By Christian Shapiro
Wherever men of ideas and action gather to exchange theories and compare experiences, the talk invariably comes around to praising those few accomplished gentlemen among us who have wallowed in the physical delights of a mother and her daughter. The notion of gaining access to the most intimate, moistest recesses of two women, one of whom has squirmed from the womb of the other, is too much for a meek-willed male to contemplate without swooning. It's a hale and brave fellow who embraces the reality of copulating with two successive generations of directly descending females. The ideal mode of experiencing a ripe, randy lady just shy of middle age and her lascivious, barely legal offspring is simultaneously--as in sacking both women at once in the same session. It would be sick, of course, to encourage the genetically attached lass and lady to physically manipulate the procreative orifices of one and another, but to fantasize such activity while impaled in the nymph and deep licking the matron is, experts agree, perfectly healthy.
Alas, perfect circumstances seldom pertain, and the conquering swain who is enjoying concurrent but separate carnal knowledge of a DNA-twined pair--such as doing the kid on the side while in a relationship with the mom, or vice versa--has absolutely nothing to feel inferior about. He too is experiencing a form of love at the outer limits of human affection, out beyond the boundaries of quotidian limitations, approaching the realms of infinite sex. Is that a little abstract for you? Look at it this way. The twin unattainables of perpetual motion and life eternal are generally thought to be out of touch to mere mortals. However, when a common man becomes the connecting rod between birth-giver and the one given birth to, he is no longer an ordinary guy. He has separated himself from the penis-wielding mass. He is the plus sign at the root of an equation from which spouts life's ever-renewed fount of wonder. The emissions he casts into miss and Mrs. spew in a mystic trajectory that taps into the miraculous wellspring from which we have all originated, mingling with the currents by which we are all destined to be washed into oblivion. Immortality is his, and also his penis's. Plus, boning a chick and her mother hen is deeply kinky fun.
Looking into the eyes of Mom as she bites her bottom lip readying for orgasm, you can't help but see the climax-greedy stare of daughter as she totters on the verge of gushing release. It's like plumbing two girls in one. Remember: One of them did, in fact, for a time live inside the other. A mother and her daughter may share core preferences in their sexual performances; their individual deviations from type will be all the more thrilling in contrast to their common similarities. Few greater satisfactions are available to the generous male lover than to introduce a mother to the experimental position or procedure favored by her daughter. And don't be surprised that the old broad has a few erotic tricks to be taught to her budding babe. Ah, life is a rich carnal cavalcade to the bold cocksman who meets opportunity with initiative!
Unfortunately the chance to slide into a sugary babe and her hot mama tends to occur rarely. Do not despair. The miracle of real women taking their clothes off in movies can make a hero of even the most timid Lothario among us. Because the universe is a friendly place and goodness is a force stronger than evil, the nubile offspring of many of the motion picture arts' most alluring skin sirens have followed their mothers' leads into the realm of onscreen disrobement. A deeply rewarding experience can be engineered by simply accessing two movies one after the other, providing that one of these movies contains nude footage of an attractive woman and the other film provides naked segments of a female who in real life is either the first woman's mother or daughter. The following list, though extensive, does not claim to be complete, but if used correctly will prove to be both exhaustive and exhausting.
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Jane Birkin whelped Charlotte Gainsbourg: Free-living '60s love waif Jane Birkin was one of the two trippy hippie models squirming in a naked threesome with a swinging London photographer in Blowup (1966) (Picture: ). Ten years later, Jane was showing bush, boyish boobs, pendulous nipples, and lingering looks of gamine glutes in Je t'aime, moi non plus (1976) (Picture: ). Birkin's genetic predisposition for slipping into nakedness is carried on through daughter Charlotte Gainsbourg, inseminated by French balladeer Serge Gainsbourg. Precocious and equipped with charming pout and puffies, Charlotte, as a fifteen-year-old, is seen naked with Daddy Serge in Charlotte for Ever (1986). Statutory maturity has not lessened Charlotte's exhibitionistic yen: See her picked up and lugged around like a naked sack of ass-crack potatoes in Amoureuse (1992).
