Masturbators’ Hopes Dashed Like Those of Chargers Fans


For the last three years, sports fans disappointed with the distinct lack of titillation in Super Bowl halftime entertainment following the Janet Jackson incident have had a sexy alternative: the Lingerie Bowl.

Clad only in helmets, pads (the football kind), and lingerie to match their team colors, supermodels like Jenny McCarthy, Angie Everhart, and Cindy Margolis have engaged in full contact American football, with all the attendant grunts, huddles, tackles, three-point stances, and lesbian makeouts.

But this year, a truly bizarre disagreement with a venue has led to the cancellation of the event and a lot of disappointment.

After struggling to find a place to hold the event, producer Horizon Productions settled on Caliente Spa & Resort, a clothing optional retreat in Tampa Florida.

As perfect as this must appear to anyone reading this, it didn’t suit the event’s producers. Apparently they were okay with every aspect of the nudist resort except for one: the nudity.

The St. Petersburg Times reports:

Citing conflicts with the hosting Caliente nudist resort over a "clothing mandate" that bowl organizers say was agreed upon, the Lingerie Football League is throwing in the towel. A league spokesman said holding and broadcasting the game in the nude or around nude people was not what the players or league had in mind.

"The league will not place our fans, players, staff nor partners in a less-than-comfortable environment that would ultimately jeopardize the mainstream perception and reputation of the brand that so many have worked diligently over these past five years to build," the league's Stephon McMillen said

Angye Fox, a spokeswoman for Caliente Resorts, issued this statement: "Caliente is a luxury clothing-optional resort. We ran into conflicts with the Lingerie Football League wanting more areas of our resort restricted to clothing required than we could accommodate."

There's no word on whether this will affect the planned September 2009 launch of the Lingerie Football League.

If the McMillen and Fox would be willing to sit down to broker an agreement like Sadat and Begin, Mr Skin volunteers to be their Jimmy Carter.

For starters, how about losing the clothing and the football as a compromise? The cheerleaders can stay.