By Brook Avalon"I no longer have to waste valuable time with 'plot.' More than just a time saver, Mr. Skin may have saved my life."
-Jimmy Kimmel, host, Jimmy Kimmel Live
In 2005 the realms of publishing, home video, and obsessive naked-movie-star fandom alike were forever reconfigured by the monumental arrival of the bestselling Mr. Skin's Skincyclopedia: The A-to-Z Guide to Finding Your Favorite Actresses Naked (St. Martin's).
So how does one top such a feat?
"Beats me," admits Mr. Skin, the world's foremost authority on celebrating nudity in film and now a proud two-time author. "But I do know that my new book-Mr. Skin's Skintastic Video Guide-automatically bumps the Skincyclopedia down to second-greatest-book-ever-published status."
As always, Mr. Skin is completely correct. About absolutely everything.
The full title of the glowingly handsome Chicago native's new opus is Mr. Skin's Skintastic Video Guide: The 501 Greatest Movies for Sex & Nudity on DVD (Mr. Skin Press). And, indeed, this work delivers on its promise.
"First," notes Mr. Skin, "you get 501 movie reviews that emphasize exactly what you are looking for when deciding whether or not to watch a particular DVD. Each and every one of the 501 flicks therein is a skinner and a winner. There's not a Shemp in the bunch!"
Lest there be any confusion among any Shemps out there, the films covered by the Buy the Skintastic Video Guide are not adults-only porn videos but, just as it is on MrSkin.com, mainstream movies that have been rated PG, PG-13, R, or-in an occasional case such as Showgirls (Picture: ) and Henry & June (Picture: )-NC-17.
Myriad genres are represented in the Skintstic titles, dating back from 1963 (the Jayne Mansfield chestnut Promises! Promises! (Picture: )) smack up to the most recent releases (among them: American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (Picture: ) and Artie Lange's Beer League (Picture: )).
"All the classics are here," proclaims Mr. Skin. "Basic Instinct (Picture: 1). Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Picture: 1). Gia (Picture: 1). Sirens (Picture: 1). The Dreamers (Picture: 1). Porky's (Picture: 1). Those movies that everyone can agree on as the reason that God gave us zippers."
He goes on: "Plus we've got drive-in flicks such as Big Bad Mama (Picture: 1) and H.O.T.S. (Picture: 1) and almost everything starring Pam Grier (Picture: 1) from the 1970s. And then there are midnight movies like Mulholland Dr. (Picture: 1), Angel Heart (Picture: 1), and the Ilsa(Picture: 1) series, and arthouse hits on the order of [[TV::05227;;class::title;;title::;;]] (Picture: 1) and Dancing at the Blue Iguana (Picture: 1).
"Of course," Mr. Skin continues, "I can't forget the wild '80s high-school romps like The Last American Virgin (Picture: 1), Mischief (Picture: 1), and Private School (Picture: 1). Oh, yeah-foreign films too; hot stuff such as Lady Chatterley's Lover (Picture: 1), Immoral Tales (Picture: 1), and Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! (Picture: 1)"Really, this book has something for everybody-and it seems like it exposes something about every body!"
Each Skintastic review is further accompanied by its corresponding DVD box cover, a rundown of who gets naked on camera, and, mo(i)st skin-pressively, a bit-by-bit tally of which body parts get shown and exactly who shows what.
"Roger Ebert, Leonard Maltin, Michael Weldon of the Psychotronic Encyclopedias-they're the reigning kings of the video guidebook and the very best at what they do," acknowledges a grateful Mr. Skin, "but it's my job to be the very breast in this business."
Is this easy to pull off in book form?
"Of course not," Mr. Skin says with a grin. "It's . . . hard. See, beyond our erotic and uproarious reviews, only the Skintastic Video Guide can skinstantly reveal that, say, Jennifer Tilly shows her breasts and butt in the 1994 version of The Getaway (Picture: 1), while leading lady Kim Basinger (Picture: 1 - 2) goes one B further, revealing her breasts, butt, and bush!"
That's good to know.
"And it's even better to see," Mr. Skin points out, "which is what makes the Buy the Skintastic Video Guide such a . . . handy . . . tool."
Other features to be found amidst these Skintastic pages include:
Top Five Lists
Opinionated mini-countdowns that range from Cheerleader Movies to the Hottest Releases of 1992 to titles with the highest total number of exposed bosoms.
Skinfos
Tasty trivia tit-bits on numerous aspects of screen skin spun off of a given flick. Here's where to learn about the best DVD Special Features for bonus bareness, as well as skintillating other teat treats.
Skinfinitions
Unabashed explanations of terms such as "Nip-Slip," "Marty Feldman Boobs," "Hairy Pieball," and "The Moist."
Skin Visionairies
Brief bios of bold pioneers who furthered skinematic arts and sciences, on the order of Russ Meyer, Robert Altman, Andy Sidaris, David Lynch, and Zalman King.
Skinema Sensations
Fun, funky factoids covering trends and genres in the realm of sexploitation throughout the decades. Such Sensations include Women-In-Prison (W.I.P.) flicks, Fairy Tales for Adults, Teen Sex Comedies, and Skingoria.
All-Time Top 69
Mr. Skin runs down his rankings for the sexiest motion pictures to ever make it to DVD.
Top 69 Films Not on DVD (Yet)
A pungent, potent assessment of the movies we're most anxious to see arrive on disc and into our one free hand as soon as possible.
No less a film buff than Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times and TV's Ebert and Roeper has declared his awe for Mr. Skin and the Skintastic Video Guide. Asserts Mr. Roeper: "Mr. Skin knows more about nudity in the movies than any person who has ever lived has ever known about any subject. Ever."
We'll call that review a thumbs up.
"Yeah," chuckles Mr. Skin, "three thumbs up!"
