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“Consider the French Fry,” ponders ManCave.com. “Is it mankind’s greatest invention?” According to Canadian cutie Avril Lavigne, it is!
Whenever possible the singer tries to nip out for a quick nibble…and who’s to quibble?
“If they’re piping hot, crispy outside, moist and soft inside,” ManCave continues in a sexual vein, “French Fries are definitely a contender for the best thing we’ve ever created.” Some chicks even prefer ’em to “dicks”…
… the French didn’t create “the world’s most popular junk food,” the Belgians did.
Why they’re called French is generally attributed to American troops “who arrived in Belgium during World War I and consequently tasted the local deep-fried potatoes. The official language of the Belgian army at that time was French, and as a result the soldiers thought they were in France rather than Belgium. Interestingly, in that region of the world, they are still called ‘Flemish Fries.’”
So despite the bawdy book title above left, Belgium is where the world’s first French Fry Museum resides—In Bruges, the title of a 2008 hit film starring Harry Potter alums Brendan Gleeson and Clémence Poésy. The similarly stacked blonde picked to front the museum’s ads was 2007 Miss Belgium Nele Somers, whose bikini bodice below is as fully loaded as the potato packet she’s munching above!
“Whether you call them French Fries, Chips, Finger Chips or French-Fried Potatoes,” observes Days of the Year.com, “this delicious treat is loved around the world, and French Fries Daycelebrates them. The tasty treat has even become the official ‘national snack’ of the Netherlands.” Those Dutch are too much!
Indeed, perhaps because fries rhymes with thighs … and huge amounts are often “deep throated” in bed …
… the side dish seems to have strong sexual connotations. As exemplified by this recent Pinterest post from a hot feminist chick {‘ASL’ means ‘Age, Sex, Location,’ BTW}.
And erotic eating seems to come with the {French for potato} pomme de terre•itory: Filipina film and teen star Coleen Garcia shocked her staid homeland with the unbuttoned mouthful below left … while Eddie Murphy infamously ate breakfast of fries off a nude model in Paris in 1985, below right!
But chowing on ‘a chip off the old shock’ took on deeper meaning this February, when Texas State University senior Monika Rostvold lay down on a campus lunch table covered in French Fries and smeared with ketchup for a performance art piece she called: “All You Can Eat.” Clad in just bra and panties, Monika’s feminist friend standing nearby explained: “Men only see women as ‘something to eat’ or an object to do whatever with, instead of a person. So the napkins with ‘All You Can Eat’ cover her nether regions.”
“I decided to compare the satisfaction we get with fast food to the satisfaction we get with hooking up” for casual sex in college, Rostvold remarked. “It is very satisfying, but is it healthy?” To prove the point, the artist “invited people to take the food right off her body, and she was happy they did,” reported Cosmopolitan. Note the “nearly a pound” atop her mound…which is from where this passing guy munched a fry.
“They were taking a part of the piece with them,” Monika mused. And she’d given her fellow students a taste the previous April—sitting nude and blindfolded on the library steps to raise awareness about sexual assault on college campuses. “I wanted people to view my body as beauty and not a sexual object,” she hoped. Mission not accomplished.
“I talked to a defense attorney about it beforehand just to make sure that it would be okay because I didn’t want the cops to arrest me just for trying to spark a conversation,” Rostvold revealed. After a brief conversation (below), the police “did not tell her to leave” as they “did not find her performance illegal.”
Which emboldened the artist to cover her short ‘n’ curlies with fries 10 months later: “I thought it interesting the crowd was mostly men,” she said, noting that “only men ate off my body.” Similar to the wealthy Japanese businessmen who inspired the work: “I wanted to resemble Nyotaimori, also known as ‘Naked Sushi Girls,’ who are used literally as stands for sushi platters while guests eat.”
“Nyotaimori is something that evolved during the reign of the last emperor of Japan,” reports the Travelling World blog. “Most often ‘female body presentation’ is a service allowing restaurant customers to eat from the skin of a naked woman. Apart from her crotch, which is usually covered with some kind of garnish {in U.S. schools, remember when ketchup was considered ‘a vegetable?’}, the model’s modesty depends on the ever-dwindling position of the food on her body. “Models are trained to lie still for hours,” the travel journal elaborates, “and must be able to endure repeated prods with chopsticks.”
“Her body must be completely shaved, and specially washed with fragrance-free soap before the feast. Traditionally, the meal is eaten directly from the skin of the model…and according to custom, she should be a virgin, but this doesn’t seem to be observed anymore.” Good thing, because according to the April 2016 article, “Body sushi is the latest craze to grab the attention of the Hollywood A-list, for customers of both sexes!”
