Published July 14th, 2007 Features Index Articles Index

By Mike McPadden

July is one of Mr. Skin's favorite months. Why? Because hot weather means more women wearing fewer clothes. They don't call it "bikini season" for nothing, and, come the Fourth, everybody gets in on the Big Bang!

This month's DVD releases are guaranteed to ignite your bottle rocket.

JULY 3, 2007

GENTE PEZ (2001)
STUDIO: Image-Entertainment.com
NUDES: Laura Domínguez (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: In English, Gente Pez translates as Fish People, and this Spanish-made farce traffics in the universal language that makes comedies great: sex jokes, toilet humor, and naked boobs. Two young friends rent out rooms in their aunt's house while she's away, thereby inviting an onslaught of insanity into their lives. There's a science dork who may or may not be a terrorist, a ganja-zonked rocker, and an artist's model (Laura Domínguez) who will have you pounding your clay. These Fish People are worth catching.



JULY 10, 2007

AFTER THE WEDDING (2006)
STUDIO: IFC Films
NUDES: Stine Fischer Christensen (right breasts), Neel Rønholt (left breast)
THE SKINNY: The Danish drama After the Wedding chronicles Jacob Petersen (Mads Mikkelsen), a dedicated humanitarian who runs an orphanage in India that stands on the brink of financial ruin. Jacob is then contacted by business magnate Jørgen (Rolf Lassgård), who pledges $4 million to the orphanage, on one condition: Jacob must take part in the wedding of Jørgen's daughter (Stine Fischer Christensen) back in Denmark. When Jacob seems to automatically recognize Helene (Sidse Babett Knudsen), who's married to Jørgen, not only do complications arise, but clothes come off. After the Wedding will have you tossing your own rice—by the hot, white handful.

BARE NAKED SURVIVOR (2001)
STUDIO: Indican
NUDES: Julie K. Smith (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Alexus Winston (FFN, butt), Shauna O'Brien (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Aria Giovanni (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Aimee Sweet (FFN, butt), Tess Broussard (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: "No food. No men. No clothes." So reads the tagline for Bare Naked Survivor, a softcore send-up of the Survivor TV series. Half-a-dozen brickhouse-built nubiles are dropped on the tropical island known as Butta Cheeka, and the proceedings keep pace with that tantalizing tone. There is a Naked Day, numerous contests in which competitors’ bare bodies may be ogled moving in all manners of jiggle-intensive directions, and even a guy in a gorilla suit, who brings just the right amount of comic menace to all those knockouts in their birthday suits. Bare Naked Survivor is a Butta-Cheeka-y blast.

BRUTAL (2007)
STUDIO: LionsGateShop.com
NUDES: Kristin Kirgan (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The troubled town of Blackwater Valley—which was previously showcased in the Lions Gate fright flick Blackwater Valley Exorcism (2006)—finds its tempestuous living situation getting worse. In fact, it's Brutal. A serial killer is terrorizing the hamlet, maiming and mutilating his female victims and leaving flowers on their corpses. Nice touch. It's up to a guy-girl sheriff team to catch the killer so that Blackwater Valley can return to being a hotbed of horny, perpetually half-undressed chicks. Yes, there is that element too, and it's gorgeously embodied by Kristin Kirgan busting out her two elements.

EMERALD COWBOY (2002)
STUDIO: Indican
NUDE: Carolina Lizarazo (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: Japanese-American entrepreneur Eishy Hayata really is an Emerald Cowboy. After falling in love with emeralds on a trip to Bogota, Colombia, Hayata ditched his airline engineering gig to dive deep into the gem business. Emerald Cowboy recounts Hayata's rise (but not his mysterious fall), and the jewel-peddling buckaroo plays himself in the film. As far as Mr. Skin is concerned, the most glittering valuables in Emerald Cowboy are the body parts bared by spitfire Carolina Lizarazo. She'll get you as hard as a precious stone.

THE LAST TIME (2006)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Amber Valletta (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Ted (Michael Keaton) is a burnt-out, humanity-hating corporate salesman just outside New York City. Jamie (Brendan Fraser) is the new guy on the job, fresh from Ohio and upbeat about every aspect of existence. Ted is puzzled by Jamie's zeal for live—that is, until he sees Jamie's fiancée, Belisa, who's played by luminous blonde supermodel Amber Valletta. After that, he understands. And he plots to seduce Belisa. The Last Time chronicles this inter-office web of lies, lust, and other fun stuff and also provides Amber with an ideal vehicle to unveil her pert, perfect Vallettas.

THE PAGE TURNER (2006)
STUDIO: Tartan
NUDES: Deborah Francois (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Head-turner Deborah Francois stars in the French thriller The Page Turner as a brilliant piano player who has aged from being a child prodigy into an embittered, ironically beautiful twenty-something out for vengeance. At age ten, Deborah's character had a big audition that, she feels, was ruined when a judge (Catherine Frot) distracted her. Years later, the women run into each other and revenge is hot—but not quite as sweet as Deb's left nipple, which we enjoy a glance at while she's changing.

SWEET LAND (2005)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDES: Elizabeth Reaser (Picture: 1) (butt)
THE SKINNY: Elizabeth Reaser plays Inge in Sweet Land, a German mail-order bride who lands in 1920s Minnesota, where she is paired with Swedish-born farmer Olaf (Tim Guinee). Despite the business-arrangement nature of their engagement, Inge and Olaf fall in love, only to have their marriage plans complicated by anti-German bias in the wake of World War I. Sweet Land is a heartfelt rural romance spiced up by a gander at Elizabeth's sweet seat meat.



