Mr. Skin Mr. Skin

By Mike McPadden

Here at Skin Central, seasons come and go like so many DVDs across our desks--and, subsequently, Kleenexes in our wastebaskets.

Narrowing the releases of the last 12 months to just 25 "favorites", in fact, proved a challenge. But we're up to handling hard parts in these jobs--I mean, handling hard jobs in these parts.

Our only ground rule was that the film in question on a given DVD did not have a theatrical release in 2006. Our tribute to the finest skin-chievements on the big screen--as well as the boob tube--is coming up in the weeks ahead, and no measly charge of "lewd behavior in public" is going to keep us from weighing in on this in full.

Without further ado, then, here are our picks, in alphabetical order, for our 25 Favorite DVDs for nudity and sex--a.k.a. "the good parts"--that were released in 2006.

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AMERICAN PIE PRESENTS BAND CAMP: UNRATED EDITION (2005)STUDIO: Universal
NUDES: Ginger Lynn Allen, Tara Killian (Picture: 1), Angela Little (Picture: 1 - 2), Rachel Veltri, Jennifer Walcott
THE SKINNY: Stiffler's little brother (Tad Hilgenbrink) gets up to hard-edged, hilarious hijinks at the legendary locale where musical instruments find their way into atypical bodily orifices in American Pie Presents Band Camp. This first of what we hope will be many direct-to-DVD sequels to the bawdy big-screen franchise delivers copious cutie pies naked, nasty good fun, and, as a bonus feature, life lessons from naughty nurse Ginger Lynn Allen.

BATTLE IN HEAVEN (2005)
STUDIO: Tartan
NUDES: Anapola Mushkadiz (Picture: 1 - 2), Grace Avila (Picture: 1), Bertha Ruiz
THE SKINNY: The heady, heavy blackmail drama Battle in Heaven chronicles a kidnapping gone horribly wrong, along with the sex lives of the married couple who perpetrated the crime. Dreadlocked knockout Anapola Mushkadiz is the movie's breakout star, pure erotic paradise in bodily form, replete with amazingly intimate gynecological exposure. Grace Avila ups the awesome factor with an extensive full frontal, while whole-lotta-honey Bertha Ruiz proves that bombastically big is beautiful, too. And brave.

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS (1970)
STUDIO: Fox Home Video
NUDES: Cynthia Myers, Dolly Read (Picture: 1), Erica Gavin (Picture: 1), Angel Ray, Samantha Scott, Marcia McBroom (Picture: 1), Susan Reed
THE SKINNY: "This is my happening and it freaks me out!" So decrees one of the most famous lines of the Roger Ebert-scripted Russ Meyer masterpiece Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. A psychedelic rock-n-roll sex-horror musical like nothing else the cinema has ever served up, Beyond at last got its much-deserved, too-long-delayed Special Edition DVD treatment this year, complete with an Ebert commentary track and multiple documentaries on everything from the movie's mind-roasting sex scenes to its scorching high-'60s soundtrack. Believe in Beyond!

CHRISTINA (1984)
STUDIO: PrivateScreeningCollection.com
NUDES: Jewel Shepard, Josephine Jacqueline Jones (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Lovely-jugged Jewel Shepard has long bemoaned her B-movie career in a series of magazine articles and on her official website: JewelShepard.com. Her most frequent complaint is about how often she was asked to take her clothes off on camera. With that in mind, Jewel must really loathe Christina, in which she plays a kidnapped heiress and spends, by her own estimate, "78 of the movie's 88 minutes naked." And that is precisely the reason--actually make that reasons--you'll love it.

CINDERELLA 2000: 30th ANNIVERSARY EDITION (1977)
STUDIO: RetroSeductionCinema.com
NUDES: Catherine Erhardt (Picture: 1), Buri Cowans, Sherri Coyle (Picture: 1), Adina Ross, Uncredited Actresses
THE SKINNY: Cinderella 2000 updates the classic fairy tale to the year 2047 as only legendary schlockmeister Al Adamson possibly could. Catherine Erhardt plays futuristic fox Cindy, who is sent on a mission-of-making-it by her Fairy Godfather. This 30th Anniversary Edition is packed with extras like a glass slipper crammed full of a wicked stepsister's foot.