Jayne Mansfield whelped Mariska Hargitay: Rock 'n' roll and rocket racks were forever intertwined after tightly sweatered Jayne Mansfield walked her stunningly jutting shelf across the wide screen in Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? (Picture: ) (1957). Oh to be living in the full-color shadows of the black-and-white captures of Jayne's supernaturally au naturel jugs and rump in Promises! Promises! (1963). Mansfield's pup, noted TV temptress Mariska Hargitay, the leather-wrapped detective of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, got gypped on the jug gene but was blessed with a fetching end. Why then did Mariska opt to employ a booty double in the butt-wow shower scene of Welcome to 18 (1986)?
Raquel Welch whelped Tahnee Welch: Skimpy costumes, heaving cleavage, and animally magnetic facial beauty added up to sexual icon when wild-haired, thunder-thighed Hispanic goddess Raquel Welch refined her defining package in One Million Years B.C. (1966) (Picture: ) and Myra Breckinridge (1970). Though causing perhaps more nocturnal emissions than any other public female of her time, Raquel Welch prided herself on never having exposed an entire secondary sexual characteristic; the Latina idol does expose most of one chair cheek as Wild West feminist Hannie Caulder (1972) (Picture: ). Initially daughter Tahnee Welch followed Mama's no-nudity decree, but after flashing a body double's honey of a heinie in Cocoon (1985), Tahnee graduated to squeezing the cheeks of her own firm, fine fanny in Der Joker (1987) (Picture: ).
Goldie Hawn whelped Kate Hudson: Goldie Hawn, the "Sock-It-to-Me Girl" from Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, is roundly, firmly, and fully entitled to be proud of her backup bags. There's a Girl in My Soup (1970) (Picture: ) provides a standing-ass showcase for Goldie's masterpiece of a posterior; two decades later, Hawn's shadowy, snaking buns are the highlights of Bird on a Wire (1990) (Picture: 1). Chip off the old blonde Kate Hudson has wisely not put her sweet seat meat in competition with Mama's rear-view mams. Kate counted on her heavenly Hudson nipples to launch her into the realm of absolute celebrity through an Almost Famous (Picture: 1) (2000) jaunt in breasts and panties. Polka-dotted orange knickers shielded Hudson's hind sight from unfair comparisons to Mommy's.
Blythe Danner whelped Gwyneth Paltrow: Bun connoisseurs of all stripes are given something to cherish by the youthful back end of fair and delicate Blythe Danner. Some potty-cake purists will prefer Blythe's head-to-toe tush of Lovin' Molly (1974); other dumper devotees will opt for Danner's younger, pale tail (and Gwyneth simper) found in To Kill a Clown (1971) (Picture: 1). The pinkish nipples of Blythe's far-more-famous direct descendent, Gwyneth Paltrow, peek out from under a man while in a Shakespeare in Love (Picture: 1) (1998) bed and while making melancholy love and having a melancholy afterglow in Sylvia (2003) (Picture: 1).
Shirley Knight whelped Kaitlin Hopkins: Famed primarily as a stage actress, esteemed thespian Shirley Knight fluttered her sweater filling as a bombshell blonde in The Rain People (1969), then allowed a quarter century of Broadway and London triumphs to pass before reverting to silver-screen skin as a chubby, middle-aged lady being strip-searched in Indictment: The McMartin Trial (1995) (Picture: 1). Equally esteemed kin Kaitlin Hopkins has alternated between serious theater and a regular spot on daytime drama Another World. Ethereal and erotic Kaitlin is a solid-body brunette succubus in Spirits (1990) (Picture: 1).
Shelley Plimpton whelped Martha Plimpton: Thin and winsome Shelley Plimpton ruled the 1960s counterculture as a hippie undress specialist. She frolicked clothing- and fancy-free in the stage production of Hair and, after making a topless ploy for a folk singer's affections in Alice's Restaurant (1969) (Picture: 1), showed a thick tangle of fur hanging out from her behind in Glen and Randa (1971). Shelley's womb fruit, Martha Plimpton, posed in commercials for Calvin Klein and was a kiddy sensation in The Goonies (1985) but saved her most revealing role, a topless, girl-on-top copulation, for a film that hearkened back to the heyday of her parents: I Shot Andy Warhol (1996) (Picture: 1). Daddy is cool cat Keith Carradine.
