Mr. Skin Mr. Skin

If anyone tries to argue with you that director RussMeyer is anything less than the king of oversized breasts anderoticized mayhem, that person is irrational and trying to pick a fightwith you and should be avoided. Flee, and take refuge in the mammoth,all-engulfing, bouncing cleavage and violent, no-nonsense revengefantasies contained in the master's masterpieces, six of which arecurrently available on DVD. From the dawn of the sixties through thedecline of the seventies, Meyer produced a string of high-impact,hyper-hot kinetic visual treats that will give fans of tits and violencecause to rejoice from here to eternity.

Meyer's topsy-curvy oeuvre of rocking knockers and ball-busted studs isthe stuff of rhapsodic myth among connoisseurs of sexually supercharged,ass-kicking Amazons. Oddly, Mr. Meyer's biologically enhanced epics ofjugs conquering thugs are less than universally acclaimed. The cable TVexplosion that has offered hundreds of channels of titillation to everyhome inAmericahas included woefully few Meyer marathons. The leering joyMeyer's camera takes as it tracks the orbit of spinning chest twins orfollows the arc of a blunt instrument to an exposed skull defiesbroadcast standards. Prior to the release of the current batch of DVDs,Meyer titles were available exclusively on VHS, and only directly fromthe maestro himself. The new discs are widely distributed (as in checkout amazon.com) at a fee that even penny pinchers among big boobdevotees will admit is fair and reasonable.

A youthful whiz with a movie camera, boyish Russ Meyer (born RussellAlbion Meyer on March 21, 1922, in Oakland, California) had hardly priedhis lips from his mother's nips before he won his first filmmakingaward, using a camera given to him by that forward-thinking and (if thewonder racks of her son's stunning works are any indication)well-stacked woman. Young Russ developed his eye for action as anewsreel cameraman in the European theater during World War II. Pressreleases and fluff bios have long alleged that significant portions ofMeyer's raw battle footage (almost as explosive as what he would beshooting later) were spliced into the rousing fight scenes of Oscarwinner Patton (1970).

Upon his return from Europe, the suddenly sophisticated veteran - whoclaimed to have chucked his virginity while overseas at a cathouse onthe advice of novelist Ernest Hemingway - tried his hand and eye atindustrial films and girlie photography to pay his bills. To his credit,budding Meyer shot some of the earliest Playboy centerfolds.Proof that God is kind, merciful and a boob man lies in the happenstancethat Russ Meyer found greater satisfaction in filming skin than indocumenting factory safety.

In 1959, the soon-to-be mammary master released his first theatricalfilm, the ribald "nudie cutie" The Immoral Mr. Teas. Tame bythe standards of lap-dancing, fully nude strip clubs, Mr. Teastells the adventures of a traveling salesman who arrives at the porch ofone "well-developed" naked beauty after another. Billed as "a Frenchcomedy for unashamed adults," this pioneering exercise in jiggling jugjoyousness paid off like a double-D jackpot, netting one millionpre-1960s dollars in profit.

Russ could afford to do whatever he wanted to do, and he wanted to crankout cutting-edge explicit movies at an astounding rate. The Mr.Teas dollars freed the archetypal writer/director/producer tofollow no instructions other than those of his own vision of optimizedentertainment. The Meyer doctrine includes comic-book plot linespopulated by brawny Neanderthals and the top-heavy women who tormentthem. There are also appetizing helpings of taut female haunchesbursting their first-edition hot pants and bed-busting bouts of coitus.

With every new movie, Meyer's narrative style became more frenetic, hisfemale stars more pneumatic, his depiction of sexuality more excessiveand carnal. The quick-view editing cuts and flagrant art direction hepioneered during the early 1970s in seminal eye stimulants such asSupervixens (1974) and Up! (1976) has become the coolstyle of choice for MTV and any number of "edgy" televisiondramas. None of the imitators matches Meyer's original nerve-twangingimmediacy and raw sexual electricity. The double stacked heroines whopopulate such immorality plays as Faster, Pussycat, Kill! Kill!(1966) and Mudhoney(1966) wield their chest melons likemale-bashing bludgeons. The bitches and boneheads of Meyer's filmicuniverse are played with the broad overacting common to the caricatureswho prance from scene to scene in a John Waters movie. But whilethe mad antics seen in Vixen! (1968) or Beyond the Valleyof the Dolls (1970) are consistently camp, the swelling, swaying,life-affirming secondary sexual characteristics that buoy up the Meyercanon ensure that silliness does not cross into gayness.

There is never any question about who is winning the war of the sexes ina Russ Meyer movie. The broads have the upper gland in any genderconflict. Nevertheless, it's a world where any man should be happy to bea loser.