DON'T GO NEAR THE PARK: SPECIAL EDITION (1981)
STUDIO: DarkSkyFilms.com
NUDES: Linnea Quigley (Picture: 1), Janet Giglio, Tamara Taylor (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Don't Go Near the Park is one of the weirdest horror epics of the extremely weird early 1980s. The action spans 12,000 years, tracing a line of witch-cursed cannibals from the caveman era to 1965 to the time of the movie's release. Tamara Taylor's soul is in jeopardy via devilish mom Linnea Quigley while reporter Aldo Ray is on the beat. With eyeball lasers, gallons of gore, nifty nudity, and great bonus features, devotees of demented masterworks are advised to get to this Park as fast as they can.

DORM DAZE 2: UNRATED AND UNRATED (2006)
STUDIO: LionsGate
NUDES: Jasmin St. Claire (Picture: 1), Julia Beatty, Lola Davidson (Picture: 1), Julian Wells, Heather Storm
THE SKINNY: The trend of direct-to-DVD teen sex comedies is a welcome development to fans of adolescent gross-out humor and, more importantly, naked nubiles on prurient parade. Dorm Daze 2: Unrated and Unanchored picks up where Dorm Daze (2003) left off and sets sail on the high seas, tracing the tropical antics of drifting collegiates on and off a cruise ship, as well as in and out of their bunks--and trunks.

FELICITY (1979)
STUDIO: severin-films.com
NUDES: Glory Annen (Picture: 1 - 2), Joni Flynn (Picture: 1), Jody Hanson, Jody Hanson, Sarah Lee, Angela Menzies-Wills, Marilyn Rodgers
THE SKINNY: From the land Down Under comes Felicity, a much-loved, late-night-cable-TV staple that chronicles the coming of age (and just plain coming, period) of its titular figure, played by gorgeous Glory Annen. Beginning with girl-girl explorations at boarding school and progressing to omnisexual abandon in the exotic Far East, Felicity is softcore at its most stylish and sizzling.

GOD'S SANDBOX (2002)
STUDIO: Indican Pictures
NUDES: Meital Dohan (Picture: 1 - 2)
THE SKINNY: Israel's own Meryl Streep, Meital Dohan, stars in God's Sandbox and distinguishes herself from even the most revered thespians by virtue of both her superhuman beauty and her fearless enthusiasm when it comes to showing it (all) off. In Sandbox, Meital scours the Middle Eastern desert as a writer in search of her lost daughter. She also manages to lose whatever she's wearing repeatedly, winning both international acclaim and skinternational fame.

GWENDOLINE: UNRATED DIRECTOR'S CUT (1984)
STUDIO: severin-films.com
NUDES: Tawny Kitaen (Picture: 1 - 2), Zabou (Picture: 1), Uncredited Actresses
THE SKINNY: Softcore visionary Just Jaeckin breathes imaginative life into an erotic French comic book in Gwendoline: Unrated Director's Cut. Better known in the past as The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak, this one-of-a-kind kink-cult classic casts pre-Whitesnake Tawny Kitaen as the put-upon heroine who travels the globe in pursuit of her missing father, eventually descending into an underground lesbian S&M queendom where the costumes are as skimpy as the thrills are arousing.

HARD LUCK (2006)
STUDIO: Sony Pictures
NUDES: Jackie Quinones (Picture: 1 - 2)
THE SKINNY: Hard Luck stars Wesley Snipes, and the title is not a reference to the action hero's recent IRS complications. This tale of intersecting criminal plots also features Cybill Shepherd, Mario Van Peebles, and Jackie Quinones, who plays a stripper, and she does here what strippers do. Beautifully.

HEADSPACE (2005)
STUDIO: Vivendi Visual Entertainment
NUDES: Pollyanna McIntosh, Tatiana Vidus (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The trippy horror-mystery Headspace chronicles the psychedelic psychological unraveling of Christopher Denham as a young intellectual who crosses paths with an otherworldly chess master (no, it's not Howard Stern). Fortunately some of his visions on the way down involve naked vixens.

HOLLOW MAN 2 (2006)
STUDIO: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
NUDES: Zara Taylor, Terri Anne Welyki (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The concept of the Invisible Sex Fiend returns in Hollow Man 2, a scrappier, nastier follow-up to director Paul Verhoeven's 2000 original with Kevin Bacon. One indisputable improvement in the sequel is that the female nudity starts just three minutes in and, after that, the ladies' costumes often are as transparent as the movie's anti-hero.