Maureen O'Sullivan whelped Mia Farrow: Budding skinthusiasts watching afternoon TV in the 1960s fell in love with porcelain-complected brunette Maureen O'Sullivan while she swung through trees in the company of a monkey and an ape man as the original Jane in Tarzan the Ape Man (1932). O'Sullivan's jungle-chic, off-the-shoulder scrap showed how all women would dress if God hadn't kicked us out of the Garden of Eden. Furthermore, Maureen illustrated the proper way for a woman to undress in Tarzan and His Mate (1934). Maureen O'Sullivan's cutest baby girl grew up to become exquisitely delicate wonder waif Mia Farrow. Rosemary's Baby (1968) (Picture: 1) offers distant glimpses of Mia's authentic mini boobs, but the close-ups of nips and ass are assuredly of some other sweet nymph's. Farrow's real can can be ogled in John and Mary (1969) (Picture: 1).
Jaid Barrymore whelped Drew Barrymore: Embarrassment would appear to be an alien sensation to celebrity mom Jaid Barrymore. Boldly naked from brash boobs to brazen bush on the otherwise fully clothed dance floor of The Last Days of Disco (1998) (Picture: 1), super-stacked Jaid gives a compelling impersonation of a kooky lady. In real life, Jaid was wily enough to extract her daughter, Drew Barrymore, from a biologically promising lineage. Drew apparently inherited a predisposition for acting from dad John Barrymore Jr. and got the rack from her mother's side. Unlike Mom, Drew has shown a penchant for body doubles, although the double danglers soaking in the blood shower of Doppelganger: The Evil Within (1993) (Picture: 1) are undoubtedly her own.
Tippi Hedren whelped Melanie Griffith: An icy yet passionate blonde generally considered to be Alfred Hitchcock's favorite leading lady, Tippi Hedren stripped to bra and panties for Don Johnson in The Harrad Experiment (1973). Johnson at the time was experimenting with Tippi's fifteen-year-old daughter, Melanie Griffith. Melanie has not been shy about showing off what Don was playing with, pulling off her shirt and flashing her tail in Night Moves (1975) (Picture: 1) and wandering full frontal and fine in Ha-Gan (1977) (Picture: 1).
Natalie Wood whelped Natasha Gregson Wagner: The insouciant smirk and teen-trollop swagger of Natalie Wood in Rebel Without a Cause (1955) and West Side Story (1961) defined post-pubescent bad-chick rebellion for the girls of her generation and many more to follow. In adulthood, Natalie allowed a peek of the fanny she was packing in Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969) (Picture: 1). Every nip as rebellious as her delinquent-defining mom is honey hellion Natasha Gregson Wagner. Natalie's baby flaunts full-front fur through shower glass and full back buns as well in Quiet Days in Hollywood (1997). Heroin never looked so addictive as during Natasha's fevered bout of Another Day in Paradise (1998) (Picture: 1) junkie sex.
Janet Leigh whelped Jamie Lee Curtis: The sweet but morally compromised dream date savagely hacked to death while in the shower had yet to become a horror-flick staple when doe-eyed, snake-hearted Janet Leigh stepped into the steamy spray in Psycho (Picture: 1) (1960). Janet's water-slick epidermis and her spine-chilling emoting go a long way to explaining the continuing popularity of shower-stall slaughter. A knack for horror was handed down to next-in-line Jamie Lee Curtis, who screeched fittingly and was fittingly costumed in Halloween (1978). Jamie Lee's wardrobe improved to tits out in Trading Places (1983) (Picture: 1), a splendid pair of accessories that Jamie tossed all around in Love Letters (1984) (Picture: 1).
Catherine Deneuve whelped Chiara Mastroianni: The French are liable to trot out any old artifact of literature, sculpture, or painting to argue their cultural superiority to the world at large, but their most convincing proof of primacy is Catherine Deneuve performing butt-out as a married woman part-timing in a Belle de jour (1967) (Picture: 1) brothel and putting her best breasts forward in Le Sauvage (1975). Evidence that perfection is hereditary can be found in daughter Chiara Mastroianni (Papa is Fellini mainstay Marcello Mastroianni). Sometimes blonde, sometimes brunette, always stunning, Chiara airs her boobs in N'oublie pas que tu vas mourir (1995) (Picture: 1) and wets her beaver during swimming-pool calisthenics in Carnage (2002) (Picture: ).
