Girls in
At Play in the Fields of the Lord (1991)

This morning, I read in the New York Post's Page Six that Paper magazine has released a list of the Top Ten Worst Nude Scenes of All Time. This comes a mere week after the launch of my ninth annual Anatomy Awards and obviously, at Skin Central, there is no such thing as a bad nude scene, so my skinterest was definitely piqued. The bit read:

Philip Seymour Hoffman's ample butt just won a dubious award - as star of one of the "10 Worst Nude Film Scenes" of all time. Paper magazine's Dennis Dermody, who compiled the list, says ever since Hoffman lay naked with Marisa Tomei in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, the image of "his big, bare flabby ass [is] branded on my brain." Patrick Dempsey is feted for his full-frontal turn in Some Girls, which "won't make you think McDreamy, but rather McTeeny." Fox NFL Sunday co-host Terry Bradshaw gets a nod for a "frightening" scene in which he feeds his aquarium fish while buck-naked and listening to hip-hop in Failure To Launch. Donald Sutherland can take a bow for letting it all hang out as a test pilot undergoing a physical in Space Cowboys, proving he has "the Wrong Stuff," Dermody says. Kathy Bates gets a tip of the hat for At Play in the Fields of the Lord, in which she "covers her body with mud and runs around the jungle." And Julie Andrews isn't forgotten for whipping off her top in S.O.B.

While most of the scenes Paper mentions involve men-and sausage has no place in a skin smorgasbord-I think it's an outrage that anyone would be complaining about an actress getting naked on film. Though I was pretty surprised to learn that Philip Seymour Hoffman was even IN Before the Devil Knows You're Dead-I was too busy staring open-mouthed at nude Marisa Tomei. And how can Mary Poppins nudity ever be bad? Her S.O.B. scene is a classic. Her "mounds of music" make my lap sing!

Sounds to me like this Dennis Dermody is an S.O.B. himself-a Slanderer Of Boobs!