OH! CALCUTTA! (1972)
STUDIO: New Video DVD
NUDES: Raina Barrett (Picture: 1), Samantha Harper (Picture: 1), Patricia Hawkins, Margo Sappington, Nancy Tribush
THE SKINNY: The longest-running live show in off-Broadway history is Oh! Calcutta! (Picture: 1), an only-in-the-'70s grab bag of skits, songs, and naked ballet concocted by Kenneth Tynan, with contributions from, among other notables, John Lennon and Sam Shepard. This new DVD presents a one-time closed-circuit TV version of Oh! Calcutta!, and it is a priceless blast from New York City's swinging libertine past so vivid that you'll be reaching to pick long pubes from between your teeth before it's halfway through.

LIE WITH ME (2005)
STUDIO: ThinkFilm
NUDE: Lauren Lee Smith (Picture: 1 - 2)
THE SKINNY: Now magazine proclaimed the skintense indie romance Lie with Me "a juggernaut of taboo smashing." Pert-nerpled Lauren Lee Smith is smashing, indeed, as she opens the movie by masturbating mo(i)st explicitly and later reveals that she's a natural redhead when she serves her sumptuous scarlet box to a male co-star for some near-hardcore labe-licking. In between and after those high points, luscious Lauren gets naked a lot and it's always hot. And that's no Lie.

LIVE FEED (2006)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDES: Charlene McCulloch, Linda Stang, Caroline Chojnacki (Picture: 1), Ashley Schappert (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Horror maven Eli Roth's Hostel (2005) may well prove to be the Breast Picture of 2006 in terms of theatrical releases, and it has indisputably been a boon to fans who enjoy some tits and ass with their hack and slash, influencing big-screen fare such as Turistas (2006) and the direct-to-DVD blowout Live Feed. Here the Hostel set-up gets pushed to more expressly sexual frontiers, as vulgar young Americans seeking exotic kicks get mixed up in a snuff-film ring run out of foreign porn shops. The flesh and blood flow, each in stunning amounts.

PRIVATE: UNRATED ENGLISH VERSION (2003)
STUDIO: Fantoma.com
NUDES: Maruska Albertazzi (Picture: 1), Virginia Barrett, Sara Cosmi (Picture: 1), Angela Ferlaino, Grazia Morelli, Federica Palmer (Picture: 1), Raffaella Ponzo, Silvia Rossi, Federica Tomassi
THE SKINNY: Italy's reigning master of skinematic eroticism, Tinto Brass, electrifies as only he can in Private, an omnibus of sensually charged vignettes featuring the most eye-popping, jaw-dropping European savories to ever strip before a camera. Infidelity, swinging, prostitution, voyeurism, and even anal exploration comprise the basis for Private's pubic tales of passion, and the skill of Tinto Brass brings fresh, inventive excitement to every moment.

PRIVATE LESSONS: 25th ANNIVERSARY EDITION (1981)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Sylvia Kristel (Picture: 1), Pamela Jean Bryant
THE SKINNY: "What happened to him should happen to you!" So proclaims the poster for the dearly beloved teen sex romp Private Lessons. Larger-than-lust Emmanuelle (1974) icon Sylvia Kristel plays a housekeeper who becomes the object of affection (and countless erections) of lonely rich kid Philly (Eric Brown) before Howard Hesseman, as slimy chauffeur Lester, embroils them all in a madcap extortion plot. One of the top-grossing independent films of the early 1980s, the Private Lessons DVD comes with first-rate bonus features, including a commentary with the writer, director, and the indefatigable former Dr. Johnny Fever.

RAMPAGE: THE HILLSIDE STRANGLER MURDERS (2004)
STUDIO: MGM/UA
NUDES: Brittany Daniel (Picture: 1 - 2), Michelle Borth (Picture: 1), Joleigh Fioreavanti (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The glitzy, hedonistic L.A. of 1978 provides the backdrop for the scary true-crime drama Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders. For all the fact-based mayhem, what truly renders Rampage remarkable is the nude debut of Joe Dirt (2001) and Club Dread (2004) delectable Brittany Daniel. Blonde Brit not only reveals her killer rack and gravity-mocking, mouth-watering gluteus, she also sucks lesbian face with the equally topless Michelle Borth.

THE SCORNED: 2-DISC COLLECTOR'S EDITION (2005)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDES: Trishelle Cannatella (Picture: 1), Tonya Cooley (Picture: 1), Jenna Lewis (Picture: 1), Trish Schneider, Stacie Jones Upchurch (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: A gaggle of reality-TV babes in a raunchy thriller where they can show off more of their talents than would ever be allowed on broadcast television. Such is the gimmicky premise of The Scorned and, as such, it is the ballyhoo that Mr. Skin can get behind . . . and in front of . . . and on top of, too . . . and any other double-entendre position you can think up.

