By Kent Nostrand
Men and women, for all their famous differences, share one powerful trait in common: we all like to ogle naked ladies.
It's a simple fact, and whether it stems from biology or socialization or wherever is unimportant. The three B's--breasts, butt, and bush--never fail to make for a pleasing sight.
From cave paintings to classical works of art to what must have been the second photograph ever snapped, the bare female form is the world's most potent draw. Just consider this website.
With female nudity such a given, why, then, is seeing a naked penis usually so unpleasant?
For (heterosexual) men, it's easy to understand their revulsion. But even chicks don't have much interest in scoping out dicks.
Again, the reasons why don't matter. Schlong is not a turn-on and that's all there is to it.
With that in mind, let us explore some of the more egregious offenders when it comes to exposing their phallic nastiness.
Harvey Keitel leaps immediately to mind, with his cast-iron potbelly, flabby satchel ass, and three-piece-set up front that he just can't keep covered. Harvey Keitel loves showing off his schvantz. That's the only conclusion one can possibly come to.
Inspect Harvey's pipe, if you must, in Bad Lieutenant (1992) and The Piano (1993). In the latter, the upside is that Holly Hunter (Picture: - ) shows off her hairy cunter.
Kevin Bacon is certainly a handsome and likable actor. And one may even admire the appearance-for-no-reason of his bacon bits as he emerges from a shower in Wild Things (1998). The emergence of Kevin's pork comes long after the legendary threeway scene between Neve Campbell, Denise Richards (Picture: - ), and Matt Dillon.
Wild Things' Special Edition DVD bonus things even include an extra Matt-free lesbo tussle between the ladies in a pool. We've got those pics and clips here on the site. And we do not have Kevin Bacon!
Blink and you'll miss the implement that Katie Holmes reportedly just can't get enough of as Tom Cruise changes clothes in a locker room in All the Right Moves. The 1983 high-school-football saga truly scores, though, when young Lea Thompson (Picture: ) shows off her taut ta-tas, also while getting dressed between athletic activities.
Manson-esque crackpot Vincent Gallo brought his talents--and his impressively sizable (but rumored to be stunt-doubled) erection--to the highly controversial The Brown Bunny (2003).
The arthouse outrage climaxes with Gallo dropping trou and Chlo?evigny (Picture: ) supplying him with hardcore, deep-throated, slurpilicious oral treats right on camera. We also see Chlo? buoys just prior to her prong-swallowing.
Anyone who's rented an X-rated DVD in the past decade is likely to be familiar with Italian superstud Rocco Siffredi, whose fire-hyrdant-proportioned fuck-pole has rammed literally thousands of holes on camera in hundreds of adult videos.
Imagine arthouse audiences' reactions to Rocco's ultra-rod, then, when it emerged at full-mast in French filmmaker Catherine Breillat's incendiary opus Romance (1999).
Mainstream actress Caroline Ducey (Picture: ) goes all the way with multiple partners in this no-holes-barred outing, including a memorable mounting by Mr. Siffredi. The sex is real, and Rocco's donning of a condom is as unusual a vision as seeing people fuck--hard, fast, and deep--in a movie you didn't pick up behind the curtain at the video store.
Rocky gets cocky in Italian Stallion (Picture: ) (1970), a softcore stink-pot starring Sylvester Stallone that was originally titled The Party at Kitty and Stud's. You do see Rambo's (soft) ham-bone, along with pleasantly undressed hippie chicks Janet Banze and Henrietta Holm (Picture: ).
We have established that the dick is anathema to arousal, in and of itself. But then a movie like Salon Kitty (Picture: ) (1976) comes along, which is chockfull of uncut cock--and, oddly, that only adds to the overall heat. The reason being that the naked bratwursts are more than equaled by bare young babes--mounds of them, engaging in all manner of Nazi-overseen sexual exercises.
Impossibly luscious Teresa Ann Savoy (Picture: - ) --who also showed every inch of what she's got in the similarly schween-heavy Caligula (1979)--leads a hairy-muffed cabal of Third Reich ravishers that includes Rosemarie Lindt, Tina Aumont, Paola Senatore, and Ingrid Thulin.
Does Bruce Willis show the color of his nightstick in director Richard Rush's famously crazy sex thriller Color of Night (1994)? The answer is yours to discover on your own, but you'll also have to try not to be distracted by the extremely naked, even more extremely sexy Jane March (Picture: - ), who plays Bruce's bonkers boink partner.