A visit to Meyer's website (mfilms.com) proves that, even at 80 yearsold, the Fellini of the sex industry remains virile and productive. Thesite features a gallery of classic girlie photography, but the artist'sprimary endeavor is marketing Russ Meyer products. Slathering on wordssuch as rotundity, orbicularity andglobosity, the ever-creative pitchman hawks videos of hissuper-sized body of work, limited edition prints of his glamour photos,T-shirts, movie posters and a three-volume, decade-in-the-makingautobiography titled A Clean Breast. The magnum opus ispurported to feature more than 2,500 "personally selected" photos. Therecommended best buy on the "orbicular" site are the DVDs. Buy them all,then hope and beg Mr. Meyer to hurry up and transfer the bulk of hisgreat hits to digital disc.

MONDO TOPLESS (1966)

A precursor to HBO's stripper documentary series, MondoTopless takes the viewer on a Russ Meyer-guided tour of SanFrancisco's world-renowned peeler circuit, circa 1966. Actressesportraying top-heavy ecdysiasts of the day flaunt their globes andregale the camera with chatty anecdotes regarding their work, the brasrequired to contain their considerable melons and what kind of groovyguy has the best chance to take those ta-tas home. Sweet sightsensations Babette Bardot (Picture: 1 - 2) as Bouncy, Pat Barrington (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3) asBumptious and Darla Paris (Picture: 1 - 2) as Delicious keep audience membersunblinking and alert.

VIXEN! (1968)

As a prolific, idiosyncratic movie director, Russ Meyer's enthusedveneration of the idealized, boobier-than-life female form has done moreto advance the cause of female empowerment than all the seminars ofgender-protectionist academia rolled into one. One of his earlyundisputed masterpieces, Vixen!, is a film that should bestudied in feminist think tanks worldwide, but not for the reasons thepinch-faced spoilsports might anticipate. Looking for a strong,individualized role model for women who yearn to take command of theirdestinies? Who suffer no man to stand between them and the fulfillmentof their every urge, be it for intellectual stimulation or multipleorgasm? Search no further than "Vixen Palmer," the ultra-titular heroineof Vixen!, as brought to life by dark-haired, top-shelf firebreather Erica Gavin (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6). If more women would follow in Erica's bracups, we would live in a more bountiful, elastic world today.

CHERRY, HARRY & RAQUEL (1969)

In a tale that could be ripped from today's tabloids, sheriff and potprofiteer Harry (Charles Napier) and his Mexican sidekick are inpursuit of a disgruntled Indian who plans to undermine Harry'smarijuana-smuggling operation. Inexplicably, but to great effect, Harrypauses from his manhunt to have sex with a hooker named Raquel(Larissa Ely) (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6) and a nurse called Cherry (Linda Ashton) (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5).The sister of mercy and the sister of the streets also make thefour-breasted beast between themselves. Buxom Swedish sex queen UschiDigard (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3) prances across the sand-scape in her customary lack ofcostume, which presents an instance of something good coming fromnothing.

SUPERVIXENS (1975)

Super is the perfect adjective for what many academics in the field ofRuss Meyer studies consider to be the epitome of the super master'ssuper-violent, super-sexy style and substance - Supervixens. Agas station attendant thinks he has troubles just because hissuper-stacked, super-sexed, but nagging, wife Superangel (as played tosuper perfection by Shari Eubank) (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6) is dissatisfied with the trashycreature comforts he is able to provide. The couple squabbles and sexesat a super volume that brings police interference. The cop falls underSuperangel's super spell and returns while hubby is at the gas station,but is afflicted with a super-disappointing case of impotence andgruesomely murders Superangel in the bathtub. Now the gas stationattendant has real troubles, super ones.

UP! (1976)

Written in conjunction with rotund film critic Roger Ebert, thisexample of Meyer's convoluted latter-day output requires an inhumanlybuoyant Kitten Natividad) to burst breasts-first into the framefrom time to time to explain what the hell is going on. The actionstarts with a shadowy Hitleresque character being assassinated by themethod of a piranha tossed into his bathtub. The plot becomes moreirrelevant from there. Margo Winchester (Raven De La Croix)arrives on the scene to investigate and absorbs all viewer attention byrevealing her goddess-worthy torso. Silly, campy and 100-percentheterosexual chaos rules from there on in!

BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA-VIXENS (1979)

Written by Roger Ebert (under the pseudonym R. Hyde), Beneaththe Valley of the Ultra-Vixens is a film about boobs in all theirguises, but only in the super-plus sizes. Lamar (Ken Kerr) is ahillbilly boob who works in a junkyard owned by Junkyard Sal (JaneMack), a black woman whose boobs are only beaten in size by heroutrageous butt cleavage. Two lesser hillbilly boobs also work for Saland they persecute the Lamar boob because his duties include screwingJunkyard Sal between wrecking cars. Lamar's girlfriend (bigger-is-betterboob owner Kitten Natividad) (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7) likes shedding her clothes andhaving sex, but not in the rear-entry way Lamar craves. This conflictguarantees a resolution dripping in gratification.