THE SEDUCTION (1982)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDES: Morgan Fairchild (Picture: 1 - 2)
THE SKINNY: Treasured by straight men for star Morgan Fairchild's nearly nonstop nudity and by Friends of Dorothy for its equally relentless, pink-triangle-spinning campiness, The Seduction has it all. Morgan plays a TV news anchor stalked by scummy bo-hunk Andrew Stevens while her chain-smoking boyfriend Michael Sarrazin and grizzled detective Vince Edwards attempt to protect our heroine. There's a lot of berserk violence, high-intensity hysterics, and, visible for the first time due to DVD quality, Morgan's fluffy blonde muff in delightfully plain sight.

SINGAPORE SLING (1990)
STUDIO: Synapse-Films.com
NUDES: Meredyth Herold, Michele Valley
THE SKINNY: The arty, black-and-white sex-crime shocker Singapore Sling details the nefarious doings of a mother-daughter duo who kidnap a detective after cruelly killing his girlfriend. What ensues once they have the downtrodden dick at their will is graphic to the point of being grotesque, rendering Singapore Sling a cult favorite for adventurous cinema lovers and psychopathic sadists alike.

SUBURBAN SECRETS (2004)
STUDIO: SeductionCinema.com
NUDES: Andrea Davis (Picture: 1), Isadora Edison (Picture: 1), Kay Kirtland, Chelsea Mundae, A.J. Khan, Tina Tyler (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Aside from Misty Mundae, the deliciously doorknob-sized nipples of Andrea Davis, and an onslaught of clever Hollywood parodies, one of the greatest gifts of New Jersey's softcore powerhouse Seduction Cinema has been the reinstatement of sexploitation filmmaker Joseph W. Sarno back where he belongs: in a director's chair, eagerly ordering naked bodies into "Action!" Suburban Secrets is a skin-teeming Sarno effort on par with the grindhouse nuggets that made him a blue screen legend, and it features Seduction's stellar stable of Garden State stunners doing what they do best--everything, and in the nude.

SURVIVAL ISLAND a.k.a. THREE (2004)
STUDIO: Showtime Entertainment
NUDE: Kelly Brook (Picture: 1 - 2)
THE SKINNY: Before 2006 most of the world had yet to experience the knock-down, bust-out, all-natural phenomenon known as Kelly Brook. What a difference one year, two mountain-sized mammaries, and a movie shown constantly on cable that's known sometimes as Survival Island and other times as Three makes. Volcanically voluptuous Kelly plays a young wife shipwrecked on a tropical island with millionaire husband Billy Zane. Juan Pablo Di Pace portrays the couple's manservant and, as is understandable, Kelly inspires him to want to act more "man" and only as a "servant" to her every carnal desire. British Miss Brook's bare body is even more majestic than the movie's breathtaking floral scenery. Her star was born with this film and, like certain parts of you, it will only keep rising.

TEXAS LIGHTNING (1981)
STUDIO: Guilty Pleasures
NUDE: Maureen McCormick
THE SKINNY: Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! Naked! Naked! Naked! That's the draw of the drive-in chestnut Texas Lightning, which arrived on DVD after years of existing solely as a whispered rumor or a foggy memory in the mind of every male who ever (literally) came into manhood during the 1970s. Maureen McCormick, a.k.a. eldest daughter Marcia on The Brady Bunch, does flash her Brady bumps here during a rough tussle. It's guaranteed to make you say: "Something suddenly came up!"

VIDEO VIXENS (1975)
STUDIO: Troma.com
NUDES: Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith, Gil, Maria Aronoff, Angela Carnon (Picture: 1), Sandy Dempsey (Picture: 1), Robyn Hilton, Terri Johnson (Picture: 1), Starlyn Simone, Robyn Whitting, Linda York
THE SKINNY: Video Vixens is an ?-'70s hodgepodge of heavy-duty flesh and knuckleheaded satire that spells out what might happen if "The Porno Awards" were beamed into American homes via prime-time network television. Specifically it involves acres of female flesh, the loveliest of which belongs to hairy-lapped drive-in sprite Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith as she appears pushing a feminine hygiene product called "Twinkle Twat." She'll make you tingle.