July 17, 2007

BAXTER (1989)
STUDIO: LionsGateShop.com
NUDE: Sabrina Leurquin (Picture: 1) (both breasts)
THE SKINNY: "Beware of the dog who thinks!" warns the title card of the black-humored, near-horror cult favorite Baxter. The title character of this French curiosity is a pugnacious, philosophical bull terrier who simply cannot figure out the human race. We know this because, throughout the film, we hear Baxter's thoughts. When one owner dares to impugn Baxter's dignity by trying to share a bath with him, he pushes her down a flight a stairs. The next couple who takes in Baxter dares to have a baby, which the uppity mutt plans on disposing of in a pool. When that doesn't work, Baxter gets shipped off to a young kid who worships Hitler. At first he likes this new owner who shouts commands at him. Ultimately, though, Baxter must be his own beast. Along the way in this dog's life, Sabrina Leurquin's right chest croissant will get you howling.

FACTORY GIRL (2006)
STUDIO: Weinstein Co.
NUDES: Sienna Miller (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Tara Summers (Picture: 1) (breasts), Uncredited Actresses
THE SKINNY: Sienna Miller electrifyingly embodies decadent 1960s New York art-world icon Edie Sedgwick in the cutting-edge biopic Factory Girl. As in real life, Sienna-as-Edie ditches classes at Radcliffe to dig on the happening Gotham bohemian scene of 1965. Edie's path quickly crosses with up-and-coming visionary Andy Warhol (Guy Pearce) as he's assembling his "factory" of creative oddities (both human and otherwise), and the wayward society babe becomes the (extremely toasted) toast of the town, exploring every manner of possible excess—behavioral, chemical, and, most importantly, sexual. Factory Girl will up your output.

HAUNTED BOAT (2005)
STUDIO: LionsGateShop.com
NUDE: Hannah Whalley (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The title speaks volumes in the case of Haunted Boat, an inventive, energetic spook movie set on a cramped watercraft. A gaggle of young pals hits the high seas in the titular vehicle, where they booze, schmooze, and take turns revealing their deepest fears. In short order, otherworldly visions and hallucinatory contact with beings from "the other side" ensue and, sure enough, each must confront a manifestation of the bugaboo to which they gave voice. Hannah Whalley brightens up Haunted Boat's fright fest by exposing her flotation devices. Nice buoys!

THE HILLS HAVE EYES II: UNRATED EDITION (2007)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDE: Cecile Breccia (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The atomic-mutant desert cannibals return in The Hills Have Eyes II: Unrated Edition, a 2007 sequel to the 2006 remake of fright maestro Wes Craven's original cautionary tale of off-road camper travel (especially when you have a potentially tasty baby on board). Unlike The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1985), which was Craven's initial follow-up that focused on dirt-bike racers, this time the cactus-scented flesh munchers take on members of the National Guard. Nails, teeth, and stone-age tools do combat with modern-day instruments of war, and the result is a harrowing, plasma-drenched spelunk into unrelenting horror.

SHOWGIRLS: FULLY EXPOSED EDITION (1995)
STUDIO: MGM
NUDES: Elizabeth Berkley (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Gina Gershon (Picture: 1) (breasts), Rena Riffel (Picture: 1) (FFN, butt), Bobbie Phillips (breasts), Lin Tucci (breasts), Melinda Songer (breasts), Maria Díaz (breasts), Gina Ravera (butt), Melissa Williams (breasts), Ungela Brockman (breasts), Danté McCarthy (breasts), Mason Marconi (breasts), Bethany Chesser (breasts), Uncredited Actresses
THE SKINNY: Normally, MrSkin.com's Skincoming DVDs feature does not focus on re-issued movies on disc, unless they contain new nude scenes. Showgirls: Fully Exposed Edition does not update the 1995 classic with any fresh flesh, but as Showgirls is the single (actually, make that double) greatest film ever made, we can't help but recommend that everyone reading this go out and buy this DVD now. In addition to the masterpiece-of-ass itself, the Fully Exposed Edition boasts a bonus feature in which topless dancers from world-renowned New York City strip club Scores provide on-camera lap-dance lessons . . . topless, of course (you'll note how that sentence didn't end with the word "naturally"). Showgirls: Fully Exposed Edition! Showgirls: Fully Exposed Edition! Showgirls: Fully Exposed Edition! There is simply no way to push this DVD enough.

SURF SCHOOL (2006)
STUDIO: LionsGateShop.com
NUDES: Aubrie Lemon (breasts), Annika Svedman (breasts), Rikke Juhl Moegelhoej (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Surf School is a sand, sun, and skin romp in the grand tradition of '70s and '80s drive-in flicks. All manner of mayhem breaks out at the titular wave-riding academy, including a nerd being spanked by what he thinks is a Costa Rican bikini model but who is in fact a monkey in drag, a hero whose hot girlfriend is a skimpy-swimsuited ghost, and Swedish beach bunnies named Helga, Belga, and Selga. Funnymen Harland Williams and Taylor Negron bring the chuckles, while hardbodied hotties Aubrie Lemon, Rikke Juhl Moegelhoej, and Annika Svedman supply nude yoga action. Surf School will kow your bunga!