Miracle Beach (1991)

Life is full of ineffable mysteries, none more baffling than this: Why are guys who stumble upon shapely, blonde, and pliable female genies and release them from their bottles such lunkheads? Throughout the 1960s, males with only a modicum of intelligence were infuriated that a supposedly bright, physically fit astronaut, upon being granted anything he wished for from bare-bellied, harem-pants-wearing Barbara Eden who literally called him "master", didn't immediately voice his desire for an around-the-world pleasure cruise. Pop some bottles, then let's make that bottle rock! You know? The hero of Miracle Beach (1991) offers a similar study in brain-boggling slow learning. After catching his girlfriend boning his boss, Scotty (Dean Cameron) gets fired from his job and evicted from his place of residence. Then, he encounters a snooty broad model named Dana (Felicity Waterman) who sneers at his attempts to capture her fancy. Life's not quite a beach for this bro, but Scotty's luck changes when he finds a magic bottle, rubs it, and our lovable loser wins the loyalty of a simmering, bikini-busting blonde genie named Jeannie (Ami Dolenz) who has the power to make miracles manifest immediately. But rather than get all up in that djinn, the sap enlists the devoted blonde to help snare the mean model! In defense of Miracle Beach's bonehead, he does ultimately turn his affections to the magical beauty but only after a ridiculous number of hijinks including a sexy beach volleyball battle with Dean Cain. Dean Cameron claims this one killed his career, which is a shame because it's a fun one that's stuffed with the good stuff: hot bodies in bikinis and sometimes less than that. Dawn Morgan is a beauty queen who bounces out of her bikini after winning, though we might have voted for the constantly topless Miss Great Britian, Michelle Grassnick, since she really had great tits! At one point our boy Scotty manages to bed two hotties, and we see the perfect pair of perfect pairs on Allison Armitage and Wendy Kaye. We'd be too busy rubbing one out to those knockers to rub the lamp! But with all due respect to seeing Miss Dolenz in her bikini, the best nudity comes from former Penthouse Model Monique Gabrielle, who unveils her cans in bed with Scotty's portly boss. It's all surf, sand and your dick in your hand watching Miracle Beach!