From L.A., the concept has spread to the East Coast, with Midtown Manhattan’s elegant Ambassador Wines and Spirits offering the flesh feast as far back as 2008. “Lying diagonally across the top of a dining table in the back room,” recalled sushi model turned author Melanie Berliet, “I was naked except for the scallop shells covering my nipples and the silk scarf sheltering my crotch, while guests gorged on sushi and sashimi pieces plucked from my torso.”
“This was as new and strange to our guests as it was to me,” Berliet believes. “The sake accomplished what I couldn’t. As the men got drunker, their timidity vanished. Chopsticks flashed above me as they navigated the buffet, taking their dinner from my curves and crevices.”
“For an hour and a half I laid there, while the men surrounding me drank and ate and stared, and sometimes poked at my bare body.”
And it’s even gone Down Under {it is ‘sushi’ after all}, with the Cruise Bar in swank Darling Harbour in Sydney opening last August. “The Naked Platter, which has already created rage and sparked controversy in other global cities, has reached Australia,” wrote the International Business Times. “There were slices of watermelon placed on a female model’s legs, grapes on her crotch and bananas on her breasts.”
Not to be outdone, the daughter of the prime minister of Australia’s neighbor New Zealand was inspired to follow (birthday) suit by blocking her bare breasts with burgers and covering her crotch with crispy fries the same year!
“I have never taken my family’s position into consideration in terms of the types of images that I take,” declared Stephanie Key, whose father John has been the Kiwi leader since 2008. “My parents are very supportive, even if they would prefer I didn’t dress up in fries, sushi or slutty bride get-up.” Or ask a cherub to pork her as her pasties peel away to expose the PM’s daughter’s nipples!
So it was in this tradition that, as USA Today headlined: “Texas State Student Wears Almost Nothing But Ketchup and French Fries” in February 2016. “My art is very controversial,” admitted artist Monika Rostvold. “It plants seeds in people’s heads.”
Yet spuds are duds, it seems, when planting seeds to propagate our species: “Greasy foods definitely don’t do your sex life any favors,” warns a Health Fitness report. “Trans fats in fried foods dramatically decrease the male and female libido, according to Medical Daily. “Consuming these acids can also cause abnormal sperm production in men and interferes with female gestation. You and your significant other could be wise to skip the French Fries at dinner if you’re planning on going to bed together.” Perhaps we’ve got just the solution:
Still, when Tracy Morgan’s character on 30 Rock wanted to show his son how “a real man enjoys himself,” he gave the lad a lesson in ‘Naked Fast Food’ by sharing a slew of “French Fries and other treats laid out on a nude women, and eaten with chopsticks” {in keeping with the sushi traditions}.
As ManCave.com puts it: “The ‘french’ in french fries refers not to the nation but to ‘frenching.’ Frenching is a culinary technique which is less sexy than it sounds, because it involves slicing food into—well, french fry shape. So I guess it’s sexy after all.” Which is why the morsels were used in an up front way for a recent ad campaign—“which draws a distinction between today’s increasing fakeness and the all natural goodness of client New York Fries.” Part•icularly com•paired to this fast-food floozy flashing her Mickey D’s!
“What’s REALLY Inside McDonald’s French Fries?” this June 2016 article asks. And this blonde beauty answers, from her not-so-private puss•pective.
Which still leaves us to ponder the query posed by Thrillist.com just this week:
Sleuth is no expert on sliced spuds, but BUSTS are something he can sink his teeth into!
So let’s dip right into our alphabetical appe•teaser of the Top Ten celebs with ‘Golden Arches in Them Thar Hills!’
AMY WINEHOUSE
CAMERON DIAZ
Reveals her secret to looking hot at 43 ... and her perfect 34B's
HEIDI KLUM
HELEN MIRREN
JESSICA SIMPSON
“When she is at a hotel,” revealed a friend after the singer’s splits from Nick Lachey and John Mayer, “Jess will often order a whole plate of French Fries as a late-night snack. She doesn’t have a
LIV TYLER
MARIAH CAREY
MILEY CYRUS
She Can’t Stop: The Wild Child posts pics of her scarfing chips…and licking fingertip while baring nip
RIHANNA (photo 40)
SELENA GOMEZ
Her bubble butt is all it’s cracked up to be …
…as she shows that jewel by the pool—reaching for a snack side and flashing her backside
Is it any wonder that a recent online blog chose French Fried Potatoes as “The Top of the #cheatfood”…as well as “The King of the Forbidden Treats”?
END of story …
Sleuth truly appreciates you reading all the way to the bottom:
In fact … I’m Lovin’ It !
