, albeit most explosively at the one-hour-thirty-five-minute point when the doomed lovers douse themselves in gasoline. Hot stuff!
15. Alpha Dog
Nude: Olivia Wilde (breasts) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: January 12, 2007
(1:45): Echoing the Anne Hathaway-exposing classic Havoc (2005), Alpha Dog depicts young white suburban dummies mimicking gangster culture with heavy-duty results. Better yet, though, along with flesh from nudecomers Amber Heard (Picture: 1) and Heather Wahlquist (Picture: 1), Alpha Dog boasts not one but two formerly clean-imaged teen queens going topless. First, at one hour and seventeen minutes in, Mean Girl Amanda Seyfried (Picture: 1) peels for a skinny-dipping threesome. Then at the one-hour-forty-five-minute point, Oliva Wilde—who played Alex Kelly on the Fox drama The O.C.—pops out her O.C.-cups in a motel-room love tussle.
16. Alone with Her
Nude: Ana Claudia Talancón (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1 - 2)
Theatrical Release Date: January 17, 2007
(0:11): The peeper feature Alone with Her casts Colin Hanks as a high-tech voyeur and Ana Claudia Talancón as the unwitting object of his erections. The nudity is as awesomely relentless as the anti-hero's surveillance, but(t) its high point(s) happen eleven minutes in, when Hanks clicks on the camera aimed at Ana's shower and we become awash in every sumptuous (and, in some places, fuzzy) inch of her au naturel body.
Nude: Danielle Harris (breasts)
Theatrical Release Date: August 31, 2007
(1:16): Horror aficionados have vigorously debated the wisdom (or lack thereof) involved in director Rob Zombie remaking the 1978 fright landmark Halloween. Alas(s), on one count the 2007 Halloween clearly jacks the lantern of the original: it's got more nudity. Most noteworthy among the naked babes is Danielle Harris, who played the semi-iconic little girl in the clown costume in Halloween 4 (1988) and Halloween 5 (1989). All grown up (and out) here, Danielle dishes out her pumpkins one hour and sixteen minutes into all the screaming.
18. Hostel: Part II
Nude: Heather Matarazzo (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1 - 2)
Theatrical Release Date: June 8, 2007
(0:48): Fright master Eli Roth returned this summer with Hostel: Part II, which contained considerably less nudity that the 2005 original, but what's there is uniquely astonishing. Real-life lesbian Heather Matarazzo, eternally remembered as "Wienerdog" from the cult favorite Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995), falls prey to the sick fantasies of decadent Euro-hussy Mrs. Bathory (Monika Malacova) (Picture: 1). Hung upside down at the forty-eight-minute mark, naked Heather twists and whimpers above a tub wherein the also nude Mrs. Bathory reclines and slices her victim open in order to luxuriate in the cascading plasma. Look past the gore to revel in the fact that Wienerdog grew up to look howlingly hot in the buff.
19. The Last Time
Nude: Amber Valletta (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
Theatrical Release Date: May 18, 2007
(0:40): Supermodel Amber Valletta sexily hosted MTV's House of Style for a while in the 1990s. In The Last Time, the fashion idol eschews haute couture for a get-up altogether more appealing at the forty-minute point: her own naked T&A!
20. Rise: Blood Hunter
Nude: Lucy Liu (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1 - 2)
Theatrical Release Date: June 1, 2007
(0:32): The ass-kicking, flesh-baring vampire blowout Rise: Blood Hunter may have received a limited theatrical release in June, but there's no limit to the stakes it will drive through your pants on DVD. Aside from pulse-pounding nude scenes performed by Cameron Richardson (Picture: 1) and O.C. siren Samaire Armstrong, A-list babe Lucy Liu affords four different chances for you to be a looky-loo at her lickable nay-nays. Thirty-two minutes in, bare-chested Lucy and gorgeous Carla Gugino trip the rug lez-tastic.